15 years ago

"Teach me, Deeks." He looked at her and saw her face trying to conceal the pain she was suffering . "Teach me to forget you because I don't... I don't know how. I don't know if I can. I don't even know if that is possible."

Deeks knew he was making the biggest mistake of his life. Gazing at Kensi, he can tell of the hurt he was putting her through. He will never forget her eyes quietly pleading her to let her be there for him. Despite her weakening stance, it was clear that she was still holding onto what was left between them after everything that happened.

He should have cradled her in his arms, wiped her tears away and whispered in her ear the words 'I love you. Don't worry, we'll make it through. We are stronger than this, Kensi. Come what may, we'll be together.'

"I'm sorry." Was what he uttered instead.

Turning his back on her and walking away were what he did instead.

With each hurried stride that he took dragging him away from Kensi, the pain he was striving to contain had become unbearable. He was only a few steps from his car when his knees betrayed him and he stumbled onto the ground, tears falling from his eyes. Deeks wanted to crawl back at her. He wanted to call her name. 'Will she be there? Will she answer to his cry?'

He shook his head in disbelief and laughed soundlessly in anguish while his heart was breaking into tiny pieces. Just last week he was happy. He and Kensi celebrated their first month with a promise that no matter what they will be together. Come what may, those were their exact words. Just last week his mother was healthy and alive.

Now, all was gone. He should have known that everything was just a dream and life will have a funny way of waking him up. His life that was once filled with love from Roberta and Kensi, was now full of anger and helplessness. In one flick of Gordon's gun, the whole thing had turned upside down and he didn't know how to get through with it.

He cried until he couldn't cry anymore. Until all what was left inside of him was numbness. Deeks didn't know how he did it or where did he get the energy but he stood up and headed towards his car. He drove away and never looked back, aware that he just left his 'home'.


"Teach me, Deeks. Teach me to forget you because I don't… I don't know if I can. I don't know how. I don't even know if that is possible."

Kensi. 15 years. It had been a decade and a half since he last saw her and her smile, last heard her laugh and last felt her body in his embrace.

When Deeks started college, he put all his effort in succeeding in his chosen course. Suddenly, just passing his subjects was no longer enough for him. As if putting his mind elsewhere will make him forget the pain he was in. As if focusing on his academics will remove the fact that he was now alone. As if tiring himself from hours of studying will make him sleep soundly at night and not see Kensi's smiling face in his dream and be reminded of the tragedy that convinced him that he deserves everything but happiness.

Kensi. 'How is she?' When he asked her to forget him, he was hoping she would. He didn't deserve her and all the goodness in life that she was. Deeks wanted her to forget him and he did that more for himself than her. Because a person like him was bound to only bring pain to her. Kensi was worthy of more. She ought to have the best of everything and he learned the hard way that he could never be one of the best for her.

If one day he will see her again, happy, content, living a comfortable life and probably with a husband and a child or two, Deeks will be the most glad because that was all he wanted for her. If one day he will see her again and learnt that all his dreams for her came true, he will feel the luckiest because he will then know that he did the right thing. Saying goodbye to her and staying out of her life were the hardest decisions he had ever made. And if one day they will see each other again and the hurt and loss they have both been through were now forgiven and forgotten, maybe, just maybe only then he could forgive himself for the pain he knew he caused her.

Sooner or later he discerned that they will see each other again. He was aware of her weekly visits to Roberta's grave that began 5 years ago. The first time he recognized her presence was when he saw a second bouquet of flowers that were rotting next to his when he visited his mother a week after his last. Her name came in his mind instantly. Kensi was the only person he could think of who would be there except for him. And to his surprise it became a constant. Every week without falter, there were always flowers left on the ground for Roberta.

If he wanted he could take the chance and see her during one of her visits. But he didn't try. He couldn't. It's enough to know that she was close. It's enough to know that she was thinking of his mother. For Deeks, it's enough to realize that some things were not meant to be forgotten.

'Agent Kensi Blye of NCIS?' Did he hear it correct? Ray's words were too fast and his mind was on the tragic and unexpected demise of his friend and business partner that he was doubtful if what he caught was right.

Noticing his finger was still on the intercom and the people on the other side were patiently waiting for his reply, Deeks mumbled. "L-Let them in."

He stood up from his chair and walked around his table to stand a few steps from the still closed doors. Agitation was creeping in him as he waited. The pounding in his chest was becoming louder and louder each second that passed.

It didn't take long before the door hissed opened. Instantly, he darted his eyes on the entrance. Ray went in first, followed by 2 men, a dark blonde haired and a large buff man.

His breath was caught in his chest as she stepped inside, closing the door softly before turning towards him. Deeks couldn't believe it himself. After 15 years, there she was. Kensi. He was staring at her, wondering if she was indeed real. He didn't want to make the same mistake he had done plenty of times before when he thought he saw her by accident but was sadly mistaken. He didn't want to remember all the countless time he dreamt of her, smiling at him with her glistening hazels. And how he often times imagined what she would looked like older.

But his imagination didn't do her any justice. Staring back at him were still the most beautiful and expressive eyes he had ever seen. Her still dark tress was now longer than before, tied in a ponytail behind her head. She grew up but still was not as tall as him. Her body, although slender, was toned with muscles all in the right places that was most probably from all her trainings. Simply wearing a plaid button down blouse, a pair of jeans, and leather boots, Kensi couldn't look more remarkably gorgeous. Despite her own astonishment upon seeing him, Deeks noticed how she quickly held herself collected. After 15 years, there she was, standing a few steps across from him, with a certainty and determination of a true federal agent.


Deeks. Kensi was having a hard time keeping herself standing up. There he was. After 15 years, they met again. A decade and a half after, he looked as handsome as ever. No longer a slim and almost geeky boy from before, he was now built although not scary huge built, she assumed was from spending time in a gym. His shaggy blonde hair didn't change. He had a scruffy beard, she was surprised. Gone were his casual shirt and dark jeans. He was donning a light blue long sleeves that were folded in the arms and a pair of beige casual slacks. Gone were his rubber shoes. On his feet were a pair of brown loafers. He had matured but his boyish charm that she always loved was still there, she can tell.

Kensi tried to maintain her calm demeanor under his intense gaze but it was beginning to fumble. Squaring her shoulders, she hid her agitation. Honestly, she didn't know what to do or how to react in his presence. Should she walk over to him and give him a hug? Will it be weird if she run her fingers through those fluffy blonde strands like the way she used to do frequent times in the past? How about a kiss on his lips instead?

She saw him moved and was about to open his mouth when the door opened and a red haired woman emerged frantically.

"Marty!" She cried as she rushed to where Deeks was.

Kensi watched as he opened his arms and the woman pressed herself against him with familiarity.

"I can't believe it. Is it true? Robert?" Crying, the red haired tilted her head up.

Deeks slowly nodded. As he wiped her tears away, he answered. "Yes."

The remaining people in the room, including Kensi, were watching the exchange quietly. She wanted to look away, turn her head to the side so she couldn't see the way he was stroking the woman's hair gently, calming her down. She wanted to disappear instantly when the woman removed herself from his grasp only to brush her lips against his. It was short and light, the pair was obviously aware that they were not alone, but the pain that struck Kensi's heart was undescribable.

This was the reality. Her reality. She had plenty of questions in her mind about him. Questions that she was afraid of the answers. Now, some of it were staring at her face. Deeks had moved on. He had a life with someone else now. Someone who hadn't given him so much pain. Someone who wasn't her.

Her thoughts were cut when she heard him speak. When she realized that she was holding his ring instinctively, she pulled her fingers away from it as quickly as she can, dropped her hand to her side and composed her body. Remembering her words to Hetty, Kensi tried to get rid of the painful throbbing of her heart and do her work. One hundred percent. She promised her boss and the team that she will give her hundred percent and that's what she was going to do.

"I apologize, we are still dealing with what just happened." She heard him say.

Callen replied curtly. "We understand. We're sorry for your loss."

"Marty Deeks. This is Sydney Marshall. We were Robert's business partners." Deeks introduced themselves.

She watched them both outstretched their hands in greeting.

Kensi was indebted that their team leader took the initiative to acquiant them to the pair.

"Agent G. Callen." He took Deeks' hand for a handshake followed by Sydney's. "Agent Sam Hanna."

Sam followed Callen's move and shook their hands.

"Agent Kensi Blye."

She took his hand and shook it. Kensi gazed at their melded palms and tears formed at the back of her eyes as she remembered the surreal feeling they both had the first time their fingers intertwined. Before anyone can notice her turmoil, she tugged her hand away and proceeded to take Sydney's.

"Kensi? Your name sounds familiar." The redhead blurted out, her face showing innocent wonder.

"Uhm, we have a few questions for the both of you." Callen interrupted, discerning his teammate's growing distress.

Always the reliable, Kensi thought gratefully of their team leader and quietly reminded herself to give him a hug later.

"Of course." Deeks led them all to the sofa set in one corner of his office.


"But it was scrapped 3 days ago." He uttered, baffled expression marring his face.

Seated across from the couple, the 3 agents discreetly exchanged wary looks. They were questioning the pair for several minutes now when Sam brought out DMV's project for the Navy in the conversation.

"Scrapped?"

Deeks nodded. "Discontinued. It was Robert's project actually and he had been working on it for months. Unfortunately 3 days ago, he told us that it was a fail and notified us that he will discard it immediately. We haven't had a chance to discuss it with the Navy before this tragedy happened."

"So you cannot confirm if it has been successfully destroyed?"

"What are you insinuating Agent Callen?" His voice was low but hard.

Kensi's gaze flew to Sydney's hand as it went quickly to his arm, stroking it lightly. She watched as Deeks' previous defensive face softened in an instant. The calm that the redhead's caress brought in him added to her ache. There was once a time when it was her who had that kind of effect in him, once it was her touch who can provide comfort in his swirling emotion.

"All I am saying is that this technology we are talking about, if finished, can be used for or against the government. And in this critical time, we cannot afford to be complacent that our own weapon will not be used against us. I'm sure you can understand us, Mr. Deeks." Callen explained.

It was Sydney who spoke. "DMV has been in partnership with the government for 6 years now. We are providing technologies that are beneficial to the Navy. We can assure you that we are as trustworthy as before. Although we cannot confirm right at this moment that Robert's software isn't compromised, we will surely double check everything."

Somewhat convinced with the woman's answer, Callen remained silent.

Kensi caught Deeks' eyes locked on her, staring at her intently. She was fluent in different languages, could read lips, abled to shoot from a distance and knew Morse Code but she couldn't tell what he was thinking behind those baby blues right now. 'Does he still hate me? Can he look at me now and not be in pain because I remind him of his mother?' She wanted to ask him those questions but knew better than make him recall their painful past. Feeling uncomfortable, she chose to look away. Turning her face to her left, she spotted Ray, standing on the corner, giving her an uneasy smile as if he knew of her quiet suffering. Pretending she was fine, she returned it with a small smile of her own.


Deeks couldn't shy his eyes on her. Tried as he might, he couldn't stop looking at her. He was afraid that she might disappear if he even blink. He was well aware of her colleagues' suspicious stares that they were not so deliberately throwing at him. If it was about their case or they knew of his past with Kensi, he couldn't say, he didn't care anyway. He had to give it to the 2 men though, despite their obvious unsatisfied reaction with how Robert's case was going, they remained passive. They were good, he thought.

It was palpable that Agent Callen and Agent Hanna were protective of her and he was grateful that they were. Their job was dangerous and thinking of her safety, Deeks was glad that she had competent people who can protect her. Not that Kensi needed any. Studying her actions and the way she was holding herself, he noticed that she was an experienced agent and with knowledge and expertise that will match the 2 gentlemen. A federal agent like she had always dreamt of, he recalled. Learning that she had been what she wanted to be, Deeks couldn't help but feel proud of her.

Seeming uneasy with his gaze, she turned away and it saddened him. There was once a time when he used to stare at her and whenever she would notice it, she would just smile at him and would kiss his lips in return. Several times they were just staring at each other, no words needed, just comfortable in each other's silent presence. 'Has she forgiven him for giving up on her? Has she forgotten the pain he put her through?' Deeks wanted to know.

A gentle pat on his hand pulled his eyes away from Kensi reluctantly. He turned to the woman sitting next to him, looking at him worriedly, and managed to smile at her.


Striding through the DMV Technologies lobby, the 3 agents were about to exit the building after completing their interview with Deeks and Sydney when Kensi's cellphone rang.

"I have to get this first. I'll see you back in Ops." She said to Callen and Sam.

"Okay. Eric texted me, they found something in Robert's laptop." Callen replied before leaving the premises along with Sam.

Kensi was left to answer her phone and a smile formed on her lips seeing who the caller was.

"Hello Andrew." She greeted her long time friend excitedly, not wanting him to discern how she was really feeling. His friend, a minion of her mother she jested, had a way of knowing if there was something wrong with her.

"Hi. I hope we're not disturbing you. There is someone here who would like to say 'Hello'." The man from the other line uttered.

"Put her on please." She couldn't help but smile wider upon hearing her godchild's soft voice. Listening to Keanna, Andrew's 3 year old daughter from Jackie, his wife of 4 years, the heaviness in her heart lessened. "Hi there, baby! How's my little princess today?"

Deeks stopped on his track when he overheard her words. 'Andrew? Her childhood friend Andrew? Baby? Little princess?' When Kensi left with her teammates, he decided to follow her. He wanted to talk to her, feeling the need to spend just a little more time with her.

Ignoring Sydney's confused glare, he left his office with the hope of reaching Kensi before she left the building. He immediately saw her a few steps from the door just in time when she answered her cellphone. Deeks felt his chest tightened hearing who she greeted on the other line. Image of Kensi and Andrew together and with a child, a little girl most probably, flooded his mind and he couldn't ignore its painful effect on him. Running his fingers through his hair, he opted to leave. He turned away but stopped when he heard her voice.

"Deeks?"

After ending her call with Keanna, Kensi was stunned when she spotted him standing a few steps from her looking upset.

Deeks closed his eyes, relishing for a moment the fact that she just called him by her nickname for him like the way she used to do before. Deeks. Her voice, although filled with apprehension and hesitancy, was soft and with undeniable concern. He fluttered his eyes open and saw her staring at him, unspoken questions in her eyes. He watched as she placed a hand on her chest, her fingers were clutching at something underneath her blouse. Curiosity grew on him as he noticed that this wasn't the first time he had seen her do that. Back in his office, he caught Kensi doing the same thing not just once. "C-Can we talk?"


Standing next to each other at the DMV rooftop, Kensi and Deeks had been silent since they arrived, neither one knew how to break the ice.

When he asked her if they could talk, she was hesitant at first. Kensi didn't trust herself to not breakdown or do something she might regret later if there were only the two of them now. But the idea of her spending just a little bit more time with him outweighed any sensible thoughts she had left. She was quiet when he ushered her to the rooftop of the building.

Glancing at her wristwatch, she knew she couldn't stay much longer. "I-I have to go back to work."

Deeks raked his hand through his hair in frustration. He brought her there to talk but he couldn't find a single word to say to her and now, she was due to leave. "A-Alright."

With hesitation, she turned around and began heading to the door. Her hand was already on the knob and was about to twist it open when she felt a presence behind her. It happened too fast. The next thing she knew, she was wedged between the door on her back and Deeks on her front.

"W-Wha-?" She didn't get the chance to continue her word when he closed the distance between their faces. Kensi could only shut her eyes when she felt his lips crushed against his. Parting her mouth, she was rewarded with him deepening his kiss and she returned it with the same intensity and familiarity. Deeks' hands cupped her face, tilting it for more access while hers flung around his neck, her fingers grasping the hair at the back of his head. She felt him pressed himself more to her and a soft moan escaped her occupied lips. A tear fell from her still closed eyes as she sensed that familiar feeling drowning her in an almost despair. After so long, she was home.