A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed (*cough* Rosie *cough*and The Amendable Snow Freak *cough*) I enjoyed reading them! And here is chapter 6, I hope everyone enjoys reading it and sorry, but I promise that Shina will definitely meet the rest of the Host Club in the next chapter! xD
Chapter 6 No Matter How Hard I Try
Out of the darkness, music began to play. It was beautiful but eerie, and it reminded me of musical jewelry boxes that played sad music when they were opened. Even though there were no words I could tell that it was telling a depressing story of something lost.
Suddenly a bright ray of light shined above me, chasing away some of the shadows to reveal a polished wooden stage. In front of the stage was an empty audience, but from the vacant seats came disembodied whispers ̶ like people waiting for a play to start. Just beyond the audience were a row of giant mirrors that stretched from the floor to the the ceiling. In the mirrors I could see my younger self staring right back at me. We were in simple black leotards with dark gray stockings. And we were standing in the fifth position, which was one of the first things we learned in ballet. Our arms came above our heads where our fingers barely touched, forming a circle and framing our face. Then our right leg crossed over our left, right ankle touching the left toe.
Frowning, I looked beside me to find a white figure standing in the same position only a few feet away. She looked at me and smiled. My heart broke as I looked at her familiar face and I wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn't come. Then the music changed slightly and a sheer curtain, that I never realized was there, rose off the stage and we began to dance.
I remembered the moves my body was doing ̶ we had done this routine so many times. But something seemed off as I was forced into the dance. With the entire stage to ourselves we stretched apart and used it all. Together we danced around the stage, occasionally crossing paths. Our movements were beautiful and hypnotic, just like any other time, but this time there was also a hint of underlining sadness in the way we moved.
As the music continued to play it brought back memories I tried to lock away. Behind us those memories began to show. They were just fragments of what I remembered, pictures capturing the moments we shared together. Suddenly the tears I wanted to shed came freely. They were silent compared to my howling aching heart, and they came in a continual stream down my face.
But I still carried forward, moving my arms and legs to the music. As I spun slowly I knew that the dance was coming to an end. In some ways I wanted this nightmare to end, in others I didn't want to stop because if we stopped the dance would be over ̶ and I'd lose her again. Finally I came to the far right of the stage and turned to face my partner, who stood patiently on the far left. The music began to sped up, and taking a deep breath we charged forward together. When we neared the middle we leaped with our arms stretched behind us like wings. As we leaped we passed each other and our finger tips barely touched. Landing I put all my weight on my left leg and extended my right, making my pointed foot lightly touch the stage. Then I turned my head to her and stretched out my hand. She spun and mimicked my position but in reverse. She reached out her small hand and tried to place it on mine. But before I could grab her hand the music stopped. A loud screech filled the air and my partner screamed.
'Oh God, no!' I thought with wide eyes as I felt the stage shake. Calling out her name I tried to grab her hand but the floor beneath her suddenly disappeared, and she fell through. She let out a bone chilling scream as she went down. I quickly dove to the floor and barely caught her hand in mine.
"Please, let me go!" She pleaded with tears in her eyes. Frowning, I shook my head vigorously as my grip tightened. "You must Shina, or you'll fall too!"
Below her was a dark void but way in the distance was a tiny white light that seemed to grow bigger and bigger with each passing moment. Screams came from the empty audience as the stage shook and began to fall apart. More floor boards fell into the void, making the hole bigger.
"Please!" She continued to beg as she noticed that the hole was threatening to swallow me too.
"No!" I shouted, ignoring everything around me. "I'm not letting you go! I can't lose you again!"
"But you have too." she said sadly. Then a small smile tugged on her lips as her bright blue eyes met mine.
"What are you doing?" I shrieked as her hand let go of my wrist. She didn't answer just continued to look at me with sad eyes that held determined conviction.
Her hand began to slip from my grip. And before I could do anything else she started to fall again. My out stretched hand tried to reach for her, but the white light in the void sucked her in and she was gone.
Getting to my feet I tried to get away from the hole but fell back. My aching heart felt like it would burst and my tears were no longer silent. I let out a lonely empty howl that I had held in during the dance. I continued to howl as the pictures that played behind us settled on a marked tombstone with a stone angel standing above it, looking over the owner of the grave.
When I woke up from the nightmare I was greeted by the annoying beeping of the alarm-clock. Not in the mood to be gentle, I slammed my fist on the snooze button and silenced the beeping contraption. Then I took that fist and rubbed away the tears angrily. 'Why am I so angry? It was just a dream!'
'It was more than a dream, it felt like I was losing her again...' Sighing I threw off the covers and got out of bed. I ignored the chilling goosebumps running up my legs as I walked across the cold wood floor over to the dresser. Next to the dresser was the large walk-in closet. Opening the door and flipping on the light I quickly grabbed my duffel-bag and the school uniform that was hanging up. Then I flipped off the light and slammed the door behind me. When I was back into my room I realized how dark it was, especially since my eyes had been exposed to bright light in the closet and then the sudden darkness of the bedroom.
Cursing at my stupidity under my breath I rushed to the main light-switches and turned on a few, letting a low intensity light into the room. After that I walked back to the dresser and opened a few of the drawers. I got the rest of my school uniform and placed everything in the duffel-bag before I zipped it up and placed it at the door. With everything ready I began to change for my first morning practice.
"Hopefully ballet practice will help me forget that dream and focus on other ̶ more important ̶ stuff!" I mumbled angrily. Then I began to rummage through the dresser again, this time looking for a leotard and stockings. I opted out of the black one that I found, for obvious reasons, and settled for a plain lilac. After I found a pair of simple white stockings I quickly changed, remembering how soon I had to leave for practice.
As I was changing there was a knock on the door. Fixing up the stockings, making sure there were no wrinkles, I asked who was there.
"It's Nan, Miss Shina." Came the polite voice of my personal maid.
"Come in!" I said as I forced a smile on my face. She opened the door and stepped through, closing it gently behind her. When she walked over I was busying myself with the leotard, trying to get it up my thighs without tearing the material. 'Note to self: Get leotards tailored!'
"Good morning Miss," Nan greeted as she picked up my discarded night clothes. "How did you sleep last night?"
I stopped for a moment before I went back to trying to get my arms through the long sleeves and answered, "Oh I slept fine!"
From behind me, I heard her make a small noise and I realized then that she knew I was lying. For a moment I felt a pang of guilt for lying to her, because I knew that it hurt her when I did. As I turned around I met her stern eyes that tried to hide the hurt, and the guilt got worse. "I'm sorry."
"It's alright," She said and her eyes softened. "Was it another nightmare?"
My frown deepened as flashes of the dream came back to me. "Yeah, it was."
"What happened?" Nan asked as she went to my desk and grabbed the chair. She sat me down and began to brush my long straight hair.
"It was about her again." I said after a few moments, finally able to swallow the lump in my throat. Nan didn't need to know who I was talking about, because she always knew ̶ there was no one else that I had nightmares about. I closed my eyes and started fiddling my fingers. "It felt like I was losing her all over again, there was nothing I could do!"
Nan stayed quiet as I talked and she brushed my hair and listened. She started to get my hair in a bun when I said, "I think they're getting worse because the anniversary of ̶ well you know ̶ is coming up soon."
"That may very well be." She finally said as she was in the final steps of the bun. "They always do. But I know you'll get through this."
When she was done I looked up at her and saw her reassuring smile. Behind her words I could hear a similar pain and the hidden message, "I'll always be here to help you."
I wasn't sure whether it was the feeling of being pampered like a cat or talking with Nan (or possibly both) that made my mood a little less angry. Seeing the time on the clock I shot up out of the chair. "Gah! I need to leave soon!"
Nan laughed softly. "I'll prepare a quick breakfast for you, Miss Shina."
"Thanks Nan!" I said as she left. When she was gone I quickly went over to my dresser and grabbed a pair of sweats to put on over my stockings. Then I got the rest of my stuff together and grabbed the purple duffel-bag near the door before I bolted out of my room.
As I went down the large staircase I saw my grandparents waiting by the front door with Nan and my much needed breakfast. A true smile replaced my frown as I neared them. My grandmother looked so happy and refreshed despite the early hour. "Have a good day sweetie and please be careful!"
"Bah! She'll be careful alright, she's our granddaughter after all!" Grandfather said, he on the other hand didn't look so refreshed, but he looked a little stronger today. His wife rolled her eyes but couldn't keep a smile from gracing her lips, making her wrinkles move around it.
"Bye," I kissed them both as I passed. "I love you!"
"Love you too, Shina."
When I was at the door Nan handed my breakfast over and gave me a hug. "Have a good day Miss."
"Thanks." I told her, and she knew I was referring to more than just the blueberry muffin in my hand. She smiled and handed me a light jacket. "It's a little nippy outside this morning."
Nodding I took the jacket and rushed to the waiting limo, trying hard not to drop everything. Standing by the door was Aleksander, his mostly bald head seemed a little shinier this morning and the single group of dark hair a little curlier. He greeted me in his booming Russian accent and opened the door before helping me put my things in the vehicular. When everything was settled he drove off and headed to the school. I watched the world whip by as I ate my muffin and thought about the coming day.
