Hello all! Sorry this is late. I had a fun-filled weekend of cleaning and homework. Onto another week of school and work. :( Somebody save me!
I wrote this entire chapter in my phone. It took forever. I hope you guys enjoy it! First, a few shout outs:
TeamSpariaFTW: It will take time, but Spencer improves, don't worry. In a few chapters, she'll improve in a pretty big way.
SpariaToTheNextLevel: A Sparia-friendship will absolutely happen! Spencer does only completely trust Hanna, but that will change.
Onto the chapter!
"How come you're leaving me?" Spencer is standing by our front door. She looks crushed, confused as to why I would leave her.
"Spencer, I'm not leaving you. I told you, I have to go to school today." It's way too early for this and I need an energy drink. This morning, after I had showered and helped Spencer bathe, we had breakfast. Only once again, Spencer had sat on the floor. My mother made pancakes, sausage and toast. Spencer said it was the best thing she'd ever eaten She then went on to say that she never had good food to eat 'at home' and I didn't have the heart to ask what her parents fed her. Or the stomach to handle her answer.
Now, I'm standing in the hallway, near a floor plant, trying to leave for school. I want to stay home, but of course my mother won't let me. She has, however, lifted my grounding sentence like she'd promised.
"Why can't I go with you?"
Spencer's question brings me back to reality and I sigh, leaning on one hip. "We've talked about that this morning, remember? Maybe someday, but you get to spend today with my Mom."
Spencer frowns. Her raccoon dangles at her side from its tail. It lightly swings back and forth as she rocks on her heels. "What if she hurts me?" she asks in a quiet voice. "She isn't like you. You protect me.."
My throat tightens. Poor Spencer automatically assumes that everyone wants to hurt her. Never in my entire life has my mother raised a hand to me, and she certainly wouldn't hit another child, nonetheless her own patient. "Spencer, my mother is a very kind woman. She would never hurt you. Never in a million years."
My mother is standing off to the side and adds,"Spencer, it will be okay. I won't hurt you. You and I are going to spend the day together. Won't that be fun?"
I know my mother is going to try to get Spencer to talk about the abuse and I won't be here for it. Not that it would matter - I'm not allowed to sit in on their sessions. Something about doctor-patient consequencerlity or whatever. "Spencer," I check the time on my phone,"I have to go, sweetie. You'll have a great time."
Spencer's lower lip trembles.
Oh, no. Please don't start crying.
"Y-You'll come back?"
"I'll be back after school," I assure her.
"What time is that?"
"School ends at two-thirty this afternoon."
Spencer huffs. "I don't like this."
"I know you don't, but here -" I remove my zebra necklace from around my neck and gently clasp it around Spencer's - "you can wear this, okay?"
Spencer gingerly touches the necklace and surprises me with a hug. "You'll come back?"
"I'll come back."
"Come on now, Spencer. Let's let Hanna get to school." My mother guides a reluctant Spencer away and I'm out the door. What a joy this day will be.
"Hanna, your hair is going into your soup."
I wearily lift my head up. Soup drops from the ends of my blond locks. It's lunchtime at school and all day long, I've been nodding on and off. "Sorry," I grumble, reaching for a napkin,"I'm exhausted. I was up all night with Spencer."
Emily smiles sympathetically and hands me more napkins. I pour water on them from my water bottle and wipe off the ends of my hair. "Thanks, Em."
"You're welcome. Aria told me about what happened with Spencer last night."
We both glance at Aria and she freezes with her fork halfway to her mouth. A piece of salad falls into her lap. "I said I was sorry," she exasperates, lowering her fork. "I didn't mean to scare her."
"And then yell at her," I add. I push my half-eaten food away and prop my elbows up on the table so I can hold my head up. "She was so upset that I had to go to school today. That made two of us."
Emily rolls her eyes, but the corners of her lips twitch up into a smile. "That's sad. I feel so bad for her. Poor thing."
"You're not the only one. I had to practically beg her to sleep in the guest bed before Aria decided to bust in like a tiny ninja."
"Shut up!" Aria snaps. "I feel bad enough."
Emily rubs Aria's shoulder comfortingly. "Easy, babe. Hanna's had a rough night." Her eyebrows furrow and she keeps her hand on Aria's shoulder. "Why did you have to convince her to sleep in a bed?"
I glance at Aria and can see tell that she is steadily relaxing under her girlfriend's touch. "She..." I play with the rings on my fingers,"Spencer used to sleep in a corner. She thinks she belongs in the corner and isn't worthy of sleeping in a goddamn bed."
Emily gasps. Her free hand flying to her mouth. "That's awful!" She removes her hand from Aria's shoulder and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "How could someone be so cruel to their own kid?"
"I don't know, but I wish I could introduce a brick to their jaws."
"Or lace their drinking water with cyanide," Aria pipes up. "They deserve so much worse."
"They definitely -"
"Shit!" Aria exclaims. She scrambles out of her seat and grabs her bags. "I forgot I was supposed to meet with the principal before lunch is over. He wants to speak with me about something."
I raise my eyebrows. "What did you do?"
"Nothing, he just wants to talk to me." Aria bends down and pecks Emily's lips. "See you guys later," she mumbles as she dashes off as fast as her high-heel shoes will allow.
"Love you!" Emily shouts.
"Love you too!" Aria hollers back over her shoulder. She disappears out of the cafeteria and I turn back around to face Emily.
"You two are going to make me gag," I tease.
Emily smirks. "Hey, at least she's the only girl I sleep with." She points her fork at me. "With whom did you crawl into bed last week? And the week before that? Avery? Trisha? Or was it that gorgeous Latin girl from the prep school, Selena?"
I scoff and cross my arms over my chest. "I don't sleep around that often.."
Emily stares at me. "When did you last have sex?"
"Uh, like three nights ago. The night before I went to the hospital and saw Spencer for the first time, actually."
"With whom?"
"Can we not do this?" I take a sip from my water bottle. "It's pointless."
"Just answer the question."
"I don't want to." Why is my sex life such a big deal?
"Can I guess?"
"Fine."
"Stacy?"
"No."
"Autumn?"
"Nope."
"Kelsey?"
My nose wrinkles. "Never again. She's hot, but completely clueless."
Emily taps her fingers against her chin thoughtfully. Her eyes fall on someone behind me and a knowing smile crosses her lips. "Hey, Mona."
I twist around and sure enough, my latest score is standing behind me - Mona Vanderwaahl. She's sexy. Smart. A little twisted, which is a nice change from the bland personalities I usually knock boots with. "Oh, Mona. Hi."
"Hey, Han. Can we talk?" Her eyes dart to Emily. "Alone?"
"Hey," Emily says, rising to her feet,"She's all yours. Have fun, you crazy kids."
The second Emily is gone, Mona drops down onto the seat across from me. "So, how are you?"
"Fine," I reply cautiously. I try to ignore the fact that her shirt is showing off the perfect amount of cleavage, but it's hard. Mona is hot and damn good in the sack.
"Nice top."
"I thought you'd appreciate it. So.." Mona grins slyly and leans forward. "Mind if I stop by tonight? We can study...anatomy together."
I snicker. "Well, we do have an important test coming up. Come by around -" I stop mid-sentence. Oh. Spencer. She'll freak if I have another houseguest. "I actually don't think tonight is any good for me."
Mona's manicured nails tap against the table. "Right. So I'll see you around midnight. Wear something lacy."
And then she's gone, daintily sashaying through the cafeteria. Well, I guess it's a good thing I have the perfect outfit for tonight.
"Okay, don't frighten her. No loud noises. Don't talk in a loud voice. No sudden movements. Basically just sit there and talk quietly."
"Hanna."
I stop on my front porch to rummage through my bag for my house keys. Aria and Emily decided to come over so we can get homework done. Which means they'll do homework and I'll copy them afterwards. "Don't speak in an angry tone. Keep it light. She's very sensitive."
"Hanna."
I slide the key in the lock and turn it. "Oh, and do not touch her raccoon. She hates it when -"
"Hanna!" Emily snaps. "Hanna, we get it. We'll be fine."
My eyes fall on Aria and she shuffles her feet.
"I won't upset her any further. I promise."
"You'd better not."
We step inside and I shut the door behind us with my butt. "Mom? Spencer? I'm home!"
There's a scraping sound and Spencer comes barreling out of the kitchen. "You're home!" She throws her arms around my neck and hugs me tightly. "You came back, just like you promised!"
I drop my bags and carefully wrap my arms around Spencer's bony frame. "I told you I would, silly." Having Spencer this close - touching me - makes my heart race just a little faster. She smells like raspberries and I know she's been in my room, playing with my perfume. "I missed you today!"
Spencer breaks our hug and pulls away. "I missed you too! I missed you a lot. Dr. Marin, I mean your mother, gave me a dry-erase board. And do you know what I did? I counted down the hours until you came home."
"That was really smart of you!"
Spencer beams and is about to say something, when her eyes harden and she slips behind me. She points to Emily and Aria. "I don't know that girl, but why is she here? Remember she was mean."
"Honey, this is Emily." I gently rub Spencer's forearm. "She came here to meet you. And you know how sorry Aria is."
"Hi, Spencer," Emily says in a polite tone. "It's nice to meet you. You look very pretty."
Spencer laces her fingers through mine and squeezes my hand. Tingles dance down my spine.
"Is she going to hurt me?"
"I would never hurt you," Emily answers before I have the chance. "And do you know what I've heard?"
"What?" Spencer asks suspiciously. Aria and I share a look and I know we're both wondering what Emily is up to.
"I heard that you have a really nice raccoon, but I don't think he's as nice as the friend I have in my backpack."
"Really?"
"Uh-huh. I bet my friend is better."
Spencer gasps and moves in front of me, placing her hands on her scrawny hips. "That isn't true!"
"Well, if you want to take me to where your raccoon is, we can decide for ourselves."
"Okay!" Spencer marches forward. "He's in the kitchen."
Aria and Emily start to follow Spencer, but the fragile brunette turns around and holds an arm out. "Not you," she seethes, pointing at Aria. "I don't want you to come with us. You're mean and I don't even like you."
Aria groans. "What am I supposed to do, wait here?"
Emily squeezes Aria's shoulder and plants a kiss on the top of her head. "Just wait a minute, Ari-bear. Okay?"
Aria scowls and sits down at the bottom of my staircase. "This is stupid.."
I ruffle Aria's head as I walk past her up the stairs and she swats my hand away.
"Sorry, kiddo."
"Fuck you," Aria mumbles sourly.
"Sure, but Emily might get pissed," I retort. Without waiting for Aria to answer, I head up the rest of the stairs and down the hall to my Mom's office. The door is ajar so I knock once before entering. She's at her desk, which is neatly organized with files, textbooks, notebooks and a few coffee mugs. She has mints in one and paper clips in another. By her lamp is a plastic mug I decorated for her in the third grade, and it's filled pencils and pens.
"Hi, Mom." I take a seat on her leather couch.
My mom looks up and smiles warmly. "Hello, dear. How was your day?"
"Who cares about school? How was your day with Spencer?"
She caps her pen sand presses the tips of her fingers together. "It was interesting. She talked a lot."
My nails dig into the couch and fear grips at my heart. Slow breathing. Relax. "You know more about the abuse?" I whisper.
My mom leans back in her chair. "No, she wouldn't talk to me about that at all. She did talk plenty about you, though, Hanna.
Me? Why would she talk about me?" My heart flutters in my chest and I bite down hard on my cheek.
My mom smiles. "She's taken quite a shine to you. She said that you're the only one she trusts. And she did mention that you have a mean friend -"
" - Aria," I finish. "I didn't know she was going to show up in hrs middle of the night. I swear."
"Hanna, shut the door."
I do as I'm told and sit back down, nervously twisting my hair around a finger.
"Hanna, what I'm about to suggest may be unorthodox, but I'm afraid it's the only option we have, if we want to help Spencer recover."
I nod.
"You're the only one she'll open up to. I'm going to need for you to try to get her to talk. Convince her to talk to me or get her to share with you."
"I don't know if I can handle what she tells me.."
"Honey, I know it will be difficult, but this is one of the first steps for recovery. Spencer has to let out her emotions. She can't bottle up what happened."
"But should it be so soon?"
"The sooner the better."
I wring my hands together. "Mom? Why does Spencer act the way she does? She understands what we say and obviously she can speak without a problem, but she acts like a kid."
My mother gets up and sits down next to me. There are bags under her eyes and worry lines in her forehead.
"Is it normal?"
"Yes. Hanna, when children experience years of abuse like Spencer, they sometimes detach from themselves. They never develop basic skills and are stuck at at a mental age way below their actual age."
"Meaning...?"
"I once had a patient who was sexually abused by his stepfather when he was seven. It went on for a couple of years and when I started counseling him, despite his age, he had the mentality of a seven-year-old."
I swallow. Dread bubbles in my stomach. "And Spencer?"
"Spencer's case is unique. She can speak in complete sentences. She understands the English language and has a basic understanding of right from wrong."
"That's because the abuse started after most kids learn all of that, right?"
"That's correct. She isn't mentally handicapped, but I would put her emotional age around six or seven. She frightens very easily. She's angry at Aria because Aria scared her, and then went on to yell at her. Spencer's over-sensitive state is a factor of her parents' abuse. So she thinks that anyone who raises their voice to her or appears angry, is not to be trusted."
"Or mean."
"Yes, or mean."
"What's her mentality age?"
"That I'm not sure of just yet. Or her intellectual age."
"She asked me to read to her last night. I don't think she knows how." My voice cracks and my mom pulls me into a hug.
"Spencer has a tough life ahead of her, but she'll be okay. We're here to help her."
"What else can my friends and I do?"
"Well, you don't want to feed her the message that it's okay to act like a child. Teach her to act like a teenager. Watch some movies with her. You'll have to weave her into activities. Slowly, of course."
"And that will help?"
"It should. Where is she now?"
"She's with Emily in our kitchen."
"Go check on her and I'll be down in a bit."
When I get downstairs, I find Aria in the living room, watching TV. Which means Spencer and Emily must still be in the kitchen.
"Hanna!" Spencer squeaks as soon as she sees me. She dashes over and clings to my arm.
To my surprise, Emily is holding her raccoon in one hand and a stuffed kangaroo in the other.
"Hanna, Emily let me hold her kangaroo. His name is Ziggy."
I lift my eyebrows and smirk at Emily. "Ziggy, huh?"
Emily rolls her eyes and sits on the edge of the island table. "Shush. Anyway, Spencer, tell Hanna what else happened."
Spencer's fingers circle around mine and she leans against me. "She said that I was nice to Mr. Bandit, and she didn't hurt him!"
I smile at Emily and manage to sit down in a chair. Spencer slides into my lap and loops one arm around my neck.
"You do take very good care of Mr. Bandit,"
I agree. "He was lucky you found him."
Emily hops off the counter and hands Spencer back her raccoon. "And Spencer, since you're so good at taking care of Mr. Bandit, I was hoping to ask you for a favor."
Spencer hides her face in my neck. "Do I have to get beer for you? I always had to do that favor for Father." Her breath is warm and it tickles my skin.
"No!" Emily gasps. "Absolutely not. Spencer." Emily leans down and Spencer lifts her head up. "I can't take care of Ziggy anymore because I'm too busy. But if you promise to take extra-special care of him, I'll let him stay here with you and Mr. Bandit."
Spencer's eyes widen. "You will?"
"Only if you really promise."
"I promise! I do!"
Emily grins and hands Spencer her kangaroo. Spencer instantly stands up and hugs both animals to her chest.
"Hanna, look! Mr. Bandit has a friend!"
"He does!" I exclaim. "Why don't you go put them on my bed and come back down?"
Spencer hugs me and opens her arms to hug Emily, but changes her mind and steps back. "Thank you for Ziggy."
"You're very welcome."
Spencer smiles and then zips out of the room.
"Thanks, Em. That was really sweet of you."
"Think nothing of it." Her expression suddenly fades. "I saw some of her bruises. My God.."
Bile tickles my throat. No. I can't cry. I can't hurt myself. At least not now. "Emily, my Mom said we have to start treating Spencer like she's our age. What do you say we go shopping?"
So thoughts? I apologize if the gaps between paragraphs are large. I'm going to fix it. ;) Be a doll and leave a review. Or two. Be on the lookout for the next chapter and a couple of announcements.
Also, what do you guys think about Mona and Hanna? I wonder what will happen when Mona shows up..
You're all rockstars!
