Author's notes
Thank you for the reviews :) They help me continue this fic :)
I would like to thank Sayosi for her beta-reading :)
and a special 'kass-dédi' to Hayase.
Here's (finally) the 7th chapter!
Legend:
Thoughts
Disclaimer: Yes, I own Mai-HiME. I like torturing the fans by not including any ShizNat interaction in the anime. Of course, it's false.
Time To Grow Up : chapter 7
七 Tempus fugit
This morning, the awakening was tough for Miss Fujino. She didn't sleep enough. For one week, she kept having the same nightmare, again and again, every night, because she felt guilty for not having told the truth to Natsuki. She seemed very tired, her face was pale, she had rings under the eyes.
However, when she arrived at the university this morning, she was perfect as always. Like every day, many students greeted her. She was only in first year, but she was already famous.
And this day, like every day, seemed so perfect, and the whole week would be so perfect as well.
And this week would pass without Shizuru being able to say the truth to Natsuki.
Shizuru knew it well. This dream, which haunted her, revealed her deepest fears to her. Yes, Shizuru was scared, scared of facing the truth, scared of realising that Natsuki would not miss her. Oh, of course, Natsuki told her that she would miss her, however Shizuru felt it was not herself who was missing but her help.
No, it's false, she loves me.
Gradually, she remembered the words that Natsuki said during the Festival.
"I also love you, Shizuru"
What did that mean? What kind of feelings do you have towards me, Natsuki?
"But, I can't have the feeling that you wish I did."
Why did you say that? Can't you love me or don't you want to?
And that kiss, was it fake? No, she couldn't do such a thing mindlessly.
That day, she was really blissful. She understood that Natsuki loved her, and even if she died, that didn't have any importance; she had left this world in her lover's arms.
That's why as soon as the Festival and the HiME stuff were over, she had stopped suppressing her feelings towards Natsuki.
She was less distant, she didn't hesitate any more to get closer to her… She thought that is was necessary to give Natsuki time, which would lead the younger girl to opening up to her, as was the case three years ago.
Three years already… Time flies…
Shizuru saw Natsuki opening up to her, opening her heart, trusting in her.
But now, everything was tearing down. Her thoughts were muddled.
How long would she be able to bear being so close to Natsuki and yet so far?
Perhaps if I wait long enough, Natsuki would return my feelings...
She morosely laughed to herself.
They spent their holidays together, but nothing happened. So, did it mean that Natsuki would never love her like she wanted?
And then, there was also that boy, Kikuchi. Shizuru didn't like him at all. Actually, she hated him. Nevertheless, she didn't understand why Natsuki let him hang at her side, why Natsuki let somebody like him interfere in her life so easily.
That's why Shizuru continued to talk about Kikuchi to Natsuki. It might appear foolish, but Shizuru wanted to be sure, she had to be.
And if it turned out that Natsuki had a weakness for him, Shizuru would have to do more than merely accept it.
If she couldn't be Natsuki's lover, she would be her guide, her friend. And as a friend, she had to help her, even if it killed her. Yes, it was Shizuru's adage toward Natsuki. Giving, helping, loving without waiting something in return.
"What are you still doing here?" A voice pulled Shizuru out her reflections.
"Suzushiro-san? I believe I forgot that this lecture was cancelled." Indeed, Shizuru was still sitting in the empty classroom, although she knew well that there were no more lessons until the afternoon.
"You forgot, huh? Since when do you forget something?"
The taller girl preferred not to answer to this affront.
Haruka didn't bring her flow to an end, "It's that girl again! When will you end up giving her up? She's not the type who would love you. I even doubt that she is the kind who would love somebody at all".
Abruptly, time ceased.
That was scary; Shizuru raised an angel smile whereas her voice was giving shivers, "Haruka-san, I expect you not to speak about Natsuki with this tone".
Considering her lack of discernment, Haruka felt sorry –or maybe she was too scared- and she reluctantly apologised, "…ok...sorry".
However, she was exasperated to have fallen useless. This is the reason why she stated calmly but firmly, "I'll lay it on the line. You're such a coward. You are not able to tell her that you will leave for several months to the other side of the world. What kind of friend are you?"
And then, Haruka stopped talking. Ten seconds ago, she was sure of her speech, but after all, it was perhaps not a good idea.
She feared for her life, as Shizuru was too calm to her liking.
Shizuru didn't react, the tactless girl was right: she was a coward.
Feeling that Shizuru was finally ready to listen to her, Haruka carried on, "I thought you were in love with her, yet that appears to be false".
At length, the Kyoto student quietly replied, "I do love her".
"Why do you not show it?"
"I do, I always do. Caring, listening, sympathy, understanding, kindness, consideration... I could kill for her." I had. "What more can I do?" Exasperation, frustration, sadness, anger could be espied in Shizuru's tone.
"So why don't you tell her the truth. If you love her, you shouldn't lie to her."
Shizuru's emotions were all mixed up. "I… don't know… I was afraid. I don't want to lose her. I know if I leave we will be more distant. Our relationship will change. I don't want so."
The former Executive Board Leader didn't understand her classmate's behaviour. It was so irrational, so un-Shizuru like. "What does it change if you don't tell her the truth?"
The decomposed student sadly smiled inwardly. She hadn't even thought of that. "Nothing actually."
Shizuru stood up and headed to the door. Leaving, she turned her head to Haruka, "Haruka?"
"Yes?"
"How did you know that I was worrying about Natsuki?"
The blonde girl stated proudly, "It was easy, this kind of details doesn't escape a fine sleuth like me." And with a more serious look she added, "Kuga-san is the only one who renders you vulnerable".
Shizuru faintly smiled and left the room.
During the lunch break, Shizuru went to Fuuka High School to see Natsuki. The latter was with Mai and Mikoto having lunch. She was glad to see Natsuki joyful, having friends, not alone any more. Her mission was undeniably a success.
Mai was the first who noticed the university student's presence as Natsuki faced back and Mikoto was busy. -No, she wasn't eating, she was studying her book. She had a very important examination today, mmh!-
"President?"
Natsuki turned her head. "Shizuru?"
"Ara ara, Tokiha-san, you do not need to call me like that. I am not the Student Council President any more."
"So… Fujino-san, how is the university?"
"It is bigger, you have more freedom, and there is a greater diversity of the courses. I believe that you will like it."
"Really?"
"Yes, I think so. Please excuse me, but I would like to talk to Natsuki." She turned to the aforementioned. "Natsuki, do you mind if we go elsewhere?"
The two girls moved to a quieter place.
Natsuki wondered about what Shizuru wanted to speak.
"I am sorry to interrupt you in your lunch, Natsuki."
"Never mind it."
"You seemed to enjoy your time."
As an answer, Natsuki merely nodded.
"I came in order to speak with you about something important."
Natsuki didn't understand her friend. "That was you said the last time we met, but we had only went shopping."
"I know. It is because I dreaded your reaction", explained the very calm student.
Natsuki was really lost. What is she plotting?
"Natsuki, I…"
Shizuru was disrupted by happy screams. In one shot, a horde of fan girls bolted on her like bulls released in an arena.
The girls shouted all together in an unintelligible hubbub:
- "President!" - "It has been a long time!" – "Did you come to see us?" – "If I had known that you were coming, I would have prepared a bento for you."
The girls were restless like bees around their beehive. As for Natsuki, they rather looked like flies around an old cake. She was astonished. It was like she was the witness of the arrival of a rock star. Some girls were crying. It was crazy. It was unbearable.
She clenched her teeth and her fists. Leave her alone, bunch of parasites! Leech!
Seeing Natsuki upset, Shizuru smiled, "Ma, ma. Please be quiet. What is this behaviour?" She waited for the fans to calm down and she added, "I am sorry, yet I do not have the time. I have to talk with Kuga-san. However, I will come back to see you as soon as possible".
The fan girls went away, bitterly disappointed. "See! I told you we shouldn't disturb her when she was with Kuga-san!"
"Oh! So the rumours were true!"
"They were even based, according to a first year high-school girl…"
"If it is the case, it is sad for President."
"What do you mean?"
"What! You didn't know about this! Rumour has it that Kuga-san and Kikuchi-san are..."
"So, what did you want to tell me?" Natsuki was losing her patience.
"I told you that I followed French class, right?"
Natsuki was losing track. "Err… Yes…"
"Well, I passed my exam, even though it was very tricky."
"Ah, congratulations." Why is she boasting about that? Normally, she never does that.
"That means that I have been selected."
"Ah… For what?" asked a completely naïve Natsuki.
Shizuru, who appeared to be happy, became suddenly sad.
"Natsuki…"
The other girl was speechless.
"Natsuki, I will have to be gone for awhile."
Feeling the tragic tone in Shizuru's voice, Natsuki realised that this absence was not trivial. "What do you mean?"
"I was selected to travel to France."
Natsuki's heart was accelerating. She started sweating. She was afraid but didn't plan to show it. "Aa… When do you leave?"
"In two weeks."
All of a sudden, the younger girl felt dizzy, even so she yelled of fury, "What! And how long have you known about it?"
"Natsuki…"
Natsuki sensed how guilty Shizuru felt. That's why she cut her off. "No, no, no! You knew it for a long time and you waited until the last moment to announce it to me."
Shizuru was at the same time depressing and frightened. Her nightmare took place in front of her eyes and she was powerless.
As to Natsuki, she was very offended that Shizuru hid the truth to her. However, this feeling was crushed by the sorrow she felt. She didn't want to let Shizuru leave.
Full of rage and dissatisfaction, she finally enquired, "Why did you not tell me earlier?"
Still dismayed because of her dream, the Kyoto girl couldn't answer.
"You intend to abandon me like that?"
End of chapter 7
The quotes from the (I hope) famous episode 25. Static Subs translation.
Translating 'suki' into 'love' is a little bit of interpretation.
Indeed, 'suki' can mean either 'like' or 'love'.
