Toshiya continued to squeeze his eyes shut despite the cloth over his eyes, trying to block out the touch of the man. He had to go to a different place in his mind, he had to take his mind away from his body. He tried to imagine Die's smiling face, laughing and jovial, but when rough callused fingers ran over his manhood it snapped him back to reality. He drew his legs together instantly from the touch and bit his lip to keep from crying out. He was in a dark, cold room with a man who was about to do something horrible to him—he couldn't take his mind away from that.


His assailant forced his knee between Toshiya's legs to make him open his legs. He let out a sob as the man achieved his goal and once again began running his fingers over Toshiya's smooth skin. "I'm going to untie you, and if you try to escape I will kill you," he heard the man whispered, but the words barely registered with him. He felt the bonds on his wrists removed as he let them fall limply at his sides. He clutched the sheets in his hands, wincing as the movement pain his once impaled hand, as the man began to lay kisses on his chest.


Toshiya shuddered as the man began to his neck and moved upward, kissing his check, his lips. He wanted to spit in the man's face as he felt a tongue run over his lips, leaving a trail of salvia, but he was too afraid even to let out a sound in fear of being struck. He could hear the man say something, something that made him gag from the mention of it, but he couldn't understand him. The words wouldn't register in his mind.


"Do it now," Toshiya heard and felt a hand trying to bring his head down on something. "Suck it."


"No!" Toshiya cried out, turning his head away and trying to shift his position on the bed away from the man. He cried out as he heard the tear of flesh and the searing pain soon following across his thigh. "No!" He screamed as another cut came, deeper this time. He wanted to stop protesting, but he couldn't, no matter how many times the man struck him or cut him, he shouted out until his throat was sore as his body was stinging and burning with pain.


"I see how it is," the man said and rolled Toshiya onto his back. Toshiya heard something fall on the floor and he figure it had been the knife. Hearing that allowed his some comfort, but very little do to the fact he was still captive and awaiting a horrible fate. He tried to keep his legs together, but the man pried them apart with great strength and spread them wide.


"Please…"Toshiya whispered, squeezing his eyes shut as he waited for a blow that didn't come. Instead, the man pushed himself inside Toshiya completely, making him scream out so loud that it echoed throughout the empty house with every bit of pain behind it.

Kyo stared at the blood on his left arm, it having dried on his wrist in thick clumps. 'You shouldn't have done that,' he heard in his head. Was he having regrets? Or had he lost too much blood and was he hallucinating? No, he always talked to himself, he had done it before. "You told me to," Kyo said softly, still staring at the intersecting cuts.

'What about Shinya? You promised him you would never do it again; imagine how heart broken he is knowing that you are cutting again. Couldn't you hear the pain in his voice? The sorrow? I think he was trying to forgive you, and all you did was threaten to kill yourself."e started this all, he wouldn't listen to me, he didn't believe. How can he not trust me? I did nothing, absolutely nothing and yet he feels the need to distrust me. I can't love someone who won't trust me," he responded, shutting his eyes as he felt tears forming in his eyes. He didn't want to cry, he didn't want to feel so unloved and forgotten.

Didn't you do this to yourself because you want him to love you? You still love him, go back to him, explain to him what happened and don't take no for an answer.' sat there for a long time, trying to think of what he could do. Shinya wouldn't listen to him, Shinya chose to ignore his pleas. He should suffer as much as Kyo was. Then again, he had chosen not to come out and tell Shinya what had happened between him and Toshiya and why Shinya had seen them kissing.

But if he had told Shinya, there would be doubt in his mind and he would hold a grudge against Toshiya, and Kyo didn't want that. It could break up the band. Yet again, him avoiding Shinya and Shinya holding a grudge him could also break up the band. He didn't want that at all. He rubbed his temples in frustration, wanting to talk to Shinya but unsure if he could handle hearing Shinya yell at him again.

"I have to," he mumbled and forced himself to stand up. He unlocked the door and decided he needed to wash the blood off of his arm first before he did anything. The blood made his arm look worse that it was and he didn't want to worry Shinya more than he already had.

He opened the bathroom door and stood there in shock for a very long time before feeling could be restored to his limbs. Shinya was on the ground, face down, blooding flowing on the tiled floor from deep horizontal gashes in his wrist, just beneath his palm. Kyo rushed forward and turned him over, seeing Shinya's eyes half open. He gently tapped Shinya's face and brought him to reality.

"Kyo…" he whispered softly, his arm shaking as he lifted his blood covered hand and ran his fingers over Kyo's face, smiling at the touch.

"Shinya, what did you do to yourself?" Kyo asked in an unstable voice, his eyes watering as he stared down at the barely conscious drummer. He looked so pale and he couldn't stop looking at the multiple gashes in his wrists that continued to bleed out. "Why?"

"Where ever you go, I'll go…whatever you do…I'll do," Shinya said in a hoarse voice. "You cut yourself…so I did too…because I love you."

"Shinya, you cut too deep, your going to die if we don't get you to a hospital," Kyo whispered and pulled Shinya into a sitting position. Using all his strength he lifted Shinya to his feet, the tall man slouched over low as Kyo took hold of one of the long arms and wrapped it over his shoulders. "You have to try and walk."

Kyo began to feel dizzy as they reached the front door from his own loss of blood and the extra weight of Shinya. He stumbled out the front door, still holding tight to Shinya. He cried out as Shinya slipped from his grasp and collapsed on the ground, moaning in confusion and pain. "Come on, Shin, you have to try," Kyo gasped as he began pulling him up off the ground. "Please Shinya, you have to."

They stumbled past the walkway and Kyo let out a frustrated cry when he realized there were no cars in the driveway. Yoshiki's car was gone and so was Die's, and Kaoru's was in the garage. Kyo didn't have enough time to go back in and drag Shinya with him. He moved over to the garage and set Shinya against the wall, kneeling down beside him and lifting the drummer's arm to see if the bleeding had stopped; it had almost stopped completely, but that didn't remove the fact Shinya had bled out. Kyo turned slightly as he heard the zoom of a car and saw Die's car pull in to the driveway, coming to a screeching halt.

Die jumped out of the car and rushed over to them, his shirt wet and his eyes red as though he had been crying. Kyo breathed a sigh of relief the moment that car had pulled in. "Die, please…he needs a hospital," Kyo said softly, lifting Shinya again.

Despite the fact he was confused and shocked by the sight of Shinya's wrists, the half-awake look on his pale face, Die did not ask questions and helped Kyo bring him into the car. Kyo's eyes widened when he saw Toshiya in the back see, his hair wet, his body shaking, wrapped in a large beach towel, staring at the floor of the car. He didn't even look up as Shinya was placed in the front seat of the car.

Kyo climbed in the back seat and kept at least a foot and a half of distance away from Toshiya, pressing himself to the door. At the moment, though, keeping his distance from Toshiya didn't even matter to him. Shinya was bleeding to death and the longer they waited the less of a chance Shinya had to survive. Die slammed down on the gas pedal, backing out the of the driveway and shifting gears, speeding down the road.

"What happened to Shinya?" Die asked, his voice giving away his fear and nervousness despite the fact his face remained eerily neutral.

"…He cut himself," Kyo said softly, squeezing his eyes shut and the sudden realization dawned on him that it was his entire fault. If he had just listened to Shinya, if he had just been more willing to hear him out…maybe Shinya wouldn't be bleeding, maybe he wouldn't be hurting. And now, he couldn't change any of that. 'Why does this have to happen to me,' he asked himself. 'Wasn't it enough the first time? Are we just not meant to be together?'

Yoshiki pulled himself up in the hospital bed, heaving a heavy sigh and groaning as he did so, his stomach pained greatly by his movement. He glanced at the three IV pouches on the hook that were all being sent to his body. The beep of the heart monitor had grown annoying and somewhat comforting in the fact that he had a stable heart beat. How long had he been in surgery? Where was Kaoru? He stared at the doctor before him, sitting in silence and staring at his chart. "Well? Is there anything wrong with me?" Yoshiki finally asked, becoming impatient.

"No, you seem in good health, aside from the fact you were just shot; we removed all the bullets from your body and there was minimal internal damage," the doctor said. "We'll just need to keep you here another day to make sure that you don't suffer from something we didn't catch."

"What about Kaoru? Niikura Kaoru?" Yoshiki asked, concern clear in his voice. He had been worrying the entire time about Kaoru, praying that he was going to be okay. He had been shot four times, once at close rang, he wasn't sure how much damage there had been.
The doctor flipped through a few papers on his chart and nodded as he found Kaoru's papers. "He is in stable condition as well. He hasn't woken up yet, but the anesthesia should be warring off soon. There was a lot of internal bleeding, mostly in the intestines, but we were able to fix that and restore him to a god condition."

Yoshiki allowed himself to sink back a bit in his pillows, feeling a little relaxed about the news. "Is there any idea about who may have done this to us? Who would attack us like this?" he asked the doctor.

"I have no idea, but a detective did stop by early to get a report on your health, and so did a very pretty girl," the doctor said.

"A pretty girl?" Yoshiki asked, raising and eyebrow when no one came to mind who would come and see him.

"Yes, some American woman who claimed to be a friend of yours and Niikura-san's. She seemed rather interested in Niikura's injuries; she left the hospital around non, I believe," the doctor looked at his watch, "Please excuse me, I must go check on a few other patients. I'll be back in a bit."

Yoshiki sighed and shut his eyes, trying to take his mind away from the pain in his thigh and stomach and think of who might have a vendetta against him. Sure many other bands had a rivalry with them, but they would not go this far as to mortally wound someone to check a new spot in the charts. The only person he could think of was the American he had mistakenly hired months before, the American who had nearly killed Kyo and Shinya.
But that made no sense, Seth Rowland was dead, Shinya himself had killed him (and Yoshiki feared that the drummer had never gotten over it). He didn't understand how one person could hate someone so much that they would try to murder them. It made no sense, yet again, very few things made sense anymore. Maybe relatives of Seth were out to get him? No, that couldn't be it. Or could it?

He groaned and turned onto his side, trying to find a comfortable position that wouldn't cause him pain, which at the moment seemed near impossible. He heard the door open and the clicking of heels on the ground, immediately thinking it was a nurse. He didn't bother to open his eyes, he was so tired. It must have been the affects of the anesthesia.
Yoshiki winced as the IV became cold and began pumping a cold liquid into his veins. He opened his eyes slightly and saw the nurse walking away. "Nurse!" he called out, wanting to know what she had just injected into the IV. "Nurse!" She was already gone. He shut his eyes and figured he would ask the doctor about it.

For a while there was just silence, but then an annoying buzz began to fill the room until it became unbearable. Yoshiki opened his eyes to look around, but the room was spinning and everything was blurring together. His eyes rolled back as his limps began to shake violently, twitching uncontrollably. The last thing he could remember hearing was a woman shouting, "Doctor! He's having a seizure!" And everything turned black.

"Why would he cut himself?" Die asked, glancing back at Kyo, his expression showing his incredulity.

"For me…he felt that if he cut himself I wouldn't be mad at him," Kyo felt another pang of guilt, his heart wrenching. Why would Shinya feel that that was what he had to do? Why would he think that?

And then he remembered, sitting in the back of Die's car. They had been talking about how Kyo used to cut himself in the back of the car and Shinya had commented on it. If Kyo ever cut himself, he would have to do it too.

"Were you two arguing? About what? What would make you two so upset that you would cut yourselves?"

"He thought I was cheating on him…and when I tried to explain what had happened to him he wouldn't listen and said we were over…I couldn't take it," Kyo said softly, drawing his knees to his chest on the car seat. "He caught me cutting, like you did, and he figured the best way to get me back was to cut himself too. He didn't know what he was doing…he cut too deep."

Die didn't respond, he only stared out the windshield. Kyo looked at Toshiya, noticing he still hadn't moved from his position and he probably hadn't looked up. He reached out to place a hand on Toshiya's shoulder and get his attention, but as soon as his hand touched Toshiya, the man pressed himself against the car door, staring at Kyo with wide eyes.

"Toshiya, what is it?" Kyo asked in surprise with the man.

"Don't touch me!" Toshiya screamed, the towel falling to his sides. "Don't touch me! Don't touch me!"

"Oh god," Kyo gasped as he could see the gashes on Toshiya's naked thigh, his face was severely batter, his hand was covered with blood, and he had a large bruise on his stomach. "Die…what happened?"

"I don't have enough time to explain it," Die said, swerving sharply into the hospital parking lot. "Just don't touch him, he won't let anyone touch him." Kyo could hear the sudden sadness in Die's voice as he spoke the words. Die pulled into a parking space and jumped out of the car, opening the door and pulling the towel back onto Toshiya to cover his nudity. Kyo got out of the car and open the front door, pulling a barely conscious Shinya out with him.

Die and Kyo moved as fast as they could to get into the hospital and the minute they stepped through those sliding doors nurses were rushing forward and within minutes gurneys came for Toshiya and Shinya. When one of the male doctors tried to help Toshiya onto the gurney, he screamed and cowered away from him, pressing close to Die. When a female doctor placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, he reluctantly let them help him onto it, his eyes filling with tears.

Shinya was lifted limply onto the gurney and rushed immediately away as two other nurses came to examine Kyo and Die. "Sir, are you bleeding?" one of the woman asked Die, spotting the blood on his shirt.

"No…its not my blood," he said solemnly and plopped down in one of the waiting chairs.
"Sir, your arm!" the other nurse cried, staring at Kyo's torn and tattered flesh. "Please come with me, we might need to stitch those."

"I'm fine," Kyo growled, not all concerned for his health as much as he was concerned for Shinya and Toshiya. He also needed to find out what was making Toshiya act the way he was acting.

"Just go Kyo, we don't want anymore problems," Die sighed, rubbing his temples. As he watched Kyo wander off with the nurse he began rubbing his temples, remembering that Kaoru and Yoshiki had been rushed to the hospital as well, but he was unsure if it was the same hospital they were in or not. He needed to check.

"Die?"

He turned around, his eyes widening as he watched Sara rush over to him, her eyes red and puffy. Her make up was running and it was clear she had been crying. "Sara, what are you doing here?" Die asked in shock as he stood up to greet her.

"I got a call, Yoshiki-sama and Kaoru-sama, they be hurt!" she began to sob, burying her face in Die's chest. "They maybe die!"

"Relax Sara, I'm sure they're going to be okay, they're both very strong," Die whispered to her despite the fact he ad his doubts as well.

"Die, we talk alone?" she asked, looking up at him.

"Um…yeah, sure, I think there should be an empty room around here; is it something serious?" Die glanced around and brought her down the hall, looking for a private or empty room. When he found one he moved inside it with Sara and shut the door gently behind him. He sat her down in one of the chairs as she continued to sob. "What is it?"
"Why didn't you tell me that you were in love with another?" Sara asked, her crying ceasing as she stared at him. At first Die didn't realize it, but her American accent completely disappeared as she spoke the fluent words.

"Excuse me?" Die asked, raising an eyebrow and staring at her in shock. Where had she learned to speak such amazing Japanese?

"Why didn't you tell me you were in love with that faggot of a bassist?" she growled, giving him an angry look. "You never once mentioned you were a fag, never once did you say you didn't like fucking girls. Leading me on like that, you sick fuck. That idiot got what he deserved."

Die suddenly felt uneasy as she laughed. How did she know about what happened to Toshiya? Where did she learn to speak such amazing Japanese? Why was she accusing him of being in love with Toshiya? "Sara, what are you talking about?"

"Don't pretend you don't know, Daisuke, you love men. You just want to fuck them all, don't you? Damn faggot, you all should die." She growled. "After all, you and your other ass-pirates did kill my brother."