Hakkai
For several days, I camped in the woods beyond little Gojyo's house, biding my time and trying to decide what to do, but it seemed as if I'd created an impossible dilemma for myself.
Perhaps if I'd left right away, it would have been an easier decision to make, but seeing the severity of her abuse first hand left me with significant doubts. My roommate hadn't gone into details when he told me about the dangerous home life he'd come from. He'd never told me any stories about getting his head broken open against a window, only that she'd hit him, and the fact that Jien slept with his own mother regularly, as a device to neutralize the situation, added a whole new disturbing level to the situation.
It was hard to imagine leaving little Gojyo behind when I knew such atrocities were being committed around him and against him, and I assumed it was only a matter of time before she began to prey on him sexually as well.
Of course, when I considered that I remembered, sickly, that it would never get that far; she'd make that obscene attempt on his life, Jien would murder her, and the boys would part ways, likely forever.
If I'd left matters alone and gone back to my time machine before I got a glimpse of these horrors, it might have been easier for me. I would have gone on the rest of my life not knowing about any of it. Now that I did know though, could I leave him here to go through all that, trudging every day through abuse and neglect and fear and lovelessness until it all culminated into that ultimate violence and then trickled away into the resulting trauma? That was difficult to imagine.
On the other hand, I didn't have many other options. I supposed I could stay here, never go back to my own time at all, and take it upon myself to look after Gojyo. I could be with him when Jien left and shield him from all the things that might happen to him when he was living on the streets alone. I might even be able to prevent her from attempting to kill him. I might be able to make it so Gojyo and his brother could stay together, and then I'd be able to leave this time, knowing I'd done what I could to rectify the situation.
Who knew when that was going to happen though? Gojyo always talked as if he'd been on his own since age twelve, and seeing how he was eleven now, that dreadful day was months away. Did I dare stay here and continue to tamper with things, and camp, and raise Jien's suspicions until then?
I supposed I could silently kill her before any of it happened at all and then return to my time machine, but that seemed irresponsible. Who knew what would come of that sort of meddling?
It kept occurring to me that I could tell little Gojyo the truth about who I was and where I'd come from. He might laugh at first, but surely when he saw the machine he'd realize it was the genuine article, and then I could take him with me back to my time and take care of him.
Although that plan seemed like it would be the best for Gojyo, a little voice inside me kept nagging that it wasn't a good idea overall, and I couldn't quite determine why. After all, I'd come back in time meaning to reunite with Kanan and save her from her fate, and me from my own, and I'd even considered taking her back to my time so she could live with Gojyo and me. Once, that idea had made me unbelievably happy, but that sentiment didn't transfer into these circumstances at all. I didn't think I could take little Gojyo with me back to my own time.
For one thing, Gojyo already existed in my time, and seeing how I was tampering with science not fully explored, I didn't know what ramifications might come of two of the same person existing side by side. In addition, I didn't think adult Gojyo would appreciate having a child version of himself brought into our home to live alongside us. I imagined he'd be somewhat angry that I'd interfered in such a way.
Over and over again, I told myself it might be best to leave now, before things got any worse, and over and over again, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I kept remembering the way he'd screamed for me in the woods, and the expression of pain and fear on his face, and the despair in his voice as he told me she broke the window with his head. It was just so hard to imagine leaving him to that, especially now that we'd met, and he'd developed a fondness for me and apparently wanted to rely on me.
I resolved to wait it out a little longer and see if there wasn't something I could do. With the time machine at my disposal, I could always go and see Kanan later. I could go wherever I wanted.
A few days passed before I saw little Gojyo again. I found odd jobs to do around town strictly as a way to spend time. I didn't necessarily need the money. I dwelled constantly on my dilemma and fretted over it when I tried to sleep at night, and more and more I began to feel as if I'd made a mistake coming back in time.
Except, I hadn't intended to come to this time and place, and I didn't understand how I'd wound up here. I went back to my machine and searched for any clue as to what had gone awry, but nothing was apparently wrong. I hid it the best I could and returned to town.
On the third day, Gojyo came looking for me. I was helping an old man in his hardware shop at the time, tidying up for some pocket money, when Gojyo swaggered through the door, glancing around with his unassuming air. The bandage was gone from his head, and the bruises and abrasions on his face were healing well.
"Hello," I said with a smile, leaning on my broom. I thought momentarily of what I'd promised Jien, but that wasn't of much consequence. He was a fool for wanting to deprive his little brother of a chance at friendship, and in any case, I wasn't out to hurt Gojyo, so what did it matter?
He grinned and waved. "Hey. Somebody told me you were here."
"Yes." I resumed sweeping. "I've been doing all sorts of little services around town."
"I thought maybe you woulda left by now…"
"Ah, not without saying goodbye. You look better by the way. The rest seems to have done you some good." I added gently, "I'm glad you're okay."
He beamed at me. I knew he appreciated my concern. As much as adult Gojyo liked to scorn and complain about it, I'd always known that it must touch something inside of him to have me fuss and exhibit interest in his emotional needs. Now I understood the reason for that: he'd spent his childhood trying to get people to care, and they simply hadn't bothered, so he'd gotten used to going without, and he was afraid to believe it was real, and yet it did make him feel better. It must.
I finished the chores I'd been assigned around the shop, and then Gojyo and I went and got some lunch. He managed to find a place that didn't seem to mind his patronage, although they did give him dirty looks, so we sat on the patio, away from the other guests.
He blew bubbles into his soft drink as we waited for our food to come. "Jien told me ta stay away from you, by the way."
He was astoundingly honest compared to his full-grown counterpart. "Oh? I see you decided not to take heed of that." No surprise there. As far as I knew, no one on earth could really make Gojyo do what they wanted, not if he decided against it.
"Yeah, well I just think it's kinda dumb. He told me he thinks you're a social worker and that you wanna take me away from home." He leveled a serious, partially analytical gaze on me.
"He said a similar thing to me. Not to worry though, I'm not a social worker, and I'm not interested in making you do anything you don't want to do." I thought of Jien's other, more distasteful theory about my being a pedophile, and even now it irritated me.
"I know," Gojyo said easily. "He's just crazy sometimes."
"He loves you," I reminded him gently. "He's trying his best to take care of you."
Gojyo nodded and turned his gaze away as if embarrassed.
Of course, even knowing that, it was difficult not to feel agitated with the elder Sha brother, because I too cared for Gojyo, and I wanted to protect him just as much.
I sipped my tea and then continued, "If memory serves me, you expressed some desire to leave this place anyway, so would it really make any difference if I were intending to spirit you off somewhere?"
He shrugged, not looking at me. "I dunno. I wish I could get outta here, but I wouldn't wanna leave him. We're brothers. We should stick together."
I smiled sadly. It was hard to know they'd soon be separated regardless, and as I studied his unscarred face I wished there were some way to spare him that suffering.
I'd thought it before, on sparse occasions, when Gojyo mentioned various aspects of his past or let on to the scars that ran deeply through him, that if I could somehow minimize or even erase his pain, or at least relieve it, I would. Here it seemed I'd been given that opportunity, and I simply didn't know what I could do with it.
When we finished our lunch, we took a walk around town, and Gojyo prattled away more exuberantly than ever. I got the impression that my kindness from the other night had left a deep impact, and I knew he was somewhat enamored with me. He trotted around me, more energetic than Goku even, kicking rocks, picking up sticks and running them against the pickets of fences, pointing at things, laughing, yelling, yanking sometimes on my arms, jogging circles around me, and asking endless questions. I couldn't help loving him for it. He was very different than I'd been at age eleven.
As I looked up at the sky, it occurred to me that my young self was somewhere in this time as well, thousands of miles away. I'd been accepted into school by this time, and was hard at work applying for scholarships and studying for tests. I didn't have time for friends, games, laughter, or fun. I wondered how it would have been to have Gojyo in my life at this point. Would he have simply irked my grave sensibilities, or would I have taken solace in his brave spiritedness?
Whether he irritated me or not, he would have made a good friend for me, I knew that much. I felt that no matter what age we were, Gojyo would have dispelled the dark fog of despair that constantly hung about my life.
I missed him, I realized. Even though he was technically right beside me, I missed his vulgar jokes, and his fatalistic optimism, and his dependability. I regretted I hadn't waited longer to say goodbye to him.
Would it help him at all, I wondered, to stay in the past and help his young self? There were several schools of thought when it came to time travel, one being that time followed a single path and anything one did in the past would drastically alter the future, and the other being that there were different courses time could take—different universes, some might say—and they existed separately. Either whatever I did in the past would change the circumstances of the man I'd lived beside for three years, or else my actions would only affect this particular version of Gojyo. There would be no way of knowing which it was until I went home.
I would help you if I could…in any way I could…
And then a new idea dawned on me. If I did alter the life of the Gojyo I knew in my own time, if I somehow made it so he and Jien never had to be separated, it was possible he wouldn't be there on that fateful night to save me. Did that mean I would cease to exist? By coming back in time, would I destroy myself?
Beside me, little Gojyo chattered on, and I looked down on him in a new light. Was he worth my own destruction? Was sparing him some pain important enough to condemn myself to simply vanishing from the face of the earth? Along that line of thought, shouldn't I be trying to ensure that his mother tried to kill him and his brother abandoned him?
Gojyo smiled up at me brightly. "Whassamatter? You're all frowny."
Somehow, this child held my very life in his hands, and only through that trauma and pain I so wanted to spare him could I survive.
His smiled drooped a little, and he hesitated. I could only imagine the terrible expression now gracing my face. "Hakkai?" he said my name tentatively.
"It's nothing." I smiled again and reached down to brush my hand along the cheek that would some day have the scars…if I allowed it.
He grinned again and caught my wrist, and I knew how happy he was that I was with him.
The moment didn't last long. Gojyo let go of me suddenly and raced ahead. "Look there's the school! It's recess time!"
I followed him, still pondering my dark thoughts.
It was the same schoolhouse I'd seen when I first came into town, small and quaint, surrounded by the beauty of nature, kissed by the rays of the sun. Children of varying ages gamboled in the meadow, chasing one another, throwing and kicking brightly colored balls, laughing, crying, shouting angrily, and even fighting. I saw both human and youkai children.
Gojyo hopped up on the fence and leaned against a post, watching them with a wry smile and lighting a cigarette. "Look at 'em all. Ha! Suckers."
"Is this the only school in town?" I asked when I arrived at his side.
"Nah, there's another over near my house, an' one more on the rich side of town, where my dad used to live."
"I see." I watched the children a while before asking, "Why don't you go to school, Gojyo-chan?" My roommate had made it abundantly clear that he'd not set foot in a classroom—ever—and that he didn't regret that fact either. He told me ignorance was bliss and that I had enough education for both of us, in that smug, teasing manner.
I miss you…
"I did once," little Gojyo said. "Jien made me go a few years back but…" he shrugged. "The other kids were assholes. They didn't wanna have anything to do with me, so I never went back."
"You deprived yourself of the chance at an education. You know that, don't you?"
He didn't seem to care. "I don't need an education to be a sailor. Anyway, it wasn't just the kids—the teacher picked on me a lot when I was there." He snorted. "Good riddance. Look, how fucked those losers are."
"Now, now, what did I tell you about speaking that way? You're far too young to use such inappropriate language."
He stuck his tongue out at me playfully. "Want me ta speak keigo like you do?"
"It would be a touch more charming," I told him, ruffling his hair.
Gojyo laughed and went back to watching the other kids, and despite what he said, I detected a touch of yearning in his expression. He did wish he could be there with them, laughing and playing like a normal little boy.
I'd squandered that opportunity, I realized. I could have made friends with the other orphans and laughed and played their games, but I'd purposely chosen not to, and now I'd never know how it felt to be like one of those children on the playground.
"Hey, Hakkai," Gojyo asked in a while. "Tell me about your roommate, would'ja?"
I glanced quizzically at him, but he still wore that wishful smile. "Why are you asking me that?"
"Dunno. You said he's a hanyou like me, right?"
"Yes, that's right."
"Jien thinks you made him up to trick me." He focused a strangely serious gaze on me. "You didn't, right?"
I wondered what Jien was thinking, telling him something so absurd. Didn't he realize there was a thread of cruelty in that? "No, of course not. He's very real."
"Tell me about him."
I sighed. "Let's see… He's my age, but taller than me, and he's something of a punk."
"Yeah, okay, what's he weigh?" Gojyo rolled his eyes. "What's he like, dude?"
"Oh, excuse me. Ah, well he's…"
"Did he really save your life?"
"Without a doubt. I would have died if it weren't for him. He has an unexpectedly soft heart for a delinquent, and he always makes me laugh, even when I don't want to." I hesitated again, unsure what else to say. It was impossibly strange, trying to describe Gojyo to himself. I half worried he might realize in time that I was describing his own characteristics. "He's a touch immature, but…he's highly dependable. I trust him with my life."
"You said he's like a brother to you," little Gojyo said quietly. "Is he really?"
"Yes. He's my best friend."
When he looked at me again, I could tell he was surprised. "You mean that?"
"Why would I lie about such a thing?"
"I dunno. It's hard to believe somebody would be best friends with a hanyou."
I frowned. "Do you really think that, or is that just what they want you to think?"
His look hardened in contemplation, and he watched the children again.
"The people in this town would not appreciate my roommate any more than they appreciate you, which is a shame since he's worth the whole passel of them put together. Anyone who could think he's undeserving of my friendship because he happens to be of mixed blood and I'm not would be quite mistaken—I'm the one who's unworthy."
His eyes bulged as he whipped around to stare at me.
Softer, I said, "I didn't deserve the second chance he gave me, and I don't deserve the friendship he offers me on a daily basis. He's a far better man that I can ever be, far, far better at handling his hardships and making the most of his situation, and far better at treating people with compassion. He's unbelievably brave, all things considered. I can't ever hope to be like him."
"You think he's better than you?" little Gojyo asked reverently. "Even though he's taboo?"
"I think he's my equal," I amended, "and that he has strengths I lack, and that I need his strength on my side."
No truer word had ever been spoken, and I suddenly missed my roommate so much I could hardly stand it.
I'm sorry I just left you like that…ignoring what you said. You warned me this could happen…and I didn't listen. Now I'm not sure what I should do.
"Does he know ya think that?" little Gojyo wondered, voice still soft with wonder.
"I'm not sure. I've done what I could to express his value in my life, but I fear he doesn't honestly believe in it. Like you, he's bogged down by the lie that he couldn't possibly be worth anything, even to me, because he's a child of taboo. I don't know if he'll ever let himself buy into the idea that I love him more than anything and that I would do anything for him."
He stared wide-eyed at me, speechless.
"I would kill for that man, Gojyo-chan. I would die." I drew a deep breath. "I would stop existing simply to spare him a moment of pain." I touched his unscarred cheek again, smiling contritely. "He's earned every sliver of loyalty I have to give."
If I save you…and it kills me…I'll never see you again, will I?
That thought was far too grave for the moment, and I didn't wish to dwell on it. I'd much rather enjoy my present company and hope that things worked out, though I didn't see how they could. I'd put myself in this position, and it seemed as if I'd backed myself into a proverbial corner.
The whistle blew, and I watched the children swarm reluctantly back into the school house, and then I climbed the fence myself, smiling. "Let's play a game, shall we?"
Gojyo looked skeptically at me. "On the playground?"
I gestured to the open meadow. "I don't see why not, seeing how it's been vacated."
Still, he looked unsure. "What kinda game?"
"Oh, I don't know." I lifted him over the fence and set him down beside me. "Hide and go seek?"
Nervously, he glanced around the playground, like he expected someone to materialize and chase him off. "Can we do that with just two of us? Don'tcha need like a bunch of friends to play hide and seek?"
"Not necessarily, even if it does make it more interesting." I studied him. "Have you never played before? Not even with Jien?"
"Yeah, but that was back when…" He seemed to think better of what he was saying and rerouted suddenly. "When he was a kid. It's just been a long time."
"I think you and I will have plenty of fun on our own," I assured him with a smile. "Come along now. Do you want me to count first?"
He nodded, slowly, breaking into an uneasy smile.
I added, "Don't worry. I'm with you; you're not going to get in trouble for being here, Gojyo-chan."
"All right."
"All right," I agreed. "Now go hide." And I turned away to count.
The meadow was not the most ideal place to play hide and seek, because it was mostly open, with a small thicket of trees off to the west, but I took my time looking for Gojyo, focusing my energy on enjoying the sunshine and the thrill of the hunt, just to keep myself from considering the bleak circumstances at hand.
Nevertheless, I found him within fifteen minutes, and when it was my turn to hide, it didn't take him much longer than that to find me.
Still, it didn't take him long to forget his initial reservations, and before long he was running through the meadow, laughing, like all the other children had been, and I was lax when it came to chasing him. I shut out all my worries and concerns and appreciated a chance to see him be happy and normal.
After several rounds of hide and seek, Gojyo grasped my wrist, eyes wild with excitement, face flushed with exertion and joy, and feverishly suggested we broaden our horizons and play hide and seek throughout the entirety of the town.
I was reluctant at first. The meadow was small and controlled, and my chances of actually losing track of him were slim. Furthermore, it was empty, and no one was going to harass him, and even if they did, I'd be well within earshot. I told him the town would be much too large for a game of hide and seek, but he insisted it would be more fun.
Reluctantly, I gave in, on the condition that we choose a particular section of the town, and that other areas were strictly off limits. I told him we could play on the market street, but not one block outside of that.
He agreed to my strictures with some disappointment, but by the time we walked to market street and he hid his face against the wall of the post office to count, he was excited again.
I slunk away to hide behind an apple cart, telling myself that Gojyo had always wandered this town by himself before I met him, and it was silly to worry.
For the remainder of the afternoon, we played hide and seek, and slowly my worries vanished into nothing. Gojyo was good about staying within the boundaries I'd set up, and he seemed satisfied with playing in the bustling market place. Similarly, it was small enough that I never really lost track of him for too long.
Once, when he was supposed to be hiding, he was accosted by a small group of children near his age. School must have gotten out by then, and I came across them, surrounding him in a small semi-circle. The largest of the three was a boy who appeared to be several years older than Gojyo, and he was shouting at him and pushing him around.
Gojyo was being surprisingly non-violent about it, not saying so much as one word in his own defense, and as I drew closer I heard him say, "I'm sorry, Taro. Look, I'm not gonna tell on you—"
"You better not, freak!" Taro gave him an especially vicious shove, and his friends caught Gojyo by the arms, holding him in place.
Next, Taro produced a shiny switchblade with a bright red handle and brandished it back and forth.
"I said I'm not gonna!" Gojyo insisted, struggling against his captors. "It's been days since that even happened!"
"Yeah, well just in case you think about changing your mind, here's a little reminder for you." Taro closed in with the knife, and one of his friends jerked Gojyo's sleeve back and held his arm in place.
Fortunately, I arrived at that exact moment and gripped Taro by the shoulder.
He was so startled, he let out a high-pitched shriek and jumped half a foot in the air, and by the time he landed, I'd turned him to face me.
"What do you think you're doing?" I demanded.
The boy gaped up at me, stammering, "I…we…I mean…he…he stole this. I-I was just tryin' to—"
"That is not a toy," I informed him severely, disarming him with a deft twist of the wrist. "And I'm appalled to see a young man your age resorting to such craven intimidation. Detaining and threatening to do bodily harm to a peer suggests cowardice, not to mention a strong possibility of sociopathic tendencies. I may just have to speak with your parents about having you psychologically evaluated."
Taro's face paled. "What? I…I wasn't gonna hurt him. I just wanted to scare him."
"Ah, well in that case, you're well on your way to being the dictator of a small country, purposely exploiting the less fortunate than yourself and fear mongering in order to get what you want." I released him and pushed him away, a bit roughly. "I suggest you and your friends go back to torturing small animals now. You wouldn't want me to get the police involved."
"The police!" one of the other delinquents squeaked. "T-Taro—"
"We didn't do anything wrong!" the third whined.
I waved the knife at them. "I think minors in possession of a concealed weapon is a case worth investigating. I'm sure the authorities would be fascinated to hear how you came by it."
Taro pointed ferociously at Gojyo. "That hanyou stole it, onichan!"
"H-hakkai," Gojyo blurted, looking absolutely terrified. "I didn't—"
I smiled at Taro. "Mm. You are a coward, aren't you? And quite rude, I might add." Next, I slanted a look at his cronies. "Now let him go."
They took their hands off him so fast, Gojyo nearly fell, but I was quick to steady him, and then we watched the trio of troublemakers dash up the street as quickly as they could.
"I didn't steal it," Gojyo said quickly. "I didn't steal anything. Taro took the knife when I wasn't looking, it's just that I was holding it first, but he's the one who swiped it, I swear!"
"Now, now." As he babbled on, I looked him over for any sign of injury, but other than being somewhat ruffled, he appeared unharmed. I straightened his shirt for him and dusted him off. "Now, now, I believe you. There's no reason to be afraid."
His forehead wrinkled as he looked up at me, and he did look scared.
I brushed a strand of hair away from his eyes, smiling reassuringly. "Shall we sit down somewhere so you can compose yourself?"
Gojyo shook his head suddenly. "No, I'm fine."
"Good then, because it's still your turn to hide."
We played a while longer, and soon Gojyo forgot about his encounter with Taro and his gang, but from then on I made Jeep accompany him when we parted. If nothing else, he could alert me if anything else went wrong; I was beginning to see I couldn't trust any of the people in this intolerant town with my little friend.
Fortunately, we didn't experience any further difficulties. The people around us looked strangely at me when they realized I was playing a game with their resident child of taboo, but none of them disturbed us, and Gojyo laughed and ran through the streets as if he didn't even realize anyone else existed. I supposed he'd always been that way—oblivious if not indifferent to the judgment of others, despite the fact that he was an individual most people would be quick to criticize.
That realization made me feel glad to know him. Not just this small version of him, but my adult roommate as well. So many people over his life had simply brushed him off as a person of insignificance, and here I had had the great stroke of fortune to be given the opportunity to cultivate an intimate relationship with him.
God, I hope I get to see you again.
I thrust that thought away at once. I didn't want to imagine not seeing him again.
When the sun began to set, I told Gojyo it would be best if we had some dinner, and then I would walk him home, or to meet Jien, if he preferred, but Gojyo wanted to play one more time. He spent several minutes and quite a bit of energy convincing me. At first, I was steadfast in my decision, because I didn't want Jien to worry about him, or to blame me when he got home late, and I also thought it was important for him to have some discipline and structure in his life.
Still, he insisted he'd thought of the best place to hide, and he wasn't at all satisfied with the promise that we'd play again tomorrow, possibly because he half-believed I'd leave town in the middle of the night. As he went on begging and insisting it wouldn't take long, I reconsidered, simply because it was clear that he rarely got to enjoy such pleasures.
Finally, I agreed that we had enough time to play just once more.
Gojyo was ecstatic at once, pumping his fist against the sky and cheering, running a circle around me, thanking me exuberantly.
"All right now," I told him with a laugh. "You run along and hide—don't waste time."
With that, he tore off down the street, and Jeep flapped after him.
Still chuckling, I closed my eyes to count, and I even gave him five extra seconds.
I took my time finding him. I thought as long as we were behind schedule already, we might as well enjoy it and not rush it. The street was mostly empty now, so Gojyo would be easier to find anyway, and the streetlamps and shop lights were coming on. I passed a tavern and smelled the mouthwatering scent of roasted meat. Perhaps we'd dine there, if the management wasn't too intolerant.
As I went along, I peered carefully down alleyways and behind stands, carts, barrels, and crates, but I saw no sign of Gojyo. He'd seemed to think his hiding spot was unique, so I kept my eyes open for unusual places as well, but still I didn't see him anywhere. As a matter of fact, I got all the way to the end of the street without catching a glimpse of him, and then I stood there, pondering it.
Evidently, he really had chosen a good spot.
Or else I'd simply overlooked him.
Shrugging to myself, I turned back the way I'd come and walked up the street again, being twice as careful this time, stopping to investigate cluttered allies and abandoned buildings, checking behind dumpsters and even going inside various establishments, but still, when I reached the far end of the street I hadn't found Gojyo.
By that time, it was beginning to get dark, and I had a nervous feeling sitting in my gut. Would he have gone outside the boundaries of the game to hide on a different street? That was unexpectedly naughty of him, seeing how he'd been so compliant with my instructions all day. Still, I couldn't overlook the possibility.
I walked down the street a third time, and this time I called him by name as I went along, and I asked several passersby if they'd seen him, but no one had. I called to Jeep as well, thinking he might be more obedient, but the night was silent.
Eventually, I cut through an alley to go to the next street up and searched there as well. I combed every inch of it, still calling for them, but they didn't answer.
As time wore by, I began to feel more and more afraid. Could something have happened to him?
No, that was absurd. He wasn't well-liked in this town, but I didn't want to believe someone would take him or hurt him.
"Gojyo!" I shouted, unable to help sounding angry now. "Answer me! At once!"
The only response I got was the startled yowl of an alley cat streaking across my path.
"This is not funny!" I called again.
Still nothing.
I spent over an hour searching the marketplace again, along with its surrounding streets, and I branched out further and further until I felt I'd been all through that side of town. It occurred to me that he might have gone to meet Jien. Was he inconsiderate enough to have done that without informing me of his intentions?
My roommate certainly was, but this youthful version of him seemed far too innocent and far too eager to be liked to behave in such a distasteful manner.
Still, not impossible.
Just as I was beginning to think I should go find Jien myself and see if Gojyo wasn't with him, Jeep flew out of the night, screeching wildly.
"Jeep? Where's Gojyo?" I offered him my arm.
Instead of landing, he fluttered before me, tugging insistently on my collar. From the way he was panting and perspiring, I took it he was rather exhausted, and his manner was frantic.
"Where's Gojyo?" I demanded again, heart beginning to pound.
With another shriek, Jeep took off again, back the way he'd come.
I raced after him, chest tight with dread.
Past Gojyo
Rough hands shoved me forward, and I fell on my knees, wrists tied behind my back, unable to catch myself.
Somebody kicked me in the ribs, knocking me onto my side, and I gave a pained yelp, voice muffled by the gag in my mouth.
"Oh, come now," a sneering voice scolded. "That was uncalled for."
I felt someone hovering over me and curled into a ball, unable to shield myself from the next blow, but someone snagged my arm and jerked me to my feet. They yanked the blindfold off, and I looked around, blinking.
It was a little room, all concrete and stone with a dirt floor, and it was wet. I heard water dripping somewhere, and the air was stale. I didn't see any windows, just a rough-cut door behind me, and chains hung off the walls. A pile of dirty straw lay in the corner.
Shuddering, I turned to face the kidnappers, but they were just big, brutal guys I couldn't make out very well in the dim light of the single torch they brought with them. Their eyes gleamed wickedly.
"What's the matter?" one sneered. "You scared?"
My whole body was shaking, and my heart was in my throat, but I just stared at them, trying to recognize them. All I could make out was the glint of the badges on their lapels and the brass buttons down the fronts of their uniforms. Cops?
I shrank away from them.
What the hell did I do? One second, I was playing hide and seek with Hakkai, and the next, somebody nabbed me from behind, but I didn't expect it to be the fucking cops.
One of them grabbed the front of my shirt and threw me to the ground again. "Might as well siddown, kiddo. You're gonna be here a while."
The other loomed over me, laughing. "You know what you did, right? Yeah, you do. You're not getting out of here any time soon."
"What did I do?" I screamed, but the gag filled my mouth, and the words came out as a bunch of stupid sounds.
They laughed at me and kicked dirt on me. They spent a few minutes jerking me around. One would tell me to get on my feet and yank me up by the collar or by my hair or arm, and then the other would yell at me for standing up, and throw or push or kick me down again. It didn't take long before I was bruised and covered in dirt, but they wouldn't take off the handcuffs or the gag to let me defend myself or even speak up for myself.
One of them backhanded me so hard I saw stars, and I lay on the cold floor, panting, vision going black, writhing with terror and pain.
His buddy hauled me up again, snickering. "Man, we could do whatever we wanted with him down here, huh, Fang?"
Fang had a stupid, mean laugh. "Oh, yeah. Anything."
The other guy got in my face, grinning like a chimp. He was missing a tooth. "We could fuck him, huh?"
My heart slammed to a sudden stop and I nearly passed out.
"Yeah, I could use somethin' tight."
Fang stroked my cheek with the back of a grimy hand.
"We could sell him."
"Heh. Think anybody would want him?"
I closed my eyes, trying to shut this out. Trying not to cry.
"Like you said, he's tight. People got sick fetishes."
They stood back and laughed about that and shoved me around and hit me again and joked about fucking me just to sample the merchandise.
After a moment of silence, Fang hissed, blowing fetid breath in my face. "We could just kill him."
"Nobody would ever know."
"There's lots of ways to do it. Lots of ways I'd like to try."
My body shuddered so violently, I almost fell down, and my eyes and throat were burning. Where was Jien? Could he come and save me? He didn't even know where I was.
Hakkai might look for me, but he'd get frustrated and give up when he couldn't find me. I wasn't his to come and save.
No, I couldn't think that way. Hakkai acted like he cared about me. For all I knew, he really did. For all I knew, he'd realize I was missing and he'd…
Even if he realized I was missing, it's not like he'd find me.
Fang and his friend went on discussing all the messed up ways they could kill me, all the nasty ways they'd ever fantasized about killing somebody, from decapitation, to chopping my body into pieces bit by bit.
I stood pressed against the freezing wall, too scared to even blink.
"Maybe we could do it all," Fang decided finally. "Fuck him first, kill him, chop him into pieces, and sell his body for parts."
Blood and spit drizzling down my chin, I bit back a whimper, unable to even beg for my life.
"I like that idea," the other decided, drawing his knife and moving toward me. He set the cold flat of the blade against my cheek. "If we're gonna do it, might as well do it right."
I managed to sputter out, "don't," but he just laughed in my face.
Behind us, the door creaked open. It was heavy and wooden and sounded like it had never been oiled. The massive frame of a man filled the doorway a moment, and then he stepped in, calmly shutting the door behind him.
They stood at attention right away, and the new guy made his way toward us, hands clasped behind his back. I could just make out his badge in the light. It looked like he was an officer.
"What's going on in here?" he demanded in a lazy tone.
"Sir. We apprehended the thief, Sir," Fang explained.
The officer looked from him to his partner. "Kekatsu, what are you doing with that knife?"
"Er… Sir, I was priming the prisoner for interrogation."
"Hmm." The officer lit a cigarette. Blue smoke gushed from his mouth and swirled around his head, and the sweet smell of tobacco filled the room. "The two of you are something. Terrorizing a little kid when he's bound and gagged. That's not what I told you to do, is it?"
"No, Sir," Fang murmured, and Kekatsu echoed him, shoving his knife back into its sheathe.
"Untie him." The officer snapped his fingers. "And get that goddamn gag out of his mouth. I want to talk to him."
The shuffled around, undoing my handcuffs and taking the gag off, and then they stepped back and he stepped forward, towering over me. He seemed twice as tall as Jien.
"Well, Gojyo, do you know who I am?"
I stared at his face. It looked like his nose had been broken a couple times before, but I couldn't see much else about him. I shook my head, still trembling all over.
"My name is Officer Teiping Lapato."
I'd heard of him. He was pretty high up around here, and his father was one of the town officials. An elder or something.
"I-I'm Sha Gojyo," I muttered, wiping my mouth with my wrist and offering him my hand.
Lapato looked at it with a raised eyebrow, like I'd offered him a cockroach on a plate, and he wouldn't shake hands with me. "I know who you are, obviously. I'm offended you don't know me, but I guess I'm not surprised, and I guess it doesn't really matter."
"'Kay…" I rubbed my eye next. It felt like it was starting to bruise already.
"Do you know why you're here?"
I stared at Fang and Kekatsu, thinking they could give me some hint, but they hadn't said anything about why they'd brought me here. I looked up at him again, feeling shorter by the second. "No. Did I do somethin' wrong?"
The two of them laughed at me, talking about how I was just a stupid, immoral, little punk, but Lapato shook his head like he was just really disappointed.
He crouched down to look me in the eyes. "Let me tell you something, Gojyo, all right? In this world of ours, there is right and there is wrong, there is truth and there are lies. How old are you, Gojyo?"
"Almost twelve," I muttered.
"Okay, so you're old enough to understand that, don't you think? I think you're more than old enough to follow the rules, don't you?"
I didn't understand what the hell he was talking about. I hadn't broken any rules. I nodded anyway.
"That's good. You know, we have rules for a reason. You know that, right? And you know when you break the rules there are consequences, don't you? Punishment?"
"Yeah, but…I didn't—"
"Don't interrupt me, all right? I'm talking, and you wait until I'm done, you got it?"
I nodded again, but I didn't get that either. He asked me a question.
He sighed suddenly, like he was deeply troubled, and ran a huge hand back over his slick hair. "I'm just trying to understand, Gojyo, okay? I'm just trying to understand; if you know there's right and wrong, and you know there are rules, and you know there's punishment for breaking them, why do you think you're exempt from all that?"
I just stared at him. I didn't even understand what he meant. "I—"
"Well? Is there a reason you think the rules don't apply to you?"
"I-I don't. I mean…I know they do. I don't think I'm special or nothin'."
"That's good. Because you're not." He got up again, puffing on his cigarette, and he stood there a couple minutes, just studying me and smoking.
I wanted a cigarette too, but I didn't dare get one out right now.
"So," he asked at last. "Do you know what this is all about?"
I shook my head.
Lapato's eyes hardened. "This would be a lot easier on you if you told me the truth right away, don't you think?"
I thought about that. I didn't know what he thought I did, but yeah, probably if I just confessed it right away they at least wouldn't hit me anymore. If I didn't, who knew? They might beat the hell out of me. At last, I just nodded again.
"All right, so do you want to tell me the truth? Do you want to tell me why you think you're here?"
I thought hard about that next. I went back through months and months of my life, trying to remember anything I might have done that was bad enough for them to treat me like this, but in the end, all I could think was that I was here because I was a hanyou, because I didn't do anything wrong, and even if I had, none of it was bad enough to get tied up and dragged down here, threatened and harassed by cops, with a knife stuck in my face. "I-I don't know," I admitted. "I was just playin' in the market with my friend. I didn't do anything wrong."
He took another deep sigh.
I glanced toward the door.
Suddenly, Lapato struck. He snatched me up by the neck and slammed me back against the wall, and I hit my head against the stone. He spat in my face, words dripping with venom, "Listen here, you little fuck, I know your kind—born villain, that's you. You don't give a fuck about the rules, you don't give a fuck about other people, all you give a fuck about is you, am I right? In a few years, you'll be an all-out criminal, and I doubt there's anything anyone can do about it, but I'm tryin' to save you from that shit right now, kid. You're starting out young, and unless you wanna go to honest-to-God prison and get pounded in the ass by the time you're eighteen, you need to appreciate what I'm trying to do for you and be honest. Now, let's hear it."
I was so scared I could barely breathe. Me? A criminal? No way. I never did anything wrong. Yeah, I played with fire behind the grocery store and was learning to gamble, but I wasn't planning on being any kind of criminal. "I-I don't know what I did," I whispered at last. "I really, really don't. I'm sorry, but I just don't know. I was playing hide and seek, and—"
"Fuck your hide and seek." He dropped me on my ass suddenly and paced around the cell. "Fine. You want me to spoon feed salvation to you? I'll try it. You know who Raekishima is, don't you?"
"Raeki? Y-yeah…" I glanced at the other two, once again looking for some clue. "I know Raeki. He sells knives, right?"
"Oh, he sells knives, right?" Lapato sneered, mimicking my voice. "All right, so at least you're not completely stupid, right, hanyou? So the other day, Raekishima comes and reports to me that he had some merchandise stolen from him—poor bastard looked like hell too, with a fractured skull and broken arm—he fingered you for the thief. What do you have to say to that?"
My heart pounded to another sudden stop, and I got that watery feeling down the back of my throat, like I was gonna throw up. "I didn't—"
"Today, little Taroshita Kina comes to me and says he saw you with one of Raekishima's knives. The one that was stolen, as a matter of fact. Isn't that something?"
For a long, long time, all I could do was sit there and stare down at my own boots. Raeki really thought I stole that switchblade, so that was one thing, but Taro knew he did it, and he was just trying to stick it to me because Hakkai made him look stupid today. Once again, I didn't do a damn thing wrong, and everybody was out to get me for it.
Part of me thought, hey, fuck Taro, he's a backstabbing piece of shit. But I said I wouldn't tell, not because I was scared of him—I could kick his ass if I really wanted—but because I wasn't a tattletale like that. I wasn't a rat. There was no way he'd ever be friends with me, I guessed, but that didn't mean I wanted to get him in trouble either.
Bitterly, I wondered what they'd do to him if they found out he stole the knife. I bet anything they wouldn't throw him in a dingy, little cell without windows and threaten to kill him over it. They'd probably just talk to his parents and want the knife back.
Were Taro and his friends really that much better than me that I deserved this and they didn't?
Lapato nudged me with the toe of his boot. "Hello? Anybody home?"
I looked up at him again, breathing hard, feeling wild with terror. "I didn't do it. I didn't take it. I didn't take anything. I mean…I was there, so I can see why Raeki thought I did, but I didn't do it. I'm not a thief."
He laughed at me, and the others joined in. Again, he made fun of my voice, talking all high-pitched like his balls hadn't dropped yet, "I can see why Raeki thought I took it, because I was there and then the knife disappeared, but I swear I didn't do it!' Give me a break, kiddo. You wanna be a liar on top of a thief?"
"I swear I didn't take it," I said again.
"All right, so where did it go?"
I shook my head and swallowed hard. "I don't know."
"You saw it though, didn't you? Don't lie about that, because Raeki saw you playing with it, and then Taroshita saw you with it today."
"So where is it?" I demanded suddenly, jumping to my feet and spreading my arms. "Fucking frisk me, asshole, because I just saw Taro like two hours ago, and I haven't been anywhere since."
All three of them stared quietly at me. Lapato puffed his cigarette thoughtfully.
"Do it!" I insisted. "'Cause I didn't take it, and when you don't find it on me, you'll have to let me go!"
Lapato snapped his fingers again, and Fang stepped forward and frisked me really quick. He turned to his boss, shaking his head.
"Maybe you better do a cavity search," I sneered. I could barely believe those words came out of my mouth, but there they were, and I couldn't take them back, so I just tried to look confident.
Lapato came forward again and grabbed me by the shirt again, jerking me forward to stand face to face with him. His conversational voice turned deadly. "Listen here, you little prick, you're not in any position to act like a smart ass. Raekishima saw you steal his knife, and Taroshita saw you with it today. Just because you were smart enough to ditch it somewhere doesn't mean you didn't take it."
"I didn't though," I insisted. "I didn't take it, and I didn't ditch it. I never had it."
He shook his head. "Well, you're wrong about one thing anyway. We don't have to let you out of here, not if we don't want to."
I almost fell down when I heard that. "Yes you do. You can't keep me for nothing."
"Oh, I can. Because nobody's gonna miss you, hanyou."
He shoved me away again and turned his back on me. "Maybe in a day or two, when you're really cold and really hungry you'll change your mind about leveling with me, but I guess that might be giving you too much credit. We'll see."
"You can't do this!" I yelled. "You can't lock me up for nothing!"
He made his way toward the door. "Tie him up again, boys. Maybe rough him up a little—see if you can get him to talk."
I choked, and my body jerked. I opened my mouth to scream, but I couldn't even breathe.
Lapato opened the door and stopped dead.
Hakkai was just chilling there in the doorway with his hands in his pockets, looking around like a kid on a field trip. He smiled when he saw Lapato. "Oh, good evening. You wouldn't happen to be the man in charge, would you?"
Lapato stared at him. "That's me. Who are you?"
"Ah, no one of any consequence, but I think you may have something of…ah yes, there he is." He waved at me. "Konbanwa, Gojyo-chan."
It was a dream. It had to be a dream. I hadn't honestly believed anyone would show up to save me, so this couldn't possibly be real. But it didn't matter.
"Hakkai!" I ran, reaching desperately for him.
Fang caught me and held me back, twisting my arms behind my back again.
I struggled and screamed, trying to stomp on his toes. "Let me go! Let me go! Hakkai, help me!"
Unfazed, Hakkai looked at Lapato again. His voice was quieter now, and more serious. "Are you going to let him go?"
Lapato snorted. "What, because some little prick like you showed up for him? I don't think—"
"No, because you're detaining a child against his will for no reason whatsoever, and you're abusing him from the looks of it, and maybe I'm just a bit old-fashioned, but I think your superiors would be a touch disapproving of this type of misconduct."
Lapato laughed, and his boys joined him again.
"Hakkai!" I yelled, fighting the urge to cry. "They don't fucking care! They—"
Kekatsu hit me suddenly, "Shut up, mutt."
Hakkai's eyes flashed, but Lapato patted him on the shoulder. "Look here, boy, I don't know who you are, but you're definitely not old fashioned—you're progressive. That hanyou doesn't have rights like you and I do. I can do whatever I want with him. And until I figure out this whole scenario with what happened at the knife stand, I don't think I can let him go. It wouldn't be right to put that little criminal back on the streets just so he can grow up into a big criminal and start doing real damage."
Hakkai ignored him. He pushed his hand off his shoulder, but he kept his eyes on Kekatsu, and his voice was blizzard cold. "If you strike him again, I promise to every god you believe in, I will rip your hand off and shove it up your rectum."
Kekatstu started to laugh, but he stopped right away, and I could see why. Hakkai's face had turned scary dark. His eyes were lightless pits, his mouth a curving snarl, teeth just slightly bared, and he looked like he was only a second away from literally ripping someone a new asshole with their own hand.
Kekatsu and Fang both took their hands off me. One of them muttered, "Shit."
I sprang forward the second I could, shoved passed Lapato, and threw myself against Hakkai, wrapping my arms around his waist and burying my face against his shirt. I was breathing so fast I thought I'd hyperventilate.
Hakkai touched my hair and held me close.
I heard him murmur, "There, there, you're all right—I've got you." And then he said, "Well, in any case, here's the stolen merchandise in question."
I chanced a glance up to see him produce the red-handled switchblade.
Lapato glared down at me. "You little fuck job, you did—"
Hakkai popped the knife open and threw it at his feet, and the blade stuck in the ground a quarter of an inch from the toe of his boot. "Today, I took it away from a child whose name I believe was Taro. I heard him threatening Gojyo not to inform on him. I believe if you speak to your sword salesman again you'll come to learn that that boy was also present when the knife went missing, though I highly doubt you'll treat them in this appalling manner. Funny, though. They don't have anyone half as furious as I am who would come to get them." He paused to scan all three of them, and that expression was still terrifying, so I pressed my face against him again. "Frankly, I would love nothing more than to teach all three of you some manners. I suppose you're just lucky you didn't have him for very long, otherwise I certainly would."
With that, he scooped me up, tucked my head under his chin, and turned away, muttering, "Say goodbye, Gojyo. I can't guarantee you'll ever see these men again."
There was such a chill in his words, I couldn't help shuddering, and when I looked at Lapato and his men I knew they felt it too. He had just threatened to kill them.
And then he slammed the door behind us, locked it, and strode up the stairs, holding me tightly.
I fisted my hands in his shirt and rested my head against his shoulder. It had been a long time since anybody carried me like a little kid, but I wasn't embarrassed. I was just glad he came to save me.
We were quiet as we left the jailhouse, and Hakkai carried me several blocks before we came to a bench under a lamppost. He set me down, carefully, turning my face back and forth to look at the damage. He scrubbed the blood off my nose and chin and smoothed the hair away from my eyes. I studied his expression, but it was nothing like that haunting stare he'd given them. It was much gentler and kinder. His voice was warm when he asked, "Are you all right, Gojyo-chan?"
My heart was still racing with leftover adrenaline, but I nodded. "H-how did you find me?"
"Jeep showed me where you were."
Jeep flew down from his perch on the lamppost and nuzzled at my cheek, licking my face.
I patted his head. "Thanks, boy."
He chirped at me.
Hakkai petted him too. "That's why I sent him with you in the first place, I suppose, but I am still rather shocked this happened."
"It's just 'cause of what I am," I told him quietly, leaning my pounding head on his shoulder. "Like you said, they wouldn't'a done that to Taro and his friends."
"No, I'm afraid that's true." He combed his fingers through my hair and sighed. "I must apologize though. I shouldn't have allowed this to happen."
"It's not your fault. They all think I'm a criminal. I dunno why."
"I don't know either."
I looked up at him, sadly. "D'ya think I'll be a criminal, Hakkai?"
He went on petting my hair absently, and he shook his head. "No, I don't think you'd be very good at that."
A little comforted, I snuggled against his shoulder and closed my eyes. He smelled good, and he made me feel safe.
We sat there for a little while before Hakkai said, "You had me very scared. I want you to know that."
I opened my eyes again. "How come?"
"I couldn't find you. I feared the worse."
"Sorry," I husked.
"Oh, no." Hakkai looked down at me, green eyes grave. "I didn't mean for you to feel responsible for my fears; I thought you should know how worried I was when I couldn't find you, that's all. I want you to know my care for you is sincere."
It was such a nice thing for anyone to say to me, I couldn't help smiling. I felt like even Jien would just be relieved if somebody took me or killed me. I hugged Hakkai really tight, and his arms came around me automatically.
"You stay close from now on, little Gojyo," he said quietly. "There appear to be quite a few monsters in this town."
And then he stood up and took me by the hand and led me up the street, Jeep sitting on my shoulder, chirping and tugging at my hair.
Hakkai
As we walked along, I pondered what we ought to do next. It was quite late now, and Jien was surely missing his brother, but the fact remained that Gojyo hadn't eaten dinner yet, and now he was rather battered as well. I decided it would be worth the extra time spent to make sure he looked presentable when I did finally return him to his brother, so we stopped by the inn where I'd been staying the last couple of nights.
Gojyo slunk along beside me as I led him up to my room, still clutching my hand, face half-hidden against my side, and I could feel him trembling.
It was a sick thing those officials had done, kidnapping him and scaring him over a crime he hadn't committed. My mind kept trying to think of a way to punish them for their actions, but I reminded myself that it would be much wiser to simply let it go.
Then again, who was to say they wouldn't try something similar again?
All my peace and bliss from earlier had evaporated now, and I was back to realizing the true difficulty of this situation.
I can't stay and protect him from every little thing, can I?
Why not? It seemed like I certainly could.
The apartment was small but clean, and quite empty, aside from my pack, which I'd left sitting on my bed. Gojyo stood, glancing around with half-hearted interest as I retrieved my first aid kit and fetched some warm water.
"You decided to rent a place after all, huh?" he asked, voice shuddering a little.
"Well, I got rather tired of camping, and since I don't seem to be leaving as promptly as I'd intended, I thought it only sensible."
Jeep settled down on my bed, and I seated Gojyo there as well, cleaning his face with a cloth I'd tied around my wrist earlier in the day for just such an emergency, and he sat perfectly still, watching me intently, though he was still shaking violently.
"You're very brave," I told him gently, sponging blood off his forehead. "Don't you feel like crying?"
Gojyo hesitated a second, but he shook his head.
"Hm. I'm impressed by your fortitude then. I think if I were you I would want to cry for a good, long time."
He sniffed, clearly trying to act tough, "What for? It doesn't fix anything."
It was a cynical opinion, particularly for a child, but I knew my own roommate felt that way, and it seemed he had for a very long time. I wondered if it was even worthwhile to attempt to change his mind.
"No, that's true." I dabbed at the corner of his busted mouth. "But those men were frightening, and they were cruel, and they hurt you. It's all right for you to be scared or in pain, and people need to cry when they suffer. Sometimes it's the only way we know to express how terribly hurt we are inside, or how frustrated, or how angry. It's good to let that out sometimes." I paused to look him in the eyes.
Gojyo stared back at me with a note of sadness.
"If you always bottle up your fear and your anger, it can make you sick inside." I touched his chest where I could feel his small heart beating.
Suddenly, he leaned against me again, and his voice was muffled, "I bet you're never really scared."
"Nonsense. I'm often afraid. There's no shame in expressing it." I let him hide for a few moments before sitting him up again and looking him in the eyes. "Your life is hard, Gojyo-chan. It's all right if you can't be strong one hundred percent of the time."
He looked skeptically at me, but I'd finished cleaning his face, so I put the first aid kit away—it was proving to be invaluable in this situation—and I disposed of the water.
"Do you think you'll be able to eat?" I asked gently.
Gojyo nodded hesitantly, so I helped him to his feet, Jeep flew to my shoulder again, and I led the way down to the dining area.
Inside, the staff and patrons glared at my little friend, but I was in no mood to hear anything about how unwelcome he might be, and I walked directly to a booth near the back of the room where we could enjoy some privacy, not waiting for the hostess to greet us. The waiter brought us two glasses of water without speaking to us.
"Do you know what you want to eat?" I asked, still keeping my voice even and gentle.
He shook his head. "Just…pick somethin' for me, 'kay?"
"Very well." I perused the menu, and he sat there, arms wrapped around himself, smoking quietly. When I'd chosen a decent meal for him, I sat back as well and gathered him close against me, feeling his body shivering against mine, and I knew it would take him some time to compose himself. I toyed with the idea of keeping him with me tonight, not only to prevent another unpleasant encounter with his mother, but also to comfort him until he felt safe again.
"What if they come back?" he asked in a while.
"Oh, I rather doubt they'll bother you again. Still, if they do turn out to be that foolish, I'll make sure they don't live to regret it." I smiled at him, but Gojyo looked uncertain.
"You're not gonna be in this town forever," he whispered.
"No," I agreed, equally quiet, and again I pondered the idea of killing those three men simply so they wouldn't have future opportunities to harass him. In doing so though, I struck upon the realization that I was partially to blame for what had happened. Perhaps if I hadn't trounced Raeki so soundly he wouldn't have felt inclined to report his loss to the authorities.
I really shouldn't be meddling, I told myself. Yet, the longer I was around him, the more compelled I felt to take him back home with me. It might be difficult to explain to my roommate, as well as to his small counterpart, but it felt justified.
The waiter returned to take our order, so I put my thoughts on hold to speak with him.
When he'd gone, Gojyo asked, "How long are you gonna be here, Hakkai? Do you know yet?"
"I'm afraid I still haven't decided."
For a long, long time, he was quiet, staring into space, neglecting his cigarette until half an inch of ash hung precariously off its end. When he finally spoke again, his voice was quieter than ever, and very shy. "You…could stay here… It's not a bad place. I bet everyone would really like you. You could probably get a job as a teacher."
"Probably," I echoed.
"It's just…I really like you. I…I don't want you to leave."
I tightened my arm around him and felt him latch onto my shirt. I didn't want to leave him either, but I knew better than to make any promises.
Still, with every moment that passed, I was growing to love the little fellow more and more, and the very thought of abandoning him seemed unbearable to me.
There must be some way to help him, and I was determined to find it.
Jien
I stared anxiously at the clock on the wall. It was almost ten thirty now, but when I turned to the window, I saw no sign of him. He always met me after work at eight o'clock, but today, even though I'd hung around waiting for him, he never showed up. Eventually, I headed home, assuming he must be here. He wasn't though, and that left me feeling scared.
I drummed my fingers against the wall, mind racing with all the things that could have gone wrong.
Behind me, Mom sighed, "Jien, sweetie, come away from the window. What are you looking for?"
I didn't answer. Either she realized my brother was missing and was acting like I shouldn't care, or she was so crazy she'd completely forgotten about him after not seeing him for a few hours. I felt like asking her when she'd seen him last and if he might have said anything about where he was going, but I was scared of what she'd tell me.
For one thing, it was terrifyingly possible in my mind that she got rid of him somehow.
"Sweetie," she tried again. "Come sit down. You haven't even touched your dinner."
It was stupid, I realized to stand there wondering where my brother was when she might already know.
"Mom," I asked quietly. "Have you seen Gojyo?"
There was a short pause, and I held my breath.
At last, she demanded, "Him? You're worried about him?"
"Yes. He's my little brother." I tried to sound as calm and collected as possible, but the fear in me raced. Even if she hadn't done anything to him, she might go ballistic at the thought of me worrying over him.
She sniffed. "No. I have no idea where the little wretch went, but I'm counting the seconds he's away, believe me." She hesitated again, as if thinking about it, and then I heard her stand up and slip across the room. The next thing I knew, her hands were gripping my shoulders, and her mouth hissed close to my ear. "Stop worrying and come sit down. If we're lucky, he'll never come back, and there's no sense in working yourself up."
I turned to her, disbelievingly. I didn't know why it should shock me to hear her talk that way, but it still did. I could barely understand how much she hated him. "Something might have happened to him," I protested.
"I doubt we're that lucky."
She might be kinda right. Most people in town didn't really like Gojyo, but they wouldn't necessarily do anything to him either. Nothing really bad anyway.
Still, I reminded myself that all it took was that handful of sick individuals who would do something to him, and not just because he was a hanyou, but because he was a kid, and they thought they could get away with it. All it took was one psycho fuck to see my brother playing in the woods by himself and get a messed up idea.
My mind kept going back to that Hakkai guy. I told him to stay away, and so far I hadn't seen him again. For all I knew, he left town. But today was the first day Gojyo even left the house since his head injury. I took a couple days off to look after him, and I'd kept him upstairs for the most part, away from Mom, but last night he was practically begging me not to keep him home for one more day. He acted like he had something important to do, but he wouldn't tell me what.
Maybe he was just so glad not to be cooped up anymore he wandered too far from home and was late coming back.
Or maybe he went and found that Hakkai guy, and the son of a bitch took him, or worse. For all I knew, he'd been biding his time, waiting for Gojyo to show up so he could do whatever he wanted with him.
"Mom," I tried again, stomach doing back flips. "When was the last time you saw him?"
"I have no idea," she replied carelessly, letting go of me to light a cigarette.
"Did he say anything before he left?"
"Not to me."
I shouldn't be surprised she was being completely unhelpful, but I still felt frustrated. Why was it all my responsibility to raise and look after that kid? Couldn't she help me even just a little?
Mom sighed and grabbed my hand, pulling me gently toward the table. "Come on, sweetheart, don't worry. He'll come back. He always does."
Absently, I followed her, and I decided if he wasn't back in ten minutes I'd go look for him. I picked at my meal, but it was already cold.
It seemed I'd only just sat down when somebody knocked on the front door, a firm but polite rap of knuckles.
Mom and I both stared at the door, and my stomach twisted so bad I gagged. Nobody came knocking on our door, never mind how late it was. Most people were probably scared of what they'd find here, so social calls were out of the question. All I could think was that it must be about Gojyo. Someone found Gojyo face down in a gutter somewhere, and they'd actually had the decency to come tell us about it.
The knocking came again.
I looked at Mom, but she continued to stare steadily at the door. "Aren't you going to get that?" she asked serenely.
My heart raced and my vision spun. I didn't think I could even get to my feet I was so scared to find out who was on the other side of that door and what they wanted.
My brother can't be dead… Not after everything we've been through…
If he had gone out and gotten killed, I didn't even know what I'd do.
At last, Mom sighed deeply, wrapped her shawl tighter around herself, and crossed the room with a sullen, "Fine. I'll get it."
I stayed absolutely still as she opened the door and said coldly, "Yes? What is it?"
"Ah, good evening, oneesan. I apologize for bothering you so late."
That familiarly flawless keigo made my hair stand on end. What was he doing here?
I jumped up and rushed in behind Mom to look through the half-opened door. Hakkai stood on the front step, holding Gojyo's hand. My little brother's face was more bruised than usual, and his lips were swollen and busted. His face was pale, and he looked scared to death.
"Gojyo!" I blurted. "What happened?"
I reached for him, but Hakkai tightened his grip; he had no intentions of handing Gojyo over right then. His eyes stayed fixed on Mom, and his mouth smiled, but there a haunting darkness veiled his green eyes.
"Who are you?" Mom asked frigidly.
"My name is Cho Hakkai. I'm a friend of your son's."
She glanced questioningly at me and her tone softened. "Of Jien's?"
"Ah, no, excuse my vagueness. This son. You do claim him as yours, don't you?"
Mom hesitated for a split second.
Hakkai went on. "Or perhaps I've come to the wrong house."
"He isn't mine," she sniffed. "Does he look like mine?" She glared disgustedly at Gojyo, and he shrank back.
"Well, that's a good question." Hakkai took a long look at Gojyo, still smiling brightly. "No, you're right. He looks nothing like you. That's a stroke of luck, in any case."
"Excuse me?" Mom snapped.
The asshole grinned at her. What was he doing? "I only meant you're terribly beautiful, oneesan. Much more beautiful than I had imagined based on the descriptions I've heard of you. And you're quite young to have children, aren't you? I'm surprised you know what to do with them."
Mom's spine stiffened, and I knew she had no idea what to say. I didn't either.
Hakkai waited politely for her response. Gojyo looked like he wanted to hide.
At last, Mom stammered, "Well…I…"
"Of course, Gojyo is a fine-looking young man, wouldn't you agree? He must have gotten his good looks elsewhere."
Mom's eyes flashed, and her voice turned hard. "What exactly do you mean, showing up at my door and insulting me? Just who in the hell are you?"
Hakkai stayed absolutely cool, and his smile brightened. "As I said, my name is Cho Hakkai, and I'm a friend of Gojyo's. I didn't mean to insult you, oneesan, but you asked me a question, and now I've answered it. He doesn't appear to be yours by any physical evidence, and yet you still haven't answered me. Are you going to claim him?"
I really hated him right then. What was he thinking, making her mad? He acted before like he understood the situation, but if he showed up here and pissed Mom off he couldn't really understand what she was like.
Mom scowled. "You're a friend of his? Aren't you a little old to make friends with children?"
Hakkai laughed. Laughed, of all things. "Come now, oneesan, you can't truly mean that. Jien said something similar though." He smiled at me next. "Is it really so odd to the two of you, the idea of being kind to a child?"
"You bastard," I grated out. "You—"
Mom cut across me, "That little monster isn't a child, Hakkai-san. I thought that was fairly obvious." She wrinkled her nose at Gojyo. "Didn't you tell him, you little freak?"
Gojyo squeaked something out that sounded a lot like, "Sorry!"
Hakkai's smile still didn't falter, but the darkness in his eyes intensified, making my hair stand on end. "Don't apologize, Gojyo-chan. You're not responsible for the faulty perceptions of other people."
His expression must have put Mom off too, because she didn't say anything.
Gojyo hissed, "Hakkai…" He probably didn't know what to say either. No one seemed to. In our house, no one spoke to Mom like that—if anyone did, she'd fly off the handle and take it out on Goj.
Fury swelled in me. Didn't this asshole have any idea what he was doing?
"Well," Hakkai continued when it was clear no one would speak. "You still haven't confirmed or denied whether you'd like him back. What's more, I find it strange you haven't expressed concern over his condition, or asked where he's been. Though, I'm starting to see why."
"Hakkai," Gojyo tried again, tugging Hakkai's arm. "Stop."
He just smiled down at him, just as serenely and gently as could be. "What's the matter? I'm merely making polite conversation with your mother."
Gojyo frowned and shot Mom a wary glance.
"You're supposed to be his friend," Mom snarked suddenly. "Why'd you beat him up?"
Hakkai's answer was smooth as cream and cold as ice. "You're supposed to be his mother. Why do you beat him up?"
Her ruby mouth fell open, and her face turned waxy.
Gojyo tried to scramble away, but Hakkai held him tightly, still smiling like an angel.
Next, he looked at me, and I got the full scope of the darkness in his eyes. "Well then, Jien-san. Do you want your brother back, or shall I keep him and make him my brother?"
"Yes, dick," I husked, so furious I could hardly speak. "Yes, I want my brother. Give me my goddamn brother."
Hakkai chuckled, but instead of handing Gojyo over, he turned to him and lifted his chin. "All right, Gojyo-chan. You're safe back home."
Gojyo's face was white as a sheet, and he was shaking. This guy had scared the fuck out of him.
"Be good, won't you?"
"Don't leave me with her," Gojyo whispered, almost inaudibly.
At last, Hakkai's smile drooped, and he hesitated. He crouched down and wrapped my brother in a fierce hug, and Gojyo clung to him for all he was worth.
My heart sank at the sight. Hakkai was a dick, but Gojyo obviously trusted him without question.
I heard Hakkai whisper back, "You'll be all right. Jien will do everything in his power to protect you, won't he? And you know where to find me."
Still, Gojyo clenched fistfuls of his jacket like he'd never let go again.
"I'll come and visit you tomorrow."
At last, Hakkai pried him off and stood up again; he took the mini dragon from his shoulder and placed him on Gojyo's instead. "Look after him for me."
One more time he turned to Mom, smiling again. His eyes looked almost black, and I realized he was looking at her with pure hatred. "It was very nice to meet you, oneesan.
Mom gaped at him. Her limbs were stiff and her fists were clenched. I recognized the desire to strike in her stance, and I knew I had to get Gojyo away from her as fast as I could, but Hakkai still hadn't let him go.
Instead, he leaned in and clasped her hand between both of his, his teeth like ice. I heard him murmur, "If you touch him tonight, I promise you won't live to see tomorrow."
Mom drew back, wrenching out of his grip, shaking from head to toe.
I surged forward and grabbed Gojyo by the arm, shouting, "Get the hell out of here, you sonnova bitch! Get the fuck away from our house, and don't you dare come back!"
"I'll be back," Hakkai assured me calmly. "First thing tomorrow. And I don't make idle threats."
"Fuck you!" I screamed, and slammed the door in his face. The last glimpse I got of his expression was terrifying. The smile had vanished and his eyes were like a demon's, curdling the very blood in my veins.
As soon as the door was closed, I scooped Gojyo up and stepped back out of Mom's reach.
Her face was livid as she turned on us, lips trembling with rage.
"Mom," Gojyo gasped. "Mom, I'm sorry, I-I didn't know he would…"
"Some friend you've made," she sneered. "He'll probably come back and kill us all in our sleep."
"No, no he won't."
"He's dangerous," she insisted. Her eyes filled with tears. "He threatened me! He threatened Jien!"
"Mom…he's not…"
"If he isn't a killer, he's a pervert," she went on icily. "Obviously there's something wrong with him."
Gojyo just shook his head. "He's always nice to me."
"Because he wants to fuck you," she shouted. "He's just waiting for an opportunity to cram his dick into you."
Gojyo hiccupped and shuddered. "H-hakkai would never—"
"That's all your kind is good for!" She took a step forward.
I took one back.
On Gojyo's shoulder, the white dragon hissed and thrashed his tail back and forth.
"You bring that child-molesting killer to our house, and now he's going to murder us all!"
"Mom, calm down," I pleaded. "Nothing's gonna happen. I'll protect you."
Suddenly, she burst into tears and ran to the wall, burying her face against her arms. "Oh, Jien, Jien! How could this happen? He can't! He can't take my baby away from me! I won't let him. I won't! I won't!" She slumped to the floor and hung her head, tearing at her own hair and wailing.
"C'mon, Mom," I tried again, but my throat was tight. "It'll be all right. I won't let that asshole do anything to you."
It was too late though. Damn that fucking Hakkai for showing up here and upsetting her when she was in such a calm mood. Did he do that on purpose?
He was so goddamn smart… Of course he did.
Didn't he know what she'd do to Gojyo when she was this upset?
No. I wouldn't let her do anything to Gojyo. I'd calm her down, and he'd be okay. I had to hurry though.
I turned away to take him upstairs. If I didn't act fast, things would spin out of control. I couldn't believe he did this shit on purpose. He put my brother in a dangerous position just because he had to be a smart ass.
And that death threat…
My stomach did another flop as I thought about the expression I'd seen on his face as I closed the door. He really meant that. He really intended to kill Mom if she hit Gojyo tonight. That must be why he left his dragon too. The thing seemed smart enough to go find him if there was trouble.
It was all up to me to keep any of that from happening, and the very idea of what I had to do next made me sick to my stomach.
In Gojyo's room, I put him to bed as quickly as I could. I heard Mom wailing like a banshee downstairs, and I knew I had to get back to her before she turned completely hysterical, but I took a second to sit down with my brother and look him over. "Are you okay?" I asked tightly.
He just nodded and wouldn't look at me.
"Did that guy hit you?"
"No," he said flatly. "Some cops did."
"Cops?"
Another nod. "Hakkai wouldn't hurt me," he mumbled. "He cares about me."
"Not from what I just saw."
Gojyo rolled over, pulling the blankets up around his shoulders. The dragon creature draped itself over him, like it was going to protect him.
Downstairs, Mom was bawling and screaming my name.
"Do you want anything?" I asked hurriedly. "Water? Are you hungry?"
"I'm okay."
I hated to send him to bed without dinner, but this was a crisis situation.
"Okay. You stay here, okay? Don't leave your room for anything."
He didn't answer.
"Goodnight, little brother."
"Night, Jien," he muttered into the pillow.
With that, I turned off the light and shut the door firmly. My heart fluttered as I dashed down the stairs. I went to Mom and lifted her up, took her in my arms, and kissed her until she stopped crying, and then I carried her up to bed.
Hakkai
I shouldn't have done that, I told myself as I took a seat under the tree in the Sha family's yard. Obviously, it wasn't my intention to do that. I'd fully intended to peacefully return Gojyo to his home, perhaps explain our encounter with the authorities to Jien, and then return to my room at the inn.
The trouble was, I hadn't expected her to answer the door, and when I was suddenly standing face to face with that monstrous woman, I'd lost control of my tongue. Every second spent in her presence had made me a little angrier as I reflected on what I knew about her.
My roommate hadn't gone to extensive lengths to describe his childhood, but he'd said enough for me to bear ill-will toward his mother, and a bit toward his brother as well. Meeting them face to face though was something different entirely.
Simply put, staring into the eyes of the woman I knew would make an attempt on my best friend's life was enraging, and frustrating, because she hadn't gone through with it yet, and it wasn't as if I could confront her over it. Still, when I saw her, I felt that powerful urge to destroy her, to prevent that heinous crime from ever happening, to protect him from something he didn't even know was coming. He was such a little lamb at this stage in life, and he received nothing but harassment and hatred from every side, and yet he so wanted her love. I saw as much in the way he looked at her. The fact that she would exploit that and destroy that hope for affection in the not so far-off future made me angrier than I could express, and I'd found it utterly impossible to be civil to her.
Now though, I'd put him at risk. I'd goaded her into a rage, and I'd threatened her life—I could hardly believe those words had passed through my lips—and even now, when I glanced toward the house, I could hear her screaming and crying hysterically. Her distress brought a slight sense of achievement and satisfaction to me, but I was afraid of what it meant for my little friend.
Hopefully Jien would be able to protect him, but I'd put him in a terrible position as well, and I hadn't meant to.
Neither of them deserved such atrocities to befall them, and I thought perhaps I should have simply taken Gojyo back to my motel, but Jien wouldn't have allowed that, I felt certain. He was suspicious of me already, and he certainly wouldn't approve of my taking his beloved little brother with me to a motel.
No, the only thing I could do at this point was to stay close and keep a vigil, and that way, if things did get out of control, I'd be close enough to intervene. Jeep would be helpful in that also. He'd be able to warn me of any trouble, or at least hold her off until I arrived. And then of course, I'd have to make good on my promise.
I meant every word though. If she hurt him, I would murder her, and then I'd have no choice but to run back to my machine and leave the Sha brothers to fend for themselves.
At least that would put an end to this madness, I thought.
Inside, the wailing died down and stopped. I watched as the lights downstairs went out, and then the house was still.
I listened a while longer, but soon it became apparent that the chaos had ceased entirely, and as best I could tell Gojyo was safe, so I leaned back against the tree and closed my eyes, drawing my jacket tighter around me. At least it was a warm, summer's night.
Tomorrow, I'd take Gojyo away from here as early as I could, and I'd keep him away from this place all day. To hell with what Jien thought. Even he had to think Gojyo being with me was better than him staying home with her all day.
The longer this continued, the more tempted I was to take him back to the future with me, and the less important the consequences seemed.
