Unsaid Promises
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Chapter 7
Neal was sorting through supplies on his desk when Kel awoke again. The infirmary was so quiet that the sounds from the courtyard drifted in unheeded through the partially opened shutters that he had opened to accept the unnaturally warm air.
Humming to himself as he sorted powders and herbs, he added what needed to be restocked to the list lying beside him. Replacing the filled canisters on the shelves, Neal paused in his work to refill the teacup he had been nursing all morning.
The scent of spearmint permeated the air as he stirred the leaves into the water. Wrapping his fingers around the cup to enjoy the warmth, he reached a hand over to pick up his quill. Sighing, he reread the few lines he had managed to write in his letter to Yuki.
He had hastily written one to send with the Mastiff rider yesterday, but it had been nothing more than to tell her that they were all safe and healing. He spared his wife the details that would require more thought and precision, but now that he had found a spare moment, there seemed to be no way to convey the events of the last week.
Taking a sip from the cup, he dipped the quill into the ink and began explaining the battle and its aftermath. Including Kel. He forwarded the commanders wishes to keep the casualty numbers obtuse until official word could reach all military units.
Rereading the lines, Neal was still frustrated with how cold and analytical it sounded.
He heard movement behind him and he set the teacup down as he looked over his shoulder. He knew she was awake by the change in her breathing. It was rapid but controlled, telling him she was trying to fight through the pain. As he stood, she looked at him, not quite focused but recognizing him nonetheless.
"Dom?" she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut as she winced at the hoarse sound of her own voice.
Maybe she didn't recognize him, Neal thought with a small smile.
"He's in the room next door, sleeping. He was here all night with you while Thalia dealt with some complications with one of the men" Neal told her softly as he reached the bed. Reaching for a mug of water that rested on the table beside the bed, he raised his eyebrows in question. "Ready for an experiment?" he asked with a glint of tired humor.
Kel was too exhausted and worn out to ask for details. She simply nodded and let him slip an arm behind her and expertly help her sit up without interfering with any of her injuries.
But she still felt them.
Biting her lip she took a deep breath and exhaled through her nose as she felt the roaring in her ears subside. The water was warm, but it had the slight taste of lemon and it quenched her dry throat. She drank greedily until it was empty.
"Good girl. Give me a few minutes and I'll make tea. If you can stomach that then maybe it will deal with some of the pain so Thalia and I don't need to keep knocking you out." Kel felt the bed shift slightly as he piled the pillows behind her enough to keep her in an upright position. "I'll be right back."
Kel just nodded as she lay against the pillows, eyes closed, listening to Neal's quick footsteps and the slight clink of mugs and the teapot. A new set of footsteps caught her attention and she looked to see who it was.
Dom leaned against the doorframe of the extra bedroom. Dark hair fell over his forehead and his eyes were still clouded with sleep, but the deep blue sparkle was still there as he watched her for a moment before approaching.
"Welcome back, Sleeping Beauty" he said quietly, leaning down to brush the hair off her forehead.
She turned her cheek into his hand, feeling its coolness against the heat of her own skin. The pain wasn't as bad as yesterday when she had awaken disorientated and fuzzy. Now it was a constant throbbing that radiated from everywhere. Constant but nothing compared to before.
It had felt like someone was holding matches to every nerve in her body.
She sighed when he moved his hand to her hand.
"Neal said you were sleeping" she whispered, still feeling foggy.
"I was" he answered lightly.
She didn't answer, instead opening her eyes to find him watching her.
"How's the pain?" he asked as Neal's steps sounded closer.
"Bad" she answered truthfully, too tired to hide it.
He laughed as Neal passed him the teacup and nodded in her direction.
"This should help" Neal told her before turning to Dom, "I'm going to run next door and get more hot water, see if you can get that into her."
Dom nodded and set the cup on the table, shifting himself onto the bed so he could prop her up further. He felt his heart trip as she leaned into him, her good hand gripping his knee as if to prove she still had some strength. Bringing the cup to her lips, he held it as she took a sip- grimaced- and then forced herself to swallow more.
Halfway through, she shoved the cup away.
"Meathead said to drink it all" Dom told her softly.
She sighed and reached for the cup. He let her wrap shaky fingers around the handle before placing his hand over hers to steady it. When it was gone, she tilted her head so she was resting under the crook of his jaw.
"How bad was it?" she asked after he set the cup on the table again.
He hesitated. She felt it in his body as he tensed and then relaxed. He laced his fingers through hers, assuring himself she was real. She waited for him to think of how to answer.
"We thought you were gone" he told her, his voice barely high enough to be considered a whisper. "Even when Merric found you-" his voice trailed off and Kel didn't ask him to finish.
He thought she had been dead. How would she have felt if it had been her? If she had been combing the field for his body? What if she had passed into the Black God's realms and hadn't told him- all because his humorless joke that night had hurt her pride? Had made her flee when her courage deserted her. Would he have handled it as he did each time he lost a friend? It was too much for her to consider at the moment.
She looked down at his calloused fingers, letting her thoughts cartwheel and jump around without any order. Tearing her gaze away from his hand, she looked for her other one.
Dom felt her arm move beside his knee and realized what she wanted. Gently peeling the blankets away, he cradled the splint in his hand as he replaced the coverings with it resting on top. Swelling and bruising marked the delicate skin of her hand.
"That's the only one I remember" she told him dully, "he jammed it between the hilt and something else." She closed her eyes again.
"What about the mace?" Dom asked and she shook her head.
"How long?" she asked sleepily, feeling the effects of Neal's concoction now that the pain had dulled everywhere but her chest.
"Almost six days ago" he told her, watching her struggle to process the thought through the increasing haze.
"New Hope?" she slurred as he shifted to keep a more a comfortable grip on her.
"They're fine but you won't be seeing them for awhile" he told her gently.
He smiled when she didn't answer, hearing her breathing slow into a steady rhythm. Trying to get up before Neal returned and asked untactful questions, Dom tried to untangle her fingers. She tightened her grip, drawing his hand to her chest. Sighing he gave in and leaned his head against the wall, closing his eyes.
When Neal returned, he found both of them sleeping.
Rolling his eyes, he made himself a fresh pot of tea and tried to finish his letter.
Lord Raoul of Goldenlake and Malories Peak, Commander of the King's Own, watched his former squire from the doorway of her room. Despite the fact that she was now a woman of twenty and not a child of fourteen, Raoul felt guilt wash over him as she murmured in her sleep.
She was his responsibility. She was Wyldon's as well, surely, since he was her commanding officer, but Raoul felt just as obligated to protect her as anyone else. He had watched her grow up, the only squire who had done so in his care since the days when Alanna had been Alan and Jonathan had been a prince, and Kel had taken the place in his heart that a daughter would have.
It was the only point of occasional nostalgia in his marriage to Buri. They had known that children would probably not be an option, seeing as how Buri was past the age of childbearing, but they had always agreed that their charges filled the gap nicely. Watching Kel sleep, the memories of her falling from her horse forever engraved in his mind, Raoul could only imagine his reaction to be equivalent to a father's.
He was the only one who had fully accepted her death. When he had woken in the infirmary and saw her lying motionless on the bed, he had thought he was losing his mind. Unlike everyone else who had been focused on the enemy around them, Raoul had seen her lose ground.
He had watched the Scanran arrow graze her cheek and rip the helmet from her head.
He had seen her fall under the power of the enemy's mace.
When she fell, he had been so sure she was dead.
Even now, with her color slowly replacing the white pallor of her cheeks and the occasional mutterings of nightmares, Kel did not resemble the strong, self assured commander that Tortall had become used to hearing about. She didn't look like the hero that people would call her, or believe her to be.
She looked fragile.
Neal murmured his apologies as Raoul moved aside to allow him to enter the spare room off of the infirmary. It offered privacy and quiet to her, instead of the open ward. Neal was still unwilling to release her to her rooms. She and he had already had that argument twice since the day she woke up. Raoul decided to give her that privacy as Neal rechecked the bandages that covered her torso.
He had witnessed the extent of her injuries last night when he had entered the building to check on her to find Neal struggling to change her bandages without waking her. Raoul had offered to help and had been shocked at how light she felt in his arms as Neal quickly cleaned off the seeping blood and applied a quick flash of green magic to her wounds. Raoul had been stunned.
Lounging in the chair by Neal's desk, he spun the mug of tea around on its base, watching the dark water swirl in its depths. This war was starting to wear on his soul. It was different than the immortals where good and evil, right and wrong, and the obvious choices stood out in black and white. This war with the Scanrans made Raoul's heart ache with the greed of it all.
They just wouldn't give up.
And it was costing both sides.
Looking up as Neal exited the room and closed the door half-way behind him, Raoul set the cup down and watched the young healer with knowing eyes. She was wearing him thin- he and Thalia both. Sighing, Raoul leaned back in his chair and crossed powerful arms over his chest, hiding a slight wince as newly healed ribs cracked.
Neal sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
"How is she?" Raoul asked finally, breaking the silence with a different question than Neal had expected.
"Better. She's healing- it's just slow. Agonizingly and painfully slow." The young knight slumped into a chair and poured another mug of tea, hoping to renew some of the strength he had just dumped into Kel.
"She can't stay here" Raoul said, not asking it as a question but still searching for an answer.
Neal sighed again and tapped a finger on the desk top in a familiar marching rhythm. Looking into the commander's eyes, he tried to convey every aspect of the problem without words. He finally looked away and back down into his cup.
"No, she can't. She needs rest and a proper healer who is at full strength. She can't get that here or anywhere on the border" Neal told him flatly.
"Third and Sixth Company are returning to Corus in a week to replenish the ranks. I'm sending her with them" Raoul informed Neal, who simply nodded.
He had expected as much.
"You'll speak to Dom and let him know what needs to be done?" The commander asked as he stood to leave.
"Of course" Neal said quietly, "I'll write father and tell him she's coming."
Nodding his approval, Raoul patted Neal's shoulder as he left to speak to Wyldon about preparations.
Kel was sitting up in bed when Dom came to see her later. Her face was a mask of frustration as Neal kept his fingers around the cup that shook with her unsteady grip. Groaning in defeat and exhaustion as she finished, she lay back against the pillows as Neal stood and walked to the door.
Dom kept his eyes on Kel as he stopped Neal with a touch on the arm.
"You spoke with my Lord?" Neal asked him quietly, but not quietly enough as Kel narrowed her eyes in suspicion.
"Yes. He wants us to leave by the end of the week. Is it possible?" Dom watched Kel pick up on words that allowed her to follow the gist of the conversation.
Frustration turned to anger as he watched.
"It would be easier if she could ride, but I can't guarantee anything. She can't even sit up on her own" Neal pointed out, although he knew it was unnecessary.
The anger was turning back to frustration.
"I can deal with that part" Dom told him, "as long as it's safe. She won't agree to anything but riding, anyway."
"We'll see. If I get a few good nights of sleep, I may be able to get enough into her that you could leave on time."
Dom nodded and Neal left to wake Thalia for her shift in the infirmary. Turning to meet Kel's eyes, Dom saw that she was battling the tears that threatened to spill. She swiped at them angrily as he took a seat on the edge of the bed and reached for her hand.
She jerked it away.
"You knew you wouldn't be able to stay, Kel. Corus is the best answer" Dom said quietly, reaching for her hand again. This time she let him take it.
"I am tired of this" she hissed, although the full effect of it was lost as she broke into wracking coughs. When she finished, she sucked in air and continued in a raspy voice, "no one consults me on anything."
"I know, and we shouldn't do that. You're injured, not simple, but everyone is only considering your best interests" he insisted.
She just nodded and turned her head away, trying not to focus on the electrical pulse that seemed to be making her hand hum wherever his fingers grasped hers. Deep down, she knew she was expected to fight and argue and act like a stubborn mule. That's what they expected. But she was so tired and exhausted, that those things didn't matter.
As much as she hated it, she wanted to go home.
She was aware that Neal was beyond sleep deprivation. She could feel it every time he mustered enough strength to dull the pain from excruciating to bearable. She could feel it in Thalia. And she resented the part she played in making things more difficult.
"What are you afraid of?" Dom whispered as she clenched and unclenched her hand around his.
Turning her head back to look into his eyes, Kel gave him a look that told him that he should already know. Above anyone else, he should know what she hated and feared about the idea of being taken care of. He should know she resented being at the mercy and burden of her friends. And he did know.
He could read her gazes like a book.
"The ride to Corus will be tough" he agreed, "but once you're there, I'll help you gain back your strength. It's just leave, Kel. They're not sending you home for good. Your career isn't over."
She sighed and closed her eyes and Dom got up to leave as Neal entered. Leaning down, Dom helped Neal ease the pillows from behind her back and ease her onto the bed. Letting Neal pull the covers up, Dom met her eyes as he paused at the door before leaving.
"I'll come back tomorrow. We need to plan our route."
Kel recognized the peace offering and nodded her acceptance before drifting off into the dim, hazy warmth of Neal's magic.
A/N: So I wanted to upload these two chapters together so no one thinks Im throwing things out of style or character. I don't want to give you simple fluff- I want fluff with an underlying meaning. Thanks for the thoughtful reviews.
-Jez
