Beca Mitchell let out a sigh, opening her eyes from her non-sleep. She sucked as a person. It was official. She officially sucked as a person. And rolling over, she found Jesse Swanson's frozen grin staring back at her.
(it was enough to make her throw the photo frame across the room.)
She had royally screwed up. It was what she did, she understood that, but why did she have to go and screw up the best thing that had ever happened to her?
I can honestly say you've been on my mind
Since I woke up today, up today
I look at your photograph all the time
These memories come back to life
And I don't mind
After a year and a half of knowing the guy, six months of dating and many, many arguments, she had pushed it too far. She had yelled at him at the station to back off (in a similar fashion to the way she had screamed at him at the semi finals in their freshman year), and he had. In true Beca Mitchell fashion, she had pushed him to the point of no return.
I remember when we kissed
I still feel it on my lips
The time that you danced with me
With no music playing
He was such a dork. But he was her dork. He was her weirdo.
(She wasn't used to being so possessive, but Jesse Swanson had changed her in so many ways.)
He was the one to force her to sit through cheesy eighties movies that she claimed to hate but secretly loved. He mouthed the words along to The Breakfast Club and while she told him it drove her nuts, it didn't. She loved all his little quirks, she loved his honesty and she loved his reaction to her music.
She loved him.
And she missed him.
But I remember those simple things
I remember 'til I cry
But the one thing I wish I'd forget
The memory I wanna forget
Is goodbye
"Damn it!" she hissed, as a single tear rolled down her cheek.
(Beca Mitchell wasn't a crier. Jesse Swanson had turned her into a soppy wreck.)
Sighing heavily, batted at her face and reached for her headphones. Sliding them over her ears, she turned on her iPod, frowning hard when she heard the familiar opening music.
The last song she had listened to was 'Don't You Forget About Me'.
The last song she had listened to was their freaking song.
(Not that she was admitting they had a song or anything, because they didn't.)
I woke up this morning and played are song
And throwing my tears, I sang along
I picked up the phone and then put it down
'Cause I know I'm wasting my time
And I don't mind
She wanted to call him. But it was probably going to be like spring break of their freshman year, where she called Jesse and left him a bunch of messages and he totally ignored her, despite hearing her messages.
(She was so angry with him about that, couldn't he at least have texted her and told her 'hey Bec, I'm angry with you but I'm not dead in a ditch or in prison'? Apparently not.)
I remember when we kissed
I still feel it on my lips
The time that you danced with me
With no music playing
It had been a day and a half. She hadn't spoken to him for a day and a half and she was totally losing her mind. She was not that girl. She was not the girl who had to depend on someone. She was a strong, independent woman who just so happened to be in love with the aca nerd that she had pushed away.
(Because that was what she did. Life was easier that way.)
(But it was really lonely.)
But I remember the simple things
I remember 'til I cry
But the one thing I wish I'd forget
The memory I wanna forget
Suddenly, she could hear their song (not that they had a song), and not just through her headphones. Her phone, on the table, was vibrating and flashing and Jesse's freaking ringtone was playing.
(Jesse had an annoyingly frustrating habit of taking her phone and changing the names she had assigned to contacts. Suddenly 'Chloe Beale' was just 'Red' and 'Benji Applebaum' was 'Star Wars Nerd' and Jesse himself was 'Your Sexy Aca Nerd'. Not only had he changed the names, he had assigned ringtones. And whilst some were funny- he had made Aubrey Posen's ringtone a death march, which had made Beca giggle the first time- some were just plain frustrating.)
(He'd still never get her to admit that they had a song.)
Suddenly my cell phone's blowing up
With your ringtone
I hesitate but answer it anyway
You sound so alone
And I'm surprised to hear you say
"Jess?" Beca said in surprise, trying to keep her emotions at bay.
"Bec, I miss you", he blurted out.
You remember when we kissed
You still feel it on your lips
The time that you danced with me
With no music playing
"I miss you too", she said softly. "I'm- I'm sorry. I just- I'm so used to people leaving me-"
You remember the simple things
We talked 'til we cried
You said that your biggest regret
The one thing you wish I'd forget
Is saying goodbye, saying goodbye
Ooh, goodbye
There was a knock at her door that moment and confused, she stood up to answer it. She found Jesse standing sheepishly on the other side, holding a box of microwave popcorn and a DVD case.
"I love you", he whispered, tossing the objects and his phone onto her bed and embracing her in a hug. "And I'm not leaving you".
She put her head on his chest, breathing in his comforting scent.
"I'm never saying goodbye to you, Beca Mitchell", he whispered.
