Her smile is rare, and not as bright as it used to be.

She'd been the Commander for all of a week and already her bright personality was folding under the weight of the Commander's duties. A tiny piece of her wishes that it wasn't her that won the conclave. She'd already accepted her death unlike a few of the other nightbloods. She watched the life drain from her friend's eyes, knowing that she was the one to cause it. She was relieved when Luna had slipped out and disappeared, one less life for her to take.

Anya had told her to be strong, it was a lesson she'd had drilled into her head since she'd become Anya's second. She pushed hard for Lexa to be the best she could be. She tried to prepare her for what being Commander would be like. It was nothing like what Lexa imagined. She could no longer think of herself, everything she did would have to be for her people. She loved Costia, but could no longer choose the other girl first. It was heart wrenching the first time Lexa had to leave her behind. Anya tried to comfort her, but Lexa brushed her off.

Love was weakness. That's what Titus taught. Lexa had believed that love made her stronger. As the weeks went by, she found herself repeating Titus's words to herself more often. She learned to hide her emotions. Costia tried to coax them back out, but Lexa closed herself off more and more.

She spent the better part of a year traveling around to the clans. She wanted to unite them against the mountain. She was doing her duty to her people, to protect them. Slowly, each of them agreed to her terms. Some came peacefully, others came after battles lost. Lexa chose to approach Azgeda last. Her decision nearly broke her.

It was several days before Lexa was approached by someone about Costia's disappearance. At first she wondered if Costia had gone back to her village, the two hadn't been on good terms lately, though Costia maintained that she supported Lexa. A few days later, a messenger from Queen Nia arrived. Nia threatened the coalition. She would kill Costia if Lexa didn't bend to her terms.

Lexa's heart told her to gather an army and march on Azgeda.

Lexa's head told her to protect her people. One life in exchange for many.

With a reply sent as a no, it was only a couple weeks before Lexa walked into her room to find a box sitting on her bed. Unaware of what was waiting inside.

Her face was swollen and bruised beyond recognization. A pale blue earring, and a tattoo behind her left ear were all that told Lexa who it was.

Rage fueled her threat to Nia. Join the coalition, or be wiped out by the eleven clans. Murdering a Trikru warrior would send them into another war. One Nia could not hope to win.

She offered up her own son. Roan was only a few years older then Lexa, and he was just as scared as she was. He would be banished from his lands, and Nia would join the coalition. It was a tentative agreement and once the brand marked her skin, Nia could not back out without wiping out her own people.

While smiles had been rare before, usually only given to a rare few, they became non existent.

Love is weakness.


A/N: I'm sorry this is so terrible (and don't lie, I know it is) I just wanted to post something after last night's episode. I promised myself that regardless of how terrible anything I write is, I'm still going to post it.