Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Stan was sitting on his favorite bench on a cloudy Wednesday afternoon. He had release after lunch on B days, so he was able to just sit and do nothing for the rest of the day. He wondered what he was going to do. None of his other friends had release, so he was going to be alone. It was the second day of the semester, but it seemed to be going okay. His classes weren't that bad, and he wasn't getting picked on either. Even though he was a Freshman at Park High. He looked around to see a girl coming toward him. She sat down beside him and sighed. She took off her backpack and started to pull out the contents of it, until she found what she was looking for. She pulled out her phone and put the rest of her stuff back. She started messing around on it, then started to look intently at Stan. She smiled.

"You knew here?" she asked with sparkling teeth.

"Stanley Marsh." He muttered. "I'm from South Park."

"Oooooo." She said smiling. "A Freshman." She said grinning with her glittering teeth. "I hope you like it here."

"Where are you from?" he asked. She had a strong accent that reminded Stan of someone who might be from the SSR.

"I'm from Russia." She said confirming his guess. "I live in Middle Park." She said smiling.

"Nice to meet you." He said as he felt his phone vibrate. He looked at his phone and saw it was a text from Kenny. Can you please go to our locker and get me a pencil? The test starts in ten minutes, but I can't leave because it's so full of seats that I barely got one. Thanks Stan. I O U.

"I have to run." He said sighing.

"Running an errand for a friend?" she asked. Her head was buried in her own phone.

"You guessed it." He muttered as he walked off.

He went to his locker, and grabbed a pencil from the box on the top shelf. He made sure it had lead, and a good eraser. He ran to where he knew Kenny was, and spotted him right at the front of the class as soon as he entered. He handed Kenny his pencil, and Kenny smiled at him politely.

"Thanks, man. You are awesome. I owe you." Kenny said grinning.

"Class, I am handing out the tests." Said the instructor as she started doing so.

"I'll see you guys later." Stan said as he left.

Tweek walked along the sidewalk looking for something to do. He didn't know what he would do, now that he had release from school. He didn't have a clue. He noticed a girl sitting at a bench nearby. He looked at her, and she at him. She seemed to know who he was. Or was it just his imagination? He sighed as he looked at his mysterious stranger. He looked at her, and she at him. He approached. Craig said he had to talk to more people than just him. So he was going to give it a try.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Hello?" she replied back standing up to shake his hand. "You must be a South Parkian." She said showing her sparkling teeth. "Sit with me." she said simply. "I am Deidra." she said smiling. "You are?" she asked softly.

"I am Tweek." He said softly.

"Really?" she asked smiling. "Nice to meet you." She said happily.

He looked at the neatly shaped piece of paper in her hand. She seemed to be working on Origami. He smiled. "Do you like art?" he asked.

"Yes." She said gently. "I really love art. I especially love Origami. A common Japanese style of paper folding, to make intricate shapes."

"I know what it is." Tweek said softly. "I just don't ever mess around with that kind of stuff. It's too gay. And what if I mess it up?" he questioned. "Too much pressure. Or worse! What if all the guys found out I do that? They would think I'm gay and make so much fun of me!" he screamed as he started trembling.

"If you mess it up, you can just start over." She said smiling.

"Oh." Tweek gasped. She was going to be just like Craig. For every what if question, Craig had something to counter it. That always made Tweek calm. He was going to like this girl. "And if they make fun of you, you do something so amazing, they'll have no choice but to really like it. It happened to me when I made clothes for a sculpture out of newspaper." She said smiling. "Never got picked on once after that."

"What is this for?" he asked as he pointed to what was in her hand.

"It's a fortune teller." She said as she showed him the strangely shaped device. "Would you like to know your fortune?" she asked smiling.

"Yeah." Tweek said as he watched fascinated.

"Ask it a question, and pick a number, color, and negative number contrary to the one you chose."

This fortune telling device was as big as Tweek's Head. It had numbers all around it, from one to ninety-nine, and a minus sign for negative numbers. It also had a lot of colors around it too. So Tweek went ahead with his task.

"Will I get an a on the first exam of biology?" he asked as he looked at her. "Twelve, blue, and negative twelve." He said as she set to work messing with her paper.

She flipped open the paper fortune teller, and read aloud. "Your mind is immense. You will do wisely. Don't be late." She said as she closed the fortune teller again to its original shape.

"Wow." He muttered. He spotted another binder in her lap. It was open to a sheet of paper in which she had drawn what looked like crickets into tiny squares on the paper

"What?" she asked smiling. "Those are my crickets. Want to see?" she asked as she took a pair of scissors and started cutting out a square. She folded it so quickly Tweek didn't know what hit him as she presented him with a cricket in his palm. She smiled at his amazement.

"If you push on its butt, it hops." She said as he proceeded to do so.

"Neat." He said as he grabbed a cricket that hopped out of his hand. He handed it back to her.

"Keep it." She said smiling. "I have trillions."

"Oh, I'm going to be late!" he said as he looked at the time. "I better run."

"Have fun in your biology test." She said as she watched him leave.

"Craig!" Tweek shouted as he ran to the stoic boy after school. "There's a witch in our school! She wants to get me, man! She wants to get me!"

"Why do you say that?" Craig asked calmly as Tweek trembled beside him. He stuffed his books back into his locker.

"Because she does!" he said as he tried not to lose his breath. "Get a load of this…."

Craig listened intently, nodding at the appropriate times. He knew exactly what was going on, but could he explain it so Tweek understood?

"You already know you do good in biology." Craig said as he steered Tweek out of the school, towards his car. "Of course you were going to do well. It's a given." He said as he and Tweek got in. "She never told you any bad predictions, so why are you flipping out?" he asked as he put his seat belt on.

"I don't know." Tweek muttered. "It's just a feeling I have."

Over the next few days, the strange Russian girl stole the court yard by showing everyone what she could do with a simple piece of paper. She also told everyone's fortunes, thinking she was making a lot of friends. But of course, the South Park boys were the only ones whose predictions came true.

"Will I find my lost back pack?" Kenny asked the next week. "Thirteen, green, and negative thirteen." He said as she handled her paper.

"You must try and find what you seek, in your happy place." She said smiling.

Kenny was digging through his locker frustrated. Kyle had it all organized, so he couldn't have left his bag in his locker. It has been missing for two days. That fortune was a load of shit. He sighed as he left for his art class. He was going to be late, and he didn't want anyone to take his seat. He rather enjoyed sitting next to Butters in advanced art. That was the only advanced class he had. It's not like he would be something big in the future anyway.

"Kenny, dear, you left your bag here last A day." Miss Bronsen said as he entered. "Here you go, dear."

"Oh my gosh. Thank you!" he said smiling. "I needed this! I really appreciate it. Thanks." He said as he took it and gave her hand a squeeze "Thanks, teach." He said smiling.

"Kenny!" Butters hissed as Kenny sat down beside him. "I have something to tell you!" he said as he trembled with excitement.

"What?" Kenny asked smiling.

"I went to get my fortune told yesterday. I asked Deidra if I would get grounded when I got home? She said "You have an empty shell." I went home, and my mom and dad weren't there! They came home when I already went to sleep." He said smiling. "I didn't get grounded! Just like Deidra said!"

"That's nothing. I just found my bag. Just like my fortune said." Kenny muttered laughing. "I really am beginning to think Tweek might be on to something for once." He said as he got his sketch pad out.

"Will I have a good day tomorrow?" asked Stan as he sat with Deidra before heading home. "Six, purple, and negative six." He said as he watched her handle it.

"Be weary." She said sadly. "Bad Karma is coming your way."

"I don't think you should take that seriously." She muttered. "I don't know what's wrong with this thing. I don't remember putting any bad things in here, and people've been getting bad things all day. It scared the Tweek kid really bad, too." She said sighing. "I think I'm going to have to go and take it apart and see what the hell is going on." she muttered.

But it was impossible. Everyone started coming in waves to her, and she had no chance. Meanwhile, people just kept getting bad fortunes with every question they asked. It was really lame.

"It said I was going to get hit by a car and die!" Tweek shouted as he started to shiver.

"You are not going to get hit by a car and die." Craig said stoically. "You'll be fine. Just fine." He said as he and Tweek got ready to leave for school the next day.

"But I asked it if I was going to get hit by a car yesterday, and it said yes." He moaned.

"What exactly did it say?" Craig asked as he slid his bag over his shoulder and walked off with Tweek.

"I asked it if I was going to get hit by a car, and it said, fear is reasonable, for it shall come to pass. What do you think that means?" he asked as he nearly slid on the pavement.

"It's just simply playing on your fears, Tweek." Craig said as he walked across the street with Tweek.

Tweek was too busy looking at Craig to see the car sticking out of the driveway. He bumped into it, and gasped.

"See? Craig said as he brushed dirt off Tweek's shirt. "For all you know, that could've been it. You bumped into a car. It hit you. So just relax now." Craig muttered as he and Tweek kept walking.

"But what if I relax, and it makes it so I get hit really hard?" Tweek asked as he started to hyperventilate

"Oh, Tweek." Craig said as he steered the boy away from yet another obstacle. "You won't get hit by any more cars." He said softly. "I am sure of that. If you do, and survive, you can have all my comic books." he said as he and Tweek rounded a corner.

Meanwhile, Stan had overslept, and was waking up to Shelly pounding on his door. He opened his eyes, and moaned. His alarm hadn't gone off, because his phone had died. Fucking crap, he was in trouble.

He tried to find clothes to wear. His favorite lucky shirt was lying in a pile of clothes. But it was not a favorite red lucky shirt anymore. It was pink. He nearly started to cry as he grabbed a different shirt and slid into a clean pair of jeans.

"Someone must've washed your shirt with a clothing item that leeched paint onto everything." Shelly said sighing. "Don't worry about it, if you leave your stupid shirt here, I'll take care of it. Get going, or you'll be late."

"I need to try and get something for breakfast." He muttered as he grabbed a milk jug. He tried to get himself a glass of milk to drink with his pop tart, and the milk over flowed and drenched his shirt. "Aaaaww…, Aaaaww…, aaaaww!" he shouted as he felt the cold hit him hard.

"Stanley, what is wrong with you, you turd?" Shelly asked as she grabbed a rag. She took a milk carton out of the fridge, and put it next to his pop tart. "Go change into a different shirt, and forget catching the bus. I'll give your turdy ass a ride to school." She muttered as she watched him go back upstairs.

"These are useless now." His mother was saying to Randy as she came out of their room with a bunch of clothes in her arms. "Stan?" You okay?" she asked concerned.

"My day from hell is starting." He muttered as he passed her into his room. "Some stupid girl told my fortune, and now it's coming true." He muttered as he pealed his shirt off and tossed it in the dirty clothes.

"Come on, son." Sharon said as she watched him intently. "You don't believe all that shit, do you?" she asked sighing. "It's all just a bunch of bull."

"Mom, look at the facts." Stan said as he slid his new shirt on after drying his skin. "My phone is dead, I over slept, I got my lucky shirt ruined, and worst of all, I'm late for school!" he shouted. "I have a chemistry test today, mom! A practical! That means there will be a lab!"

"You're still not late, Stan." Shelly said as Stan grabbed his bag and ran down stairs. "I'll drop you off by the Chemistry classroom. They have an exit that you can go in through. You'll be fine." she muttered as she and Stan left the house.

"Here's your breakfast." Shelly said as she handed him a pop tart with a milk carton. "Even you can't spill this one." She said as she turned the engine on and they started going.

Stan got there with a minute and thirty seconds to spare. He sighed as he slid into his seat next to Wendy.

"Stan, you look like hell." She muttered.

"Mr. Marsh!" said Mr. Elliot. "You know it is against the rules to enter through a fire exit. This door is only for fire and emergencies."

"Sorry sir. But I am really late, and your class is on the other side of the school. If I would've gone through the real entrance…,"

"I'll let it slide this time, son. But if you do it again, you're a dead Lion." He said bitterly.

"Oh, he's just kidding." Wendy said as the bell rang. "He wouldn't do that to his students."

All day, Stan kept being late to class, losing his stuff, and tripping over his own feet. He made a mess of himself at lunch, and he really hated it. By then, he just wanted to go home. But the day passed by quick enough, and he was only humiliated for a while longer. It was a very disheveled Stanley that came crashing through the front door after school.

"Just leave me alone, all of you. I have had enough of today!" he shouted as he ran upstairs.

Tweek and Craig were sitting in Tweek's room playing a game on his PS3. Tweek moaned as his character got hit by a car. He had lost his last life, and now he had died. He and Craig looked at each other and smiled. So that had been the prediction.

The next day in school, there was a meeting outside in the court yard. Deidra and Kenny were leading a very happy looking Eric Cartman to the head of the crowd, and Craig was bringing up the rear. Soon, Craig and Deidra whistled at the crowd and the spectators were quiet.

"It has come to my attention," Craig said uncharacteristically loud. "That you all have been coming to miss Deidra here, and getting bad fortunes. Let me assure you that the problem has been dealt with. This little dumbass decided to switch Deidra's fortune teller with a real nasty one full of crappy stuff." He explained.

"That doesn't explain why predictions are coming true!" Stan shouted bitterly. "I had the worst day yesterday, and the day before, it said I would have a terrible day."

"That's another thing I wanted to talk about." Craig said bitterly. "The predictions in the fortune teller are all just a game. A prediction is based off of nothing but guess work. But it also works placebically. If you get a really good prediction, it is more likely that you will strive to make it happen. Stanley, you only had a bad day because you forgot to charge your phone. Had you not done that, your day would've been just fine, it happens to all of us who depend on our phones for alarms. So, if you all want to, you are free to beat Cartman about the head, and neck, but don't beat yourselves up for a prediction that is coming true only because of pure coincidence, or because you influence it. You are all welcome to visit my good friend, here," he said as he pointed at the Russian girl. "She has got her old fortune teller back."

Three weeks went by and nothing out of the ordinary happened. Until Butters found a magic queue ball in his attic. The cycle started again, almost as if Craig had never given that speech.

"Shit on a stick." Craig muttered. "I never win."