-x-x-
As low and needless as it was, Ginny felt like she should've apologized. She didn't know why, but she felt regretful for punching Malfoy. But if she ever approached him again, she knew he'd probably return the favor, ignoring all chivalry that he was sure to have been taught considering his family was so habitual. Ginny would have slapped herself if she could to obliterate her thoughts of Malfoy. He was an awful person, she knew, but there had to be a reason. And the fact that he almost admitted it made her sure that she had his whole manner figured out. But maybe that wasn't just it.
Secretly, like all of the other girls in the school, she found Draco Malfoy handsome. All right, in all honestly, she thought he was bloody gorgeous. Sometimes Ginny was glad she never encountered Malfoy while absolutely smashed in the previous year. She probably would have straight up told him that she thought he was attractive, and he would have hexed her into oblivion for even coming near him. Which struck another question into her racing head, why didn't he just walk away?
Malfoy was above taunting her, Ginny knew, past her second year. It would've made sense if he simply sneered and strutted away. But he stayed, and he opened his mouth, releasing insults like flies that attacked and swarmed her. He didn't know about her... her problem; well, the problem she used to have. No one knew. It was just a stupid thing last year, stupid thing that she'd moved on from, for the most part anyway.
The essay in front of her stayed half-written. She would have to finish it in the morning, she sighed. Ginny packed up her books and papers as she headed up to her dormitory where all the other girls were just falling asleep after sneaking back into the castle. She remembered how exhilarating it felt to always pass by undetected, even when you reeked so badly of smoke and alcohol it could make someone faint. Ginny pulled the curtains around her bed tightly as she threw her covers over her, fully dressed. She had taken a habit to simply throwing herself into bed without changing because she no longer had the energy to do so. No one would notice anyway, no one paid that close attention. Especially not to a has-been party girl who used to gladly and proudly steal your beau.
She let out a deep breath before rolling onto her stomach. Things were much easier when you couldn't remember them, and when you simply didn't care what others thought of you. Ginny dug her face into her pillow, remembering all the boys that she'd carried back with her to her bed. She remembered how she'd go out with Lavender Brown or the Parvati twins mostly, and now and then with a group her own age. Sometimes the image of her former self frightened her. She looked much older than fifteen, and never stopped to rethink an outfit with a plunging neckline or stilettos that might just break her neck. It was strange that her shameful previous nature was more confident than her new humble one. Back then, Ginny didn't care what the other students thought.
She was younger, even if only by a year, and so much more naïve. Ginny blushed at the photos of herself from the previous year, herself laughing and throwing her hair back with her arm thrown across a different boy. You could always see her little hand wrapped around a half-empty glass of some sort of alcohol. If you didn't know her, you'd say she looked happy, but she was really just unbelievably smashed out of her mind.
-x-
The current of air snaked through the atmosphere, winding around her neck, as she hunched her shoulders at the feeling. She leaned against the trunk of the tree, her book resting on her knees as the rest of the school ate their supper. Her bag was thrown up next to her body against the tree, while the air around her continued to blow about. Her mind couldn't concentrate on the words before her eyes despite the lack of interruption. Ginny leaned her back against the hard bark of the tree, looking up at its labyrinth of bare, dead branches reaching out with their hands to grasp the grey, dirty sky.
She shut her eyes tight, inhaling deeply before opening them again, and turning back to her reading. But the words couldn't seize her interest, leaving her mind empty and hollow. Ginny yielded to her daze and inability to focus, throwing the book back into her bag as she pushed herself up to stand. She let out a breath, gazing back at the castle from behind the tree on the other side of the lake. The lights in the Great Hall were still vivid, and she knew the others wouldn't be back from the meal for some time. Ginny turned around to begin her journey back to her dormitory, but her eyes caught another sight.
His tall figure slouched over, a cigarette dangling from his left hand, and he was only a few feet away. A plume of smoke trailed from his mouth, spiraling up to the sky and vanishing. His silver eyes were numb, but she knew he was staring at her, and he must have been for a minute or two.
"Weasel," he began, as if pondering his pet name for her.
"Malfoy," she returned apprehensively, hitching her bag up her shoulder as she waiting with her heart racing and pounding in her chest so felt as though she needed to sit down.
"You don't know how much I want to return the favor," Malfoy smirked as he brought his cigarette to his lips. "But I'm sober at the moment, so I'll have to pass."
Ginny stayed still as she watched him exhale the whirlwind of toxic smoke. He still looked gorgeous, she admitted to herself, even if he looked like he rolled out of bed after a full day of sleep. It was true, the bags underneath his eyes were dark and his figure was more hunched over than usually. She wasn't sure if she wanted to say it, but she knew her conscious would remain feeling culpable for a year if she didn't. "I'm sorry."
Even Ginny could see Malfoy almost lose his cigarette, a flicker across his face of amazement and a mixture of something else. But it was gone, just as fast as it had come about, and Malfoy remained still, his cigarette dangling from his fingers again. Ginny waited, she wondered if he would say anything, or if she should just walk away.
"Well, I guess I'm sorry, too."
The words felt like he had punched her in return. She felt like screaming in her head, feeling her jaw drop mentally. Malfoy didn't look sorry, but then again there was no emotion splayed across his face. Ginny didn't know if he was genuine, or if he was setting her up to give another a spiteful remark. She stared at him, knowing her stunned feelings were thrown across her face.
Malfoy rolled his eyes. "It's not that big of a fuckin' deal, Weasel. You don't think I have feelings too? I'm just a big fucking void of impassive shit, right?"
"No," she replied quickly and alarmed. "I don't, I just – why are you apologizing?"
Because you're more beautiful than any of the girls I've had, his head bellowed, but his mouth replied, "Because as much as an ass as I am..." He stopped, losing sight of whether he wanted to tell the truth or not. "I have no real reason."
He felt like punching himself. Malfoy telling even just the partial truth, worst of all, to a Weasley. To make the horrible matters even worse, it was to Ginny Weasley, whom he found exceedingly attractive. But it wasn't like he was spitting that all up to her, thank God. Malfoy felt his heart throb as a smile materialized on to her face, her russet colored eyes turning up at the corners. Draco raised his cigarette to his lips and then let the plume escape his mouth as he watched her.
"Don't worry," Ginny guaranteed with a smile. "It's not like I'm going to go around telling people."
She turned to head back to the castle, but Draco couldn't let her leave like that. It wasn't that he didn't trust her; it was really that he couldn't stand to let her go even if he barely knew her and that he would see her again. His body acted without the consent from his mind as his long fingers wrapped around her thin wrist. Ginny jumped in surprise and whipped around to face him. Her eyes were spacious and giant with many emotions mixed together, fear, anxiety and things he couldn't place. But he could see her examine his face, and he knew that there was a chance she was besotted as well with him.
Ginny didn't pull away, she wouldn't let herself. Even the smallest touch from him made her skin explode with excitement and lust. She couldn't control it, and the feeling was one she'd felt in lesser forms in the previous year. It was indeed lust, a usually dirty feeling, but this time was exhilarating and electrifying.
"Tell me one thing," he whispered even though they were the only two beings on the grounds. "Do you fancy me, Weasley?"
She didn't feel like answering; she felt like kissing his beautiful lips right then, but she didn't, for once, she had authority. Instead, she replied with an audacious answer, "Do you fancy me, Malfoy?"
"I asked first," he said with a half smile, his long, pale fingers still loosely wrapped around her wrist.
Ginny knew she had two options. She could tell him the truth and then proceed to get laughed at, or, she could say no, punch him again and then sprint into the hidings of her dormitory. She'd much rather take a swing at him again. Another way to touch him, she thought. Ginny pulled up a smirk as well, and said intrepidly but falsely, "No."
She was about to take part in the rest of her plan when he spoke. "You know Weasley, I have a gift. And it happens to be I always know when people are lying."
She felt shattered and exposed. Her heart was sinking and her dignity washed away. Even Ginny could feel Malfoy see her reaction, her downfall.
"You do fancy me," he laughed, and Ginny turned her face away as she pulled her minute hand out of his slack grasp. Her body went numb, just like when she found out her brother had died. His laughter was cold, but at the same time, she couldn't help but to think it was forced.
Her eyes filled with salty tears as she glared at him. She was downright humiliated, even if it was only him and her. Ginny felt foolish for even staying around the slime ball. She breathed heavily through her nose as her eyes fought back the tears.
"Why don't you just admit it?" Malfoy sneered. "Then you'll seem like less of a liar."
Ginny pursed her lips tightly before turning around swiftly to stomp off in a mortified hurry away from him. She had barely taken a few steps before he grabbed her again. But this time it was a tight grasp, and he pushed her up against the tree, tightening her slight frame near his. He narrowed his eyes as he watched, tears beginning to fall from her face and her eyes.
"Just say it, Weasley," he nearly pleaded with not even half as much anger in his voice as his actions.
"I... I fancy you," she spat out before attempting to pull herself away from him. He didn't seem like he was putting that much exertion into holding her back, but his hold of her against the tree was firm.
Malfoy's silver eyes narrowed slightly, but more so in curiosity as he stared at the Weasley girl, who had simply given up as tears slid down her face; it was almost as if he was a predator, examining his prey, she thought. But she didn't know what he was thinking, and he wouldn't be able to tell her either.
"Wouldn't you like me to answer your question, Weasley?" His voice was softer, gentler as he spoke. The redheaded girl looked upon his grey orbs, letting her brown ones be overcome by tears. "Because, unfortunately so, I'd have to say I fancy you as well."
Malfoy didn't know why he was telling her this, or why he even considered talking to her the other day. He had stopped thinking about what he should do, and finally just acted. So he did just that, leaning down as he pressed his lips against her own, a kiss that she returned.
It felt like the only thing warm in the entire winter spell to her. His tongue caressed with her own, making her feel lightheaded and numb to the bitter air. It was better than any of her experiences, any of her dreams with any boy. Ginny was in awe of the very event that happening as Draco Malfoy kissed her behind the tree on the other side of the lake. It was only a kiss, she thought. It was only a kiss at the time. She didn't know if it would lead to any thing, she didn't know if he was lying or if he was tricking her. She just hoped he'd never stop.
But the lack of oxygen in their tiny lungs caught up to them, as he slowly, and even regrettably, detached his lips from her own. Malfoy dropped his arms to his sides as he realized they were tangled in her hair, his profound actions stunning them both.
"You do realize," he began in a voice that she had never heard from him. It was soft, but still firm, and it wasn't searing with disdain or impious wit, "I probably would loose my entire inheritance because of that."
Ginny could help but to let a sly smile creep up on her face as she diverted her eyes to the ground. She hunched up her shoulders and dug her little hands into her pockets. "It's not like I'm going to tell anyone. And I do trust you're not going to either."
She got the feeling that his silence was the end, the end of her fantasy and the end of the occurrence. Ginny reached down and picked up her fallen bag, heavy with books and work. She looked up at him before giving him a smile, as she desperately hoped she didn't sense her gloom that it was all over. The redhead turned to leave, believing in her doubts.
"Weasley," Malfoy called out as she had only taken a few steps. His voice was filled with incomprehension. "You don't actually think I was mocking you when I said I fancied you?"
Ginny whipped around, her eyes as wide open as her mouth. Words couldn't capture her incredulity as her heart hammered harder and harder in her thin chest. He took a step to be closer to you. She'd never seen him smile with sincerity, only in smug smirks and sneers. It felt like someone had punched her in the chest, which was how hard her heart beat. She wondered if he could hear it, too.
"A Malfoy keeps his word," he whispered before he took her minute hand in his large one. Draco made sure to make unyielding eye contact with her as he spoke. "I meant it. And I hope you did, too."
She was lightheaded again, like it was too hot during the summer or she had skipped too many meals in a row again. Ginny tightened her hand around his as she looked up at him, a childish smile unintentionally on her pretty face. "I did."
"I hope you know then, that I'm not going to tell anyone about this, and neither will you," he said quickly, changing his tone to a more serious and grave one. But she didn't care, just nodding in return, because, after all, she wasn't that dim. She knew not to tell anyone, that mean absolutely no one, because that would even endanger her for getting a harsh slap and a lifetime supply of dirty looks from her siblings.
Draco dropped his grasp from Ginny's pale hand and quickly shoved it back into his pocket. He didn't even know his silvery eyes showed just the smallest amount of yearning, and that Ginny caught on. She gave a sly smile as she began to turn to leave.
"I'll see you around, I guess," he called out to her, almost in a desperate attempt to make her stay. Mentally, Draco cringed at the sound of his frantic covet for her, but he couldn't help himself.
Ginny flipped her long, smooth red hair over her shoulder as she turned her head around to face him. She tried her best to regain some of that old indestructible confidence she had with boys. With an attempt at a mysterious tone, she answered, "I guess."
She turned back around, trying to keep her pace steady as she dug her fingernails into her skin as she mentally screamed in her brain. Ginny's head felt like exploding because she was elated. All she had to do was not look back and to keep a steady back, she thought to herself. She had to trick him into thinking she was secure and that she was in power, even if she really wasn't. Maybe the old Ginny Weasley never died at all; maybe she was just practicing for a real boy with real potential. Or maybe she just really wanted to get Draco Malfoy to think she was mysterious and fascinating, and just gave it a hell of a shot.
-x-x-
Author's Note: Wow, I'm sorry that took forever. So basically I tried to make this chapter long, & it turned out I couldn't really stop it randomly so it because too long. I just hope it doesn't suck. :( So please REVIEWREVIEWREVIEW, or else! :D
