CHAPTER 5- THE "RESPONSIBLE" ADULTS OF DENZEL
Denzel was shocked. He'd just remembered something extremely important to the plotline of the story... Something vital...
He'd missed the re-run of Charmed again.
Darn it, he thought, touching his oozing forehead. His bruise- Geostigma was getting on his nerves. The cute girls his age thought he looked ugly or something, because none of them were coming near him, even though he was on the street outside of Seventh Heaven. And where were all the adults lately? And what was with all of these diseased kids doing out in the back alleys? Shouldn't they be home with their parents? Oh, right, this was Final Fantasy, and kids could look after themselves in smelly bars filled with booze at the age of four while the responsible adults of their life went off blowing up power plants for the sake of the Planet. Sounds like somebody was shirking their parental duties.
"Hey."
Denzel looked up. A cute girl with pig-tails and a moogle doll looked down at the boy. Her VA was Andrea Bowen and she too, was disease-ridden. Umm, the girl was the one with the disease, not the wonderful Andrea Bowen, who also is the VA of Aerith in Crisis Core. Cough. If anyone cared. Sniff!
Denzel stared at the Moogle Girl. "Are you sick too?" she asked.
Denzel nodded. "There are no responsible adults in my life. Tifa left the bar without me and took Marlene somewhere; an angsty self-centered depressed emo --whose last name is Strife for Gaia's sake!-- is somewhat my adopted dad, and some Mr. T imitation is off drilling for oil. It's kinda ironic, because he was an environmental terrorist two years ago trying to stop Shin-Ra, and now he's drilling?!"
Moogle Girl cocked her head to one side. "I don't really get it, but that sounds tough."
"Yeah."
The Stigma'd girl pointed to a truck just across the street. "There's these suspicious silver-haired strangers that claim they're gonna help us with out stigma, even though it's incureable. Wanna come?"
"But aren't they strangers?"
"Yeah."
"And everyone's always telling us not to go off with strangers, right?"
"What's your point?"
Denzel stood up. "Oh, I have none. The responsible adults are hypocrites. Screw them, let's go."
Across the street, the idiotic kids without the responsible adults of their life were being loaded into the back of a truck. Yazoo was in the front, smirking.
"These kids are (BEEP!)ing morons." he said softly.
#
-Sector 5 Slums Church-
Cloud walked through the entrance of the Sector 5 church. It looked like a cheap hurricane had passed through. Cloud suddenly noticed something. Tifa was groaning in the flowers, and Cloud immediately panicked.
"The flowers!" he cried. "OMG, they're all ripped up and scattered!" He rushed over to the scene of the crime. He tried to lift the unconcious Tifa off of the flowers, to check if the ones underneath her were unharmed. Sadly, he could barely lift her an inch, because of her humungous breasts.
Ugh! She weighs a ton! Cloud grunted, and soon gave up. Those poor flowers are beyond recovery. Stupid woman. Lose some weight already!
Tifa groaned once more, and opened her eyes. She must be dreaming, because in real life, Cloud wouldn't be holding her and looking concerned about her life. In fact, it was real life, and Cloud only cared about the damage that was done to his dead girlfriend's property. (Not that she actually owned the church legally when she was still breathing, but still...)
"Cloud?" Tifa asked weakly, trying to change the scene from self-humiliation to R-rated romance. Shudder.
"Oh, you're alive," muttered Cloud, clearly disappointed. But then again, maybe it was good that Tifa still had a pulse. For one, she could get up herself off of his flower patch. And second, if she'd died, then a major catfight would be going up in the Lifestream right about now...
"Grrrr!" grumbled Tifa. What was with Cloud lately?! Just because his best friend was murdered before his eyes and his scheming brunette flower-power buddy was expertly sliced-and-diced by his archnemesis two years ago, doesn't give him the right to mope around and make her look after the children! What about her?! Obviously, Cloud was too emo at the moment to care. Did he ever care? If it were up to the crazy Aerith fans, then Tifa would be tossed off a craggy cliff in a severe thunderstorm with a flash grenade following after. Ooooh, they would like that, wouldn't they?!
Uh, YEAH!
"Oooh, my migraine..." moaned Tifa, trying to sound cute and helpless at the same time. Well, she was getting one thing right, and it wasn't the cute part...
Suddenly, Tifa remembered Marlene. She would be screwed if Mr. T- I mean, Barret- were to find out that his daughter was kidnapped. The bar hostess imagined all of the symbols and insults being thrown at her head for that one. And did we mention that Cloud was emo??
Tifa fainted in Cloud's arms. Cloud rolled his eyes, and dropped her head on purpose. His hands would get crushed if he even tried to lift her for another nanosecond. He looked around, and noticed that his cooler was gone.
No! I had my 'special plant inhancers' in there! He thought to himself. And he really needed it too. The flower patch was doomed, doomed I tell ya!
Suddenly, our hero was crippled by another seizer-inducing Geostigma attack. Black, tar-like ooze portruded out of his gloves. He collapsed near Tifa, making all of the Aerith fans shake their fists in anger. And then that really weird sequence with the water drop (obviously Aerith) occurred, and we see Tifa, Cloud, the flower patch, and a white background with Mr. Wolfy reappearing. No, don't leave Mr. Wolfy! Come baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!
#
-Seventh Heaven bar, 2nd Floor-
Cloud opened his eyes. Wait, this wasn't the church! And it was really dark here too. I'm...I'm dead! Cloud thought. I'm really dead! Yes! Finally, I can get away from Tifa! And see Jessie! Yes! I've never felt so alive!!
"What's up with Emo Freak?" said Reno loudly, standing near the door. Rude was next to him, silent and pwnsome, as usual. Cloud blinked, and sat up on the bed. He was just back at that godforsaken bar-- AGAIN! The Planet hated him so much that they made sure that he was miserable and alive and blonde and that Tifa was always nearby, whining in his friggin' ear! (Geez, no wonder he didn't care about the Planet at the beginning of FFVII...)
"You awake, yo?" asked the spunky Turk.
Cloud silently rolled his eyes. "No, I'm just an animated corpse-- of course I'm awake! You Turks are complete morons!"
Reno gave the emo a stupid Renoish smirk. "You're the one to talk! At least I wasn't some comotose deadweight once."
"Do you guys ever shut up about that?! It was only onnnne tiiiiiiime..."
Rude cough. Cloud shot him a glare. "Anyway, what the hell are you guys doing here?"
Reno smiled. "Uh, we just saved you."
"From what? Flattened pollen?"
"Sigh. Nevermind."
Cloud heard a soft groan coming from behind him. He turned his head, and saw Tifa, sleeping on the bed next to him. Desperate Tifa fans screamed because Cloud and Tifa weren't sharing a double bed together. Sickos.
She groans a lot. Cloud thought mildly. And what's with the Turks lately? They're freakin' everywhere!!
"Oh yeah," added Cloud, staring at the red-headed Turk. "Why do you keep prank-calling Tifa everyday? She knows it's you, you know."
Reno sighed once again, and turned to exit the doorway. "Uh, 'cause she's hot! And you're one lucky dog, getting to see her-- uh, nevermind."
And so they left.
Jerks, mumbled Cloud.
#
-The Forgotten City-
"What's with these marbles?" Kadaj asked, holding up a super shiny Materia in his hand. Impulsively, he pushed it into his arm, and wipsy smoke swirled around it.
"It's so...pretty..." Loz replied in awe.
"Shut up!" snapped Kadaj. "I'm the lead throwawy villain here, not you!"
"I'm hot," Yazoo said randomly. "I have plushies designed after me."
Kadaj rolled his eyes. "Come on! Let's get this show on the road and zombifie these stupid kids already!"
TO. BE. CONTINUED.
