Mom was sleeping when I got back to sickbay, so I went into the doctor's little office to see if he was there and could tell me how things were. I found Naomi, playing some kind of game on his computer.
"Hey," I said.
"Hey."
"So, Mom, she's…"
"Sleeping. Mom said…my mom said that you guys are…"
"Yeah."
"So it's true?"
"Yeah."
"Wow."
"Uh huh. So, where did your mom go?"
"She had some work to do. Then she's gonna come back and feed us lunch. I think you're staying with us for now. Unless you want to stay in here?"
"Mom wouldn't like that. She doesn't like to be around people when she feels this way. I've seen it before."
"Was it…was it real scary?"
"Yeah. We were trapped for three arns in a maintenance duct during a lockdown on a space station that had one of those thermal security systems. You ever see one of those?"
"No."
"Anti-insurgency thing, let's 'em control the PK's. They keep the station just hot enough to slow down a Sebacean, then issue 'em cooling suits as soon as they dock. During a lockdown, they cut off the power to the cooling suits. We had to wait for a security agent to find us, determine Mom was not the bad guy, and turn her suit back on. She got…bad, in the meanwhile. The heat frelled with her head, and she started seeing stuff that wasn't there. It was rough. She wouldn't let us near her for almost a solar day, after that. Dad had to send in some drd's to spy on her and make sure she was okay."
"That sounds awful."
"Yeah. Well, PK's, they aren't afraid of anything, except the Living Death. That's what happens when heat delirium gets too far. Mom, she's had one or two close calls, I think every PK has. Freaks her out. She's probably…right now…"
I peeked out the window to check on her, and saw that Naomi's mom Samantha had come back to sickbay. Mom was awake again, and they were talking, and I don't think they knew that Naomi and I were here.
"I do understand, you know," Samantha was saying.
"Do you? How can you?"
"We're more alike than you might think. I'm a scientist, like your husband is. And I had a plan for how my life was going to go. It didn't go that way."
"That happens to a lot of people."
"Voyager was my dream assignment. My husband was going to join us, once we had her up and running. We were just supposed to take her for a little shakedown first…"
The flush was back in her cheeks. I saw Mom bat a hand up to her eyes, pressing her fist into her forehead, massaging away a streak of unhealthy red. Two solar days of heat delirium…
"Uh huh," Mom said.
"It was a wormhole that did us in too, you know. Next thing we knew, we were stranded at the other end of the galaxy, cut off from Starfleet, stuck on this ship…I didn't find out I was pregnant until some time later. My husband doesn't know I'm still alive. He doesn't know that Naomi has ever BEEN alive."
"Hmmmm."
"And it would be so easy to lie to her sometimes, to promise her that Starfleet is never going to give up looking, that Captain Janeway will find us a way home…"
"That might still happen," Mom said. "All of that might happen."
"But it might not. And I don't do her any favours by hiding that from her. She has to know that whatever happens, I'm here with her now, making a life with her. And when she does have a bad day, she needs to know that it's okay, that it's normal, that I have them too."
"D'Argo never needs to know that about me."
"Doesn't he?"
"How will that help him, to know that I am frightened too? It will only add to his burden."
"Oh, Aeryn, it won't…it will bring you so much closer together! He is your son. He needs to be there for you. He WANTS to be there for you."
"He shouldn't have to be. He is a child, Samantha."
"He is a child now, yes. But one day he will be a man. And he will never learn how to be brave unless he has someone who needs him."
I could hear Mom's breathing. It sounded real loud to me. Then, she said "Find him. Now. Before I lose my nerve."
Naomi gave me a push, and I scuttled out there. Samantha looked surprised, but Mom didn't even notice that.
"D."
"Mom."
"D. It hurts so much…"
I brushed away a tear, on each of us. "I know it does."
"And I'm thinking about all the times he's ever left me, and all the times he's ever found me, and I think he might find me again. But D, I'm so hot, and my throat hurts, and my head hurts, and I…I don't think I can wait for him…"
"Mom, don't cry, it's okay, it's okay…"
"I want to tell the doctor to activate the stasis, D. I can't…I can't wait for him…"
"It's okay, Mom, he'll understand, you know he will…"
"And if he doesn't get here in time…D, I don't think I can have this baby alone."
"I'll help you. You won't be alone."
"He'll find us, D."
"Yeah. He's real good at that, Mom. He'll find us."
She wiped away the tears on her own this time. "We'll be all right. We'll be all right."
"Yeah. Naomi, can you find the doctor for us?"
She had already gone to get him. We were going to have a baby. We weren't going to wait anymore.
