An: Once again, I almost forgot about this story, but I've managed to sort some my life out, at least a bit more, so this story is getting back the attention that it needs.. I can only say how sorry I am for the delay, and I offer Cookies...
Maddie held Noah's arm tightly as they silently walked down to the pond. Hopefully, no one would disturb them there.
He wasn't sure if he was overjoyed or scared to have his former best friend step back into his life. Noah tried to focus on Maddie and their relationship. But a part of him was still thinking about a very confused Luke left back in the barn.
He knew he owned him some kind of explanation. But what could he say? He couldn't tell Luke about his crazy father and his relentless pursuit to track down his lost son.
He felt Maddie stop, and for the first time since they meet, he really took time to really look at her face. He tried to read those eyes he once knew now brimming with tears.
"Oh Maddie." Noah took a step closer to comfort her. He had never imagine to stand here and watch his best friend cry because of something he did.
Noah's heart broke a little as Maddie backed away.
"Don't." She mumbled, her voice cracking."Just don't." She said again with more fire in her voice. "I'm not upset."
Yeah, I can see that," He said, trying to hold himself back. "But you have every right to be upset with me, Maddie considering the way I just took off."
"I can't keep lying to him Maddie" Noah said as he starred back at his own reflection before glancing at Maddie who was standing there with crossed arms and a look of fear in her eyes. She looked worse then what Noah was feeling at the moment. Despite the fear and terror that was glowing in her eyes, her voice remained soft as she spoke
Despite the fear and terror, her voice remained soft.
"Noah, you don't have to tell the whole world in one day." She reached an arm around him, giving every drop of love and comfort she could in the small gesture.
"If I don't tell him today, Maddie, he'll send me to away tonight. I've been lying to them long enough. It's better to get this part over with." He splashed some cold water over his face to calm him down. He turned toward the door.
She grabbed hold of his arm. "He'll kill you if he finds out that you've been lying to him"
"No, he won't!"
"Noah, don't you dare start lying to me now," she growled.
"I'm not."
"Your eyes tell a different story." She dragged him towards the couch; both of them knew that their time together would end soon in a not so good way.
"If you're certain that you're going to do this today, then I'm coming with you." Maddie felt Noah's body tensed up. His head snapped up to meet her gaze.
"That's out of the question," he growled, glaring back at her.
Blue eyes meet brown ones. Noah could see the determination in Maddie's eyes and he knew how stubborn she could be. But he had to fight this battle on his own no matter how much he wanted her by his side.
Noah's hands shook as he reached out and grabbed hers.
" I love you Maddie," he began, kissing her hand. "I love that you're willing to stand up to my father, right there with me. I love how passionate you are and how you always think the best of everyone even my dad.
"Only sometimes," she added, attempting to smile.
"…most times," Noah chuckled. "I love you for who you are and I'm not about to let him destroy everything that makes you the wonderful person you are.
He hoped she would get the message and stay home. She was too important to him. "In case something would happened to me. . ." Noah swallowed trying to hold back his own tears. "I don't want you to witness it because it would destroy you Maddie. We both know that."
"Just knowing you're here for me is enough for me, " Noah lied.
Maddie glanced back at Noah's seemingly begging eyes. She nodded. "Do what you have to do Mayer."
After a silent pause, Maddie spoke again.
"I know you're tired of lying to everyone about who you are. You shouldn't have to lie in the first place. Be damn proud, Mayer, of who you are."
"I am."
"Good. Just promise me one thing before you walk out that door."
"What?"
"Whatever happens after you tell him, you get your butt back over here."
They stood up and walked over to the door.
"Got it" He leaned in and hugged her tightly.
Noah knew there was no turning back. He was changing his life for the better he hoped. But it would never be the same. A part of him knew that this was a good bye, just in case something could happen.
"Be careful," Maddie whispered as she gave another him a quick hug.
"I will," he whispered back as he stepped through the door.
Maddie leaned against the door frame and as she watched her best friend walk out of sight. The bad feeling in her stomach refused to disappear. Something was going to happened today; and whatever it was, it wasn't good.
"Sit up straight, boy" Winston yelled as he picked up his fork and knife. Noah tried not to wince at the way he emphasize the word straight. It was almost as if his dad knew. He caught his mom's apologizing look before picking up the utensils.
"The army is going to set you straight, Noah. It's going to make you become a real man," Winston said proudly as he chewed a piece of steak.
'I'm already a man,' his mind protested despite Noah's head nodding toward his father. He never talked back.
"It'll teach you that this silly dream of working in the entertainment business is just a waste of time. It won't get you anywhere. The army is exactly what you need."
Noah clenched his jaw so tightly to where it started to hurt.
'Please, just shut up,' He silently prayed. But his dad seemed nowhere finished telling him how little of a man he truly was.
"Not like that.. . .that Simon boy you keep hanging around."
Noah froze in his chair. Could his dad possibly know? But whatever he knew didn't matter.
"Stop it," He said, glaring and rising from his seat.
"What did you say, boy?" charged Winston getting up and walking toward Noah.
"You heard me," Noah answered. "You have no right to talk to me or Simon like that." He started backing away putting as much distance as he could from his father.
"How dare you talk to your father like that?"
The burst of anger Noah had felt a moment ago disappeared. And once again a scared little boy stood there about to face the consequences.
"Answer me, Noah! Winston screamed as he took another step forward.
Noah knew he should have hidden within himself like he had before when that voice spread across the room, crushing everything in its path. He should have muttered some kind of an apology and backed away. But for the first time, and probably the last, the voice didn't have an effect on him. Noah didn't wince or back away. Instead he lifted his gaze from the floor and looked directly at his father. Winston looked like he was going implode at any second. But Noah honestly didn't care. Damn the consequences.
"Damn it! Noah, answer me! Is that any way to speak to your father?"
Noah gritted his teeth as he meet his father's gaze.
"No sir," he said. Noah hesitated for a moment before turning around to leave the kitchen. He was vaguely aware of his mother's presence near him.
For a moment, he didn't understand why she looked so scared until he found himself on the floor. His head burned with a sting of pain.
"Don't turn your back on me!" Winston spat.
"I already have," Noah said, spitting out a trickle of blood. The son's reply caught the father, with his hand raised about to strike by surprised.
"What?"
"Let me tell you a little secret, Dad." Noah walked toward his father. For a second, he could have sworn he saw fear in the older man's eyes.
"I'm gay" Noah said in a steady voice.
The room suddenly turned very quiet and Noah shifted uncomfortably. He had expected his dad to be start yelling by now. But not a sound came from Winston's lips. Instead, he just… stood there looking in wonder at his son.
"That was a good one, Noah" Winston laughed. "You almost had me going there…"
"I'm not joking"
"But you have a girlfriend." Winston charged. "You and Maddie have been together for almost a year now. You're going to be moving in together"
"It was all a lie" Noah said quietly. "We knew that you had to suspect something after you found me and Simon in my room. So Maddie and I pretended to be a couple. And by the looks of it, we did a damn good job."
He was met once more with silence. Noah grew really nervous. Where was the yelling about right and wrong? Why wasn't he yelling about how shameful and disgusting it was to be gay. Instead, his father remained silent as his gaze shifted between Noah and the door.
"Please Dad, say something!" Noah pleaded. He would rather take hurtful words and punishment than this painful silence. This he did not recognize. This wasn't the man who raised him. Where were the speeches about being a man? Where was the anger and rage? Where the hell had his dad gone? Who was this stranger standing before him?
"What do you want me to say here, Noah?" Winston asked calmly as he threw his hand up in apparent surrender. "I'm still hoping you'll tell me this is some kind of sick joke."
Noah felt the anger rise again. The fact that he had just said he was gay didn't seem to register with the old man.
The roles were now reversed.
"Sorry to disappoint you, dad. But no matter how hard you try to fool yourself this is just a joke. The facts still stand."
"And those facts would be what exactly?" Winston grumbled.
"Oh God, here it comes," Noah thought as he saw the change in his father's eyes. Once again, that familiar sense of fear crept under Noah's skin.
"Winston, please!" He heard his mom's voice in the background, begging him not to harm their son. It warmed Noah's heart to hear his mother attempting to stand up for him all the time knowing the kind gesture would not be accepted.
All the same what she had done, those simple two words, meant something. She was accepting him for who he was. No questions asked.
"Shut up!" Winston yelled. "I. WILL. NOT. HAVE. A. FAGGOT. FOR. A. SON." He walked closer to Noah.
"Don't let him win Noah!" He heard Maddie's voice in his head. "Fight for the right to be yourself."
"Lucky for you, Winston" Noah paused for a moment, feeling how the new name tasted to say. Judging by the older man's reaction, he was doing something right. "I don't want to be your son."
He glared angrily at his new found enemy, and for the first time felt a weight lifted off of his shoulders. The responsibly, rules, honor and all the other things his father had tried to drum into him disappeared. All that was left was Noah Mayer, his own person.
Despite the newfound freedom, Noah couldn't help but swallow hard as he watched Winston getting close. Like a hunter waiting to attack, he moved to block the door.
"If you want to leave this house and never come back, you can. But you're going to have to fight for it," Winston said with a evil grin.
"You know," Noah responded, crossing his arms. " …trying to scare me isn't going to change the fact that I'm gay."
Winston winced at the mention of what he considered a dirty three-letter word.
"You'll try every way to erase this silly little joke as you put it. That's who you are Winston. You can't accept something bucks your set of rules and regulations. Sorry to disappoint you. But this is the one thing you can't change. I was born this way."
Noah paused long enough to study the man he formerly called father. He was surprised to see he actually seemed to be paying attention to what he said.
"Fine!" Winston mumbled as he stepped aside.
"What?"
"You heard me boy. If you want to go, then go"
Noah took a hesitant step forward, not breaking eye contact as he moved closer to the door.
"Go already!" Winston shouted.
"Don't let him get close to you. Don't let him." His mind warned him
Winston didn't move as Noah passed him. He glanced toward Winston, stopping for a second. There was no longer anger in his eyes. In fact, there was no emotion at all. Just a pair of dark orbs staring back at him.
It wasn't until he had walked out of the house and toward Maddie's home that Noah realized he had been holding his breath all the while.
Noah replayed what had just happened. He knew this wasn't over…not by a long knew that the man he used to call his father was capable of so much more. He had to have something up his sleeve. The only question was what?
"You're alive!" She grabbed him and hugged him tightly in relief. He was OK, more than OK.
Maddie frowned at the thought and let him go, but only to examine him more closely.
"You're not hurt." The frown was still there as her hands touched his body in search of wounds.
" Not even a scratch…"
"So... I'm guessing it went well?" Maddie asked, "As well as could be expected. But he's up to something."
" I know."
"But what?" The question crossed both minds.
"How far do you think he'll go?" Maddie whispered. They both knew that he wasn't going to let go as easy as he was pretending to do. This was Winston Mayer after all.
Noah sighed, feeling a headache coming on.
"I honestly don't know Maddie," he finally said. "But whatever it is, let him try. This is who I am and there is no way I'm going back."
"There are other ways to hurt you, you know," Maddie pointed out. "It's not just about you being gay. You disobeyed orders tonight."
As he listened to what she was saying, Noah knew all too well that they couldn't let down their guard.
"Until we know what he's up to, I want you promise you'll be careful, Maddie. He might come after you in a way to get to me" Noah pleaded as he looked toward the window. For a moment he thought he seen something. Perhaps it was just the wind playing on his fears.
"I promise."
They didn't talk about it anymore that night, nor the following night. In fact, it had almost slipped away. Just a drifting thought now and then.
Until three weeks later…
"Noah" Maddie called out loudly as she looked down at the newspaper in her hand, reading through the article one more time. A minute swept by without a sign of Noah.
Maddie called out again only louder this time.
Out of nowhere, Noah's head popped up.
"What is it?" he asked with a smile, which quickly vanished when he saw Maddie face.
"Take a look at this." Her voice trembled as she handed him the newspaper.
The headline read Local Boy Found Dead.
"The body found near Long Lake has been identified as Simon Adams, reported missing 24 hours ago. Police officials say there are indications the young boy was the victim of a hate crime. The investigation continues…"
"So this is how you punish me, huh?" He tossed the newspaper aside and started to pace.
"Noah, calm down for a sec," Maddie tried, knowing it was a useless request. "We don't know if he did this."
"Oh, he did this all right," Noah muttered angry. "They're calling it a hate crime Maddie… a hate crime! It was Simon, for God's sake! Who else could it be if not him!
"But why?"
"Isn't it obvious?" Noah turned and looked at Maddie. "He's punishing me in every way he can starting with Simon. He's trying to hurt the persons who mean the most to me."
"…like Simon?"
"Yes. Like Simon," he said with a deep sigh as he sat down on the couch. Maddie gazed at him with a concerned look. He looked so tired and so much older than 18.
"Hey!" She grabbed his arm, forcing him to look at her. "We're going to figure this out."
Noah lifted his head and looked at her with such empty eyes.
"How?" He asked as he pulled away from the touch.
"We'll find a way."
"Maddie, He murdered someone, just to get even with me. How do we find a way to figure this out?" Noah asked in a cold, hard voice.
Maddie lowered her gaze. This was a new side she saw from Noah, and for a second, just a second, he looked so much like the father he had grown to hate.
"I don't know," she said quietly, refusing to see those cold blue eyes.
"Don't you understand Maddie?" His voice cracked. "He's never going to stop. He'll keep this up until everyone I love is gone…killed. This is my final punishment from him."
Now it was Maddie turn to let loose with her own anger toward Noah's father.
"You don't deserve to be punished. If anyone should be, it's him. Not you or me." She lifted his chin until his eyes met hers. "Not you. Got that?"
Noah wiped away a threatening tear.
"Got it," He answered before pulling Maddie into a hug. "Thank you,"
"You're welcome," she mumbled. They sat there together for a long time in comfort wrapped like a blanket around them.
Noah suddenly pulled back.
"I have to go and see him," he said quietly with his head down. He couldn't face looking directly at her. If he did, he wouldn't go through with his plan. "You can't change my mind, Maddie. I'm going to see him and that's final."
He heard Maddie sigh and looked up to meet her gaze.
"Fine," she muttered. "He's your father and you know how to deal with him, I guess. Even if this is a crazy and insane idea, we both know it needs to be done."
Silence filled the room for a moment.
Then Maddie whispered "He's going to hurt you."
"I know."
"But you're still coming back, right? Right?"
"I will."
Noah and Maddie stood up to embrace each other before Noah left.
She hoped he would come back to her safe and sound as he had done before. But the hours were on as she waited for him to step though the door. Two hours became four. Four hours grew to six and soon the hours grew to days. Days grew months, months to years.
"What happened Noah?" Maddie asked as she took a step closer to him and for a moment they just stood there. It was as if the intervening years had never happened. They hadn't been separated. But yet that's exactly what happened.
All the anger was still there. Everything they used to be was gone. Instead, the two now strangers looked at each other trying to understand what went so wrong,
"I know that I owe you a explanation…several in fact."
"Yes, you do." Maddie agreed.
"But, I just can't."
"Why not?" She asked, crossing her arms and glared angry at him. "I thought he had killed you Noah." Her voice cracked." I keep waiting and waiting, watching, searching, hoping and praying to God you were alive."
She tried blinking away the tears, those damn tears. She was so glad to see him alive. But it hurt her deeply he couldn't explain things to her.
"I know."
"You've changed," Maddie said. She took a good look at him, and the man that stood in front of her wasn't the old Noah Mayer.
"What the hell did he do to you?" she asked herself as she looked at what was left of her best friend.
"Hey," Luke said softly as he sat down beside Noah. He tried to ignore the sensation of Noah's arm brushing against his. That feeling and touch alone made him feel more than he had ever had with Reg. "Where is Maddie?"
"She left," Noah mumbled, keeping his gaze on the pond.
"Are you two OK?"
Noah shook his head. "No. But we will be. We just need a little bit of time to patch things up. A lot has happened since I last saw her."
"But she's your best friend, you're not going to let go of her, right?"
"No, I'm not." Noah said keeping his eyes fixed on the pond rather than looking deep into Luke's chocolate brown eyes. To do so would break down his last defense against telling Luke everything. He couldn't do that.
"You don't sound convinced."
"It's just so" Noah drew a hand through his hair, searching for the right word. "…complicated and messed up between us. I know I hurt her deeply and I would do anything to take it all back. But I'm not sure if there is a way to repair the damage I've caused."
With Maddie back in the picture, everything was suddenly changed. And there was Luke to consider. Noah glanced at him.
The day's events had been so draining. All he wanted was to find a safe place to call his mom.
As he was about to leave, a warm hand gripped his arm. He looked up to be comforted by a pair of warm brown pair of eyes appearing as if they understood on some level.
"C'mon, Noah. Talk to me." The hand was still there and Noah couldn't help but notice the difference between now and the last time they were this close.
Something in Luke's eyes was telling Noah that Luke wouldn't let him run away from him again.
". . .and don't give me a 'I can't.' I'm here, Noah. I know you need someone because I can see in your eyes how lonely and hurt you are."
Noah swallowed hard. Matt, who had once been the love of his life, had never offered this kind of loving gesture.
"How can you offer me something like that, when you barely know me? How can your heart be so pure, when the rest of the world is not? How can you?"
"Because I do care about you, Noah. For whatever reason, even though I barely know you, I care about you."
Noah felt Luke move away from his side to right in front of him.
"You're a good man and the fact that you're trying everything to reestablish that friendship, proves it."
Noah stood there speechless. He wasn't used to this.
"Just talk to her. Don't shut her out"
"It's not that simple."
"Why not?" Luke argued back.
How could he tell about how Winston had beaten him up to within a breathe of his life. That his father actually tried to kill him. That the only reasons he was able to get out of there was alive. . .was his mother taking a bullet meant for him.
"Because nothing is ever simple, " Noah said silently swearing he could hear Winston whispering in his ear.
"Don't let your dad get in the way of doing what is right." Luke said softy feeling like he had probably crossed the line between them.
"You don't know what you're talking about" He said in a low voice. "You just don't."
Luke saw a fire in Noah's eyes… something he had never seen.
"Then talk to me Noah. Talk to Maddie! Let someone know what's going on inside that head of yours" Luke grabbed a hold of Noah's arms, pulling him closer. "Please," he begged. "I hate seeing you like this."
"Like what?" Noah snapped. He was tired of these conversations about him and his life. "You don't know a thing about me or my problems. I prefer to keep it that way."
He pulled out of Luke's hold and turned to walk away. Right now he felt like a small child, wanting more than anything a mother's love and comfort.
"I'm sorry Luke." Noah left leaving a hurt Luke.
"I hate seeing you so sad," Luke whispered.
Maddie had watched all of this from distance. She didn't miss seeing Luke's hurt face or Noah's for that matter. Despite the hurt faces and angry words, she knew there was something going on between them. She had seen it with her own two eyes.
"Oh you silly boys."
