Chapter 7

Early Confession

I stood next to the window, looking outside of it. It had been almost three full days since I last saw Jackson and my dreams have been worse, or better. Either way, I'd wake up in the middle of the night feeling the need to relieve myself. How can two meetings make you feel like this? I'm just surprised Oliver hasn't said anything about this yet.

I've been cramped in this room, not talking to Leah because of my freaking outburst. Leah, on the other hand, has been trying to talk to me, but I just wouldn't. I can't face her and it's so irritating.

I mean seriously, I love Oliver, but I can't picture myself being married to him and having even more kids. I know if I do end up doing something with him again, I might regret it, like how I regret that night so much.

I mean how stupid was I to even think he was way better than Jackson. I was so delusional, drunk, and stupid Chantel, yes Chantel, was the one who slipped in the liquor in the drinks. When people found out about me carrying Oliver's baby, people started to talk about it and in the end a few people saw Chantel slipping the vodka in the punch bowl.

Damn my stupid mind. I'm a fucking teenage mother for heavens sake and I'm already cheating on my apparent boyfriend who I have no feelings for in any romantic way! Doesn't that tell you something?

I pulled away from the window and quickly glanced at Lauren. Even if I really don't want to talk to Leah right now, I have to. She's almost the only person in the world I can talk to about my problem and she knows that Jackson is here. I need someone to hear me out even if Leah might follow what my mom is saying about the whole, 'stay with Oliver' deal.

I walked out of the room and headed down the hall toward Leah's room. I approached Leah's room and knocked on the door three times.

"Leah?" I called and leaned against the door.

"Hold on."

I waited and when I heard the door knob turn, I got up from the door and smiled once Leah saw me.

"Hello big sister." I said.

She stepped aside so letting me in and she crossed her arms. I haven't been in this room since the day she gave me that make over last month. Wow, this is kind of weird.

"What do you want? You've been ignoring me for the past few days, and now you want to talk to me?" She asked rudely and I sighed.

"I'm sorry Leah." I fussed and turned on my heel, looking at her. Wow, that came out quickly. "I was stressed, confused, stupid, just everything." I apologized.

"Why talk to me now though?"

I looked down and chewed on my lip. "I need advice. I'm so sick of choosing between Oliver and Jackson and to me, I know being with Oliver is right, but I want to be with Jackson. It's so frustrating!" I walked over to her bed and sat down.

"Why are you feeling this way? I mean, I'll admit, I want you to be with Oliver, but why the sudden change in guys? You seemed pretty happy with Oliver; I mean I saw him kiss you a few times-"

"On the cheek, never on the lips, until recently that is." I cut in.

"But still, you were happy until Miley brought up the whole, 'Jackson's back' and when I saw you and Jackson the other day, it just seemed too weird." She replied, looking quite dazed.

"How is it weird?" I asked and watched as she walked around the room, standing right in front of me.

"Weird in the sense that I never saw you look at anyone like that in a long time." She said. "You've never looked at Oliver like that and it makes me think that maybe you really aren't lying about still loving him." Leah softly replied.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Like, even happier. You looked like how you did before you had that thing happen between you and Oliver."

"Well, I did tell you I still love him. Fuck Leah, even now I'm craving for him and it's just not normal! Plus, it's so frustrating with everyone telling me to be with Oliver. I can't do this." I finally broke out and said. I got up from her bed and I started to walk out of the room. Leah followed me as I walked into my room.

"It's too hard for me." I glanced at Lauren and walked toward the window. "I'm complaining about this each day and I'm depressed." I looked over at Leah who went to Laurens crib and carried her out of it.

"I don't know what to day to you, but seriously, I think you should take a break with all of this." She said.

"But how can I? I have to take care of Lauren and-" I started, but Leah shook her head.

"No, I'll take care of her. I've been helping you for the past 3 months and I think I can handle taking care of one baby by myself, plus its good practice for the future." Leah said.

"But-" I started to raise my voice, but Leah put a finger to her lips.

"No Lilly. Go out, take a walk, do something, but come back home until I call you or something bad happens." She whispered..

I leaned against the window and glanced out side. There, I saw a black car pull up in front of the house. A person got out of the car and I tilted my head, squinting my eyes, and saw that it was Jackson. He leaned against his car and looked up to me. I watched him as he waved at me, signaling for me to go downstairs.

I looked back at Leah who seemed to be occupied with Lauren as she woke up.

What do I do now? Jackson just magically appears when I tell Leah how I feel about Jackson and Oliver. I want to go and talk to him, tell him I'm sorry, but what else do I do? I should go out, like Leah says I should. She wouldn't care and its not like I'm running away from home and Lauren. I should go and see Jackson.

"Leah, I'm going out for a bit." I find myself saying. My hand flew to my mouth and she quickly glanced at me, flashing me a smile.

"That's it. Go out for as long as you want, just keep your phone with you." She smiled.

I went into my closet, changing out of my pajama bottoms and top and into pants and a shirt. I tied my hair up in a high ponytail and got my phone from my desk. I walked over to Leah, only to kiss Lauren on the top of her head and got out of the room in a rush.

----

I got out of the house and hastily walked toward Jackson. He smiled once he saw me and got off the car.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I stopped in front of him.

"Someone told me you needed to relax and asked me to come. They knew that if I come, you would definitely get out of the house." Jackson smirked and looked back up at the house.

I glanced up and there at the window of my room and noticed Leah looking through the window, looking down at us.

Mental note in my head: Remind self to tell Leah I love her!

"Oh." I grinned and Jackson shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Get in. We could talk." He said and walked past me, going to the driver's side of the car.

"Where are we going?" I asked him and he smiled.

"Somewhere."

"Somewhere as in..." I questioned while raising an eyebrow.

"Just trust me okay?"

He entered his car and I stared at the car, thinking twice about it. What if he tries to kiss me again? What if he wants to get back together? What am I going to do if he tries to make a move on me? Seriously, I'm just confused.

Screw it. I'm going to talk to him. I need to clear everything up before its too late.

I got inside the car and as soon as I put on my seat belt, Jackson started his car and drove off.

----

After driving for 15 minutes, we made it to the beach, where Jackson parked his car and got outside. I stared at him, a little confused, and followed him out of the car. He slowly walked, getting on the beach, and I went next to him. I just followed wherever he was going and there, he walked toward a log, facing the beach, and sat down. I sat down next to him and looked around, realizing where we were.

We were at the one spot where he would always find me sleeping. The one time it was raining and we had that close encounter, almost kissing for the first time; it was around here. That day when the guy tried to hook up with me, it was the same place where Jackson found me. He knew I liked this place to think about anything, but why bring me here now?

If he wanted me to think about something, then he shouldn't be here at all. Especially since my main topic to think about is Jackson and Oliver.

"You must be so confused in why I brought you here." He said as if he read my mind.

I smiled. "Yeah, I have. I don't know why you would bring me here Jackson. You confuse me, especially with that last visit." I put my elbows on my knees and cupped my face.

"Yeah. I just wanted to talk."

"That's what you said the last time." I looked at him and he smiled at me.

"Well it is true." He sighed. "For some reason, I just want to hang out with you. I've talked to Miley more and she finally forgave me, but for you, it seems different. I would rather see you than anyone else and you're probably going behind Oliver's back with all of this." Jackson said.

I nodded. "This is something I won't share with Oliver. He has too much to worry about."

We sat there with awkward silence crawling back over us. Why will it always be this awkward between us? Seriously, I just want it to go back like how it was a long time ago, before all this drama happened.

"Lilly?" Jackson said.

I turned my head to him, seeing that he was slouched down, staring into the sand. His face looked soft and worried with his closed. His hands were on his knees, holding onto his knees. He looked… well… confused, kind of like me.

"What?" I asked in a puzzled tone. I just wanted to reach out and touch his hand. I wanted to talk to him, ask him what's going on between us. I want to tell him that I still love him, but right now it just feels like everything between us hasn't even happened.

"I'm sorry for the trouble I caused you a few days ago. I'm sorry for everything I did to you and for almost kissing you those past two times." He sighed, opening his eyes. "It's not me."

"Look, its okay Jackson, you don't need to say sorry, I'll admit, I almost wanted to feel you kissing me again." My cheeks felt hot as I admitted this.

His lips slightly curved upward, but he shook his head. "But you know we can't do this. You're with Oliver and you have a baby; I don't want to be the one who ruins the relationship you have with Oliver."

"I don't care Jackson, my heart never forgot about you." I found myself saying. "I can't… forget about you. What we had was special and-"

"Lilly, just don't say it." He let out a shaky breath. "It's going to make it harder for me to try and not think about our past." He shook his head.

"Do you want to forget about it?" I asked him, dropping my hands from my face and sat up.

"No, no way." He said as soon as I could say anything else. "That is the last thing I want to do."

"Then what?" I could feel my eyes sting.

God, Lilly you can't cry. Just hold it back damn it. I shouted to myself, but couldn't hold it back.

Jackson isn't making any sense at all, what does he want from me? He steps into my life once again and almost kisses me twice. Does he not care what this whole experience is making me feel? And I thought Jackson was a caring guy, but no, he's not. It's like he's trying to go back to his own cocky stupid self he was before we dated.

"Was what we then have nothing to you? You say you kept your promise that you didn't forget me but-"

Just as I was about to say something I would most likely regret, Jackson lifted his hands from his knees, putting them on my cheeks, and crashed his lips into mine.

A/N Hope you liked this chapter!

Lol I was rereading Dreams and there wasn't supposed to be a kiss in here, but I couldn't help it. Sorry if it seemed a bit early.

I just realized chapter 7 is always the chapter with things happening. In Dreams was Jackson and Lilly's first time, in Nightmares it was kinda like the beginning of the drama and here, well, lol.

Well, I would like to say is that there will be slower updates since I started school. I'm a teacher's assistant for one of my classes and it's a computer class so I could get some writing in during that period after I finish correcting papers. Sorry about this, I really am. If you want anything to happen in here, don't hesitate to suggest anything ;) haha.