Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. They have been borrowed for entertainment purposes only without any commercial gain.

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Mine

Chapter 7

In Quiet Acceptance

Music poured out her CD player and while it was fiercely raining outside, Kerry felt at peace in her office. The soft light that radiated from her desk lamp brought about a soft glow in sharp contrast with the sterile white light coming from every other lamp fixture in the hospital. It was about 5 pm and the day was almost over despite its so many difficulties. Marathon meetings, followed by a list of phone calls and other detestable tasks, had left her exhausted and wasted. Nonetheless, she hurriedly tried to finish the letter she was attempting to write to finally go home and call it a day.

A soft knock brought her to reality. "Come in…" –She answered, expecting to see her assistant Christina.

"Hi…" –Muttered Abigail as she her head peeked through the small crack of the door.

"Hi" -Answered Kerry, smiling. "Come in, come in…"

"How are you? I didn't see you all day…"

"Oh… -said Kerry rubbing her eyes and closing her laptop- I know… I couldn't come down, not even once… How was your day in the trenches?"

"Oh, you know, same old thing… are you okay..?" –Asked Abby, timidly- "You look ragged…"

Kerry leaned back on her chair and closed her eyes. "I'm okay… tired… bothered…but okay I guess…"

"Bothered about what?"

"About the fact that despite all my best efforts, I still have to go tomorrow to Detroit…"

"To Detroit? How come?" -Asked Abby with a small hint of sadness in her voice which she hoped had gone unnoticed.

"I have to meet with some investors who may, operative word here being 'may'… want to invest in the new wing we want to build…"

"Oh… right…"

"Yeah, the trials and tribulations of being in this position… I'm sorry…I'm… I'm not going to be able to meet tomorrow as we had planned…" –said Kerry apologizing. - "I'll make it up to you when I come back, okay?"

"And when are you coming back?"

"Uh… very good question… don't really know, Thursday? Friday? Monday? Don't know because I don't know how difficult or how willing these people will be… I'm sorry… I'll call you to let you know…"

Abby tried to appear as aloof as her acting abilities would allow her –"Why are you sorry? You have to work… don't worry about it…"

Kerry was a little taken aback by her friend's attitude of apparent indifference but tried not to dwell on it. "Okay…" was her only answer.

"Well, I got to run… I'm on until 11 and they're probably wondering where I am…"

"Oh… okay… I'll call you then… is that okay..?"

"Yeah, of course, call me…"

"Okay…"

"Have a safe trip, okay..?"

"You take care…"

And waving, Abby left Kerry's office.

The following day Abby immersed herself in every trauma and every chart and every patient she could find in the hopes to forget the fact that Kerry was not around. If she was honest to herself, she would have had to come to terms with the fact that she was angry but more than anything, she was saddened by Kerry's absence. She knew her feelings were childish for Kerry had not abandoned her or anything like it; Kerry was on a business trip and that was part of what she had to do from time to time and while in the past that would have been a welcomed hiatus, now, it felt like a blatant act of abandonment.

She was also greatly bothered by her colleagues' innuendos in regards of her friendship with the Chief of Staff. So upset was she that she had started to regret having said anything to Susan or Luka about her week long Caribbean vacation.

So, in lieu of everything that was taking place, Abigail decided to keep to herself that first day and left as soon as her shift was over. When she was getting to her apartment, the cell phone rang.

"Hello…"

"Hi…"

"Hi… how are you..?

"I'm okay… here in exciting Detroit…"

"Yeah… exciting Detroit… how was your flight...?"

"Okay… got here on time, had a meeting early this morning, then a luncheon, another meeting in the afternoon and a dinner invitation in about an hour…"

"Busy schedule…"

"How about you… how are you..?"

Abby sighed heavily. She wanted to say that her day had been miserable. She wanted to say that she missed Kerry terribly and that all she wanted to do was to fly to where she was to be with her.

But she chose not to, of course.

"Okay… nothing special…"

"You okay? You sound upset…"

Again, Abigail wanted to shout, not just convey, what her true feelings were but remained calm and collected. "No, I'm okay, just a little tired, maybe…"

"Abby…"

"Yeah, Kerry..?"

"I am going back tomorrow morning…"

"Really?" –Abby's tone of voice changed dramatically despite her best effort to appear cool.

"Yeah… my work is done already. I got the money for the new wing…"

"Wow, that's great Kerry…"

"Plus…ImissyousoIamgoingbacktomorrow" –Said Kerry almost in a whisper, praying that Abby would not have listened but hoping she had.

Abigail smiled to the phone and whispered back "I miss you too…"

Both women fell silent on the phone line, each absorbing the meaning of the almost undetectable exchange of feelings that had just taken place.

"Kerry…"

"Yes..?"

"Can I go to the airport to pick you up?"

If Kerry's heart needed a little push to melt, this was it. It was not only the obvious need and intention behind the words; it was also the almost child-like quality of the question that did it. She answered the only way she could, "Please do…"

After exchanging the needed information about Kerry's flight, they said good bye and hung up the phone. Kerry felt exhilarated and let the rush of endorphins wash over her like a Tsunami. She was happy, period, nothing else to it. She took a shower and dressed and put her makeup on as in automatic mode, all the while humming and smiling. In 45 minutes Kerry was ready and headed to the hotel's lobby to wait for her business associates.

Abigail, on the other hand, was overwhelmed. As soon as she hung up the phone, she grabbed an ashtray and headed towards the terrace to smoke away the pounding she felt inside her chest. While there was a hidden force lurking inside her that filled her with sheer happiness in regards of what had just taken place, there was another one, equally strong, that pressed on and filled her with terror.

She was in love with Kerry Weaver.

"Oh crap…" –Said Abby to herself burying her face in her hands. Finally, all the walls had come tumbling down and there was no point on denying what she was feeling. Kerry's presence had provided her with everything she had always longed for; trust, understanding, acceptance, peace and above all, unconditional love and there was no point on denying this anymore. She needed no other proof than what she had felt all throughout that day; that feeling of incompleteness that suffocated her from the second she knew Kerry would be gone. However, there was a part of her that still tried to hang on to the remote possibility that loneliness or psychological vulnerability made her feel confused in regards to her feelings.

And finally, after three cigarettes, she felt somewhat better. The fact that she knew that she could be confused, albeit only slightly, gave her the necessary comfort to enjoy the rest of the evening.


When her alarm went off the next morning, Abby was already up and showered. She flipped the switch, shutting down the noise and sat by her unmade bed, contemplating the best course of action to take. It was not even 7 o'clock in the morning and she was almost ready to go to the airport, despite the fact that Kerry's flight would not get in until 9 am. She had cleared the day by switching with Haleh and the only thing she had ahead of her, was Kerry.

She got up and proceeded to dress in a casual yellow blouse, tan pants and a leather jacket. Looking herself in the mirror, she approved the choice of attire and gathering her purse and her keys, left for the airport.

Once inside the airport, she realized she had plenty of time for a cup of coffee, a bagel and the morning paper. Settling in some chairs by the arrivals lobby, she sat down to drink her coffee and eat her breakfast. After reading the paper, she threw away most of it, saving the crossword for Kerry.

She could not help but to smile at her own actions.

Folding the piece of paper, she placed it in her purse and checked on the monitors; Kerry's flight had already landed so she just stood by the gate, to wait for her. After only maybe 5 minutes, she spotted the small woman walking slowly but with determination towards the gate and at that very second Abigail Lockhart realized that she had –in fact- fallen in love with Kerry Weaver.

And unlike the day before, that feeling filled her with joy.

Once Kerry was within walking distance, Abby walked towards her, meeting her halfway. Opening her arms in unison, both women merged into a close embrace.

"God, I'm so happy you're back…" were the only words Abby was able to mutter before burying her face in Kerry's shoulder.

"Me too…" –Answered Kerry.

They held onto each other for a little longer. For both of them, the encounter meant the same thing and in silence they acknowledged it and accepted it without looking for explanations. Again, as so many times in the past between the two, words were unnecessary.

Smiling, they separated themselves and headed on to the parking lot.

"So –asked the young nurse- what are we doing today..?"

"What do you mean? Don't you have to go back to work..?"

"Nope… I switched days with Haleh…" –Said Abby, smiling broadly.

Kerry just smiled and rubbed Abby's shoulders slightly. "I don't know sweetie… you're behind the wheel, you call the shots…"

"Are you hungry?"

"Hungry? No, not yet… "

"Tired?"

"Uh… no. no, I'm fine… better now that I have you around…"

Abby took the words in and touched, turned around pouting as she sometimes did. She was happy, Kerry made her happy. It was simple, absolute, like mountain water. Abby could not remember another instance when she was able to see something so clearly, so purely.

Later that day, Abby was lying on the floor of Kerry's backyard deck. The hard wooden surface was cool and clean and felt soft underneath Abby's bare soles. She was staring at the sky, looking for shapes in the clouds above.

"What about that one?" –Asked Kerry, pointing to a small puff of air in the blue sky.

"That one looks like a dog's head…" –Answered Abby, quietly.

Kerry kept silent observing the young nurse's face. It had become a pastime of sorts for Kerry; watching Abby's face and its myriad of emotions always there for the whole world to see. Again, for the second time in the last weeks, Kerry found Abigail beautiful; serene, intense, and splendid in her unpretentious allure. The impossible darkness of her perfectly round eyes, the lush eyebrows, the blameless cheeks and those pouting lips were all features that Kerry could neither ignore nor walk away from.

"Why are you smiling at..?" Kerry's words broke the silence. "You… you look like the cat that just ate the mouse…" –Added the redheaded doctor.

"I do?" –Asked Abby with a purposely innocent tone in her voice.

"Yeah, you do…"

Abby sighed and closed her eyes for a second. When she opened them again, she was no longer looking at the sky; she was facing Kerry.

"It's you Dr. Weaver… you make me…I don't know…It's fun to be with you…"

Kerry was deeply touched, incredibly surprised and mildly aroused at the younger woman's boldness.

"Uh…-she cleared her throat-…look funny or something..?"

"No, of course not…it's not that…"

"So..?"

"Being with you… that's all… You make me feel…I dunno…at peace..? Content..? Happy..?"

Kerry inhaled sharply. This simple declaration was melting her inside. "That's… new…"-she whispered.

"Is it bad? You look kind of shocked…"-asked Abigail suddenly fearing her true feelings had been noticed.

"No, I'm sorry sweetie… it's… uh… I don't know how to explain it…"

"Try please…" –muttered the student very softly with a tender inflection on her dusky voice. She sat up right with legs bent, providing all her attention to the redhead.

"It just feels weird, foreign… you know? I haven't heard that many times in my lifetime…"

"I don't buy that Kerry… and please, let's not get into an argument like the one we had that other time, okay?"

Kerry became serious and somber. As always, Abby had the uncanny and natural ability to allow Kerry room for disclosure and she felt one of those moments was about to descend upon them.

"I am telling you the truth, even if you don't believe my words Abby and no, we're not going to have an argument or anything like it… I promise."

"So…you're saying that it makes you feel weird to know you can make someone feel happy, at peace..?"

"Yes…"

"But why Kerry? Don't you think you're capable of that..?"

"Abby, I am going to ask you a question and please answer me honestly, ok?"

Abby nodded.

"Do you think people at the ER; Susan, Luka, Haleh, Neela…any of them… Do you think they regard me as someone that makes them happy, someone they would like to hang around with?"

"Oh come on Kerry, they work for you! They don't count… They see you as their boss, their supervisor, the one that makes sure they're doing their jobs and obeying the rules…"

"True Abby but even so, there are some of them like Dr. Lewis for example, whom I have known for many years now…and I can't say that we're really friends or anything… not even friendly acquaintances… People don't like me much…"

"Ker… -Abby's choice of words did not go unnoticed to Kerry. No one had ever called her like that except for Kim- "…most people don't know you. You can't say they don't like you, they just don't know you…"

"Oh come on Abby… do you remember when Mark was still alive? Do you remember how he and Elizabeth treated me? Malucci, Chen? Almost everyone… I just… I don't know… and you know what really makes me sad? That I never, ever, wished any harm for them, that I always –and God knows this is true- have tried to do the right thing for everyone…"

"I think it just came to me Kerry…"

"What came to you?"

"The reason why you're saying what you're saying…"

Kerry looked at the young nurse in disbelief. "Care to elaborate..?"

"You play by the rules Kerry and most people don't…"

"Huh?"

"Yeah… that's it… Listen to me…"

"I'm listening…"

"You remind people -and not only through your job but all the time- of the limitations, the rules and regulations, the obligations we all have and most people spend their entire lives trying to forget that there are rules to abide, limitations…restrictions…"

"But that's absurd Abby… I mean… we all have to do what we have to do… Becoming an adult is realizing that such is life and that despite our desires or whims, we have responsibilities…"

"And how many people -let's take those you mentioned before- How many of them would you say are fully functioning adults? How many of them actually have the emotional maturity to embrace the fact that yes, life is full of responsibilities, huh? Not even me… I have to struggle everyday to go to work…"

"And how come then if I remind you and everyone else of the things they don't like or want to do, how come you're here with me? How come you seem, as you clearly pointed out just before, happy to be with me?"

Abby almost jumped at the chance Kerry was innocently presenting to her but declined.

"Because I have gotten to know you better, I know what's beyond the boss, beyond the need to abide by the rules and regulations. Because I see that while you're hard on people, you're even harder on yourself… and that… that… I don't know… touches me… Plus, you make great pancakes!"

Abby added the last words in a hurry and with certain amount of wit hoping that the little humor injected at the last moment, would deter the redheaded doctor from detecting any other ulterior motives or more importantly, other feelings.

Unfortunately for Abby, the maneuver had not worked all that well. While Kerry's only response had been a smile, she had perceived the nervousness, the forcefully comic remark thrown at the last minute. Something was going on, feelings, motives, expectations, dreams… things were unraveling and Kerry Weaver knew it. She recognized the signs because she had been in Abby's position once not that long ago. She recognized the signs because she had started to feel them herself. But above all, Kerry knew things were changing because -she herself like Abby- could not stop smiling and finally because like Abby, she was starting to feel happy…herself.

And she knew it was all because Abigail Lockhart was around.

(End of Chapter 7)