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Chapter 7: Please, Let Me Get What I Want This Time
Tegan POV:
I set the box down on top of the kitchen table and reach inside, moving the greasy tools around. My lips pull into a small smile and I pull my hand out, walking over to the kitchen sink. I turn the small nob and cold water pours over my hands, making my body slightly cool down after a day under the hot sun.
"I thought I heard you pull up."
I hear my Aunt's voice, then the sound of a chair being pulled out. I turn the stream of water off and turn around, leaning against the kitchen sink as I look at the lady across from me. Her blonde hair is wet, small little drops falling onto the floor every second. And, she's alone. No Sara.
"Where's Sara?"
I ask, taking in a deep breath. My nerves start to surface, the thought of my Aunt saying 'she left, Tegan' making my stomach turn. My Aunt takes in a small breath and points to the doorway that leads to the hallway.
"She's asleep in my room. Poor thing, she's never slept on a floor before."
The nerves fade away but my stomach stays turning, guilt twisting with it. She lied to me this morning, she said that she slept better than she has in a while. Why would she do that? I take in a small breath and lift my hands, running my fingers through my hair. She could have told me the truth.
"I'm gonna go check on her."
I push my body off of the counter and walk over to the doorway, slowly stepping into the small hallway. My eyes trail to the last door on the right and I stop right in front of it, gently turning the gold doorknob. A soft breeze sinks into my pores as I push the door open, noticing the purple and pink colors shining off of the walls from the sunset outside. I push the door all the way and my eyes trail to the queen sized bed, a small figure laying right in the middle. All my building anger fades away as I slowly make my way to her, stopping at the edge of the bed. My eyes skim over the fragile body buried in a navy blue comforter and I let out a small sigh, who cares if she lied . . . I can't be mad at her.
I take in a deep breath and slowly climb onto the bed, trying my best not to wake her yet. I settle myself down on the thick mattress and turn my body to her, my eyes landing on her face for the first time in hours. I missed her face, more than I should have. Her eyelashes gently rest against her pink cheeks and small strands of her hair have fallen in her face. My lips pull into a soft smile as I bend my arm and rest my head in my palm, looking down at her.
This is odd. Very odd. When I moved down here, I had my priorities set. I made a promise to my Mom that I would finish High School, that I would be the first in the Quin Family to graduate. Maybe even apply to few colleges after, getting a degree in Mechanics and owning my own shop. That's always been my dream. But, things have changed. High school is now a broken promise to my Mom, one that I hope she'll understand. College? Without my Diploma, not even close. Owning my own shop? I'll just have to work in one for the rest of my life. And, her. She's a new one. An addition to my list of priorities. I want to make her happy.
"Do you always stare at people when they're trying to sleep?"
I hear her soft voice. A small chill runs down my spine as her eyes slowly open, my pupils growing as they land on her dark brown orbs. That brown, it's so familiar. It's oddly comforting. I close my eyes for a quick second, the dirt from Elliot State forest flashing through my mind. The blood in my veins stills as I look down at her, realization hitting me in the chest like a fist. She reminds me of home.
Without hesitation, I lean down and press my lips against hers; my eyes instantly closing at the warmth they bring. She lets out a small gasp against my lips and it makes my whole body numb, my mind wondering how she would gasp with my face between her thighs. Suddenly, I feel her warm palm press against my cheek and I skim my tongue over her bottom lip. Her lips slowly part and I slip into her, my eyes rolling back as my mind starts to twist. The taste of beer from last night is long gone, I can only taste her. It makes my thighs tremble.
"Shit."
I whisper, feeling her fingers slowly drag down my cheek. They stop for a quick second on my jaw, then softly run down my neck. I take in a deep breath and slowly pull myself away, knowing that I have very little self control when a girl's hands are on me. I keep my eyes closed and lean my forehead against hers, noticing that her skin is warm and her breathing is shaky. My lips pull into a small smile, she's that way because of me.
"We gotta get going."
I mumble, gently pressing my nose against hers. She lets out a soft chuckle and I open my eyes, pulling away to watch her lips crinkle at the corners. God, she's beautiful.
"Where are you taking me?"
"You'll see when we get there. I just gotta fix myself up really quick."
I whisper, slowly pulling away from her. Her fingers travel to the back of my neck and her grip tightens, making me stop. My eyes travel back to hers and she's looking down, my skin suddenly growing hot underneath her gaze.
"What do you need to fix?"
Her eyes trail up to mine and the innocence in them makes my core tremble. She doesn't even know the effect she has on me. I take in a small breath and lift my hand, running my fingers through my hair.
"I'm gonna change my shirt, since there's grease stains on it. Then I gotta wash up and do something with my fucking hair."
Sara lets out a soft chuckle and I smile, feeling her fingertips slowly travel up from my neck and into my hair. Her lips pull into a small smile and she lifts her head up, her lips pressing softly against my cheek.
"I'll wait for you in the living room."
She pulls away and turns to the edge of the bed, my eyes following her as she sits up and the blanket falls to the side. She stands and I look down, every bone in my body pulsing. Her legs are covered in tight-skinny black jeans, a familiar dark maroon jumper hanging over it. That's the knitted sweater that my Mom made for my Aunt's 28th birthday. She walks over to the bedroom door and reaches for the light switch, flicking it on. My eyes travel even lower and my heart skips a beat, my burgundy Doc's covering her feet. My god. Without another word, she opens the door and steps out into the hallway.
"Fuck."
I whisper, throwing my head onto the pillow where her head once was. It's been so long. Two years since I've buried my face between a girls trembling thighs. To feel a girls lips grind against my cheeks while her back arches off the bed, moans flowing in one ear and never leaving out of the other. It's been too long.
"But, you're not ready."
I mumble to myself, closing my eyes. It's true, I'm not. The scar that lays over my heart starts to burn and I take in another deep breath, crossing my arm over my chest. If only I had been fast enough to cover my chest that day, these scars wouldn't be there. I hate them. I hate the way they look. I hate the way that they burn every time I think of her. But, what I really hate most about them . . . is how they've scared me away from something that I love. Women. I'm scared that history will repeat itself and I'll be in a hospital bed once again. Only this time, with a flat chest and a tube to keep me alive.
That's why I hate that I kissed her last night. The moment I pulled away from her and looked into her eyes, I knew that I was gone. I watched and felt as my world came crashing down on me. Why? Because, I promised myself that after Denise . . . I would never let another girl have a hold on me. That I would never fully give myself to a girl with a pretty face, simply for the fact that they're known to be the deadliest. But, for a second, I forgot about that promise the day that I saw Sara. Her long brown hair that was kissed by the blue stage lights. Her piercing brown eyes that seemed to follow every muscle that I moved. That was enough to make me vulnerable for a small second, I knew that I had to have her.
My thoughts suddenly vanish as a familiar voice fills my ears, my lips instantly pulling into a small smile. Steven Patrick Morrisey. I take in a small breath and slowly sit up on my Aunt's bed, looking out of the window as my tape plays from my boom box in the kitchen. In just a few hours, I'll be listening to his voice with a room full of my kind of people . . . with her under my arm.
Sara POV:
The world around me starts to slow down, the wind letting my hair softly sway. I take in a small breath and slowly open my eyes, lifting my head to rest my chin on Tegan's shoulder. A cool breeze sinks into my pores as my eyes roam the unfamiliar city. I've never been around here before.
The buildings make my mind swirl, most of them having bright flashing lights a few feet above the entrances. I trail my eyes over one building, the lights making my pupils blossom in awe. El Capitan. There's people standing around the entrance, some dressed in nothing but denim and black, other's in white button ups and pastel colored shorts. My nose scrunches up in confusion, we never see these two mix in The Valley.
We pass a few more places that have bright lights and people crowding the entrance, my mind whirling at the way they come together. We slow down to a stop at a red light and I trail my eyes up, looking at the sign that's hanging from a streetlight. Sunset Blvd. The light shines a bright green and Tegan takes off again, my eyes looking around at the crowded street. We're right in between two cars, driving down the lines that separate the two lanes.
My stomach starts to twist with excitement and I look up, the scene slightly changing from the one we were just on. The buildings are more dark, some with black paint. None of the signs that hang on the side of the buildings are flashing with bright white lights.
"The Roxy."
I whisper, burning the red letters into my mind. There's a line of people outside, most leaning against the black wall with smoke leaving their lips. All of them are dressed in black, some with their hair a different color and spiked up high. They look like the people that Tegan hangs out with.
I trail my eyes to the building next to it and notice that the sign is bright, the colors of it fitting in with the name. The Rainbow Room. My lips pull into a small smile as I look down, another line hanging out against the wall. Suddenly, I feel a warm palm rest over my hand. I turn my head to the side and Tegan turns a little, his eyes still focused on the road as he leans back.
"We're here."
I nod my head and gently tap my fingers against his stomach, letting him know that I heard him with all the noise around us. His fingers gently squeeze mine for a quick second, then they're gone. We slow down to a stop in a lane that's between the two opposites, my eyes trailing to the building on my right hand side. Whiskey A Go Go. The name is in a pretty red cursive font, unlike the others. It's oddly welcoming. Tegan turns into the street and slowly pulls up to a small piece of concrete that isn't painted red, kicking the kick stand out and turning off the engine. Without saying a word, I remove my hands from his stomach and bring them up to his shoulders, pressing against them as I slowly climb off of his bike. I stand on the side and turn to the building in front of me, my eyes going to the white board hanging on the corner. THE SMITHS - 8pm are in the center, no other words surrounding it.
"Let me guess, you've never heard of The Smiths?"
I turn my head to the side and he's standing right next to me, a perfectly rolled up cigarette between his lips with an orange tip. He tilts his head to the side and looks down at me, probably already knowing my answer. I shake my head and he takes in a deep breath, lifting his hand to pull the cigarette away from his lips.
"God, woman. The things I need to show you."
He parts his lips and a cloud of smoke travels into the open air. Please, show me everything you know. He lifts the cigarette back up to his lips and keeps it there, his hand suddenly grabbing mine. My lips pull into a small smile as he walks in front of me, guiding me to the front entrance. My hand feels so warm in his. We turn the corner and my eyes go to the people who are lined up against the wall, my shoulders tensing. We will be part of that line in just a few moments.
"Jacob!"
I trail my eyes to the left, noticing that we're walking up to a man who's standing at the front entrance with his arms crossed, dressed in all black. The man's lips pull into a small smile as Tegan stops right in front of him, his fingers pulling me close to his back while his thumb softly rubs against mine.
"Get your fucking ass in there, Quin. Jeremy's at the bar."
The man steps to the side and my eyes travel to the dark doorway that was once behind him, a chill running down my spine. Tegan's fingers squeeze mine and my stomach flutters as he pulls us toward the door, my other hand coming up to rest on the small of his back. We pass the threshold and I look around, a small dim lit hallway with black and white photos scattered all over the walls. Suddenly, I hear the sound of people mumbling. I take in a deep breath and grip the denim of his jacket, wanting him to be as close to me as possible. I'm around people that I don't even know, it's slightly scary.
We get to the end of the hallway and Tegan suddenly turns to the right, my pupils blossoming as we enter a giant dim lit room. My fingers tighten on his denim jacket as my eyes take in the people who are scattered around, all of them dressed like Punks. These are Tegan's people.
His fingers squeeze mine for a quick second and he suddenly stops, slowly turning around to face me. I trail my eyes up to his face and he has the cigarette placed between his lips, smoke leaving his nostrils with ease. I still find that so fascinating.
"I've got some people that I want you to meet. Are you okay with that?"
My eyes trail over the features of his face, my heart beating loud as realization hits me. He wants me to meet his friends. I take in a small breath and look down at the ground for a few seconds, my nerves slowly surfacing. 'Most guys won't bring you around their friends if they ain't serious about you, Sara. Always remember that. If a guy brings you around the people he loves to be around, you mean something to him.' I still remember the tone of Richard's voice when he told me that, it's something I'll never forget.
"Yeah, I'm okay with that."
He tilts his head to the side and lifts his hand, taking the cigarette between his fingers as his eyes roam my face. His lips slowly pull into a soft smile and he brings the cigarette back between his lips, motioning his head towards the bar.
"C'mon."
He turns back around and tightens his hold on my hand, slowly guiding me to the other side of the room. I turn my head to the side and my pupils blossom as they take in the sight of the burgundy floor stage. Black curtains hang around it, the bands equipment already set up and shining bright under the red stage lights. Live music, there's nothing better.
Tegan slows down to a stop and I turn my head, my eyes taking in the old fashioned bar. The wooden counter top is old, names and numbers carved into it with peoples pocket knifes. The shelves that hold the bottles of liquor are the same wood, the glasses stacked up high on the side. A guy is standing behind the bar in the far left corner, his body dressed in all black with his hair a bright lime green. He's talking to a bunch of guys that are leaning against the bar with girls under their arms. I've seen him before.
"Hey, Bartender! Quit fucking around and start making me a whiskey on the rocks!"
I hear Tegan's voice, my heart fluttering at how rough it was. The boy with lime green hair turns and his lips pull into a big smile, his hand waving us over to his small little crowd. Tegan gently pulls my hand and I can't help but smile, knowing that Tegan probably feels at home with these people.
We stop right next to the small crowd and they all turn, looking at Tegan with gummy smiles. Tegan steps forward and looks up at a guy with the sides of his head shaved, a strip of hair standing up straight. The guy smiles and opens his arms, Tegan's grip on my hand getting a little loose as he throws an arm around him. A few other guys pat Tegan on the back and Tegan pulls away, stepping to the side of me.
"Who's the pearl, Tee?"
The guy with the shaved sides asks, his lips pulling into a small smile. The Pearl? Tegan's grip around my fingers tighten and I turn to him, his lips forming a soft smile.
"Guys, this is Sara."
I turn my attention back to the group of guys and girls in front of me, a shy smile pulling at my lips.
"Sara, this guy right here is Tom. I've known him for about 10 years, he's one of my guys."
Tegan says, pointing to the guy with the shaved sides. Tom extends his hand out to me and I take it, letting out a small gasp when he pulls it up to his lips and kisses my knuckle.
"Nice to meet you, Pearl. If Tegan ever gives you any trouble, let me know. I'll straighten him out for you."
My cheeks grow warm under everyone's gaze and I slowly pull my hand away, gently nodding my head. Tom lets out a small chuckle and I feel Tegan's fingers tighten even more, my palm starting to throb.
"Back off mine, Fabio."
I hear Tegan's voice, a hint of anger laced in it. Mine? Every bone in my body grows numb, a warm feeling swirling around in my stomach. I'm his? I turn my head to the side and look up at him, his features giving off an annoyed expression. No. I slowly trace my thumb along his slender one and his features start to soften, his annoyance slowly fading away.
"Sara, this is Nick and Tawnie. Our very own Middle-School sweethearts. They never go anywhere without each other."
He says, lifting up a finger and pointing. My eyes travel in the direction of his slender index and they land on a guy and girl, both softly smiling. Nick is dressed just like every other guy here, tight pants and a jean vest. His jet black hair styled up high in a messy pompadour. Now, Tawnie. Her legs are covered in black fishnet stockings, a tight leather skirt ending mid-thigh. A black denim vest is covering her chest, patches and pins stapled all over it. Her hair? The sides are shaved, just like Tom's. Only her hair is a bright red, the tips fading into a jet black.
"Nice to meet you."
I mumble, my eyes roaming over Tawnie's hair. Tawnie lets out a soft chuckle and lifts one hand, gently running her fingers over one shaved side.
"I'm just getting used to it, too. Nicky did it for me!"
She says, turning her head to the side to look up at Nick. Nick smiles and turns to her, placing a small kiss on her forehead as he softly nods his head. The thought of Tawnie's hair fades away and my lips pull into a small smile, they look so happy together.
"These two, are Danny and Pink. Identical twins who are attached at the hip."
I send Nick and Tawnie one last smile and turn to the two standing next to them, a boy and girl. Danny is wearing red-plaid skin tight pants, black Doc's with yellow thick laces. His chest and toned stomach showing underneath a plain black vest with few patches studded onto it. His hair is short, but spiking up in every direction. Pinky, dressed the exact same way. Only two differences, one being that a white wife beater is under her vest. Two, her hair. It's cut just like Tawnies, only a patch of bangs hang to the side and the color is Pink.
"Nice to meet you, Sara."
They both say at the exact same time. My lips pull into a small smile and I let out a soft chuckle, lifting my hand and sending them a small wave. I don't know what it is about his friends, but I feel so shy. These are the people that Tegan loves to be around, I don't want to say anything that will mess this all up.
"What about me, fucker?"
I hear a deep voice. I turn my head to the side and my eyes land on the guy with lime green hair, his face showing a hurt expression. I hear Tegan let out a soft chuckle and the boy hops onto the bar counter, swinging his legs over and hopping down in front of me.
"Since Tegan forgot about me, I'll just introduce myself. I'm Jeremy, Tegan's right hand man."
He holds a hand out and my lips pull into a smile, my hand connecting with his in a rough shake. He smiles and turns his head to the side, his eyes instantly lighting up with excitement.
"Also, let me introduce you to my lovely lady. Babe!"
His hand slides out of my grip and I turn my head to the side, a familiar face walking towards us. Valerie? Her lips curl into a big smile and she runs past me, throwing her arms around Jeremy's neck. Jeremy lets out a rough chuckle and places a small kiss on her cheek, pulling away and pointing to me.
"Babe, there's two people that I want you to meet."
Valerie pulls herself away from Jeremy and turns to us, her eyes trailing up to mine. She tilts her head to the side and squints her eyes, a bright smile forming on her lips.
"Sara?"
"Valerie?"
It's been so long since I've talked to her. 7 years, to be exact. She takes a step forward and opens her arms, my lips curling as I step forward and untangle my hand from Tegan's, wrapping them around her. I take in a deep breath and my old best-friend slowly pulls away, tucking herself underneath Jeremy's arm.
"So, I'm guessing you two know eachother?"
I hear Tegan's voice. I take a step back and turn my head to the side, looking up at him.
"Yeah, we used to be pretty close."
He looks back to her for a second and nods, lifting his arm and resting it over my shoulder, his fingers dangling over my chest.
"Well, we haven't met. I'm Tegan, it's nice to meet the girl who's made my boy already so happy."
My eyes trail down to his hand that's hanging above my chest and his word crosses my mind. Mine. I take my bottom lip between my teeth and lift my hand up, gently tangling my fingers between his. His arm pushes me closer to him and I tuck my head into his shoulder, looking back at Jeremy and Valerie with a smile on my face.
"Wait a second, you're the guy who started a fight last night at Resa's party. Shit, they were mad when you left with him."
Valerie says, looking straight at me. The blood in my veins stills and my eyes grow wide, Resa. I lift my free hand and cover my eyes, guilt stirring in the pit of my stomach. I completely forgot about my friends. How could I do that?
"Shit. Sara, I'm sorry."
I turn my head to the side and nuzzle my face into his neck, a wave of comfort sinking into my pores. I take in a small breath and shake my head, not wanting him to feel sorry. He shouldn't be. They're my friends. I'm the one who left with the guy who started a fight at my best friends party. I'm the one who should be sorry.
I feel a warm palm press against my jaw and I uncover my eyes, pulling away from his neck to look at the boy. He's looking down at me, his eyes drooped at the corner with guilt. Suddenly, all the guilt in my stomach fades away. My eyes roam over every feature of his face, the fading bruises and cuts making my lips curl into a weak smile. Him. His face. He's worth my friends being mad.
"Don't be, Tegan. I'm where I want to be, okay?"
I whisper, only for his ears to hear. He takes in a deep breath and softly shakes his head, the guilt still there in his eyes. Without hesitation, I stand on my tip-toes and press my lips against his, my eyes instantly closing from bliss. His hand on my jaw tightens it's grip and the safe feeling surrounds me once again. Without a doubt, this is definitely worth my friends being mad.
"They're starting to let in the line from outside, guys."
I hear Jeremy's voice. Tegan slowly pulls away and I open my eyes, a weak smile pulling at his lips. My hand tightens its grip on his and I turn my head to the side, looking at the people who are walking into the room.
"C'mon, stay close."
Tegan POV:
Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
And then leave me alone
Don't try to wake me in the morning
'Cause I will be gone
Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I will feel so glad to go
I tighten my grip around Sara's chest and lean in closer, my eyes closing as his voice bounces off the venue walls. Steven Patrick Morrissey, my favorite voice. I feel a pair of warm soft hands cover mine and I bring my face down into the crook of her neck, taking in a deep breath. Steven's voice fills the room once again and the image of curly red hair flashes in my mind. Every ounce of blood in my body suddenly turns cold, my muscles tensing.
"Babe?"
I lift my head up from her strawberry scented pillow and trail my eyes to her naked body, standing in front of the record player on her dresser. My lips pull into a small smile and I sit up, leaning back on my elbows as I watch her place the needle on the record. God, how I love her.
"So, I found this new band. I want you to listen to them a bit, yeah?"
"Alright. Who are they?"
The sound of clashing bounces off the walls and my ears perk up, the beat already pulling me in. Denise turns around and jumps on to the bed, placing a foot on each side of my thighs as I let out a soft chuckle. She looks down at me and smiles, her hips swaying from side to side as a man's voice fills my ears.
"Fuck."
I whisper, my eyes trailing up her smooth legs to the spot between her thighs that drives me insane. Her lips are still wet with her cum and my saliva, the best taste we could ever create. I sit more up and lean my body back against the headboard, watching as she waves her hands around from side to side.
"God, I love you."
Her smile grows even more and she slowly lowers her body down, her bare ass right in my lap. My hands grip the meat on her hips and she wraps her arms around my neck, playing with the fuzz on the back of my neck.
"Really? Then, how come you don't let me touch you? I wanna make you feel good, too."
The smile fades from her lips and she looks down at my shirt covered chest. She untangles her hand from the back of my neck and places it on my chest, my heart starting to beat fast. Shit.
"I told you, I'm not ready for that right now. I just wanna focus on you at the moment, okay?"
I lift my hand up and wrap it around her wrist, gently pulling it off my heaving chest. She takes in a deep breath and tilts her head to the side, a fond smiling gracing her lips.
"You do love me, huh?"
"You have no idea, baby."
I whisper, leaning in and pressing my lips against her cheek. She lets out a soft giggle and I smile, leaning my head back against the headboard as my nerves ease. I know I have to tell her, but it's only been 6 months. I need her to love me before I tell her the truth, because I don't know what I would do if she couldn't handle it. I'd be hurt, and I don't want that. So, I have to wait for her to love me. Because, if she loves me . . . nothing can be enough to make her leave me.
"So, I like the band. Who is it?"
I slowly move my hands down to her bare flesh and she chuckles, her hand going back to playing with the fuzz on the back of my neck.
"The Smiths. They're a band from the UK, I think."
"All the best bands are, babe. Let me take the record home?"
She nods and I smile, leaning in and taking her bottom lip between my teeth. A moan slips past her lips and I place one hand on her back, her grip around my neck tightening as I lean forward so she's laying down on the mattress. I shift my leg right in between hers and grab both of her hands, pinning them above her head as I pull away to look down at the moaning girl underneath me. This is a beautiful sight. I never want to forget this moment, or The Smiths.
My eyes start to sting as the memory slowly fades, the scars on my chest starting to burn. No, not here. I take in a deep breath and lean closer into Sara, my chest pressing into every curve of her back. I feel her soft fingers slowly rub up and down the back of my hand, the pain in my chest starting to ease. What? I pull my face away from her neck and keep my body molded with hers, my eyes trailing to the side of her face. A soft smile is playing on her lips, her eyes closed. The pain in my chest comes to an end and I turn my hand around, my fingers tangling between her spaces. Her smile grows even more and I lean back down into her neck, taking in a deep breath. She doesn't smell like strawberry, not one bit. To be honest, she actually smells like me. My bodywash?
"Did you use my soap?"
I whisper, taking in the smell of fresh peppermint. Her fingers tighten their grip around mine and I feel her head nod. I let out a soft chuckle and close my eyes once again, leaning closer into her neck.
"Alright, guys. This is going to be our last song for the night."
I hear Steven's voice. The crowd starts to clap, whistles echoing around the whole entire room. My lips pull into a small smile, the sound of Jeremy's scream filling my ears. This, is what I love about going to concerts. The sound of the crowd screaming for a band.
"Now, I want you all to put your hands up. If you know the song, sing with me."
The screaming starts to fade away and the sound of an acoustic guitar bounces off the walls. My ears perk at the familiar tune and I feel Sara's body begin to softly sway from side to side. It makes my heart stop. I know this song. I know this song so well.
Good times for a change
see, the luck I've had
can make a good man
turn bad
My eyes start to sting and I lean into Sara more, my cheeks growing warm from being surrounded by her body heat. I remember the day that I first heard this song. I sat in my Grandpa's old garage and cried at the memory of her curly red hair.
So please please please
let me, let me, let me
let me get what I want
this time
Suddenly, I feel Sara's fingers tighten their grip on mine. The memory fades away and I open my eyes, looking down at the skin of her neck. Under the red stage lights, her skin glows a beautiful pink. It's funny, because I hate that color. But, on her? Pink is now on my list of favorite colors. I squeeze her fingers gently and close my eyes once again, letting the music sink into every one of my pores.
Haven't had a dream in a long time
see, the life I've had
can make a good man bad
Memories of her curly red hair and piercing green eyes start to flash in my mind, my heart slowly starting to race. I don't want to think of her. Not when I have Sara under my arm, my front pressed against her back. I take in a deep breath and the smell of fresh peppermint fills my nostrils, she's all I want to think about. Without hesitation, I press my lips against her neck and mumble my favorite words into her skin.
"So for once in my life
let me get what I want
Lord knows it would be the first time
Lord knows it would be the first time"
The guitar fades away and the crowd starts to scream, the sound of clapping echoing around the room. As much as I want to scream and clap for my favorite band with them, I can't find it in my muscles to move. For the first time in two years, I want something. I want this. I want her. It scares me. Because, if by some miracle I do get what I want, it would be the first time.
I slowly push the door open and look inside the dark room, my eyes trailing down to the spot where a small ray of moonlight glows. What? Instead of the normal wooden floor with thin white sheets covering it, there's a thick mattress in the middle of the room. A giant folded white blanket and two fluffy pillows at the head of it.
"Your Aunt bought you a mattress."
I hear Sara whisper, her fingers tightening their grip on mine from behind me. I take a step forward and close my eyes for a quick second, the giant fluffy mattress still sitting in the same exact spot that my sheets once took up. My Aunt bought me a mattress.
I hear the front door shut and I gently untangle my fingers from Sara's, my feet guiding me to the bed. I stop right at the edge of it and look down, a small piece of paper resting on one of the two pillows. I slowly sink down to my knees and reach out for the paper, bringing it to the small ray of light as I turn it over.
Get some rest, I love you.
-Aunt Rita.
My lips pull into a weak smile and I place the paper down on the floor, my eyes trailing to the bed in front of me. She bought me a fucking bed. Without hesitation, I place my hands on the fluffy mattress and crawl onto it. My body sinks a little and I turn around, laying my back down on it as my head rests on a fluffy pillow. I close my eyes. Oh. The springs mold against every curve in my body, my muscles instantly easing. It feels like heaven.
"Come here."
I whisper, lifting my arms open for Sara. I hear her let out a soft chuckle and then I feel the mattress dip, my muscles to weak to even let me open my eyes. Suddenly, I feel her weight on top of me, the curves in her chest resting right over my stomach. I open my eyes and look down, her head resting on my stomach, her body laying between my legs with her hands laying on each side of my thighs. My lips pull into a wide smile and I bring my hands down to my chest, lightly tapping it for her to come up. Her lips pull into a soft smile and she pushes her body up, placing her arms across my chest as she lays down on top of me, her head resting on her arms.
"I like this way more than you laying down next to me."
I whisper, folding my arms to rest my hands behind my neck. She lets out a soft chuckle and tilts her head to the side, her eyes suddenly growing heavy with a look that I've never seen before. It's like she's studying my face for the first time, her eyes are gazing.
"Has a girl ever hurt you, Tegan?"
She whispers, my heart stopping for a quick second as her words process in my mind.
"What?"
"Has a girl ever hurt you?"
The sound of her voice makes every nerve in my body rise. Has a girl ever hurt me? I take in a deep breath and lay my head back down on the pillow, my eyes trailing to the ceiling as her curly red hair comes to mind. Has a girl ever hurt me before? Yeah, a girl has. Mentally and physically. But, why is that question even on her mind?
"Why would you ask me something like that?"
I mumble, hoping she hears the genuine curiosity in my voice. Suddenly, I feel her weight shift. The hem of my shirt starts to slowly go up and I close my eyes, my heart racing as it stops right over my belly button.
"Because, your Aunt asked me to promise her that I would never hurt you. That I would never lay a hand on you because you're different."
I feel both of her hands rest right under each side of my rib cage, her fingers gently tracing figures over the last two ribs. What? I untangle my hands from the back of my head and place them over my face, rubbing away the anger that wants to surface.
"So, I'm asking. Has a girl ever hurt you for her to make me promise that?"
The anger fades away and I open my eyes, running my fingers through my hair as my eyes starts to sting. The sound of her squeaky giggle rings through my ears and I feel a warm tear leave the corner, slowly rolling down into my hair. I'm trying so hard to forget her, why I can't I?
"Yeah, a girl has."
Her fingers still against my skin and I lift my head from the pillow, looking down at her. She's looking up at me, her pupils blown with a look of sadness as they roam every feature on my face.
"I'm sorry that she went and asked you to promise her that. She shouldn't have done tha-"
"I already made the promise to her."
She whispers, her eyes trailing down to the patch of skin right below my rib cage. She takes in a deep breath and softly shakes her head, leaning down and pressing her lips right below my belly button. A chill runs down my spine as every hair on my body stands up, I've never had a girl kiss any part of my body before.
"And, I wanna make that promise to you. I'm never going to hurt you."
She mumbles against my skin, letting me feel the sincerity of her words. A sharp pain hits my heart and I close my eyes for a second, feeling a brick from my wall turn to dust. No. I take in a small breath and reach a hand down, softly running my fingers through her long brown hair. She lifts her head from my stomach and looks up at me, her features soft.
"It's a mystery to me why anyone would hurt you."
My fingers still against her scalp and my mind trails to the wrap that's binding my chest down, the scars under it starting to itch. That wrap is covering up one of the reason's why someone would hurt me.
"It's not to me. Don't make that promise if you don't know everything about me, Sara."
I whisper, feeling my eyes start to sting with more salty water. Her eyes slowly close and she leans back down, her lips pressing a warm kiss right under my right rib cage. I take in a sharp breath as her fingers start to move again, the light brush of her eyelashes making my stomach flutter.
"I promise, Tegan. Goodnight."
She presses her lips against my skin one last time and turns her head to the side, her hands staying right under my rib cage as her cheek rests against my stomach. I lay my head back down onto the pillow and look back at the ceiling, another tear leaving the corner and rolling into my hair. I slowly move my fingers back over her scalp, brushing her hair so it falls over the side of my hip and take in a small breath. She still promised.
