Chapter 7
I woke before dawn as my sleep was restless from the turbulent evening. I dressed myself and made my way to the stable where John was busy at work. I told him about the fire and explained that I fell asleep while reading and left a candle burning. The last thing I needed were servants poking around on the third floor or asking Jane what had happened. He was very attentive and told me he would explain everything to Mrs Fairfax in as soon as she was awake. I thanked him, told him I would write Mrs Fairfax when I was ready to return to Thornfield and got on my horse. He bid me goodbye and I rode away from Thornfield.
As I travelled down the road where I first met my beloved, I felt her presence invade my soul again. I hated leaving her without saying goodbye but I knew I had to get away before I revealed too much of myself to her. As I rounded the curve where I fell off my horse, I thought of the tiny little frame that helped me on that evening. I did not know then how I would now feel but there was something about our meeting that evening that was different from any before. Jane was so brave that night and I was instantly drawn to her self-assured manners and helpful soul. It was not until now that I realized how much of an impact she would have on my heart.
I sighed and tried to ride faster. I had to get to Eshton's and get these thoughts of Jane Eyre out of my head. Pilot ran on ahead of me and I soon found myself entering the outskirts of the village. I rode onto Eshton's and arrived shortly before breakfast. I was met by his horseman who informed his master was travelling to Ingram Park. I decided at that moment I would join him for surely the remedial society available there would be a welcome distraction for my heavy heart. Eshton soon joined us outside.
"Rochester!" he exclaimed. "I certainly did not expect you." I shook his hand and felt strangely discontent amongst his warm and friendly manners.
"Well I decided to go for a morning ride and this is where I ended up," I replied.
"I am about to travel to Ingram Park for the party. You knew about it?"
Oh how could I forget Lady Ingram's vain invitation for a small gathering of the local gentry? I told him I had received it but did not reply because household matters had kept me busy.
"Come in and breakfast with me before we ride on," he said and I followed him into his home. His dining room was not overly elegant but it suited his lifestyle. He was a family man after-all and a committed academic. As we sat at the table, he told me his wife and children had gone to visit a sister for a fortnight. She did not enjoy gatherings at Ingram Park and did everything in her power to avoid them. Eshton was overly courteous about neighbourly things and was always present at these tedious gatherings.
We sipped our coffee and had some porridge. He talked about some new research which kept him occupied. I listened but my entire mind was focused on other things. I thought of Jane and how she would be so interested in what he was telling me about. She was so inquisitive and her mind devoured any knowledge it could obtain. She would certainly have some insightful questions about biology for Eshton.
"Rochester?" Eshton asked suddenly. "Are you well?"
"Yes, yes," I replied trying to refocus my attention on my friend.
"You seemed lost Edward. Is everything fair at Thornfield?"
Eshton knew me well enough to know when I was uneasy. Although he knew nothing of my secret, he understood my moods and temperament. He had been with me in Europe when I tried to escape from myself and saved me on occasion from drinking my sorrows away. I knew it would be virtually impossible to keep my feelings for Jane a secret from him for he was too well acquainted with me. Besides, two secrets would be too difficult to keep from a friend as good as Eshton.
I said, "Esthton, things at Thornfield are as good as they have been since I returned from Europe." I smiled contently, took a sip of my coffee and proceeded to tell him about Jane. As I concluded my story, minus the fire, he seemed amused.
"Could it be that the elusive Edward Rochester is in love?"
"She has bewitched my heart and cast her spell over my soul. She is so different from any woman that I have ever known my friend. I cannot help myself. I had to escape her before I revealed too much."
"Surely, Edward, she would not be offended by your feelings from what you have told me. She seems too sweet natured and intelligent to hurt you deliberately. Although I have never met Miss Eyre, I have known you long enough to know you would not deliberately throw your life away."
I chuckled at this comment for I knew differently.
He continued, "If you love this woman then why not propose to her? You want that kind of stability correct?"
Yes I did long for that kind of stability and the saneness that Jane possessed but I also knew the solution was not so simple in my circumstance.
"Edward why are you here and not with her?"
"Because I wanted your advice but since you are off to Ingram Park, I will have to follow you there to get it." He knew how I loathed Ingram Park and probably suspected other reasons for my hasty departure from my beloved. Still I could not reveal the whole nature of my problem to my friend for someone like him would immediately depart from me if he knew.
"Eshton," I said. "I am running from my feelings because I am unsure of myself. Let me accompany you to Ingram Park and maybe we can sort out my situation." We concluded our breakfast and left his home. On our way to Ingram Park, he spoke warmly of his family in an effort to persuade me how wonderful marriage and family are.
We entered the lush grounds of Ingram Park. I felt myself become cold as we saw the great house and its pompous exterior. I hated this kind of garishness but tried to put these thoughts out of my mind. I found myself thinking about my sweet Jane when Blanche Ingram rode up to me.
"Hello Mr Rochester," she said coyly. "This is a pleasant surprise."
I looked at her. Her raven hair blew in the wind and her eyes showed me her delight in seeing me. She was dressed in a plush suit and looked like she had spent half the morning preparing herself for me. I hated her decadence but then something infinitely better crossed my mind. It was something that was deceitful and hardly good but I was desperate to know how Jane felt about me and this was the only way I would be able to.
