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Unwanted

I was sat on the stairs when Charlie pulled onto the driveway at eight o'clock at night. When he came through the door, he huffed in exhaustion, which made me rethink about yelling at him.

I heard him pull off his boots and unload his gear on to the small table by the door where he put his mail.

"Hello?" He called. He mustn't have realised I was so close, "Bell- oh!" Charlie gasped in surprise.

"Sorry," I laughed once, to my ears though it sounded impassive. "It's a change though. You are usually the one that scares me."

"Bells, are you okay?"

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?" I asked him, slightly sour.

"Alright..?" His uncertainness made it almost sound like a question.

My chin rose as I gritted my teeth together and spoke through them, "is there something you want to tell me?"

Charlie seemed to hesitate; "Ummm…" he fumbled, "No, not really. Why? Is something wrong?"

I clamped my eyes shut and buried my head in my hands so he couldn't see the annoyance on my face. "Why won't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

My head snapped up, "You know what," I unintentionally yelled.

"Bells, what's going on?"

I couldn't be sure if he was lying or telling the truth. Either way, I marched to the kitchen and slammed down on the phone until I was fortunate enough to hear the messages again. Mum's message played in the background as I asked him, "Are you sure you don't know? Because I'm sure you do. You've known all along and you didn't tell me when."

"When what?" He interjected.

"When I'd have-" I cut off, not being able to finish.

He seemed to catch on then. "Bells, I didn't mean to keep it from you for so long but I just couldn't find the words to tell you."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I could feel my face scrunch up in sadness. "The message has been on there for more then two months," this was a definite fact- I'd checked the date on the machine.

"I know I should have," his voice, pained. "We just couldn't-"

"We?" I asked, my voice an octave higher than before.

"Your mother and I, we didn't know how to tell you. But by the sounds of her message" –which had just ended- "she was planning on telling you when she gets here. We were going to tell it to you better, break it to you gently. We didn't want you to find out the way you did."

Right on cue, the message from the hospital started, the room went dead apart from the voice echoing from the speaker.

I didn't know I was crying until the answer machine beeped, it was noiseless apart from my sobbing.

"Bella-" Charlie said softly, as to not scare me but to comfort me.

"I'm going to bed," I announced. "Dinner's in the oven. See you in the morning." Fisting my hands and crossing my arms over my chest, I headed to my room.

Charlie's voice was just audible behind me, "I'm sorry, Bells. We'll talk in the morning then…"

I brushed my teeth quickly, wanting desperately to just go to sleep- to be unconscious and not have to deal with the hassles of life and conscious thoughts-worries.

Resisting the urge to slam my door, I closed it slowly with a tiny click. The need to cry, to burst into a fit of tears was too over powering and I found myself sliding down my bedroom door. When I hit the floor, I curled into a ball and let my stress, sadness and the terror in me win its battle over breaking me down.

After what felt like hours, my eyes finally ran dry; I slipped into my bed, and into dreams that I knew I'd forget when I'd wake up.


I'd talked to Charlie on Sunday, he reassured me that there was nothing to worry about, after he apologised a million times. I'd repeat the same words to him, "its fine, I'm not mad. I just would've liked more notice."

I think he felt better after our discussion, and truthfully, so did I. I wasn't as terrified as before, not that that feeling has completely disappeared, but I knew I'd be okay.

In the overemotional state I was in on Sunday, I made Charlie promise that no matter who it was, be it doctor, nurse, him or mum, someone would be with me when I woke up.

He had promised.

Monday morning was awful but I made it to school on time. Charlie dropped me off and I went straight to first lesson, I may have been on time but I didn't have time to dawdle.

I followed the daily routine with no fuss.

When we had our first break, I searched for Jessica, Mike or someone from our group. However, I didn't need to worry, for they found me.

"Bella" Jessica squealed.

"Hey," I replied with much less enthusiasm.

"Where have you been?" Mike asked curious.

"Umm…lessons?" I stated simply.

"Yeah, I know, but I mean, where were you this morning?" He wondered still exceptionally curious.

"Yes, Bella," Jessica's tone had changed slightly; it had hardened, "where were you?" I don't know what it was that had upset her but it couldn't have been something I did, because I wasn't doing anything.

"Urm…" I was taken aback by Jessica's attitude that I paused for a moment, carefully thinking about how to structure my words. "I was just late, is all. I overslept." I laughed once, and only Mike joined me.

Then a voice called, it pulled at the edges of my memory but I couldn't remember the name that went with the voice. "Hey, there's my girl!" I nearly screamed in surprise when an arm draped over my shoulder.

Jessica giggled quietly, trying to disguise it as coughing. What is wrong with her?

"Do I know you?" I asked the person that was still holding me to their side.

"What? You don't recognise my voice?" He said with false betrayal.

I attempted to manoeuvre out of their grasp, but failed. "Well, there are so many voices I've had to remember that it's becoming a challenge to decipher them apart from the others. Now help me out. Are you Tyler, Conner or Eric?"

"I'm quite disappointed that you can't tell it's me," he said again with joking sorrow. "It's Tyler," he answered, removing his arm from my shoulders.

"Oh, sorry, Tyler," of course it was. I wasn't sure if it was just me but my voice sounded very tired. Tyler, tremendously confident and out spoken, but I couldn't be sure if those were the reasons for feeling awkward around him.

"Right," Tyler said. Someone clapped their hands together, making me startle a bit. "We have about five minutes left, what do you want to do?"

"Who says we have to do anything? Can't we just sit down and talk?" Jessica asked, and I could have sworn the small bitterness in her tone was still present.

"Yes," I answered quickly, trying in a pathetic attempt to make her feel better. "I agree with Jessica."

"See?" Jessica sounded smug. It was a rhetorical question, or at least I hope it was.

We did just that, we talked. Mike, Tyler and Conner, who had turned up a while later, talked about the broadcast that promised a light snow to appear on and off during the next month. I mentally cringed. Jessica on the other hand was talking about shopping, places she wanted to shop, what she wanted to buy and when she thought she'd like to go. It was quite uncomfortable when I admitted to not liking shopping. Lauren jumped into the conversation quickly though, with a small whisper she didn't think I heard, "what kind of girl doesn't like shopping?"

I held back the urge to retaliate; instead I pretend that I hadn't noticed.

Angela being the sweet girl she is talked to me, asking questions that didn't probe or make me uneasy, like most of Jessica's questions did.

The bell signalled us to lessons and I was terribly glad, I couldn't take a second more of pretending that I was right to be here, in a school that didn't welcome me. For an immeasurable second, I thought of how different it would have been at a school for the blind; for a start they would've been happier to have me, and wouldn't treat me like an exile. There classes would've been different; easier, maybe. And the students there would be like me, and wouldn't have a reason to shun me like the pariah Forks High School seems to. In Forks I'm a waste of space, the only person happy to see me would be my father, and I've burdened him extremely; as I did with my mother back in phoenix, not intentionally. I wouldn't ever ask anything more from my parents, they've always done what's right for me, what's best. In my opinion, they've done too much…

"Bella, are you alright?"

I didn't care whose voice it was, I didn't even bother trying to decipher who it was. With a swift, "I'm fine," as an answer, I hung my head to side my sorrow. A hand on my arm, followed by Jessica's familiar voice, saved me from explaining.

Wordlessly she pulled me, like a girl dragging her favourite doll behind her, unaware of it scrapping the ground behind her, blackening from the dirt- a possession, nothing more.


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