Chapter 7: Guys Buy The Drinks (Girls Call The Shots)
April O'Neil was an intelligent woman. At one point she was the assistant of the esteemed Baxter Stockman, mechanical genius (and absolute madman). She could hack with the best of them, download a virus quicker than the eye could see, and take over the security system of any building. These were just a few of the reasons that Donatello Hamato was secretly, or not so secretly, in love with April O'Neil. But April's true power never lay in her smarts, although those were formidable enough. No, April's real strength lay in her heart.
She had never had any illusions about her not-relationship with Casey Jones. Later she could say she saw it coming from a mile away, and smile that tiny little smirk that is every woman's birthright. Later, she would tell her friend that she knew it all along; later, she would help agonize over gifts and listen to worries and assure both her 'brothers' that no matter how sappy they were, they were still incredibly macho.
Later, but not now.
"Boys," she informed the unconscious form of Casey Jones, "Are damn morons. No matter WHAT species they are."
April glanced around. The place was a mess, but then again, the owner had been in an alcohol-induced fog for the past three days. With the sigh only a friend can muster, she glared down at the dead weight at her feet, rolled up her sleeves, and went to work. The bottles were collected, rinsed, and recycled; the kitchen was swept, the counters cleaned, the fridge emptied. One hand wrote a shopping list while the other organized the coffee table. Weights were put back into their rackets, laundry was piled and prepared for washing, things were dusted. And by the time April was done with all of that, she felt marginally better.
But that still left Casey.
Thankfully, April had been gifted with a goodly amount of common sense. Nudging the comatose man with her foot, she pulled out her cellphone.
"Hey, Donnie, it's April…well, that depends on what you mean by 'how is he'…he's breathing, if that's what you…well, that's what I was calling about…mhm…yeah, he's pretty bad. Oh, come ON, Don, if you can't trust your own smarts…okay…yeah…look, we're lucky he doesn't have alcohol poisoning, so…of course I'll check the dosage!…For science, okay? Right. Talk to you later, Don, you're a doll."
She hung up, then reached for her coat, removing a small bottle from the pocket. It was plain medicine bottle, plastic with the twist off cap. She opened it and tapped lightly. A small purple pill dropped into her hand. She looked at it and then at the unconscious Jones.
"I shouldn't be enjoying this as much as I am." She said to herself, then went to retrieve a glass of water from the sink. Forcing both water and pill into Jones' mouth, she gently slid her finger up and down the other human's adams apple, coaxing him to swallow.
One minute later, Casey Jones opened his eyes, flipped over, and hurled all over his kitchen floor.
"eeewwww," April said from her safe position across the room.
Casey would have replied, but his stomach was busy rejecting anything and everything it had eaten in the past few days. When he was finally done, a cool cloth was pushed gently into his hands. "Can you make it to the bathroom?" asked April. He nodded weakly. "Good. Do that. I'm going to clean up your mess…again."
Had Casey been in his right of mind he would have wondered what April meant by 'again', but seeing as he'd been seeing stars for the past few days and had just recently tried to reject his internal organs, he figured he'd better let it rest. He staggered to the bathroom as April retreived a mop from some long forgotten corner.
A half hour later, showered, shaved, and generally looking more human, Casey sat on his couch and blinked a lot as April dropped an aspirin in front of him.
"I'm supposed to trust that after the LAST thing you gave to me?" he asked suspiciously. April smiled at him. "THAT, Casey, was the Hamato Hangover Pill. You're lucky Donnie gave it to me willingly, or he'd he'd be here asking you questions about side effects."
Just thinking about that was enough to make the small headache left over from the pill start banging, and Casey chugged two aspirin. Then he leaned back and looked at April, whose green eyes were glittering in a way he recognized.
"How do you feel?" she asked.
"Like I've been shot, and boozed, and dirty." Said Casey. "For three days."
"That's about right."
And then April O'Neil smacked her ex boyfriend across the face.
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" Casey yelped, hand pressed against the pulsing red mark on his cheek. April glared at him. "For being a complete and total moron."
"What the hell are you talking-"
"No one has seen Raphael in three days."
Casey shut up.
April sighed. "Casey.." she began. "I love you, a lot. You're one of my best friends, and so is Raphael. I figured you two would get it eventually, but I guess I forgot to factor in that you're both hard-headed manly men who can't see past their own noses. Or snouts."
A sudden rush of memory had Casey Jones chuckling. "You said him." He said softly. "When we..broke up.."
April nodded. "You're right." She said. "I did. Casey…" she placed a hand on his forearm. "You're not dumb, Casey. You can be a bit dense, but you're not stupid. What happened?"
The entire story spilled out over the course of an hour. The longer patrols, the near-misses, the argument..the shooting. The aftermath of the shooting.
"So he kissed you?" April asked, tapping her cheek with a finger. "Donny figured he might, but-"
"Wait," Casey interrupted. "DONNY is in on this thing?!"
"Just because he spends most of his time at a computer desk doesn't mean that he can't see what's going on around him, Casey," April said, slightly annoyed. "He called me when Raphael didn't come home. It was easy enough to put together. Casey," she said, catching the human's attention. "you need to think about this. Think about it long and hard. You don't' just get drunk because a friend kisses you. That's not your modus operandi."
"My what?"
"Your method of operation. If you were getting sickeningly drunk for no reason, Raph would be with you. Here you are, and here Raph isn't. Therefore, something happened between you two that resulted in the entire Clan freaking out. Leonardo is out for your BLOOD, Casey, and Mikey hasn't cracked a joke since Raph disappeared."
Casey bit his lip. "Damn." He whispered. "I really fucked up, didn't I?" he asked.
April gave a small smile. "Love makes fools of us all, Mr. Jones." She said.
"I'm not in love, April!"
Casey was about to continue his tirade when a pair of emerald green eyes locked with his.
"Repeat that, Arnold." April said calmly.
The usage of his first name should have been a tipoff, really, it should have been.
"I said, I'm not in lo-"
-SMACK-
"OW!"
April O'Neil stood up. She was shorter than Casey by about four inches, but she seemed to grow a foot and a half.
"I was GOING to try and let you figure this out for yourself," she said sweetly, "But since you seem to respond better to violence-"she raised her hand again. Casey's arms came up.
"MERCY, woman!" he yelled. April paused. "Casey," she said. "Casey, Casey, Casey, Before you say ANYTHING else, think. Think really, really hard, and when you're done thinking, then answer this question: Do. You. Love. Hamato. Raphael?"
And so Casey did think. He thought about all the former girlfriends whose numbers were tucked into forgotten corners; thought about all the late night beer runs, the near misses. A smile came to his face as he recalled the beautiful explosion of the gas station on fifth street that had resulted in a near cataclysmic Leo-Raph fight. He thought back, way back, to what felt like before the beginning.
"Hey, hey, EASY, Cowboy! You stopped em, you did good, now take it easy!"
Casey remembered the first time Raphael took off his mask, with its odd illusion of no pupils, and remembered his shock and utter surprise when he found himself looking into a gaze as golden as honey.
"Like what ya see, Jones?"
And when he was done, he looked up at April, who was smiling at him in that damn winningly triumphant way that every woman did.
"Jesus fucking christ." He whispered. "I'm in love with him. I'm in…I am such a fucking moron."
"I've been telling you that this whole time, tiger," April said with a small grin. Then her stern look was back. She leaned in close, as though afraid that some invisible intruder would hear her next words. "Leo's been looking all over the city. He hasn't found him yet."
"What do I do?"
April froze.
She turned her head and stared at Casey.
"WHAT did you just ask me?" She demanded.
Casey sat there, a broken man, head hanging, entire existence limp. "April, he ran off. Either he hates me or he thinks I'll never talk to him again, either way he's hiding and hiding good. There's no way I can find him, not if his brothers and Master Splinter can't. What do I do?"
-FWAP-
Apparently, April was getting tired of smacking, if the rolled up magazine was any indication.
"OW!" Casey bellowed. "GOD DAMNIT, WOMAN, can't we get through ONE conversation-"
"WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?!" April said furiously. "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?" She reached forward, seizing the front of Casey's tank top, and hauled the man to his feet. "You are the Vigilante! Feared the city over! You are going to GO out there, you are going to FIND Raphael, and you are going to TELL HIM what you just told me! GO! FIGHT! WIN!"
There was a moment of brief silence, and then..
"April, can you let me down now?"
"Oh," the woman said, blushing. "Sorry." She let go of her friend's front. Casey stood, stretching a bit, wincing at the dully throbbing pain of his not-quite-healed gunshot wound. "How pissed is Splinter?"
April winced at the mention of the wise old rat. "Let's just say you'd better show up at the Lair with Raphael or never come back at all." She said. Casey rolled his eyes. "Business as usual." He muttered. "Leo taking his usual route?"
"Yeah, I think he's hoping Raphael will come to his senses and come home." April said. Casey nodded, heading for the bedroom. Sitting there, laying against the same chair Raphael had occupied, was his golf bag. His mask lay on the bedside table. He picked both up and returned to the small living room, where April was standing at the window. When he reappeared with his gear, she smiled. This wasn't the same smile she had been giving- this was a smile of genuine relief. "That's my boy." She said.
Casey grinned. "Always," he said, moving to put his mask on. He made for the window, opening its lock easily. April put a hand on his shoulder. "Casey?"
"Yeah?" he asked, pushing the mask up.
"I..I know how you feel, and how you and Raphael are, but you've gotta remember…" April bit her lip. "Raphael's just a kid, Casey. He's a scared teenager in love, and no amount of badassery is gonna change that. Be careful, and don't do anything too stupid, alright? The last thing Donny and I need is to pull a sai out of your gut."
Casey nodded. "Got it." He said. "Will you lock up?"
"Of course. Go save the world, Mr. Jones."
"One mutant turtle at a time, April."
And with that, Casey was gone, onto the fireescape and down the ground remarkably quickly for a human being. April watched him go, then closed the window. She didn't latch it, but she closed the drapes.
"Good luck, Casey." She said softly. "I think you're gonna need it."
-End-
A/N: Go April Go April GO! (waves flags) everyone loves April, especially when she kicks ass. And for anyone who cares, her line "go, fight, win" is, in fact, a direct reference to Edna Mode (codename E) from the Incredibles. A friend long ago decided that when I was an old lady, I would be Edna. I have to agree. Just a few more chapters to do, you lucky ducks.
