ooo

Jedi from the Temple were busy searching for Obi-Wan. He'd been missing for nine days and it appeared that he wasn't on Coruscant. As each search team reported to Master Yoda, Qui-Gon was there to listen to their report. Checks were made at the spaceport however; no one had seen him board any ships. Qui-Gon felt his guilt rise after each team returned without Obi-Wan. He'd asked if he could go out to search, but Master Yoda refused to let him. Qui-Gon couldn't get Yoda to change his mind and he knew the small master was very disappointed in him. He was disappointed in himself too. He knew that his past with his previous apprentice had caused him to doubt Obi-Wan. He knew he had to change his ways and so he decided to see the soul healer and he took Obi-Wan's diary with him to his sessions.

At first, he felt awkward going to Healer Ba'han, especially after their fight in the arena, which was the last straw for Obi-Wan. However, after the initial session he realised that the healer only wanted what was best for both of them.

Qui-Gon sat in the healer's room waiting for him. He'd been to five sessions since Obi-Wan left and they had been discussing Obi-Wan's diary. Qui-Gon could see now that Obi-Wan's decline in health had been entirely his fault. The first few pages of the diary showed Obi-Wan's excitement in being an apprentice and it showed in his writing. It was neat and the boy described his training sessions step for step. Qui-Gon hadn't realised how committed Obi-Wan was about learning each kata. There were diagrams of the steps and notations at the bottom of each diagram. One page was taken up by a drawing of the stone that Qui-Gon had given him. His description of the naming day present was larger than life. Qui-Gon hadn't realised how much that one present had meant to his Padawan. He'd used charcoal to colour it and then he'd added blue and green markings to it. It practically glowed on the page.

Ba'han told Qui-Gon that he believed Obi-Wan idolised him and that the stone was more than just a naming day present. To Obi-Wan, it was Qui-Gon's acceptance of him. Qui-Gon shook his head. He was such a fool, Obi-Wan had given him a new lease on life and he'd shattered it by living in the past. His musings were interrupted when the healer walked in the door.

"Qui-Gon, I'm sorry I'm late my last appointment took longer than I thought. How are you today?"

"I feel lost and annoyed with my self. I was just going through his diary again. I feel so angry with myself for letting this happen. For not even seeing what I was doing to him."

"You must let your anger go, Qui-Gon. When we find him he is going to need support and if you want to remain as his Master then you must put your guilt behind you, if you are determined to continue as his Master."

"I know Master Yoda has reservations about me continuing to train him now. However, in the beginning he pushed me into taking him. I didn't think I was ready, but the Force and Yoda wanted to show me how wrong I was. I remember the first time I saw him I felt the Force telling me that our partnership was right and I felt the niggling of a bond between us and it scared me. Therefore, I fought Yoda and I ignored the Force. I didn't want to be the cause of another youngling turning to the darkness. Nevertheless, deep in my soul, I did want him, but I buried any feelings I had for him in case I failed him.

I can't believe how selfish I was. I just want to hold him and tell him that he is worthy to be a Jedi and if he doesn't want to continue with me as his Master I will accept that, but I will not give up without a fight. I'll do everything I can to help him get past this. He deserves to be a Jedi."

"I am pleased to hear you say that Qui-Gon, it proves to me that you are prepared to do what is best for Obi-Wan." Ba'han said.

"After the way I've treated him I just hope he still wants to be a Jedi."

"Yes, well we have to find him first." the healer commented as a knock sounded on his door.

ooo

"Master Yoda, Master Windu, is something wrong?" Healer Ba'han asked.

"Heard from Obi-Wan we have," Master Yoda announced, as they walked in carrying a cardboard box.

Qui-Gon felt a chill run up his spine. "Where is he, have you found him is he alright?" he asked sensing the other masters worry.

"Found him we have not, sent us this he did." Yoda said as he pointed to the box he'd put on the table.

Qui-Gon felt uneasy about the box and he hesitated to open it. Therefore, Mace opened it and inside was a note and a robe. He handed the note to Qui-Gon. He opened the parchment and felt the knot in his stomach tighten. It was in Obi-Wan's handwriting.

Dear Jedi Masters,

I apologise sincerely for the trouble I have caused the Jedi. I didn't want to keep these things because they don't belong to me. Please find enclosed my Light sabre, my utility belt and my robe. I realise they cannot be mine now that I'm not a Jedi anymore. I have also enclosed my Padawan braid, I was going to keep it but I didn't think Master Jinn would want me too. He didn't think I'd ever be good enough to be an apprentice and he's right.

I understand now why the Council decided to send me to Bandomeer and I'm sorry that I didn't obey the Council when I begged Master Jinn to take me as his apprentice. I just didn't want to believe that it was my unworthiness, which saw me sent away before my thirteenth birthday.

I'd always hoped that it was a mistake when I was sent to the Agri-corps. I didn't want to believe I was a failure, but it's true and I accept that fact now. Master Jinn was right when he said I was not meant to be his apprentice, I just didn't want to listen.

I wish to release Master Jinn from any vows that he'd made in regards to training me. I won't be coming back so he doesn't have to worry about being my Master anymore. There is no place in the Jedi order for people that are afraid and I was too afraid of failing and my fear killed Bruck, he didn't deserve to die, he had friends who miss him terribly. They said he would've made a better Jedi than me and maybe if he'd been chosen he might have been.

Master Jinn said I should be able to accept his death and move on, but his death weighs heavy on my heart and I am sorry I couldn't save him. I felt unworthy of my place there when I listened to other Padawan's talk about the bonds they shared with their Masters and how they did things together and some even said their Masters cared for them and worried about them. Master Jinn didn't want a bond with me and no one else wanted me either.

I thought if I was perfect like his former apprentice, he might have accepted me so I studied hard and obeyed him, but something was missing and now I know what it was. He didn't like me and he didn't want me.

Please tell Master Jolenar that I'm sorry that I wasn't there to receive the award. He seemed so excited that I had passed those subjects. I think I only passed them because I had nothing else to do except study.

I don't expect Master Jinn to read this letter, so please tell him that I haven't stolen the stone he gave me for my naming day. I was going to put it in the box and return it to him, but I didn't think he would want it back after giving it to two failed apprentices. You probably think I am stupid talking about a stone, but it was the best present I ever received. Whenever I felt lonely or afraid, I would hold the stone tightly in my hand and it would warm me and make me believe I was worthy.

However, if I'm wrong and he does want it back I'm sure he'll be able to find it again.

So after much thought and because I know I don't deserve such a beautiful thing, I decided to

return it to its rightful owner.

Good-bye

Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Qui-Gon shook his head "He came first in those subjects and I didn't even listen to him long enough to acknowledge it. This letter sounds so final, as if he has no future. I had no idea that he was suffering over Bruck's death. I know you tried to tell me Ba'han, but as usual, I wouldn't listen. I must find him. I'll never be able to live with myself if anything happens to him."

Mace grabbed his friend's arm "Qui think, where would he take the stone? Who is its rightful owner?"

Qui-Gon tried to clear his head of the image of distraught Obi-Wan. He looked at Mace, "I found the stone many years ago in a river."

"Where did you find it, which River?"

"I found it in the river of light on my home planet. Regar 1. I was fishing and I saw it glistening in the shallow water. I gave it to Obi-Wan on his thirteenth naming day.

"He's returning it to the River." Healer Ba'han said.

Qui-Gon felt a bit of relief knowing where Obi-Wan was and he wanted to go there himself to bring Obi-Wan home. "Master Yoda, please let me go. I must convince him that I do want him as my apprentice. That rock is his, it was always meant for him."

Yoda sensed the truth in Qui-Gon's words and he wanted to help both Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan.

"Go with us you can, but healer Ba'han will come too."

The Healer nodded his consent and went to pick up some supplies just in case Obi-Wan was in need of assistance.

"If Obi-Wan is on Regar1 then he has been there for at least four days as it takes about five days to get there on a slow transport. I will contact Chancellor Valorum and request the use of one of his fast ships. We could be there in three days." Mace explained as he reached for his com unit.

Soon they were all standing at the spaceport waiting for the Chancellors ship to arrive at the Temple. As the ship touched down Yoda called out to the others "Hurry we must, leave Obi-Wan alone for too long we should not."

ooo

The Star Wing entered the atmosphere of Regar 1 and Obi-Wan felt a feeling of peace come over him. He watched the planet grow from a small round ball into a beautiful green and blue planet. As the ground loomed closer, he could see dark wooded areas and light green fields. The spaceport of the central city was in the middle of the settlement and there were many people wandering around waiting for the ship to land. As it touched down and the ramp hissed open, he could hear the noise of the busy city. Voices all melded into each other and the sound of speeders and small aircraft filled his ears. The planet Ragar1 seemed like a pleasant place, and Obi-Wan sighed. It didn't matter how nice the planet was he only came here to return the stone, not to think about the future.

Obi-Wan walked down the ramp towards the ticket collector. "Excuse me Sir; do you know where Ridgemore is?"

"Ridge-more', I sure do. It's that way, West, about a day in a fast shuttle. The shuttles leave from terminal five over there," the man said pointing.

"How long would it take to walk there?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Walk there! No one walks to Ridge-more, it would take a week or more," the man laughed.

Obi-Wan thanked the man for the information and left him still laughing as he walked towards terminal five. Obi-Wan didn't have any credits left, so he had no choice but to walk. It really didn't matter to him after all he had nothing else to do. On the wall outside the office where the Shuttles arrived was a map of the surrounding settlements and Obi-Wan studied the map to Ridgemore. He noted the mountain ranges and several smaller towns in between the spaceport and his destination, he memorised the route, and then he headed off.

He'd been lucky that he'd had something to eat on The Star Wing so he started to jog. It would be dark in a few hours and he wanted to get over the first mountain range before it got too late. He jogged until he got tired and then he walked for a few miles. The moon was quite bright in the night sky and he easily made his way over the mountain by the early hours of morning. He knew he couldn't just keep going without rest, and he wasn't sure what sort of animals lived on Regar 1, so he climbed up a tree and fell asleep in the branches.

When the sun came up it shone in his eyes waking him up, he felt thirsty and was a bit hungry. He glanced around from his place high in the tree and noticed some bushes that had berries growing on them. He had no idea if they were edible or not.

He picked some of the berries and sat down putting them in his lap and he closed his eyes and stretched out to the Force feeling the currents surround him and wash over him. He didn't sense any disturbance in the Force and after awhile he ate one berry. It tasted good and after a few minutes, he decided that they were safe to eat.

After he'd eaten enough to curb his hunger, he began his trek to Ridgemore once more. Eventually he came across a stream, the water tasted fresh and he drank quite a bit because he was thirsty. He felt relieved and thought that his journey to the River of Light wouldn't be hard at all, if he could continue to find food and water along the way.

However, his relief turned to worry when he heard the sound of thunder in the distance and when he looked up to the sky, the blue was being replaced by dark ominous looking dark clouds. It was going to rain and Obi-Wan didn't have a robe or any clothing that would keep him dry. He felt a spike of fear fill him when a lightning strike flashed a few metres away from him. At first, he thought about climbing up a tree but then he worried that the lightning might strike the tree he was using as a shelter. He scanned the surrounding area and noticed in the distance stood a small hill made of mostly rocks and boulders. He hoped there might be a cave or something there to keep him out of the rain. He ran as fast as he could but the rain soaked him before he found cover for the night and he huddled in the corner of the small cave he'd found. It wasn't a very big cave, but at least it had some protection from the storm. After a few hours, the rain stopped and although Obi-Wan was soaking wet he managed to drift off to sleep.

The next morning his sneezing woke him up, he was catching a cold and his clothes were still wet. He was getting very hungry and wished he could find another berry bush. He looked around but unfortunately, he'd have to settle for just water. There were plenty of rock pools around and they were all full after the downpour.

He was still shivering when he started to walk west again. He felt tired but he started to jog to warm him up and he hoped the sun would come out soon and dry his cloths. However, it started raining again and as he ran, water trickled down his forehead and into his eyes and he didn't notice that the ground in front of him was very soft. His foot slipped on the wet soil and he stumbled, falling down heavily hitting his head on a tree stump. The force of the blow to his head caused him to lose consciousness.

When he regained consciousness, the rain had stopped and the sun was high in the sky. His head hurt and when he felt it, there was a gash and a large lump as well. He staggered to his feet and immediately felt sick. So he sat back down again, held his head, and tried to clear his mind. He was beginning to think that coming to Regar 1 was a bad idea.

After a few minutes he stood up and tried to regain his balance, but his head was throbbing that much that it made him feel nauseous and he promptly brought up the water he'd drank earlier that day. He felt a bit better after that and he started walking again. The sun was drying his clothes and he felt better not being in soggy clothes.

Obi-Wan kept walking through most of the night only stopping for an hour or so to ease the pain in his head. The next day he was still feeling sick and his head and neck ached. He thought about finding somewhere to stay and resting for a few days, but there weren't any towns nearby and besides he didn't have any credits. Several times through the day, he fell asleep when he stopped to rest. He tried to use the Force to heal his wounds; however, because Qui-Gon hadn't taught him anything about Force healing, he couldn't ease the pain.

That night because his head hurt too much to climb, he settled down and huddled in between the protruding roots of a large tree. In the dark, he didn't see an abandoned bee hive lying on the ground and he leant back on it breaking it open. Honey spilled out all over Obi-Wan's back. The sticky feeling on his back made him annoyed and he threw the broken hive away. It rolled down the hill and out of sight.

He wasn't feeling very well and now he was covered in sticky honey, not one of his favourite foods. He settled down and after awhile he drifted off to sleep.

Unfortunately, for Obi-Wan, the smell of honey had attracted a bear that was in the vicinity and because Obi-Wan was in a pain-filled sleep, he hadn't sensed the animal. Nevertheless, the bear smelled the honey and came over to investigate.

Obi-Wan woke to a strange sensation, something was licking him, and he opened his eyes and saw a large tongue protruding from an even larger mouth. Obi-Wan's first instinct was to climb the tree out of harms way, he was startled by the bear and jumped up, reaching for the lowest branch to pull him self up away from the bear. As he pulled away from the animal, the bear reached out to Obi-Wan's shirt, which was covered in honey. Obi-Wan didn't quite make it before the bears razer sharp claws swiped at his shirt. The claws dug into Obi-Wan's shoulder and raked down his back ripping open his skin and the shirt was ripped from his body. All the bear wanted was to have the honey so it picked up the shirt and ran off.

Obi-Wan held back a scream that wanted to escape from his mouth, he didn't know what the bear wanted at first and he didn't want to risk any other animal hearing his screams. He'd never seen an animal like that one in all his life, and he was glad that the beast had preferred his shirt to him. Pain raced through his shoulder and down his back, but he continued to climb higher into the tree, fearing other animals may come around to see what all the commotion was. He could feel blood trickling down his back and now he didn't have a shirt to use to stop the bleeding.

Once he propped himself in the branches, he tore strips off the legs of his pants, and covered the deepest cuts and stopped the bleeding. Finally, after a painful few hours he finally succumbed to sleep.

The fourth morning Obi-Wan woke and everything hurt, his head still ached, he couldn't move his right shoulder or arm and his back was very painful.

With his left arm, he lowered himself down the branches slowly, until he finally reached the ground. He didn't want to stay in the area in case the hairy animal came back, so he made his way through the trees and by noon, he'd reached a rock pond at the base of a rocky hill.

He washed his injuries and cleaned the blood off as best he could and then he wrapped the strips of cloth around the wounds. He'd been travelling for four days now and he felt he couldn't go any further. His injuries were holding him back and his temperature was rising. He wondered how close he was to the River of light and then he started to think about the Temple.

They probably have the package I sent them by now. I hope they believe me when I said that I didn't mean to cause them so much trouble. I wonder if Master Jinn read my letter! I doubt it; he never read any of my essays why would he read anything of mine? He's most likely happy that I've gone.

tbc...