Revenge

Or

Four Ways in Which to Exact Revenge upon Sherlock Holmes

(If you are Watson) Guilt trip him by acting sad about things that occurred during his Hiatus. If you have difficulty lying, just glance at the picture of Reichenbach on the mantelpiece and sigh, sadly.

(If you are Mrs Hudson) Mix laxatives in with his coffee. But remember not to mix it into his food because chances are, he won't eat it.

(If you are Inspector Lestrade) Kick him in the bottom whilst he bends over to examine some evidence. If you feel this is too obvious, trip him over when he walks purposefully somewhere. Both have the same result; he will land on his face.

And last but by no means least…

(If you are Mycroft) Sit on him.