"If you say 'cut' ONE MORE TIME…" Helga was seething onstage.
"I'm sorry, Helga, but as the director I take this play very seriously!" Eugene cried. "And if you don't share that vision, then well—"
Helga raised one perfectly arched eyebrow at the slight man before her, daring him to complete his threat. He hesitated and her fists unclenched but a scowl stayed painted on her face. "Can we take five?" she asked as she plopped down crossed legged on the stage.
Eugene sighed and turned to face Arnold in exasperation. "Help?" he managed to squeak out. Arnold had been the buffer between Eugene's artistic direction and Helga's general unwillingness to follow said direction.
"Helga, come on. I've had a really long day so can we just get through this scene so we can go home?"
"I just need to take five, football head… I'm starving!"
"YOU JUST HAD DINNER A HALF HOUR AGO!" Eugene wailed.
"Yeah, & I've been on this stupid stage since then sweating all the sustenance out under these stupid lights. I swear to the universe, I'm ten seconds away from absolutely losing my shit, Eugene. Keep it up!" Helga rose and stomped her way off stage, muttering under her breath all the while.
"What does she mean? This isn't losing her shit? It can get worse?" Eugene frantically whispered to Arnold. "I know I said I wanted her to play Juliet but we may need to just cut our losses and I can go back to the Gap its no big deal I mean I made a decent living there I'll just have to survive on instant ramen for a while but now there's so many flavors—" he rambled and began to hyperventilate.
"Eugene. I need you to breathe, bro. Inhale… exhale… just like you learned in therapy, remember? Don't worry about Helga or the play. In fact, go home. We'll rehearse on our own tonight. Just leave the keys with my stuff in the front row and we'll lock up," Arnold said.
Arnold shook his head in pity as he watched Eugene half stumble and half run down the aisles and slam face-first into the theater doors. "I'm okay!"
Arnold found Helga in her dressing room, rummaging through drawers and cabinets in a frenzy. "Whoa… what's going on in here?"
"What's going on, bucko, is that there is no suitable food in this entire theater. I'm not kidding. The vending machines are empty and the only thing I found that even remotely resembles food is a package of airplane peanuts that expired during the Bush administration… the FIRST Bush!"
He stifled a laugh as she opened the package, her horrified expression turning into disgust as little petrified pellets hit the ground.
Helga looked at him and fought back her own laughter. "It's not funny, Arnold! You said the rehearsals were fully catered!"
"They are! The entire cast had dinner, Helga, you were there. But the caterers packed up since it was just you, me & Eugene left…" his voice trailed off.
"Where is he, anyway?"
"He left, Helga. He damn near had a nervous breakdown," Arnold frowned at the memory of Eugene's hasty exit.
"Shit. I'm sorry… I'm—there isn't an excuse. I wish there was something I can do to make it up to him."
"I think it would mean a lot to him if we rehearsed this scene until we nail it down. I'm willing to do stay back and rehearse with you even after everyone has gone home, Helga."
She paused and stared at him, her eyes searching his for signs of an ulterior motive. "Why?" she finally asked.
"Because Eugene has had a really rough year."
Helga snorted. "He's a jinx… he's had a hard life!"
Arnold sighed. "It was more than that, though. You know he had dreams of owning this theater since we were kids. He worked for years, saving up every single cent so he could achieve his dream. He finally did it last year, put on his first show, fell in love with the lead actor. Things were finally looking up for him and I had never seen him so happy."
"Doesn't sound so bad to me," Helga replied.
"On the night of his premiere, the theater was packed. I was in the audience when the lights dimmed and the curtains rose… but the stage was empty. We were all confused… & that's when I heard it. The saddest, most heartbreaking scream I've ever heard. It turns out, the lead actor was a scam artist that had run off with the box office profits for the night. Eugene had to sell his house and move back in with his parents, because he refuses to give up on his dream. He deserves one good thing & if I can give it to him, I will."
Helga nodded before standing. "You're such a sap, Arnoldo," she teased.
"I just wanna make my friends happy," he smiled. "Speaking of which, there's some cookies in my bag if you want 'em."
"Then, window, let day in and let life out," Helga whispered.
"Farewell, farewell! One kiss, and I'll descend," Arnold murmured back. He held his position as close to Helga as possible without melting into the luscious scent of mangoes radiating from her hair.
"Uhmmm. And then you're supposed to climb down," she said as she took a step back.
He nodded and swallowed hard. "You're—you're doing a really great job."
"Right back at ya, babe," Helga replied nonchalantly. "And since we've gotten so much accomplished, can we finally call it a night?"
"Absolutely!" Arnold did a backflip off the stage and landed with a flourish and a bow.
"Show off!"
"That's what losers say when they can't live up to the standard," he teased.
Helga feigned shock before running at full speed to attempt a backflip of her own. Helga's ankle twisted under her when she landed and she let out a yelp and clenched her eyes shut.
"Helga! Fuck! Can you stand?"
She bit her lip and shook her head hard. He could see tears escaping the corners of her eyes as she threw her head back in agony.
"Okay. Okay. Oh… kay. Uh—get on my back."
Her eyes sprung open. "What?"
"I'll carry you to the bus stop," he explained.
"It's after 10, Arnold. There aren't any more buses in this area."
He looked at his watch and realized she was right. "Then… I'll carry you home," he said.
Helga's mouth fell open and she momentarily forgot the pain in her swelling ankle. "That's almost twenty blocks, dude!"
"Don't feel bad, Helga. You wouldn't be hurt if I didn't try to show off," Arnold reasoned.
"Oh, I don't feel bad. I just don't think you can carry me for twenty blocks!"
"Kiss my ass, Pataki!" He laughed. "Do you want a ride or not?"
She reluctantly agreed and fit the straps of Arnold's backpack over her shoulders as she hobbled to her feet. He bent his knees slightly, making it easier for Helga to position herself on his back while he intertwined his arms with her legs on either side.
"Comfortable? Here we go," he said as he straightened his legs. He started down the aisles toward the back of the theater, stopping only briefly to turn the lights off and lock the doors. Helga's arms were draped loosely around Arnold's shoulders while he walked in silence for a while. "You good?" asked Arnold after feeling her shift a few times on her back.
"Yeah, sorry. I tried to get the rest of the cookies out of my pocket but now my ass is sliding down your back," she explained.
Instinctively, Arnold leaned forward and reached behind to lift Helga to a more comfortable position.
"Whoa, sailor. Buy a girl dinner before grabbing some ass, why don't you!"
"You're eating my cookies!"
"Oh, yeah… want some?"
"Some ass or some cookies?"
"You already got a handful of ass so how about a cookie?"
He straightened up and started walking again. "Cookie, it is!"
Helga alternated between feeding Arnold and herself bites of chocolate chip cookies as they made their way back to the boarding house.
"You're surprisingly light for someone that eats all day," he mused.
"I only eat when I'm nervous," she giggled.
"You eat around me a lot."
"Yeah, well…"
"Do I make you nervous?"
"Kinda."
"Kinda?" Ringgggg. Ringggggg. Ringggggg. Arnold hastily pulled his phone from his pocket and saw Lila's name flash on the screen. It was 10am in China and he hadn't heard from her since she said she would call him back two days ago. He stared at the screen until it stopped ringing, & it was then he heard Helga exhale. "Helga?"
"I see the boarding house! Full speed ahead!"
