CHAPTER 7
I am so overwhelmed by the feedback you guys are giving me. I appreciate every single review, and I smile every time I get an alert for this story. You guys keep me writing.
School has started, so my updates won't be as often as they have been in the past. However every day, I will try to get some writing in.
Friday. Ahh, what a wonderful day. It was a windy day in September, but in Santana's eyes, the sun was shining and the birds were chirping.
If Santana could give a day of the week a medal, she would give it to Friday. Friday is the only day of the week that gives students a reason to be in a good mood at school. Because yes, they're still locked inside their classrooms, but in a few hours, they get 2 days away from the rotten teachers and the annoying students.
For Santana, it was the day before freedom.
However, lately, home wasn't feeling too free. When she was awake, her dad was always rambling on about how much he loves Quinn, and when she's asleep, she's having nightmares about the day her mom left. So at this point, she would actually prefer to be at school.
School had distractions. Distractions like her bubbly best friend and her horny fuck buddy. At this point, they were the most important people in her life.
Santana was sitting in English, listening to her teacher ramble on and on about a useless story with useless characters. Santana could care less about Othello and how much he loved Desdemona. Didn't Othello know that love was complete bullshit? Why was he wasting his time on a 'true' love when he could dodge the whole story, and survive? Love kills, and Shakespeare has always made that very clear in his plays.
She had zoned out a long time ago. Between her teachers high pitched voice, and Berry raising her hand every five seconds, Santana decided that the day would go on much smoother if she zoned everyone out. So, she was.
With her hand holding the weight of her head, Santana mindlessly doodled on her notebook. Between flowers, smiley faces, and crosses, Santana filled her entire page with pointless figures and random letters. When she doodled, she had no control over what she wrote down on the paper, because she always tended to get lost in the hobby. The pencil would do all the work, and she gave it all the power.
The only thing that could snap her out of it was the bell, or the teacher calling her name. However, this time, she heard a very familiar voice whisper, "Pst!"
Santana dropped her pencil and rolled her eyes to herself. She hated being interrupted in the middle of a math piece.
She abandoned her doodling, and looked over in the direction of the voice. There he sat, with a goofy smile on his face, holding a piece of paper.
"Catch," he whispered, tossing the paper towards her.
She didn't catch it, but thankfully, it landed on the desk. Santana sighed to herself. Passing notes was so juvenile, however she had to admit that talking to Puck was better than listening to her teacher, so she uncrumpled the paper.
His messy hand writing was the first thing she saw. It was oddly charming, and Santana couldn't help but find his printing adorable.
You looked bored :)
Santana found herself laughing lightly. She looked up to make sure the teacher wasn't on to them, before she grabbed her pencil and responded.
Not so much anymore. Whats up?
She threw it over her shoulder. Santana watched as he read it, and she couldn't help but smile softly at the way his eyes softened at her words. Within seconds, the paper was back on her desk.
You look really nice today. Just thought you should know that.
Surprisingly, Santana blushed. He was actually complimenting her? The only time Puck said nice things about her was when he was seconds away from climaxing. Other than that, they didn't compliment each other. Yet he just did. Curiously, she looked over at him, but he wasn't looking at her. He was looking down, clearly embarrassed and somewhat nervous about her response.
She wrote a simple word before throwing it back to him.
Thanks.
Santana giggled at how quickly he grabbed his pencil and wrote something down.
What do you think about Othello?
She certainly didn't expect Puck to ask her that. In fact, Santana was surprised that he knew the title of the book. Puck never paid attention in class, so Santana was definitely impressed.
It's stupid. Othello's love for Desdemona is just going to get him killed. Just like Romeo.
Santana wrote the truth, and threw the note back to him.
It was returned within seconds.
Why are you so against love?
The words infuriated her. Santana never liked talking about serious topics. Especially not with Puck.
It never works out.
She gave the paper back to him, and studied his face as he read the words. Puck seemed pretty passionate about the topic since he wrote quickly and furiously.
How would you know if you never even allowed yourself to try?
Santana read his words 3 times in shock. Quickly, she responded.
This conversation is over. I am NOT talking about this with you. Janitors closet in one hour.
She watched as Puck read it, and slowly, he looked over at her. Their eyes met for the first time since they started writing to each other, and he didn't look as young and as happy as he did when he first passed the note to her. Slowly, he nodded.
Yes, Santana was mad at him for bringing up her disbelief in love. It was none of his business what she believed in. However, she was still horny. She was mad, but that didn't stop her from having urges. Besides, angry sex was the best sex.
The conversation was over. Even if he tried responding, Santana wouldn't read it. Sometimes, Puck annoyed her to no end because he never took no for an answer. He was persistent and aggressive when he needed to be. He was the male version of her.
Santana huffed and looked back down at her doodling. Her eyes widened at something she saw written down in the bottom right corner.
She never remembered writing it down. She never remembered even thinking about writing it down.
However, there it stood. 5 letters written in perfection with a heart traced around it.
Quinn.
Santana was beginning to feel numb all over. She always thought that after sex, she would feel energized and relieved, however she only hated herself afterward. She felt like a cheap whore. She felt useless. Santana was beginning to feel like an outsider looking in.
Brittany had Artie.
Mike had Tina.
Fuck, even Berry had Finn.
Santana didn't necessarily want anyone, however she couldn't help but feel as lonely as ever. Not even Puck could make her feel worthy enough.
The Latina didn't believe in love, so guys stopped wasting their time on her. However, that didn't mean that she didn't want love.
In fact, Santana craved it.
All she's ever wanted in life was to be loved by someone. Her mom never loved her, and her dad always loved drinking more than her.
Santana was never anyones first choice. It would be nice to feel chosen for once. It would be nice to be somebody's one and only.
Just because Santana didn't believe in love didn't mean that she didn't want it. She was just smart enough to know that it never worked out. Santana didn't have time to waste on things that didn't last. So, she separated herself from anything that would result in her getting hurt. So far, she's been doing a pretty shitty job. Because no matter what she does, all she feels is hurt.
Santana couldn't remember the last time she was truly happy, the last time she laughed so hard that she cried, or the last time she allowed herself to trust a person completely.
She was currently standing in the janitors closet, putting her clothes back on. Her hands were soaked in Puck's cum, so she awkwardly sucked it off her fingers. He always found that hot.
Santana eyed him as she licked her hand clean, and she could have sworn his limp cock threatened to harden at the sight of her. She bent over and tugged her underwear back onto her hips, followed by her cheerio skirt and top.
Looking at her reflection in her phone, she tightened her ponytail, and hid all evidence of what she and Puck just shared together.
He was pretty aggressive in his movements, and Santana always loved him best like that. It made her feel alive, even if she slowly felt like she was dying.
They were getting dressed in silence, and it was moments like these that reminded Santana that just because she had Puck, she didn't have him. They used each other, and that was the extent of their relationship.
She didn't want to be in a relationship with him, but when their orgasms faded, and their praises ended, they were left with the silence and shame of what they just did.
These few minutes were always so horrible. Sometimes, she wondered if it was worth the amazing sex.
"Go out with me," Puck pleaded as he threw on his shirt and ruffled his hair.
Santana was getting ready to leave when the words left the boys mouth. Her brows furrowed as she slowly turned to look at him. He looked dead serious, but she couldn't help but think that he was kidding. So, she let out a laugh. "Very funny. See you later, Puckerman."
"Go out with me," he repeated, his voice more stern this time.
She froze once again, and turned around to face him. She gave the boy her full attention. "You do realize that you're talking to me, right? Santana Lopez: Anti-Love?"
The boy seemed to find that funny since he let out a soft chuckle. "Dammit, Santana, I'm not asking for your hand in marriage. Just go out with me!"
The Latina shook her head and scratched her temple as awkward silence filled with closet. "I'm not into you like that, Puck.
He didn't seem convinced. "You're not into me like that? San, we just fucked in a public closet. Try again."
"I'm not into anyone like that."
"Like what?" He practically shouted, and Santana flinched.
Santana groaned at his persistence. "Romantically!" She shouted back, clenching her jaw in anger. "I don't do relationships, Puck. You know that. When we first started hooking up, you and I were on the same page. You told me you weren't interested in a relationship either!"
Puck nodded, not denying it. "Yeah well, things change."
Santana laughed and shook her head. "I'm sorry. Honestly, I am. But I stopped believing in that kind of stuff a long time ago. I don't want to waste your time."
"You won't be wasting my time," he took a few steps closer, causing Santana to take a few steps back. She eventually backed up into the door and she had no where to run.
Santana sighed softly and shook her head. "You don't want me," she whispered, shaking her head desperately.
"Yes I do."
"No."
"I do," Puck promised her, smiling softly at her. He reached out and lifted Santana's chin up softly, looking her in the eyes. "I'm not good at romance and shit, but I know what I want, and I want you. We have a connection, Santana, and you can't deny that. I can call you out on your shit, and you can call me out on mine. We're good together if you just gave me a shot. I'm not asking for you to fucking run away with me. I get that you have issues and fears and shit with this kind of stuff, but I'm just asking for you to give me a shot."
Santana looked up at him and studied him. She had no idea that he was interested in her emotionally. She thought that this was all about the sex for him. Truthfully, Santana didn't even know that he was capable of human emotion. Slowly, a tear slid down her cheek.
He wiped it away sweetly. "One date."
Santana took a deep breath in and shut her eyes. "One date," she agreed with a soft nod.
The smile that appeared on his face was both adorable and heart breaking.
"Brittany!" Santana called, running down the hallways and towards the blondes locker. Brittany would know what to do. She was always really good at helping Santana in a crisis. "Britt!" She called again when she was closer, and eventually reached the blonde.
Brittany turned to face her and smiled brightly at the sight of the Latina. "Hey, San. What's up?"
Santana was practically panting. The second she agreed to Puck's date, she ran out of the closet and straight to find Brittany. This was an emergency. "Code red," she simply said.
The blonde furrowed her eyebrows and slowly shook her head. "Am I supposed to know what that means?"
The Latina groaned impatiently. "C'mon, Britt! Code red? We made up different codes Freshman year so that we could gossip in public. Remember?"
Recognition covered Brittany's face as she nodded eagerly. "Oh yeah! Code red, got it! So you're pregnant?"
"What?! No, that's code black!" Santana huffed in frustration. She figured it would just be a lot easier to tell Brittany without all the code words. "Puck asked me out."
"Out where?"
The Latina took a calm deep breath. Sometimes, Brittany had her moments where she wasn't the sharpest tool in the box, but Santana still loved her. "On a date."
Blue eyes widened and she gasped. "Oh my god. What did you say?"
Santana groaned. "I said yes. I didn't know what else to say! He was so sweet about it, and practically begged me to give him a chance. But Britt, I can't go through with this, I just can't. He's the one guy I promised myself that I would never intentionally hurt."
"You guys have been through a lot together," Brittany agreed as she nodded slowly. "And now he likes you. God, that's big." Santana nodded in agreement. "Oh! I got it! Artie and I are going out to Breadstix tonight, why don't we make it a double date? That way it won't be as awkward and you can let him down softly after."
Santana nodded slowly and she smiled. "Good idea. You're a life saver, I owe you big time." Santana wrapped her arms around the blonde, then ran off to tell Puck the plans.
Turns out, dinner wasn't so bad. Since they went on a double date rather than a one on one, it felt more like a group of friends handing out rather than a date. Santana was so grateful for the blonde.
Admittedly, her and Artie were pretty cute together.
Santana watched as they fed each other and kissed sweetly, and instead of cringing, she was truly happy that her best friend was happy. Brittany deserved someone who would respect her and treat her the way she deserved to be treated. A lot of people disrespected Brittany because she was a little different, but Santana knew that Artie would never hurt her.
And if he did, she would go all Lima Heights on his ass.
As for Puck, he clearly made an effort with his appearance, whether or not he admitted it. He was wearing a dress shirt with jeans, and his mohawk was neatly combed. He seemed nervous when he picked her up, but when they got to the restaurant, he loosened up.
Santana simply wore a turquoise, purple and black striped dress with black boots. She looked great, but when Puck complimented her, she couldn't help but blush softly.
Santana was a girl, after all. When a cute boy compliments her, she gets a little embarrassed.
She was allowing herself to enjoy the evening, because once Puck dropped her off, Santana was going to end it. She didn't want to string the boy along. He deserved better than that. Puck always deserved better than her.
"And then I said, 'Leggo my Eggo.'" Puck finished off his story, and Brittany applauded him.
"You're super badass," she complimented him, and he shrugged as if it was no big deal.
When Puck went away to juvi last year, the whole school feared him. The boys were terrified and the girls were impressed. But Santana? She was disappointed. She didn't encourage his bad behaviour, however he never listened to her when she told him to shape up. After landing himself in Juvi, Puck's been better ever since.
Besides a new attitude, he also came back with a few stories. Personally, Santana thinks they're made up, but she wouldn't dare ruin his good mood. It's rare to see Puck smiling so much these days, and just the thought of breaking up with him in a few hours made Santana guilty enough to let him have his fun.
His fun contained of grabbing her inner thigh and squeezing it under the table.
So he was groping her a little, so what? They've done a lot worse.
The four of them were laughing when the waitress came back and asked them if they needed anything else.
"Just the bill," Puck said, reaching into his pocket to grab his wallet.
Santana instantly felt guilty for making him pay, so she stopped him. "C'mon," she whispered to him so the other couple didn't have to hear her. "You don't have to do that, Puck."
He simple smiled at her before pulling out the appropriate money and paying for the two of them.
Santana rolled her eyes playfully and dropped the subject. The truth was, she had a great time tonight. Puck treated her right, he touched her enough to keep it exciting, but not too much to make it inappropriate, and the food was amazing. It was a great first date, but they weren't going to be having anymore.
Santana doesn't do dating, no matter how great the guy is. She hates dragging boys along only to break their hearts when it doesn't work out in the end.
Because it never works out in the end.
The dinner was paid for, and the 4 teenagers decided to stay for a little longer. "So this was fun," Santana admitted, and she could practically feel Puck smiling beside her.
Brittany and Artie hummed in agreement, and then Brittany's eyes widened. She was looking just over Santana's shoulder, and silently, she pointed.
Santana furrowed her eyebrows, confused as to what Brittany was pointing at. She slowly turned around and was met with the two people she didn't expect to bump into.
Her dad and Quinn.
She could not handle this right now. Terrified, she slapped Puck's hand away from her thigh and moved away from him to create some space. If her dad or Quinn - especially Quinn - figured out what was going on between her and Puck, life at home would go from bad to worse.
Santana was freaking out. She sunk further into her seat and hoped the couple wouldn't notice them. After catching herself doodling Quinn's name earlier, Santana has been really on edge about the blonde. Subconsciously, she thought about her.
Hell, consciously she thought about her.
Admittedly, 75% of the time, Quinn was on Santana's mind, and she had no idea why.
"Santana?" A familiar voice called out, and Santana instantly recognized it as her dad.
Panicking, she looked across the table, and the three other teenagers seemed to understand her fear. "Don't tell them that we're on a double date," she whispered quickly to the group, and then turned around the face her dad and his girlfriend. "Papa! Quinn! Hi!" She said, sounding three times more enthusiastic than usual. She got that way when she was nervous.
Santana refused to look Quinn in the eyes, because if she looked into those hazel orbs, she would probably crack under pressure and admit that she was on a date and that five seconds earlier, Puck's hand was up her dress.
That was the kind of information she didn't want to share with her father.
"This is a nice surprise. You didn't tell me you were coming to this restaurant," Richard said, leaning down and kissing his daughters cheek.
Santana beamed up at him like a typical good daughter, and nodded. "I didn't think you needed specifics. You didn't tell me you and Quinn were going to this restaurant," she added with a playful smile.
"We didn't think you needed specifics," Quinn butt in, smirking to herself at her comeback.
Santana's eyes looked from Richard's to Quinn's, and she inhaled sharply at the sight of the girl. She looked… beautiful. Quinn was wearing a Jackie Kirby dress with a floral neckline. It was a soft cream colour and flowy, ending around her knee's. Over top of it, she wore a dark green cardigan. Her hair was curled slightly with a white headband, and she looked the prettiest Santana's ever seen her.
She was sort of speechless.
"Why don't you introduce us to your friends, Santana?" Quinn asked, tilting her head innocently at Santana. The Latina growled under her breath.
"Sure," she agreed. "This is my best friend Brittany," Santana said, pointing towards the blonde across from her. She risked a glance at Quinn, and saw the blonde tense at the mention of the girl.
Quinn extended her hand. "So you're the infamous Brittany. I've heard a lot about you, missy." Quinn's usual friendly tone was slightly condescending and rude. Santana felt horrible, so she moved on.
"This is her boyfriend Artie." Santana made a point to mention the fact that Artie was Brittany's boyfriend, because for some reason, she got the feeling that Quinn didn't like Brittany.
The blonde smiled at that, and offered her hand to Artie this time. "Oh, lovely to meet you. You keep Brittany busy, you hear?" She winked playfully and Santana died of embarrassment.
"And this is…" Santana looked over to Puck, unsure what to call him, "my friend, Puck."
Santana mentioned Puck to Quinn when they first met, and Quinn seemed to think that the two of them were dating. So when Santana was caught having dinner with him at a nice restaurant, she knew that the jig was up. It was hard to hide the fact that her and Puck were more than just friends. She looked over at Quinn, and hazel eyes darkened in recognition.
Quinn seemed to have clenched her jaw before offering her hand. "Hmm.. that's funny. I've never heard of you before," Quinn hissed harshly. "Santana's never mentioned you. I guess you must not be all that special."
Santana's eyes widened as her head snapped to the blonde. Richard glared at his girlfriend in shock. "Well.. we should go," he said, needing to separate Quinn from the teenagers. "Santana, be home by 12, alright?"
She nodded and waved.
Finally, the two of them walked off, and an awkward silence filled the table. "Dude, your step mom's hot as shit," Puck said. Clearly, he had no idea what Quinn was trying to hint at, and for that, Santana was grateful. Quinn was lying, anyway.
"She's not my step mom." Santana whispered to herself, and she felt Brittany's foot nudge up against hers under the table.
She looked up and Brittany was smiling sadly. She mouthed, 'I'm sorry', and Santana smiled as a thank you.
After bumping into her dad and Quinn, the date came to a finish. No one's mood was the same, so they felt no need to pretend like they were still having a good time.
Quinn made everyone feel on edge. Everyone including Santana. She always had that effect on her, and Santana would never know why. She hated that Quinn had so much power over her.
Santana was sitting in Puck's car, parked in front of her house. She smiled over at him, her eyes apologetic. "I had a nice time tonight, Puck," she said honestly.
"I told you, babe. I can make you happy if you give Puckzilla a shot."
Santana bowed her head and chuckled softly. "You had to go and ruin the moment, didn't you?" She asked playfully, looking up at him.
He chuckled as well. "C'mere," he whispered sensually, leaning towards her.
Santana blinked quickly and looked down at his lips. They did look pretty kissable, she had to admit. But if she kissed him tonight, it would only be leading him on.
Closer.
Closer.
He leaned in so close that their noses were touching, but their lips were still disconnected.
"Puck, wait," Santana whispered, then pulled back.
He sighed, clearly frustrated before leaning back.
"I can't do this," she admitted. "If I kissed you, then I would just be leading you on. The truth is, you're a great guy, and we have some serious chemistry, but I will never have romantic feelings towards you. Don't take it personally. Honestly, I don't think I'll ever have romantic feelings towards anyone. I'm just wired that way." Santana shrugged sadly. "I can't help it."
Puck nodded in understanding. "I get it," he admitted. "It was a long shot when I asked you out. I'm actually surprised you agreed to it in the first place. But I'm glad you did, because now I know. I'll never have to wonder."
Santana smiled, thrilled that he was handling it with such grace. "I'm really sorry."
He shook his head. "Don't be. We'll still have sex, so it's not that big of a deal."
Her face dropped at that. "Puck, I don't think we should be involved anymore. At all."
"What? Why?"
"I refuse to lead you on. I can't have sex with you if deep down, you want more. I won't do that to you," she said.
Puck said heavily. "Santana, I can control my feelings. Getting rejected is all it takes for me to get over you," he said like the true badass he was.
Santana couldn't help but smile softly. "You're probably right, but I don't want to risk it. I don't believe in love, but I won't bring you down with me. Underneath the cussing and the dirty talk is a really sweet guy. You're going to find someone Puck, and I won't stand in the way of that."
Silence filled the car, and they both knew that Santana was right. She leaned in and kissed him softly on the cheek.
"So this is it? We're never going to see each other again?"
She giggled softly. "Don't be silly. We can still be friends. In fact, I'm counting on that. Believe it or not, you mean a lot to me, and I'm not gonna let you go that easily."
They shared a smile, and Santana eventually got out of the car.
"Hey, San?" He called just before Santana walked inside.
She turned around and quirked an eyebrow at him.
"You're not wired that way. You're not hopeless. I know you don't believe in love right now, but one day, you're going to find that person that makes your heart race, and nothing else will matter. I just hope he treats you right."
Santana smiled through watery trees. "Thank you, Puckerman," she whispered before walking inside.
When she got home, Richard and Quinn were still out, so Santana went upstairs and changed into her pyjamas.
She got out of the dress, threw her hair into a messy bun, and threw on a large T shirt. Santana went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth.
It was about 11 o'clock, and she was tired. A part of her wanted to stay up and wait until her dad got home, but another part of her wanted to sleep and wake up when it was the weekend. That was always such a good feeling.
So, she got into bed, and hummed comfortably. She thought about going straight to bed. It would be so easy. She would just have to reach over, turn off the lamp, and shut her eyes. It didn't take any energy. But she couldn't do it. Her eyes were locked on her phone, and curiosity got the best of her.
She reached over and grabbed her cell phone. Just like every night, she called her mother.
Nervously, she brought the phone to her ear and waited patiently. Santana was aware that it was going to go to voicemail just like every time, but she couldn't sleep unless she knew for sure.
Every night she had to call her, or she would have nightmares.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
Santana was ready to hang up, because if she heard the voicemail message one more time, she would probably cry herself to sleep.
Her thumb hovered over the red button, before -
"Hello?"
Santana's eyes widened in shock and she froze.
Her mom picked up the phone.
Her mom picked up.
Her mom.
Santana felt like she was going to faint. She hasn't heard the woman's voice in 4 years, and she forgot how much she missed it. It was always so raspy, a sign from smoking, but so inviting. Santana's heart broke, because all she wanted to do was say something. She wanted to tell the woman that it was her daughter, that she missed her, and how much she hated her for leaving their family to rot.
Santana wanted to yell her little heart out. She wanted to cry and say everything she's waited years to say. And now was her chance.
"Hello?" Maria repeated impatiently.
Santana inhaled sharply, and she knew that Maria heard her.
The woman groaned. "If this is a prank call, I'm not laughing. Don't call here again."
And just like that, the line ended.
The Latina's phone fell weakly out of her hand and she sobbed into her pillow. Her mother spoke to her without even realizing who was on the other end of the line. Her mother was alive. Her mother was okay.
Santana couldn't believe it.
In a mix of tears and angry screaming, Santana fell asleep.
"Santana!" A voice called, waking Santana up from her sleep.
Tiredly, her eyes fluttered open, and she looked over at the clock. It was almost 1:30 am. She yawned and groaned, sitting up in her bed. Why the hell was she woken up? And who the hell woke her up?
"Santana!" The voice called again, and Santana recognized it as her dad.
Worried that something horrible happened, she jumped out of bed and quickly found shorts to throw on over top of her panties. She rushed downstairs and stopped when she saw Quinn and Richard standing there with shit eating grins on their faces.
"What?" She panted. "What's wrong?"
Quinn giggled and looked at Richard. "Tell her," she whispered.
"No you tell her," he whispered back, and Santana wanted to vomit from how much of a couple they were acting like.
"Someone tell me before I go back to bed," she growled, annoyed.
Santana crossed her arms over her chest and waited impatiently.
"I'm moving in!"
Duh duh DUUUHHH
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