Chapter 7: In Which Sorceress Visits Ralph's Game and Eats a Pie
The bespectacled young blonde girl collectively known to all denizens of the arcade as Moppet Girl was just about to start the Final Boss Battle in Blood and Thunder. She'd spent several dollars in quarters to get to this point, and she couldn't leave Litwak's Family Fun Center until she either won or got a Game Over. It was time and money well spent, she thought. There weren't many games with female Bad Guys at the arcade, and Sorceress was by far the coolest.
As the brave and daring Hunter challenged her to the final showdown, Sorceress hovered at the top of the castle's highest tower with lightning bolts flashing behind her, laughing her famous, high-pitched, sinister laugh. However, once the battle began she seemed to have trouble focusing on her job. She flung various attack spells at random and raised a magic barrier as needed, but they were all very half-hearted. It was hard to concentrate on the death match happening in the present when the future held so much promise.
From the first quarter alert that morning, Sorceress had been thinking about only one thing; her upcoming date with Wreck-It Ralph that night. Would this be their second or third date? Did that time they went to Street Fighter together count? Or last night, when he dropped in unannounced with President Von Schweetz? That was a memorable evening for sure. After the fiasco with the magical hurricane leaving her living room in shambles and Hunter's dramatic and mercifully short intrusion, the three of them held a séance on the kitchen floor. Ralph had to hush the president several times before the ghosts finally showed up, and when they did she kept touching them to watch her hands pass through their intangible forms. It was amusing, but none of that counted as a date in Sorceress' mind.
Oh, what did it matter? Tonight it was a real, official date. Not a blind date set up by somebody else with some stranger who may or may not show up. This was a date with a man she'd gone out with before, a man she actually liked and who seemed to like her enough to ask her out again. This kind of thing hadn't happened for her in years. She could hardly believe it was happening at all.
Suddenly a blast of tiny stinging icicles struck Sorceress in the face, jolting her out of her thoughts and back to reality. Her life bar was running low. Her body flickered for an instant, signaling her imminent death. Another hit like that and it was Game Over. There wasn't much time left. She had to make this look good. Raising both arms over her head, she formed a crackling ball of lighting between her hands and hurled it at Hunter with all her might. It was a powerful spell that would have taken out a good chunk from his life bar if it made contact. But Moppet Girl was a skilled gamer, and with a deft twist of the joystick she jumped Hunter out of harm's way.
Then Hunter was right on top of Sorceress. Before she could react, he plunged his magic sword through her heart. With a scream of agony that was not entirely an act, she collapsed to the ground and her lifeless body turned to a pile of dust and bones. The words You Win flashed on the screen.
As Hunter struck his victory pose, Moppet Girl pouted in confusion. "Weird," she muttered to herself. "She doesn't usually go down that fast."
"Closing time!" Mr. Litwak announced. "Everyone out!"
With a dismissive shrug, Moppet Girl turned and left the game behind. She'd won the game, so there wasn't much reason for her to stick around.
A few minutes later, the arcade was empty except for Mr. Litwak. Once he turned the lights off, he went outside and locked the door behind him. Then, about a minute later, the voice of Yuni Berth could be heard making her nightly proclamation from Dance Dance Revolution.
"All clear! The arcade's closed!"
The pile of dust and bones on the ground flickered a few times. Then it regenerated into Sorceress, flashing with magic sparkles and a jingling musical sound effect for good measure. Groaning, she rubbed the spot over her heart where Hunter's sword had impaled her. "You didn't need to stab that hard," she complained.
Hunter sheathed his sword and bowed so low that it was a miracle he didn't fall over. "My apologies, I was caught up in the heat of battle. It was not my intention to cause you unnecessary pain."
Sorceress waved a hand at him dismissively. "Never mind, the arcade is closed and it's all over now. Roger, what's the score tonight?"
Standing inconspicuously off-screen, Roger held up a chart bearing the number of times Hunter and Sorceress beat each other that day. Usually their scores differed by only a few points, but today Hunter won by a landslide; 12 to 3.
"Huzzah!" Hunter cheered, pumping both fists in the air. "Free Root Beer for the champion!"
Sorceress rolled her eyes and held out an open hand. With a puff of sparkly purple mist, a coin purse appeared. "Here," she said, taking a few gold coins out and handing them to him. "Don't spend it all at once."
Hunter looked at the money in his hand and arched his eyebrows in confusion. "You're not coming?"
She shook her head. The coin purse vanished in another puff of sparkly mist. "I have a date tonight."
He pocketed the coins and smiled knowingly. "Ah, yes, your rendezvous with Sir Ralph in Fix-It Felix, Jr. That wouldn't be the reason you were so uncharacteristically distracted in battle today, would it?"
"It might be," she said vaguely. "He must be on his way to Sugar Rush by now to watch President Von Schweetz in tonight's Random Roster Race. In the meantime, I have much to do to get ready." She began fussing with her hair and clothes, dusting off the front of her dress and smoothing bits of frizz down. "Should I go like this?" she asked no one in particular. "Does my hair look alright? What about my make-up?"
Hunter and Roger exchanged looks with each other. The Good Guy's smile widened into a grin, and the Cyclops nodded silently.
"There's no need for you to get so worried, Sorceress," Hunter said. "When was the last time you were this anxious over a date?" He rubbed his chin, trying to remember. "Oh, yes. It was shortly after we were first plugged in twenty-five years ago, and you were going on your first date with-"
A loud clap of thunder and a flash of lightning from the storm clouds overhead interrupted him. Sorceress narrowed her crimson eyes at him dangerously, and for an instant they flickered with a hellish red light. "I thought we agreed to never speak of him again."
At first Hunter didn't understand why she was getting so angry. Then Roger tapped him on the shoulder and made a throat-cutting motion with his finger as if to say 'Don't go there'. That seemed to do the trick.
"Yes, you're right," Hunter replied diplomatically. "And I apologize for bringing up You-Know-Who. The point I intended to make was that you look fine as you are, and I'm sure Sir Ralph will think so as well."
The thunder became quieter. Sorceress looked down at herself and sighed. "I suppose you're right. But still, the Nicelanders are famously prudish. What will they think when they see me come into their game with so much skin showing?"
Hunter scoffed. "Don't concern yourself with those lowly peasants. It matters not what they think. Your date is not with them, it's with Sir Ralph! His opinion is the only one that holds any weight, so to speak."
Sorceress stared back at her Good Guy. He was actually trying to give her some helpful advice. Hunter was a brash idiot with a flair for the dramatic most of the time, but he always meant well and she could never really hate him for that. She smiled back at him gratefully. "That's true. Thank you, Hunter."
He grinned and gave her a hearty slap on the back that almost knocked her flat on her face. "That's the spirit! Go forth and make tonight a night to remember!" Before she could reply, he stepped back and bowed. "I'll leave you to your preparations now. Farewell, Lady Sorceress, and may the time you spend with your new paramour raise your spirits to touch the heavens!"
She stood there rolling her eyes at his flowery speech until a certain word caught her attention. "Paramour? Wait a minute! I never said he was my-"
Before she could finish, Hunter sprang nimbly from the top of the tower and vanished into the foggy darkness below. "Fareweeeeell!"
"Never mind," Sorceress sighed. Resuming her dignified, ladylike demeanor, she turned to her Cyclops butler. "Come along, Roger. I'll need your help feeding the giant spiders before I go."
Roger replied with a guttural groan and nodded his head obediently. If one looked closely, there was the barest hint of a smile on his solemn face.
About two hours later, Sorceress left Blood and Thunder behind and was on the train headed for Game Central Station. As she passed through the tunnel watching the occasional bursts of electricity sparking around her, she wondered what sort of place Fix-It Felix, Jr. was. She had never been inside, so most of what she knew about the game was what she'd heard from other people. What did it look like? What was it like for Ralph to live there, now that he'd moved out of the dump? Would she like it there? And would Ralph's co-workers like her?
Sorceress twisted her hair around her fingers anxiously. If Fix-It Felix, Jr. was Ralph's home, then Felix and the Nicelanders were like his family. She knew they were all on better terms with each other after thirty difficult years. She'd seen them all getting along with Ralph well enough at the wedding, and he hadn't said anything especially negative about them at Bad Anon since then. But she hadn't spent much time interacting with any of those people herself, and thus had no idea what they thought of her, or if they thought anything at all. Before long Hunter's words of encouragement were forgotten and she was trying in vain to stretch the skimpy front half of her dress to cover her thighs.
Soon the train stopped in the terminal and Sorceress rose from her seat. As she floated to exit the outlet, she spotted Ralph's familiar hulking shape seated on one of the benches outside. She froze and her heart jumped into her throat. He'd come to pick her up. Taking refuge behind the wall, she raised her hand and a crystal ball the size of a grapefruit appeared in a puff of sparkly mist.
Holding the crystal close to her face, Sorceress whispered "Do I look presentable?"
The vapors inside the crystal swirled into the shapes of letters that spelled out the words 'Ask again later.'
With a frustrated groan, Sorceress made the useless crystal vanish in another sparkly puff of mist. She was on her own. After smoothing her hair and dusting off her dress one last time, she squared her shoulders, assumed the calmest, most dignified expression she could, and levitated out of the tunnel.
When Ralph saw her coming his head perked up and his face broke into a beaming, gap-toothed grin. He waved to her with one giant hand and got up from his bench. "Hey, Sorceress! Glad you could make it!"
She couldn't help smiling back as she drew closer. His smile was infectious. It was funny, but she always seemed to feel better when Ralph was around these days. "Of course I made it, Mr. Wreck-It," she said, stopping to hover in front of him. "I wouldn't miss this for the world. Are you ready?"
He nodded. "You bet I am. I've been looking forward to this all day. Next stop, Fix-It Felix,Jr.!"
"Uh, one little thing before we go." She floated back a few inches and gestured at herself. "Is it alright for me to go in there dressed like this?"
Ralph arched one bushy eyebrow in confusion. "Dressed like what?"
Sorceress gestured at herself again. "You know. This."
He scanned her up and down. She was wearing the same slinky red dress, stiletto boots and gold jewelry she always wore. "You look fine to me."
She let out a frustrated sigh. Of course he would say that. "Let me rephrase the question. Are the Nicelanders going to think poorly of me if they see me wearing these clothes?"
His look of confusion gave way to one of surprise. "That's what this is about? You're worried what the Nicelanders are gonna think of you?"
Sorceress nodded, gazing down at her clothes. She tugged uselessly at the front of her skirt, which was scarcely more than a loincloth that utterly failed to keep her legs covered. "People make all kinds of assumptions about women who dress the way I do. The word 'sleazy' gets thrown around a lot, among others I won't repeat."
Ralph rubbed the back of his neck with one hand and squirmed guiltily. He hated to admit that he used to be one those people making assumptions about Sorceress based on the unfortunate costume she was granted by her game's designers. That was all before he'd taken the time to get to know her, though, and he discovered just how cool, classy and totally not sleazy she really was. The Nicelanders didn't know her the way he did, however, and the idea of them whispering about her and giving her dirty looks was discouraging, to say the least.
No. That wasn't going to happen. Not if he had anything to say about it. His second date with Sorceress was about to begin, and he wasn't going to let something like the fear of petty gossip get in the way. Raising himself up to his full nine feet in height, he set his jaw decisively and propped his giant fists on his hips. "Don't you worry, Sorceress. Those guys aren't gonna say anything bad about you. Not as long as I'm around."
Sorceress arched a skeptical eyebrow at him. She was hovering at his height, but she was still slightly unsettled by his intimidating size and posture. He was always so gentle with her that she sometimes forgot how powerful he really was, and how easily he could cause harm if he felt like it. "You wouldn't do anything to hurt them, would you?"
Ralph shook his head firmly. "Nah, I wouldn't do that. We're friends now, and I want to keep it that way. But if I hear somebody talking bad about you, there's no way I'm gonna stand there and listen to it."
She started to smile again. He was trying to cheer her up, in his own way. It was sweet that he was so willing to defend her from something as trivial as people's gossip. And of course it was a relief that the skimpiness of her normal outfit didn't seem to bother him as much as it used to. "Thank you, Ralph. I appreciate that."
He smiled back, glad to see her mood was improving. "No problem." He swept an arm out toward the opposite end of the station, where the outlet to his game was. "Shall we be off, milady?" he asked, shamelessly hamming it up for her.
She chuckled behind her hand and nodded. "I thought you'd never ask."
The ride to Fix-It Felix, Jr. was pleasant enough, if a little snug. The Niceland Express was designed to contain very petite sprites with stubby arms and legs, and neither Ralph nor Sorceress matched that description. They had to ride in separate cars, Sorceress sitting with her knees touching her chest, and Ralph's whole body filling up the car behind her. When the little train finally pulled them up to the platform, he had some trouble getting out of it.
"Do you need any help?" Sorceress asked, standing on the platform watching him. She was still amazed that he was able to squash all his bulk in such a tiny space.
Ralph adjusted his grip on the car. "I got this." With a grunt, he pushed his huge body free, rattling all three cars of the train in the process. "Whew. Tight fit."
Seeing he was no longer stuck, Sorceress turned to look at their surroundings. Squares and rectangles were clearly the dominant shapes of this game. The tree branches and even the dandelions were all cubes, as if they were purposely pruned that way. Then her eyes were drawn to the eleven story brick apartment building soaring up into the night sky. It was the tallest structure in the game, the metaphorical battleground where Ralph and Felix competed each day.
She tapped her chin with one finger. "So this is the building you always wreck?"
Ralph came up to stand next to her and put his hands on his hips. "Yeah, that's it," he said, gazing up at the building. "Felix and the Nicelanders all live up there. What do you think?"
This was a somewhat loaded question. He wouldn't admit it, but Ralph was nervous, too. This was his second official date with Sorceress and he was worried that she would find his game tacky and primitive. Hers was just five years more advanced than his, but that was a tremendous leap forward in gaming technology.
However, Sorceress didn't think it was tacky or primitive at all. If anything, she was impressed. She tipped her head back, scanning the rows of windows from the ground up. Her eyebrows arched when she got to the penthouse at the top. "It's taller than I expected," she said at last. "Tearing down something that big with your bare hands must be hard work."
Hearing no hints of disapproval in her tone, Ralph allowed himself to relax a bit. "Yeah, it's a tough job, but somebody's gotta do it. And it's not like I do it alone anymore. I've got Q*bert's buddies helping me with the bonus levels now." He pointed off to the right toward East Niceland, where the rows of apartment houses stood. "See those little buildings? That's where all the new guys live."
She levitated a few inches higher to get a better look. "I see. You and Mr. Fix-It built them together, right?"
"It was mainly Felix doing the construction work," he admitted. "I decided where to put them, though, and brought all the bricks and stuff from the dump."
Sorceress squinted at the apartment houses for a moment. "Which one of them do you live in?"
Ralph shuffled his big feet and scratched his cheek with one thick finger. Suddenly he wished he'd accepted all of Felix's offers to build him a bigger, less shabby house. Sorceress lived in a castle and had a butler working for her. Compared to that, his humble shack might as well be in the dump. "Eh, it's nothing special, just a crummy little shack. You don't wanna see that."
She turned to look at him, now floating at his eye level. "Of course I want to see it. It's your home, isn't it?"
"Uh…" Ralph fidgeted some more, eyes darting this way and that as he tried to think of a way out of this. Just then, he heard voices and saw movement coming from the patio behind the building. "Hey, look! The Nicelanders are having a barbecue. Wanna go check it out?"
Sorceress looked toward the patio. There were little people there, all small enough to pass for children, but from the sensible clothes they wore and the noticeable facial hair and balding heads on some of the men, they were clearly adults. Their movements were jerky and stilted, typical for most characters from classic 8bit games. Q*bert and his fellows could be seen mingling with them.
She inched closer to Ralph, eyes fixed on the cheery little group of Nicelanders as her stomach tied itself into nervous knots. She looked up at the huge wrecker, twisting her fingers anxiously in her long, thick hair. "Are you sure that's a good idea? I don't want to intrude."
Seeing the anxiety on her face, he smiled back at her. "You're not intruding on anything. Just relax and be yourself. I'll be right here beside you the whole time."
Sorceress took a deep breath and nodded, reciting the Bad Guy affirmation in her head like she always did when she needed an extra boost of confidence. There was nothing to be afraid of here. These people could do nothing to harm her, and Ralph was here to back her up. She would be as courteous and respectful to the Nicelanders as possible, and maybe, just maybe, that would be enough to win them over. And if that didn't work, well, at least Ralph would still like her, and he was the only person here whose opinion truly mattered to her.
As he led her across the wooden footbridge over the canal between the train stop and the patio, Ralph was mentally rehearsing how he was going to introduce Sorceress to his co-workers. The only person living here who knew he was dating her was Felix, and he didn't seem to be around. Q*bert and his friends had seen them together on their first date at Tapper's, so they might suspect something by now. The Nicelanders were completely in the dark, however, and it would be pretty shocking for them to learn that their Bad Guy, a bachelor for thirty long years, was suddenly in the dating game.
It would be best to keep things light and casual for now. So Ralph grinned broadly as he approached the picnic area and waved one big hand over his head. "Evening, everybody!"
Many of the Nicelanders looked up from their conversations and waved back to him with smiles on their faces. Even Gene, who couldn't stand Ralph at all in the old days, looked not entirely annoyed to see the game's Bad Guy show up. Tonight he was in charge of the grill and was wearing a checkered apron over his blue sweater. "Well, look who decided to stop by," he said, waving to Ralph with his spatula. "You're back from Sugar Rush early tonight."
"Did you bring Vanellope over for pie?" Mary chimed in. "I baked extra!" She swept one chubby arm toward one of the picnic tables. It was almost entirely covered with freshly baked pies of all kinds, more than the tiny Nicelanders and equally tiny new guys could eat on their own.
Ralph couldn't hold back his grin this time. A year ago he never could have imagined anything like this happening for him. It had been a months since his game jumping adventures had changed his life and the lives of everyone he knew, and he still couldn't get over how good it felt to have the Nicelanders actually glad to see him, inviting him to join in their activities, and even offering him food. He was no longer an outcast in his own game, and he hoped nothing would ever happen to change that.
"Thanks a lot, guys! Actually, I brought somebody else over this time." He stepped aside to reveal Sorceress, who had been completely hidden behind his wide back until now.
Gene was so surprised to see the oddly dressed, blue-skinned, floating woman that he popped up about a foot off the ground and hovered for a split second before landing a few inches further back. Sorceress in turn arched her pencil thin eyebrows at this non-magical person's brief defiance of gravity. The rest of the Nicelanders all seemed to freeze in place as they gaped at the strange woman who was literally hovering at their Bad Guy's side.
Ralph groaned inwardly. He was right about them being shocked. Clearing his throat, he prepared to introduce her as tactfully as possible. "Guys, this is Sorceress, one of my friends from Bad Anon. You all remember her from the wedding, right? She's the one who caught Calhoun's bouquet."
Oh, yes, the Nicelanders remembered Sorceress. She was among the most well-known Bad Guys in the arcade, and her sinister laugh when she caught the bouquet at the wedding was hard to forget. It hadn't done much to help their opinions of her, either.
For a moment Gene just stood there, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. Then he realized everyone one was expecting him to say something, remembered he was in charge here and straightened himself. "Hello, Miss Sorceress," he said, putting on a rather stiff, uncomfortable smile. "It's, uh, nice to see you again."
Sorceress couldn't help feeling self-conscious with so many eyes staring at her. She was sure they were all silently judging her and she hadn't even spoken a single word yet. Doing her best not to show her nervousness, she lowered herself down to stand on the brick patio, gathered the long train of her dress in both hands, and performed a rather stiff, uncomfortable curtsey.
"Good evening," she said politely, addressing all the Nicelanders. Then she stood up straight and smiled awkwardly at the small, pudgy man before her. "You're looking well, Mr. Gene. How are you faring these days?"
The rest of the Nicelanders were visibly relieved that Sorceress was no longer floating. However, Gene was still obviously uncomfortable. Even with her feet on the ground, the otherworldly Bad Guy was unsettling to look at and three times his height. But she was a friend of Ralph's, and she was being so polite, so he had no choice but to try to be polite in return.
"I'm, uh, faring pretty well these days, thank you," Gene said, still smiling rather stiffly. "What brings you to here tonight?"
Sorceress folded her hands neatly in front of her, trying hard to keep her own smile in place. "Mr. Wreck-It was kind enough to invite me over for a visit." She turned to Ralph, hoping he would join the conversation. "Isn't that right, Mr. Wreck-It?"
Ralph nodded his head, grinning in a way that betrayed his own unease. When he promised to help her through this awkward introduction he didn't think it would be this awkward for him, too. "Yeah, uh, that's right. We just figured since we've never really hung out in the past it might be fun to visit each other's games, y'know?"
"Sure, that makes sense," Gene replied. His eyes shifted from one Bad Guy to the other. He couldn't decide what was harder to believe; that someone as refined as Sorceress would choose to spend time with someone as uncouth as Ralph, that he would invite her over in the first place, or that she was calling him 'Mr. Wreck-It'. He couldn't remember ever hearing anyone refer to him by such a respectful title.
Just as Ralph was trying to think of something else to say to ease the tension, Q*bert chose that moment to come hopping over to greet Sorceress. Unlike the Nicelanders, he showed no fear and came right up to her, producing a word balloon full of symbols as he spoke his electronic language.
Sorceress was beyond relieved to see a friendly face. Smiling more comfortably, she bent down slightly to talk to the tiny orange creature. She couldn't speak or understand a word of his language, but she was getting desperate. "Hello there, Q*bert. I haven't seen you since Karaoke Night. How've you been?"
Q*bert made some more electronic noises, producing another word balloon full of symbols. Following Sorceress' lead, Ralph seized this opportunity to redirect the conversation. He couldn't speak Q*bert-ese the way Felix could, but after several months of working with the little guy he'd learned to understand quite a bit, and what Q*bert was saying now was just the topic to break the ice.
Ralph turned to Sorceress to translate for her. "He says he liked your singing on Karaoke Night, and he's looking forward to hearing you again next month."
Sorceress was glad to latch onto the new conversation topic and grateful for the translation. "Thank you, Q*bert. I'll definitely sing next month, and I'll bring Ralph with me again, too."
"Again?" Gene echoed. He looked up at Ralph in surprise. "You went to Karaoke Night? I thought you didn't like karaoke."
"I thought so, too," Ralph said, trying to play it cool. "Only 'cuz I never tried it before."
Gene arched a skeptical eyebrow at him. "Don't tell me you were singing, too."
Ralph rubbed the back of his neck with one huge hand. "Well, I didn't want to sing at first, but Sorceress did it, so I kinda had to. I'm not really much of a singer, though. I only sounded good when I had the superstar here to back me up."
He pointed to Sorceress with his thumb. She stood up straight and chuckled demurely. "You're too modest, Mr. Wreck-It. You were doing just fine before I came along. I only helped you because you chose a duet by mistake."
Gene eyed both Bad Guys skeptically. "Hold on. Let me get this straight." He pointed his spatula at the huge wrecker. "You sang a duet?" He pointed the spatula at Sorceress. "With her?"
Sorceress shrank back just a little. She didn't like the way Gene was pointing that spatula at her, nor did she like his tone of voice. It was making her uncomfortable again, as if he disapproved of her associating with his Bad Guy. "Is that a problem, Mr. Gene?"
"No, ma'am, it's not a problem," Gene said quickly, lowering his spatula. "It's just a little hard to believe, that's all."
"What's so hard to believe?" Ralph said, fists on his hips as he leaned forward slightly, looming over the tiny man. "If you think we're making it up, just ask Q*bert. He was there, he can vouch for us."
Q*bert nodded in agreement and produced another sequence of beeps and buzzes. He went on to say how Ralph and Sorceress had not only sung a duet on Karaoke Night, but that they were so good that they brought the house down. Of course no one but Ralph could understand him.
When the odd little creature was done talking, Ralph folded his arms and smirked. "Thanks, buddy. You're a good singer, too."
Gene lowered the spatula and put his hands on his hips. He couldn't argue with Q*bert. "Well, then, you'll have to let us know the next time you two decide to perform. If what Q*bert said is true, it must have been quite a show."
Sorceress fidgeted uneasily. She was ready for this conversation to be over. "Oh, you didn't miss much, really. Have you ever heard Pac-Man sing? That's a sound you never want hear." She tugged on Ralph's arm. "Perhaps we should move along now, Mr. Wreck-It."
Ralph took one look at her and saw the hints of nervousness she was trying so hard to hide. "Yes, perhaps we should."
"I should be getting back to the grill, too," Gene said, turning away. "Those burgers aren't gonna cook themselves."
Mary, who had been hanging back quietly until now, chimed in. "Um, Ralph! Would you and Miss Sorceress like some pie before you go?"
Ralph hesitated, eyes falling on the table covered in pies. They did smell delicious, and he had a sneaking suspicion that Mary was thinking of him when she made so many. But Sorceress was clearly uncomfortable being around the Nicelanders this long and vice versa, so he couldn't make her stay. There was only one solution he could see.
"I guess we could take one for the road. Or two, if you can spare 'em."
This brought a genuine smile back to Mary's face and she clasped her little hands happily. "Yes, of course! What kind would you like?"
He smiled back and shrugged. "You know me. I'll eat anything as long as it's not chocolate."
Mary turned to Sorceress next, still smiling brightly. "And you, dear? Do you have a favorite pie?"
Sorceress didn't know how to answer at first. She was still bewildered by the how friendly the little woman was. "Uh, I've always been fond of cherry."
"Coming right up!" Mary sang cheerily. "Q*bert, could you help me, please?"
The little orange creature nodded and the two of them bustled over to the pie table. They both came back carrying warm pies with little wisps of 8bit steam wafting from their lattice topped crusts. Mary held hers with both hands and Q*bert balanced his larger pie on top of his head.
"Here's your cherry pie," Mary said, presenting it to Sorceress. "And that big one's for you, Ralph. It's apple."
Q*bert stopped in front of Ralph and stood on his tiptoes, offering him the apple pie balancing on his head. The wrecker bent down and accepted it gratefully, holding the big pie easily with one hand. "Thanks, guys," he said, addressing both Q*bert and Mary.
Sorceress was staring at the cherry pie Mary gave her as if it had just fallen out of the sky. Hearing Ralph expressing his gratitude helped her remember to do the same. "Yes, thank you very much." She performed three quick, polite curtseys one after the other. "It was good to see you again, Q*bert, and it was very nice meeting you, Ms. Mary and Mr. Gene."
"You're both very welcome," Mary said courteously. She leaned forward to whisper behind her hand. "And don't mind Gene, dear. He's always like that."
Q*bert made some noises that translated to essentially the same thing.
With that, Ralph put an arm around Sorceress and steered her away from the building toward East Niceland. Once he was sure they were out of earshot, he spoke to her again. "Wow, you were really sucking up back there," he teased lightly. "I've never seen so much curtseying before in my life."
Sorceress pouted at him, pretending to be offended. "Excuse me for trying to make a good impression." She briefly glanced over her shoulder at the Nicelanders resuming their preparations for their barbecue. Then she rose up to hover at Ralph's height again and leaned in closer, worry creeping into her voice. "Do you think they like me?"
Ralph took a moment to consider her question. "Q*bert does, obviously. And Mary's warming up pretty fast. As for Gene and the rest, they're gonna need a little more time to get used to you. You should've seen how jumpy they were when Felix first brought Calhoun over."
While he was talking, Sorceress conjured up a pair of forks with her usual puff of sparkly mist. "Where are they, by the way?" she asked, offering a fork to Ralph. "I haven't seen Mr. Fix-It or the Sergeant in ages."
He took the fork from her and dug into his apple pie. "They're probably on a date of their own in Tapper or Burger Time. I'm sure we'll bump into them before the night's over."
She poked at her cherry pie with her fork and took a small bite. After she chewed the flaky crust and sweet fruit filling, she swallowed the food in her mouth and spoke. "Why don't you show me your house now?"
Ralph almost choked on the pie he was eating. With a noisy gulp and a muffled cough, he stared down at the half-eaten pie in his hands. "Uh… It's really nothing special."
Sorceress could tell he was nervous without even looking at him. "Are you worried that I won't like it?"
He tapped his fork lightly against the side of his pie dish. "Well, it's not exactly as swanky as a haunted castle."
She laid a hand on his shoulder. "I'm not expecting a haunted castle," she said sincerely. "If I wanted that I would have stayed home. But know this, Ralph. Whatever I may think about your house, it won't change what I think about you."
Ralph didn't look at her, but she thought she saw his cheeks turn just the faintest shade redder. After a moment of hesitation, he sighed in defeat. "Fine," he grumbled. "I'll show you my house. Just quit sweet talking me, okay? I've got a reputation to live up to here."
Sorceress smiled and helped herself to another bite of cherry pie. "It's not sweet talk if it's true."
Author's Note: I had such a hard time with this chapter, especially writing the Nicelanders. This story is set several months after the movie ended, so I had a hard time figuring out how to have them treat Ralph better without getting them totally out of character, especially Gene. It was tough figuring out how they'd act with Sorceress, too. Thanks to my followers on Tumblr for their helpful tips!
I'll be busy the rest of this week with Thanksgiving and family stuff, so I probably won't have much time to write. I have a pretty good idea of how Chapter 8 will go, though, so hopefully it won't take as long as this one.
