Chapter 7

"Nikolas? Are you in here?" Courtney knocked on Nikolas's door. She hadn't seen him since he was asked to identify the body fourteen hours ago. "Open the door, please." She begged him, unlocking the door. "Nikolas?" she called again, stepping inside.

"I'm in here." Nikolas assured her from the kitchen. He had a shoebox sitting on the table and there were pictures spread out around it. He, himself, was standing against the counter.

"What's going on?" Courtney wanted to know, stopping in the doorway.

"Sam asked me to find a picture of Emily to use for the service." Nikolas explained, nodding toward the box.

"Why did she ask you? I mean, wouldn't Jax have one?"

"They can't find Jax."

"He's probably the one that killed her."

"I've been looking through these all morning and I can't find the right one."

"Just find one of her smiling. She did smile didn't she? I know this isn't easy for you." She walked over to him and laid her hand on his arm.

"I just don't like what this is doing to Jack. Emily had her faults, but she was his mother and he loved her."

"You loved her too."

"At one time, maybe I did." Nikolas snapped defensively. "It really doesn't matter now. She's dead."

"Nikolas, do you want to talk about this?" Courtney offered. "Because we can."

"No. I just want to find a picture."

"Sam told me that Jason left last night and she hasn't seen him since."

"He's gone after Jax. I hope he finds him and guts him like a pig."

"Because of what he did to Jack or because of what he did to Emily?"

Nikolas met her stare. "What do you want me to say Courtney? What?"

"Nikolas..."

"No! You tell me what you want me to say and I'll say it! Just tell me what I have to do to make everything better for you!" Nikolas spat.

"Why are you acting like this?" Courtney retorted.

"What do I have to say to make it all okay, huh? For you? For my son? What the hell am I supposed to say? To do? Tell me, Courtney!"

"Stop it!"

"No, you stop it! I'm not Superman. I can't make anything better for anyone do you understand? I can't turn off what feelings I might have had for the mother of my child. I'm sorry if that makes me weak but I can't." Nikolas stormed out of the kitchen.

"Nikolas, wait!" Courtney ran after him.

"Stay away from me right now, Courtney." Nikolas warned.

"No! I already told you I'm not going anywhere and I meant it!" Courtney reminded him.

"What do you want from me? Any of you?" Nikolas asked her. "How can I make it easier?"

"You can't! You have to feel just like the rest of us!"

"Emily's dead! She's dead! I didn't hate her and I can't pretend I did! We made a son together! And now she's dead and he's hurting. I haven't even been to see him yet. I can't face him. How the hell am I supposed to tell him that I couldn't save his mother?"

"You weren't supposed to save her."

"I've always been able to save her. Ever since we were kids. I wasn't anticipating Jasper Jacks."

"Everything that happened to her she made happen. No one forced her to let Jax move in with her and your son."

Nikolas stopped halfway up the stairs and reached out for the railing. "I'm not going to service. Find a picture." He ordered, before continuing up the stairs.

"Nikolas." Courtney whispered, cringing when the bedroom door slammed shut.

*****

"Jack? Can you come out please?" Sam urged, knocking on Lila's bedroom door where her and Jason had moved the kids.

"No! Go away! I want Mommy!" Jack shrieked.

"Honey, it's almost time for the funeral." Sam explained.

"There's no funeral 'cause she's not dead!" Jack insisted with a cry.

"Jack, please." Sam leaned against the door.

"I said no!"

"What's the matter with Jack?" Lila wanted to know, coming up behind Sam.

Sam jumped and turned to her little daughter. "He's lost his mommy and he's very sad."

"If he lost her then when can find her right, Mommy?" Lila asked.

"No baby. His mommy's dead."

"She's not dead!" Jack argued.

"Jack, open the door." Sam repeated.

"No!"

"Jonathan Jason Cassadine, you open this door now!" Lila ordered.

The door opened and Jack peered out at his cousin. "Big mouth for a little girl." Jack stated wryly.

"I'm a big girl." Lila countered, planting her hands on her hips.

*****

"Jason, I'm so sorry about Emily." Carly told him as they stood in the hall that separated their penthouses.

"Thank you Carly." Jason replied. His shirt and jeans were wrinkled leading her to believe he had slept in them. This couldn't be easy for him. His hair was tousled and his bright blue eyes were dark and almost nonexistent when he stared at her. There were circles under his eyes and his hands, she noticed, were shaking.

"It's no lie that we didn't care for each other." Carly confessed. "But I hate to see you hurting." She reached for Jason and stepped toward him, resting her hands over his.

"I'll see you at the funeral." Jason promised, heading for the elevator, letting go of Carly's hands and turning his back to her. She decided he just didn't want her to see him cry which she had only seen one other time, the night Sam had almost died with Lila.

"Jason? What else is going on?" Carly wondered. She didn't like how foggy his gaze was or the emotionless tone of his voice when he spoke to her. Was it guilt that he held for not being able to save Emily from Jax? Logically, there wasn't anything he could have done to save his sister.

"Nothing that you need to worry about." Jason sent her a half-smile and then his face was impassive again. Carly wasn't sure what she could do for him other than be around when he decided to fall apart. Whatever was wrong, he hadn't shared it with Sam, Carly realized. Otherwise he wouldn't look so defeated right now.

"Have you found Jax yet?"

"Not yet."

He probably left town after killing Emily." Swallowing hard, she asked, "Jason, how did Emily die? You never told me."

"She was stabbed." Jason explained.