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Chapter 7
"Attention all units: reports of an individual brandishing a knife have been reported at the front entrance of the festival. Suspect is described as a white male, 6 feet tall, 190 pounds, wearing a black hoodie and cargo shorts" their radios crackled to life.
"Ready, Peck?" Shaw checked with his rookie.
"Let's do it" Gail sighed as she wiped her hands clean and started following Shaw toward the front gates. She was annoyed that she didn't get to finish the last of her beaver tail but she was thrilled to finally get to do something exciting in her training.
"Okay" he said as he led her toward their suspect. "I want you to stay behind me. Do not draw your weapon unless you have to. Most of the time the best route to take with anyone yielding a weapon is to calmly talk to them. If we pull our firearms we'll only aggravate an already agitated situation" the senior officer told her as they marched quickly passed merchandise vendors.
"This is just a guy who is probably upset that this girlfriend dumped him. We'll clear the area of civilians and just talk to him. But most importantly Peck, I want you to stay back. Sometimes these situations can escalate quickly and I don't want you in the middle of it" he said with a concerned tone as they neared the front gate.
"Do you understand me?" he stopped and looked her in the eye.
"I do, sir. I'll stay back" she replied.
"Okay. Let's see what we have" he turned to speak with the festival security guard manning the front gate.
Gail scanned the crowd. She couldn't see anyone matching the description of their suspect. She tried to see if anyone in the mob was drawing attention from the others. So far, nothing stood out to her; people continued to stream past excitedly talking about their favourite band or whether they were going to the beer tent now or later.
"The security guard said the guy didn't seem upset. He just had a large hunting knife out but they lost him in the crowd" Oliver said when he finished talking to the security guard.
"Should we keep looking for him then?" she asked as she continued scanning the throngs of people.
"If someone has a weapon like that we need to find him" her TO replied.
As soon as the words escaped his mouth he started walking quickly, obviously with a destination in mind. Gail was in step right behind him when she noticed the very man they were looking for walking right toward them. In his left hand was the unmistakable glint of the blade of a hunting knife.
Oliver slowed down as they were nearing the man. He put a pleasant smile on his face and started to talk to the man in a languid voice.
"Good afternoon" he spoke to the man with a smile. "I'm Officer Shaw and this is my partner Officer Peck. How are you today, sir?" he continued as he placed his hand on his holster. Seeing her training officer do this, Gail copied the motion.
"I'm good officer. Is there something I can help you with?" the man replied jovially.
"There is actually. I can see that you're carrying a pretty serious looking knife. Can you throw it to the ground for me?" Shaw asked the man.
"Oh, sure thing. Is that what this is about?" the suspect replied as he tossed the weapon on the ground.
"We just want to make sure nobody is going to get hurt, including yourself. Can you step toward me with your hands out of your pockets, please?" Shaw continued in his fatherly voice.
As the man in the hoodie approached the two police officers a scent of heavy skunk assaulted their noses.
"Oh my God!" Gail choked.
"How much marijuana have you smoked today, sir?" Oliver asks the man as he covers his face with his shirt sleeve.
"Ummmm… a bit" the man said with a chuckle.
"Okay" Shaw replied with a huff and turned his head to speak to Gail. "This guy is high as a kite. We probably won't need to arrest him. We're going to figure out why he has that knife, search him, and possibly drive him home" he told the blonde officer. She nodded in response.
"Why don't we start with your name, Bob Marley?" Shaw asked with a smile.
"Ryan" he said as he laughed at the officer's joke, not concerned that he might be in trouble.
"Ryan, okay. Do you have any other weapons or drugs on you, Ryan?" he continued.
"No. I was just helping out a buddy with my knife"
"Helping a buddy? Helping him do what?" Shaw questioned.
"Sorry officer, I know this looks bad. Me and my friends are here camping and we were trying to set up our tents but we started to, you know, party" Ryan said as he imitated smoking up a joint in case his words weren't clear enough. "Then we tried to set up our tents but we had to cut some rope. I had this knife in my car so I got it. I was just returning it now. I wasn't using it to hurt anyone, I swear!" he promised with hooded eyes.
"Well Ryan, Officer Peck is going to pick up the knife and we are going to keep it at the station until the weekend is over and you can come pick it up then. Okay?" Shaw looked at the man for confirmation.
"And right now we are going to walk you back to your friends to make sure everyone is being safe. Okay?" Shaw asked again.
"Ah, man! Are you going to bust us?" Ryan asked.
"Look Ryan, we aren't here to ruin anybody's good time. We just want to make sure that- SHIT! PECK! Are you alright!?"
A guttural moan escaped from Gail's mouth as she felt the stoner land on her, tripping over his own feet trying to run from the police. Shaw pulled Ryan off of Gail and cuffed him.
"Peck! Are you hurt? Did you land on the knife?" he called to his partner as a subdued his suspect.
All Gail could see were stars despite the fact that it was in the early afternoon; the only sound she could hear was a ringing in her ears despite her being in the middle of a music festival. Her lungs burned like she was drowning but she couldn't force any air in or out. Finally something gave and oxygen gushed into her lungs.
"We need EMS to the front gates. Officer down! I repeat, officer down!" Shaw screamed into his radio.
"Shaw" Gail groaned. "I'm fine" she said in barely as whisper.
She took in the senior officer's face when he knelt down beside, knowing it looked bad when she could see the colour drain from his face and the strain of worry in his eyes.
"I didn't land on the knife, see?" she said as she lifted her right hand that held the hunting knife without a trace of Peck blood.
She could see the relief that flooded his face when he could see that the knife was clean. She tried to smile to make him feel better but it looked more like a cross between a painful grimace and the face a baby makes when it's farting. He couldn't help himself from laughing when he saw her trying to assuage his fears.
"You look like a million bucks, Peck. But we're still going to send you to see a doc because our would-be escape artist isn't the most petite man I've ever seen" Shaw said as he smiled.
XXXXXXXXXX
"Listen lady, this vest costs more than everything I own combined so no, you are not going to cut it off me" Gail said as sternly as the screaming pain in her chest would let her. "I can sit up and you can undo the Velcro strips and pull it off" she finished saying to the nurse.
The nurse decided not to argue with the blonde police officer that had been transported to the ER via ambulance. The woman was in obvious pain and needed chest X-rays, something that couldn't happen with her Kevlar vest on.
The blonde woman, true to her stubborn word, sat up while the nurse removed her vest as gently as she could. The officer groaned through clenched teeth but never complained once. The nurse removed the officer's uniform shirt as well and was about to gently lift the tight black shirt from ivory skin when a braced arm stopped her.
"This, you can just cut off" the blonde told her as she gently lied back on the bed. "I get these cheap" she finished as the nurse started cutting the black t-shirt off, revealing a deep purple bruise that was already setting in.
"I'm just going to take your vitals and the doctor will be in right away to see you, Officer Peck" the nurse told Gail after she had helped the blonde undress and put on a hospital gown. Gail just nodded.
Once the portable X-ray machine had been wheeled from her room and the doctor was away examining the films, a familiar face walked into her curtained cubicle. Gail just stared into the eyes of the woman who had been avoiding her all week. Holly.
Holly didn't say a word either. Her usually luminous eyes were dulled with worry as she looked Gail up and down. Gail tried to sit up to talk to her, temporarily forgetting her injuries, but the stabbing pain she felt forced her to lie back down as she grunted in pain. This action caused Holly to audibly gasp and her eyes to water. Gail could see the tears threatening to fall down olive skin. The blonde tried reached her hand out to the brunette but she had already left, disappearing just as suddenly as she appeared.
Gail groaned in absolute frustration as she swore a blue streak in her head. When the nurse returned with the doctor who was treating her, Gail donned her best 'fuck you' stare.
"I'd like to know who informed Dr. Stewart that I was being treated here" she said in a voice cold as ice with a razor sharp edge.
The nurse looked to the doctor, who looked at the nurse. "Uhh, patient files are available to all ER personnel. Also, when a member of any emergency service is being treated all the doctors and nurses are told so that we can provide the best service" her doctor told her, unsure why Gail was so upset.
"Can you go and get her for me, please." The please was cursory. Anyone listen to her knew it was a demand.
"Yeah, sure" the nurse said with an uncomfortable shrug. "I'll go right after we finish up."
"I'd like to speak to her right now" Gail responded.
The nurse curtly nodded and left without another word.
When the nurse returned twenty minutes later, Gail knew before the words were spoken.
"I'm sorry Officer Peck, Dr. Stewart is unavailable" was all the nurse told her. Gail sighed.
XXXXXXXXXX
Home from the hospital with nothing more than deeply bruised ribs and orders to rest for a few days, Gail walked to her bedroom and sat on the bed that Holly helped her pick out. The bed that Holly had told her was comfortable, the bed that Holly had helped her bring home against her better judgement and helped her assemble. The damn bed screamed Holly. And it was the only thing Gail had in her apartment.
Trying not to alarm her neighbours, she removed her remaining clothes as delicately as she could. She couldn't stop the groan that passed her lips as she tried to pull her boots off her feet. The entire ordeal of undressing left her in more pain and completely exhausted. Even though it was only slightly past six in the evening, Gail decided it was time for bed.
She slowly slid up the duvet covers to her pile of pillows and nestled herself into her bed. She had never been more thankful in her entire life than she was at this moment that a 190 pound man had not fallen on her before she purchased the mattresses she was lying atop. She fell into a deep sleep almost as soon as her body settled into a bearable position.
KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK
Gail opened her eyes and looked out her bedroom window. It was dark outside and the street light poured through the unclosed drapes onto the floor.
KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK
She looked at her bedside clock. It read 11:43.
KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK
The door. Someone was banging on her front door. Who the hell would show up unannounced at 11:43, demanding to be let in with their incessant knocking? She rolled over and was reminded instantaneously why she had gone to bed so early.
KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK
"Don't get your panties in a twist" Gail mumbled as she gradually rolled out of bed and put on her robe. She started shuffling down the hall to the door.
KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK
She swung the door open against her better judgement, furious that someone could be so obtuse. She was obviously not interested in entertaining guests so why was this person so insistent on seeing her right at this moment?
Holly stared back at her. Holly, with her big, beautiful brown eyes stared right into Gail's own steely blues. Holly, her mouth contorted with emotions she couldn't get her lips to utter. Holly, whose eyes danced over Gail, the relief of seeing her relaxed the worry-lines on her face.
Holly.
"Gail" she finally whispered to the blonde.
Gail closed her slack-jawed mouth. Her eyes took in the woman she'd been trying to contact. The brunette had disheveled clothes, her hair was messy and unwashed, and she had big bags under her eyes. She was still wringing her hands like she had been when Gail saw her outside their apartment complex. Holly was a mess.
"Holly" Gail replied, not really knowing what else to say.
The brunette smiled at her without parting her lips. The smile was one not one of happiness, but a tight-lipped indication that she had been reprieved from the weight of worry she had been feeling. It wasn't a true Holly smile, Gail noted, because even though her lips were smiling, her endlessly fascinating eyes were not.
Gail stepped aside, inviting her in, determined to follow Oliver's advice and offer herself as a life raft for the drowning doctor. Holly looked at her and then took a tentative step into Gail's unfurnished living room. The doctor slid through the door frame, keeping her back to the wall, but it was enough that Gail could close the door without catching the brunette in it. Gail didn't know what to do or say to the distraught woman in front of her so she started with something familiar.
"Hi" she said sheepishly.
"Hi" the brunette whispered back without lifting her eyes from the floor.
The silence between them was deafening. Gail wanted to shout to the woman standing so close to her. She wanted to tell her that she was there for her, in any capacity she needed, but that the brunette had to ask because she simply didn't know how to reach across the gap. She wanted to utter words of comfort, embrace her with them, so that she wouldn't worry. She wanted nothing more than to right every wrong for Holly but she just didn't know how.
Instead, she screwed up every ounce of courage she had and said "Holly, I don't know what you need but I am here anyway to go through this with you".
It only took those eighteen words to break the dam. Holly started to silently sob, sliding to a seated position on the floor. She covered her face as she tried to curb her outburst, taking deep breaths.
Seeing Holly come undone made Gail very uncomfortable, never sure how to react when people cried in front of her. She reminded herself of Oliver's words and slowly knelt in front of the brunette. She placed a careful hand on Holly's arm and slowly rubbed it. When Holly's tears subsided, she took a few rattled breaths before she looked into the caring eyes of Gail.
"I'm sorry" she said with a strained voice.
"Don't be" Gail said sweetly. "But please, let me be there for you. We can talk about this, if you want."
Holly looked at her for a moment before nodding.
"Yeah?" Gail confirmed with a comforting smile.
"Yes" Holly said.
"Okay, but not here" Gail said trying to stand up, "my ribs can't handle it" she said, trying to lighten the mood a little. Holly immediately stood up to help her, her compassionate nature shining through even when she's at her lowest.
"Let's go lie in my beautiful, new bed" Gail said as she started for the bedroom while the brunette followed.
Holly helped Gail back into bed before she nestled into the other side. Both women lied in the darkness for a while, letting the moment settle. She had started to wonder if Holly had fallen asleep when she heard a timid voice next to her.
"I have really bad anxiety" Holly whispered Gail her secret.
Gail stretched her good hand out across the expanse of her bed until she felt Holly's arm. She slid her hand down until she could feel her fingers intertwining with the brunette's left hand.
"Tell me about it" the blonde said quietly.
"It started during my undergraduate degree. I would get so worked up about everything. I worried about school, about my friends, my family, being gay, I thought I had all sorts illnesses, I thought my roommate hated me. I stopped eating, I couldn't sleep, my mind raced, I couldn't focus. I thought it was just stress until I went home at Christmas. My parents noticed something was wrong right away and they took me to the doctor. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder."
"I started therapy and my doctor prescribed medication to help ease my worry. It was really hard for a long time. I developed agoraphobia as a result of the anxiety which was really tough for a science student. Crowds of people made me anxious but not going to class also made me anxious. My worry over missing school always trumped staying home to panic by myself so I would go sit in a lecture hall and practice my breathing exercises."
"I was given all sorts of coping skills. One of them was to schedule my day so that there were no "surprises" for me to worry about. It became something I focused so intently on that it ended up backfiring on me. It got to the point where I had every minute of every day scheduled, including bathroom breaks, and details like what I would wear that day. If my scheduled was off by a few minutes, or the socks I was going to wear weren't clean, it was enough to send me into a spiral that ended with panic attacks."
"Eventually things got better. My medication and therapy really made a difference and I started to get back to my old self again. By the time I was in medical school, I had stopped seeing my therapist and my anxiety meds had been reduced. I felt good again and I could enjoy life."
"It's flared up over the years since then. Once when I was completing my residency, once a couple of years after that when my dad got sick, and now" Holly said, shifting in the bed uncomfortably.
"It's usually when there is a big change or stress in my life that I can feel my anxiety worsen" the brunette added.
Gail could feel the doctor squirming in the bed next to her, could feel the clammy sweat in the hand she was holding. She could feel Holly's heart rate increasing by the hammering pulse in her wrist.
"Holly" Gail started tentatively, "are you feeling anxious now?" she asked.
Holly didn't say anything but Gail could feel her nodding. When the blonde turned to look at the brunette, she could see the doctor was holding back tears. The officer reached out with both arms and pulled the doctor into her, resting the brunette's head on her chest, just above her left breast. Gail held her for a few minutes while she gently stroked her back.
"Holly, can you hear my heart beating?" Gail asked after a few minutes.
"Yes" came the reply.
"Focus on that" Gail whispered to the woman in her arms. The blonde started to slowly hum lullabies, feeling the tense doctor slowly relax. The excruciating pain she felt searing through her was worth it knowing that it helped Holly.
Eventually Gail ran out of lullabies so she just hummed along to the soundtrack of the night. The crickets chirping, the apartment settling, the occasional car passing, the leaky faucet she kept meaning to fix. When Holly started to stir, she stopped her aria.
"How did you know to do that?" Holly asked. "How did you know that was going to help?"
Gail swallowed hard. She had decided she'd be honest with the doctor if she asked.
"When I was in high school I went on exchange to France. My mother wanted me to learn French. I was placed with a family that had two young boys, one was seven, the other was four" Gail started.
"Their mother was great but the father was an abusive asshole. I never saw him hit any of them but I could see the way they cowered around him. The boys would hide when he came home from work and if one of them was crying their mother would bring them to the basement so their father wouldn't hear."
"The youngest boy, Antoine, would come into my room at night when his father would yell at his mother. I think the man was also an alcoholic. Antoine would crawl into my lap and hold on to me so tight. I couldn't believe how strong a little boy could be. He would place his head on my chest and say to me "On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur" which was a line from his favourite book Le Petit Prince" Gail said with a tight jaw, trying not to cry at the memory of the little boy in her lap.
"Then he would just sit there and listen to my heartbeat. It would relax him, and distract him from what was happening downstairs. Then he'd fall asleep and I'd carry him to bed" Gail finished with a hushed voice.
"What does that mean?" Holly asked when Gail didn't continue.
"We only see well with the heart" she replied quietly. Holly pulled herself tighter to Gail as the blonde tried her best not to cry.
"I told my exchange coordinator in France what was happening and she called the authorities. I was pulled from their house right away. I never got to see him again" Gail finished her story in a barely audible whisper as the tears streamed down her face.
Holly pulled herself up and looked at Gail. Her own almost-black-in-the-dark eyes met the opulent cobalt of the blonde's, eyes that shone like diamonds as they caught the street light in their tears. She gently brushed tears from alabaster skin and then slowly pressed her full lips to Gail's.
The kiss was tender and slow. Not one of passion, but one of comfort. Feeling Holly's lips against her own, Gail understood it was Holly's way of saying "thank you". The blonde reciprocated in kind, using her mouth to let the brunette know that she was safe with her.
The kiss lasted only a few seconds but felt like an eternity. Without making a single sound, they were able to communicate to each other things that couldn't be conveyed in a thousand words. The two women lied in the bed, holding each other close.
"Antoine is the reason I moved to Timmins" Gail said as she looked into Holly's eyes. "There is an outreach unit here that works with abused children. It's a lot easier for a rookie cop to get into the outreach program here than any of the children's aid programs they have in Toronto. I've never told anyone that's why I applied for this detachment. Everyone thought I came here to spite my mother."
"Why didn't you just tell them?" Holly asked quietly, as she pushed the hair back from Gail's face.
"I didn't tell anyone about Antoine. When I was moved to another family everyone back home assumed that I was being a pain in the ass. I couldn't tell them the truth. They'd never understand why I want to help kids now" she responded as she ran her hands up and down Holly's side.
Gail felt exhausted. She had never shared this part of her life with another human being and doing so left her feeling raw. She was surprised that telling Holly this story didn't make her feel vulnerable or weak.
"Why have you been feeling anxious lately?" Gail asked, hoping Holly had settled enough to talk about it.
Holly smiled at the beautifully complex and deep woman she was lying in bed with. She felt more comfortable with the woman she had only known a few short weeks than she had with friends she'd known a lifetime. More than anything, she wanted to be honest with Gail.
"When I feel deep emotion, sometimes it comes out as anxiety" the brunette said. "I've been feeling a lot of things lately that were unexpected and wasn't really sure how to deal with them" she finished.
"Why were they unexpected?"
"Because you were unexpected" Holly replied. She let her statement hang in the air, waiting for Gail to understand. A small smile formed on the blonde's lips.
"You have feelings for me?" the blonde asked tentatively.
"Yes" Holly answered, hoping Gail's smile was a good sign. "I didn't know how to deal with that. I wanted to be your friend but I haven't felt this way, in well, ever, and I thought you were straight. Things escalated when I heard you had been injured at work and that really sent my anxiety into overdrive. That was what made me realize that I had to tell you how I felt because even if you didn't feel the same way, I knew I had at least be honest with you and myself" Holly said with a self-conscious shrug.
Gail leaned in for another kiss. This one was longer but still sweet. When she pulled away she looked into Holly's hooded eyes.
"I feel the same way about you" she whispered.
