Justified ain't mine.
Authors note: You may have noticed a substantial, and when I say substantial, I mean complete lack of dialogue in this story. This is for three reasons. One is for stylistic reasons. Rather than following the whole show don't tell scenario, I decided to just tell. Secondly, I didn't feel confident in my abilities in creating words that would believably come out of Ava's mouth, and even less so for Boyd nor do I know enough of the southern vernacular to make it seem non-offensive, cliché or otherwise stupid. And last, but not least…I kind of suck at writing dialogue in general. That being said, Ava has a giant monologue in this chapter. I'd love to know if this dialogue business is something I should consider pursue-ing or leave the story as is.
Things were normal. Or as normal as they could get. They woke up every morning together, limbs tangled on Boyd's tiny little bed. Sleeping with someone, it changes your perception of them. Boyd, for example, had always imagined that Ava would have been a delicate sleeper. It was very much the opposite. She stole the blankets. Her body splayed out everywhere. More often than not, Boyd would wake up in the middle of the night with half is body off the bed, because somehow in the middle of the night, Ava had managed to nearly shove him off. Once or twice, he actually fell off the bed. She snored sometimes too. Light snores. But snores nonetheless.
Ava learned that Boyd was a light sleeper. It was slightly problematic considering the fact Ava tossed and turned, and every time she did the tossing and turning, Boyd would wake up. She told him once, that if he couldn't fall asleep she'd go to her room, and that it'd be fine, she wouldn't be offended or anything, but he'd told her to shut up, pulled her closer and that was the end of that. She also discovered that he cuddled. Kind of. He slept on this stomach , but his legs were always tangled with hers and one of his arms was always on her. Also he had terrible morning breath.
They never slept a full night without one of them waking up at least once. The bed may have had something to do with it. Ava's bed was bigger, but they both seemed to have come to the slight conclusion that Boyd would not be in the bed that Ava had once shared with her brother. Regardless of the sometimes uncomfortable night, they found they slept better together than apart. Not to mention, it somehow seemed worth the falling of the bed and awkward kinks of the neck and back, to wake up next to each other.
They were happy. Things were good. So who could be surprised at what followed. It had been a Saturday morning, and Ava was making pancakes. Boyd was trying to convince her to make him some chocolate chip ones, but she told him that chocolate had no place in a good old fashioned pancake. So he grabbed a handful and kept trying to sneak them into the batter. And she kept trying to shoo him away. It was one of those cheerful, happy moments where she was happy and he was happy and the sun just seemed to shine that bit brighter for it.
He finally got her to cave. Told her that he would clean out the gutters later today. She begrudgingly accepted, but feigned difficulty in trying to add the chocolate chips to the batter. Boyd smirked and moved behind her and pulled her towards him. He put one hand on her waist and the other under hers, and playfully forced her to drop in the chips one by one.
In was this happy domestic scene that Raylan walked into. He coughed to make them aware of his presence, and Ava jumped away from Boyd so fast that the bowl of pancake mix hit the ground. She looked like a child guilty of stealing candy. She felt guilty. She just wasn't sure what she felt guilty for. At first, it felt something like shame that Raylan had caught her in whatever this was with Boyd, but then she saw Boyd's face, and she felt guilty for jumping away from him. They had just gotten over the last fight, and it seemed like another one may be on the way.
Raylan was there to see Boyd. Of course. Boyd told him he wasn't in the habit discussing business sober. So they took off, Boyd without so much as a good bye. Ava felt like crying, or maybe just throwing things around a bit, so she resorted to the next best thing. Her favorite bottle of Jack.
It was dark by the time Boyd got home, and Ava was waiting for him at the table. She was drunk. He could tell right away. He also could tell that she had something to say, so he sat down across from her and waited. She did have something to say. And she intended on getting it out.
"Boyd, I got something to say. And I want you to listen, and not say anything till I'm done". Boyd nodded. He knew she needed to get it out, and he knew he needed to hear it.
She took a deep breath and started.
"The day after I shot Bowman, Raylan showed up at the door and I honestly thought that God maybe sent him down as a reward or something. I mean, I'd had a crush on him since I was about 12, Hell, almost all the girls Harlan did. Him and Bowman. And there he was, on my door. "She grabbed her glass and took a long swig. Her eyes on the table, she continued.
"I'd been drinking all day. I mean at first I thought maybe I shouldn't. I figured maybe cops would be coming around to check up on me or something like that. But I started thinking you know, about Bo and how he'd be coming outta jail soon, and I knew you'd show up sooner or later, probably sooner, and I knew what you'd want, and then I thought about jail you know, and how I'd probably end up there, and the damn blood stain wasn't coming out, and I had been scrubbing and scrubbing and it wouldn't come out then I just went an found Bowman's best whiskey, the shit he'd save for you and his daddy when you'd come to visit, and I just sat down and drank it. And then Raylan showed up, and I thought maybe I was saved. And he did save me. The night you dropped by? The night he shot you? He came for me
And then we got together and I thought maybe my life was going the way it was suppose to. I'd get an apartment in Lexington and I'd be this girl with a man that didn't beat the shit outta her for not doing the dishes the right way, and I'd be outta Harlan and Bo wouldn't be comin near me when I had a US Marshall for a boyfriend. And you'd be in jail, and you weren't getting out anytime soon. " Her eyes met his, and she smiled slightly.
"But then you came outta jail and then he stopped comin around. I think he thought it was our fault that you got out, him and me being together, and it was. He probably thought that any trouble you caused once you got out, it was on us. So he picked you over me. And then he picked Winona over me. And then my knight in shining armor just became a man that I wasn't good enough for.
He kept trying to get me out of Harlan. And I wouldn't leave. I couldn't anymore. I think at first I stayed because, even when we weren't together, if I got in trouble he'd still come to save me. And then, maybe one of those times, we'd get back together. But then I saw him with his ex and I knew he wasn't gonna come back to me. And I didn't want to leave Harlan anymore. Even with you and Bo and Johnny , I wouldn't leave.
And then that night, the night you came to apologize? I didn't believe you. I thought maybe you were pulling some other con. But then you came with Raylan and saved me. And you asked if Johnny was dead, and if your daddy was dead, and you were there and you were shot, and I realized that if you died, I'd have no kin left.
And then you moved it, and we became friends, and I think it may be fair to say you became maybe my best friend, and now we sleep together, and we eat together, and we spend hours talking and we both know it's going somewhere else, and I think maybe I don't mind. Maybe I'm happy about it. Because I'm fairly certain you aren't that same Boyd. But that doesn't change the fact that every time I see Raylan, I remember all that other shit. I remember what I could have had. And I see me the way he sees me, the way I am now, and I'd see you the way he sees you, and I know I shouldn't care, and most the time he isn't around and I don't. But when I see him and that's what happens. Do you understand that Boyd? "
She looked at him imploringly willing him to understand . It wasn't him, but it was. It wasn't her but it also was. The past, it wasn't going to go away so easily. Boyd didn't respond. He didn't react. He did however, walk to the cupboards and grab a glass and pour himself a drink. And then he sat back down and looked at her.
"Boyd. I'm tired. I've been drinking. I'm going to sleep. In my room ." Boyd nodded. Ava stood up rather unsteadily, and left the kitchen.
In her own room, alone for the first time in weeks, Ava tried to sleep, but to little avail. She had gotten used to being in Boyd's little bed with his lumpy mattress. She had gotten used to his body warming her up, gotten used to his arms around her, gotten used to his shitty little blanket that was never enough for the both of them. After a few hours of fitful sleep, she gave up. She grabbed her robe and made her way over to his room.
Boyd had also been unsuccessful in his quest for sleep, so when he heard his door creak open, he breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't dare go into her room, but he was almost certain that had he been awake for another hour, he may have decided to throw caution into the wind and go anyway. He felt her crawl into the bed and instinctively, his arm went around her. And they fell asleep.
Reviews would be lovely. Special thanks to Louiseee who was awseome enough to review every chapter, and robinashley for being super nice and liking my story!
