Summary: In the far future, Team RWBY reminisces about their favorite post-volume 3 moments, all the while speaking in overly pretentious accents.
"I say," wondered Yang in a posh British accent, bringing a cup of earl grey tea to her lips, "Has it ever occurred to you, my dearest sister, that the world in which we live in is, for all intents and purposes, perfect?" She took a dainty sip.
"Why dear sister Yang," responded Ruby in an equally posh accent as she held a crumpet in her fingers, "What ever do you mean by such a supposition?"
"Allow me to elaborate," said Yang, adjusting the fashionable monocle she wore. "Consider the world around you, and compare your observations with the memories of our youths, where Remnant was plagued with the horrors of the Grimm and racism ran rampant among the kingdoms." She paused to season her cup of tea with a splash of whiskey. "Ah, I myself nearly forgot that antiquated governing system! The sheer barbarism of it all offends my senses into repression!"
Ruby nibbled on her treat, humming considerately as she thought on Yang's words. She placed the crumpet on her plate before replying, her free hand moving to play with the fake moustache adorning her face. "Indeed your words carry much weight, my dear sister. Our early collegiate years were quite tumultuous, and I am pleased that such times are behind us."
"But they too were filled with pleasant memories, were they not? I do wonder, what were some of your most favorite occurrences of those times?" inquired Yang.
"But is that not obvious, my dear sister?" asked Ruby as she accidentally spilled tea on her scarlet tactical corset. "I do believe our triumph over that vile strumpet, Salem, shines most brightly amongst our deeds."
"Quite a memory!" agreed Yang while nodding, "Quite a memory indeed…"
Then:
Salem and Team RWBY stood among the ashen ruins of a former city, the fading daylight slowly being replaced with the vengeful embers of the fallen innocent. Salem struggled to her feet as she glared up at the four glaring down at her from the maw of the crater she was in. "I will NOT be defeated by four children!" she spat, black blood running down her face.
Ruby's face was set in stone, and her grip on her scythe tightened. "We're not four children," she shot back inspirationally, "We're one team!" She brandished her scythe and the battle reignited, cartoon action lines appearing behind them as they charged. "TITANS! GO!"
Yang was the first to make contact, long hair streaming in the nonexistent wind, the blonde hurling fireballs from her fingertips as her eyes glowed crimson. "Feel the burn, you old hag!" she taunted.
Meanwhile, Blake came up on the opposite side, tendrils of darkness shooting from her sword as she enveloped herself in the coming night. "I don't strike from the shadows," she hissed quietly, "I strike with the shadows!"
Salem dodged the first few balls of fire before one took her in the chest, and she was hurled back only to be stabbed with Blake's tendrils, throwing her to the crater's center. She gasped in pain as manacles of ice encased her wrists and ankles. She screamed wordlessly as her nervous system was suddenly alight with the pain of frostshock.
Weiss stood nearby, poise elegant, rapier pointed at the evil witch as the ice within danced by her command. "The power of ice compels you," she said coolly.
Then it was Ruby's turn, and the leader ran circles around Salem, generating a massive updraft to launch her into the air. Sadly, she didn't get to say anything cool because she was the leader and had leaderly responsibilities. "Blake! Yang!" called Ruby, "You're up!"
The cat and the brawler leapt into position. Yang generated a series of fireballs in a large ring around the witch while Blake hurled a massive spear of shadow and twilight at the perfect tangent. The spear hit one of the balls of fire and curved flawlessly into the others, solidifying the ring of flaming darkness. The ring was spinning now, and Yang and Blake smirked as one.
"Shadowflare!" they called in unison. The ring began closing in on its center spinning with ridiculous speed, before smashing Salem with the full power of light and shadow. The evil witch slammed into the earth with a scream, creating a crater within the crater they were already in.
"Weiss! With me!" exclaimed Ruby.
Weiss assumed a very elegant, and some might even say a maidly, combat stance as walls of knife-shaped icicles formed out of thin air. Ruby sped by, grabbing several before circling around and over Salem, dropping ice knives everywhere she moved. A scant few seconds later and the knives were formed in a beautifully deadly pattern centered on the witch, and Ruby grabbed the last of Weiss's knives. This time, it was Ruby and Weiss that bore sharklike grins on their faces.
"Thousand Knives Restrict!" they chanted as one. The ice knives launched themselves at the helpless witch, smashing into her utterly and relentlessly under Weiss's direction. Ruby continued her haphazard circling, her scythe switched over to fully auto as the last of Weiss's knives shot out of her cannon, aimed at Salem's weakest areas to cripple her fully.
As Salem collapsed, Ruby shouted out again. "Final formation!"
Team RWBY gathered as one, Ruby at the forefront as the other three stood behind her. With the push of a switch, Crescent Rose transformed from rifle mode to cannon mode, and Ruby's teammates began funneling their elemental powers into her, as Crescent Rose began to mold the cruelty of ice, the agony of fire, and the terror of darkness.
Together, Team RWBY commanded: "Elemental Channel: Apocalypse NOW!" The combined blast exploded out of the barrel of Crescent Rose with the impossibility of Ruby's speed, and the mythic blast enveloped Salem entirely as she gave off a final scream.
When the light faded, all that remained of the witch were the pulverized remnants of bone and black blood.
And with the death of the queen, all Grimm received a massive bioshock feedback surge over the synaptic neural net that linked all Grimm to each other. Throughout Remnant, howls of anger and shrieks of intimidation became ones of agony and despair, and as one, the Grimm species went extinct.
Now:
"...Though I must admit, the lens of my mind's eye seems to be quite rosy at the moment. I may have embellished our deed just a tad," confessed Ruby shamelessly, taking another sip of tea.
Yang gave a polite laugh. "I am certain we handled ourselves with slightly more maturity than your recollection suggests, my dear sister."
"But of course," agreed Ruby, chuckling along.
Just then, the bells chimed the hour and in walked the second half of the foursome.
"Good afternoon my dearest Yang and my darling Ruby," greeted Weiss in a posh British accent as she took a seat around the tea table. As per usual, she positioned herself closest to Ruby.
"Good afternoon my dearest Ruby and my darling Yang," greeted Blake in a posh British accent as she did likewise. As per usual, she positioned herself closest to Yang.
The sisters exchanged their own greetings and pleasantries, each demonstrating their affection for their partner in a manner befitting the etiquette, namely by overlapping their hands with their partner's and giving reassuring squeezes. Such was the extent of public displays of affection in post-Grimm Remnant.
"Do forgive our intrusion," said Weiss as she poured tea for Blake and herself, "Please continue on your current topic of discourse." She handed a tea cup to Blake, who accepted with a gracious nod after a quick adjustment to the top hat she wore over her ears.
"My dear sister and I were ruminating on our perfect world that we live in, and our most treasured memories of how we affected this perfect world," explained Yang.
"I had only just completed a recollection of our duel with Salem," added Ruby, taking another sip of tea. "With only minor embellishment, might I add."
"I believe referring to it as a mere duel would be slightly dishonest," said Blake, "I am quite certain that incident violated all of the ten duel commandments, did it not?" she asked, seasoning her tea with powdered tuna.
"Indeed," remarked Weiss, "Though the affair was quite grisly."
"My darling Weiss," said Ruby, "Might you consider contributing a favored recollection of your own to further our discourse?"
Weiss took a delicate sip of tea as she contemplated. "I believe I shall," she replied. "The memory I favor for its affectation of our present is my seizure of the SDC from the claws of its previous proprietor."
"A good tale, to be sure," supported Blake.
Then:
This time, her father had gone too far.
For years, Weiss had looked the other way in learned ignorance and apathy for the plight of the Faunus. For years, she had acquiesced to his every demand and desire in the impossible quest to gain his approval. For years, she had accepted all of it, having no idea that this was not how parents were supposed to behave.
But she had eventually learned; her father was an inhumane, inhuman bastard.
And she could tolerate his existence no more.
But what triggered this extreme reaction that could spur such a severe response? She learned her father had fused himself with Dust. Evil Dust, to be precise. Before, she had comforted herself with the knowledge that her father would die, and she would take his place and right the wrongs committed in the Schnee name. But Dust lasted forever, and so would her father.
So when her father had callously and forcefully relocated her against her will after Beacon's destruction, she made her move. She raised an army of sympathizers, rights activists, and others being trampled upon by the Schnee patriarch's SDC. She raised the Rebellion.
And now she stood in her father's office amidst the symphony of battle resounding around them as Rebels fought tooth and nail against the white-armored SDC stormtroopers, her rapier clashing with her father's twisted saber. Truly it was a duel of the fates.
"Weiss," he growled, his heavy breathing labored and wheezing, "I am your father!"
Weiss stared him down, her scar throbbing with the omnipresent feeling of wrongness. He'd given her that scar long ago. "No…" she corrected, "You were my father."
He lunged vengefully at her, a snarl on his lips, but she sidestepped the strike, lashing out and stabbing deep into the spot where his heart should have been. His saber went flying out of his grasp, but the patriarch did not die. He grinned evilly, as he spoke next. "Do you see now, Weiss? This is the power of the dark side of Dust!"
Weiss remained unmoved, and he scowled in frustration. "Why won't you see yet? Or must I convince you further?" He gripped Weiss's swordhand and pulled himself closer, the rapier pushing out through his back as he came close to the former heiress. Still, to his aggravation, she remained unmoved. "Join me, Weiss," he whispered, "Together, we will be unstoppable!"
Weiss's gaze flickered down to her rapier, now buried hilt deep into her father's living, Dust-infused body. Her gaze returned to his face and she gave him his answer.
Click!
The patriarch's eyes widened in horror as Weiss unleashed the last of her dust into a final blast.
BOOM!
He screamed an agonizing howl as his body was blown back against the wall, large portions of his torso and limbs utterly disintegrated by the concentrated explosion of ice. It was as he had told Weiss in her youth: only dust can defeat dust. As he fell to the floor dying, he summoned the strength to look up in terror at Weiss, who remained completely unscathed.
"But...how…?" he croaked out in between mouthfuls of blood.
Weiss looked down at him severely. "Because ice will never harm its queen," she said evenly.
And the patriarch died. As soon as Weiss ascended as head of the SDC, she made sweeping policy changes and ended much of the racism and oppression her predecessor had been so supportive of. At long last, the healing could begin.
Now:
"My dear Weiss," began Blake, adjusting her monocle after it had nearly fallen into her tea cup, "I believe I must ask, how is it that you and your darling hold precious such contentious memories?"
"Why, my darling Blake," remarked Yang, "Surely it is an illustration that they are meant to be."
"Pardon, dear Yang," spoke Weiss tersely, "I would ask that you avoid such scandalous language in future discourse." Ruby hummed in agreement as she finished a crumpet.
"Of course," agreed Yang, not wanting to overstep conversational boundaries of societal norm. Perhaps the whiskey had been in poor taste. "Perhaps, my darling Blake, you would regale us with your own cherished memory?"
"Indeed," said Blake. "My memory occurs shortly after the events related by dear Weiss. Surely you remember our reunion?"
Then:
Blake felt very small just then, shrinking into herself as Yang stood before her, arms crossed and glaring very, very, hard at her.
Blake knew it was her fault. After all, she hadn't exactly told anyone about what she was going to do, or mentioned anything about leaving on a personal vendetta. She hadn't even said goodbye. Not even a 'Smell ya later'. Though Blake was very much enjoying smelling Yang right now, even if she was pissed.
Gulping, the cat raised her head and looked deeply into Yang's glowing crimson eye sockets. "...Please hear me out?" she begged, giving her best kicked kitty impression.
"...Five minutes," barked Yang.
Blake sighed in relief that Yang hadn't exploded yet. "Yang, I know I screwed up, and I left you alone when you needed support… But I couldn't just let it end there. I needed to go after Adam."
"Ah yes," deadpanned Yang, "The rampaging psychopath yandere wannabe-prettyboy literally full of bullshit." She spat in distaste. "Your friend is very disarming," she punned bitterly.
Without another word, Blake pulled out a silver platter and lifted the cover, revealing Adam's severed head.
Yang blinked in surprise, and her eyes stopped glowing. "...Well," she said, somewhat mollified, "Look what the cat dragged in."
A small smile appeared on Blake's face. If Yang was making puns without glowy eyes, that was a sign of progress. "If you check a bit closer, you'll find I stuffed his mouth with his own testicles," informed Blake proudly.
Yang blinked. "Did that part happen before, or after he died?"
"Before, of course," answered Blake, and Yang cracked a smile. "This way, it's much easier to avoid the accusations of necrophilia." Yang's smile dropped.
"Why was that a concern?" she asked, as warning bells went off in her head.
The cat blinked. "...No reason," she eventually said.
They stared at each other for several seconds in silence, examining the other. Blake's eyes furrowed as she noticed something. "Hey… what's with the arm?"
Now:
"Does something ail you, dear Weiss?" asked Blake, reaching for another dusting of powdered tuna.
"No, though I appreciate your concern for my physical wellbeing," replied Weiss. "I was merely taken aback at the relative conciseness of your shared memory."
"My dear Weiss," said Blake, "I am not one for excess verbosity. It is a characteristic I wholeheartedly reserve for my darling, and your darling as well."
"And my dear sister and I cannot adequately convey our gratitude for your generous reservation," said Yang, adding more whiskey to her tea.
"My dear sister speaks naught but the truth," agreed Ruby, delicately moving her monocle from one eye to the other. "And, my dear sister, I believe the obvious course of our discourse lies in your own recounted tale."
"Indeed it does!" agreed Yang. "Though it is quite unusual, my recollection shares an occurrence with my darling Blake's!"
"That was certainly a memory worth continuing," remarked Blake approvingly.
Then:
"Oh? You mean this?" asked Yang, holding up her right arm. Her right, human arm.
"How the hell did this happen?!" cried Blake, "I saw it get cut off! What happened?!"
Yang chuckled as Blake practically claimed the blonde's right arm as her own, cat ears twitching as she pawed at it, sniffed it, and licked it in various places. "Blake, it's an arm. It's nothing to get so excited over."
"Yes it is!" snapped Blake. "This is 100% genuine Yang Xiao Long right arm! Where did you get this? How did you get this? Can I get one for personal use?"
Yang sweatdropped. Okay, now this was getting weird. "In order… From myself, I grew it, and no."
"You grew it?! How?!" asked a very confused Blake.
"I believe I can answer that question," replied Weiss as she sauntered over. There was a stupidly satisfied smile on her face while Ruby trailed behind her. The same stupidly satisfied smile was on her as well.
"You heard the news of my ascension to SDC CEO, yes?"
"Of course," answered Blake, "Everyone's calling it the most hostile of any hostile takeover in history. What about it?"
Weiss proceeded to share some of the specifics of what her former father had done to cause such drastic measures. "...And though I vanquished the Evil Dust, I made a startling discovery as I was looking through his things. It turns out that my predecessor had unearthed Good Dust as well!"
"Good Dust?" asked Blake, deadpan.
"Hmph. When your company owns the patent for a new type of dust, you may name it whatever you wish!" sniffed Weiss. "But anyway, if one's heart is pure and good, they may use the power of Good Dust for healing and recovery. All it takes is a pinch and a dedicated channeling of one's Aura."
"And thanks to Weiss," finished Yang, "I'm as good as new!"
"Wow…"
"And," piped up Ruby, "We've got more good news!"
Blake blinked. "What could be better than Yang getting her arm back?"
A familiar voice clearing their throat came from behind her.
Blake turned around. "Pyrrha!" she exclaimed, capturing the champion in a friendly hug. "But I thought you died?!"
Pyrrha chuckled and returned the gesture. "Well actually, thanks to the powers of the maiden, I was only mostly dead. I got put into a stasis field so I wouldn't actually die. Then Weiss came along with her Good Dust and here I am!"
"By the way," asked Ruby curiously, "What was being in the stasis field like?"
Pyrrha frowned. "Not fun," she said. "I don't know how long it's actually been, but it felt like 10,000 years have passed…" She hummed in thought. "It probably would have been more bearable if I had a text-to-speech device."
Blake smiled as she released her hold on Pyrrha. "I'm really glad you're back with us."
"But wait, there's more!" exclaimed Ruby in a cheesy announcer's voice.
"Greetings, friend Blake! I am combat ready!"
Yep. Penny was also saved thanks to the miraculous power of the Good Dust. You know, it really makes you wonder why the hell anyone would choose Evil Dust if all it gets them is a sword through the heart…
With the resurrection of the heroes, many wonderful things proceeded to happen. Ren and Nora got married, Jaune came out of the closet, and Pyrrha and Penny started dating. Yang immediately made a pun about that last one, citing Pyrrha's magnetic personality.
And though things would eventually get worse - setting the scene for Team RWBY's fight against Salem - the loveable heroes were happy for a time, and they would emerge from the coming crucible closer than before.
Now:
"A realization has just come upon me!" exclaimed Yang. She glared accusingly at Weiss. "You have lain with my dear sister out of wedlock!"
"I do believe the period for assuming anger for such a cause has long since departed," said Blake rather reasonably.
"Quite," remarked Weiss, sipping her tea.
"I beseech you, my dear sister, do calm yourself," asked Ruby calmly as her fake moustache fell into her tea. "Dear me, it appears my usual accessory now requires a thorough cleansing."
"Surely you have additional accessories in the event of such an unfortunate occurrence," said Yang, now completely mollified about the issue of her sister's sex life.
"Alas, but none are on hand," lamented Ruby, placing the fake moustache in a pocket for later consideration. "I now feel the regrettable need to retrieve an alternate from my personal armoire."
The bells chimed the hour, and the four members of Team RWBY drained the last of their tea in silent unison.
"Alas, it seems our pleasure here is to be concluded," noted Weiss, placing the tea cup back on the table. "Till our paths cross again," she acknowledged as they all stood.
Yang frowned as she suddenly had the desire to dig up another piece of history. "Before we depart, I must admit a certain disappointment in our neglect of mentioning the myriad of exciting adventures, invigorating occurrences, confounding incidents, and curious happenstances that concluded with our beloved Team RWBY becoming imbued with the maiden powers of Spring, Winter, Autumn, and Summer respectively."
"Would you be willing to offer a brief recollection of these events?" asked Blake, adjusting her top hat.
"Absolutely not," refused Yang.
"Ho ho ho ho," chuckled Blake in a way befitting a sophisticated gentlewoman.
"Ho ho ho ho," chuckled Yang in a way befitting a sophisticated gentlewoman.
"Ho ho ho ho," chuckled Ruby in a way befitting a sophisticated gentlewoman.
"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!" cackled Weiss in a way befitting a boisterous, animated Japanese Ojou-sama.
[END]
AN:
For anyone that cares, the governing system of the kingdoms was replaced with the founding of the Remnant Assembly Houses. Also, social norms and practices became quite conservative for no discernible reason, especially concerning the topic of love.
