Chapter Seven

Plans

"How should we say good-bye to Michelle?" Becky asked, notebook and pencil in hand.

The family were sitting around at the kitchen table, discussing plans for Michelle's funeral. Quite frankly, I didn't even want to plan it. All I wanted was to close my eyes and pray that this nightmare was all just a dream. Someone wake me from this dream, I thought.

"Dad? You okay?" D.J. asked, touching my arm lightly.

I gazed at her. "I'm fine," I told her dazedly.

D.J. shook her head stubbornly. "No, you're not. Let me take you upstairs. You need some time to yourself for awhile. We'll finish planning."

And with that, my oldest daughter whisked me away upstairs into the master bedroom. She hugged me and stroked my hair. "I'm sorry, Dad. I wish I could help you. It hurts me to see you like this. You're an emotional wreck and I hate it."

She let go of our embrace and struggled to smile at me. "Michelle was full of smiles, so I think she'd hate to see us all sad and sappy." She laughed bitterly and turned to go. "Let me know if you need anything, Dad," she said.

She left the room and closed the door softly, leaving me alone in the room.

I took a look around the bedroom. All around it, on nearly every inch of the wall, were family photos. A picture of Pam with D.J. and Stephanie on Mother's Day. My mother and father at D.J.'s high school graduation. Nicky and Alex on Halloween, dressed as Elvis. Becky and Jesse on their wedding day. Joey in his Ranger Joe costume with Mr. Woodchuck, his puppet. Papouli, Jesse's great-grandfather with Joey and me on his birthday. D.J., Kimmy and Steve at D.J.'s going-away-from-home party.

And me with Michelle celebrating hereighthbirthday a year ago. I took that picture off the wall and stared at it. She looks beautiful, I thought. Michelle was wearing a lime-green sundress with matching flip-flops and her hair was in a ponytail. But most beautiful of all was her smile. Michelle's smile was absolutely gloryfing. Her smile could light up a room and that's what I was going to miss most of all about her.

The tears started. I hugged the picture close to me and cried like I'd never cried before. Jesse was right. Michelle didn't deserve to die. Frightened images of Michelle's last moments overwhelmed me. I wondered what that man did to her. How did he kill her? Did he find pleasure in what he was doing? Why did he decide to kill her? Why did he kidnap her in the first place? All these questions frustrated me to the point when I wanted to scream. This man had kidnapped, raped and killed my little baby and I had no answers as to why he did it. Whoever he was, was somewhere and I didn't know who it was. It frustrated me to know that he could be around anywhere. I had to find justice and I had to find it soon.

Not just for me and my family, but for Michelle, too.


I was sitting at the picnic table outside, by myself. It was a warm, sunny day.

I was just sitting there, watching the clouds. I was in my own little world. So much so, I didn't hear a voice.

The voice sounded so familar to me. It sounded like a little girl's voice. "Hi, Daddy," the voice said to me. It sounded a lot like Michelle.

"Michelle?" I asked, hardly believing my ears.

I turned around and there she was! My beautiful daughter. She looked glowing, as if a a white light had been shining all around her.

Michelle giggled.

"'Course it's me. Dad, I missed you!" She exclaimed, throwing her arms around me.

"I missed you, too, sweetie. Where have you been?" I asked, hardly believing my eyes.

Michelle pointed up towards the sky. "Up there," she answered simply.

"Where?" I asked, confusedly.

"Up there, Daddy. In Heaven."

My heart sank. I was dreaming again?

"You mean...you mean..."

"Daddy, listen to me. I know you're sad that I'm not here with you anymore. I know you're upset about how I left, but I just want you and everyone to know is that I'm okay. I'm not sad. I'm at peace and I'm fine, so I don't want you to worry about me. Besides, it's not so bad where I am. I have new friends and He takes care of me, so I'll be okay. All I want you to do is smile. Smile for me and everything will be fine. Tell everyone else for me, Daddy, okay? Tell them I love them and I always will. I love you, too, Dad."

I hugged her again, as if it were the last thing on Earth. "I love you, too, Michelle. Good-bye," I said, tears falling down my cheeks.

"Dad, you're squeezing me too hard!" Michelle said, muffled by my chest.

"Sorry," I apologized.

"Dad, before I go, I only have one last thing to say," Michelle said after I'd finally let go of her.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I'd really like to be buried next to Mom. I finally met her and she loves me already. But when you bury me, please bury me next to her. It means a lot to her and to me."

"You got it, dude," I said to her jokingly. Michelle had used that phrase a lot when she was little.

She smiled. "Mom and Papouli said hello, Daddy. They love you, too."

"Well, you tell them I love them, too!" I said, wiping the tears away from my face.

Michelle smiled at me and waved. "'Bye, Dad. I love you!" She blew me a kiss.

I waved to my little princess until she faded from sight.

I smiled a little. I was happy for Michelle. She was in a place where she was loved, safe and happy. But even still, I was unbelievingly sad to know she wasn't going to be here with us on Earth ever again.


"Danny...Danny...wake up...Danny..." Claire was waking me up.

I sat straight up from bed. "Claire! I had a dream about Michelle. She came to me and she talked to me. Claire, Michelle seemed to be very happy. Why?"

Claire rubbed my shoulder. "Danny, I just think Michelle is at peace with what's happened to her. Heaven is the only true perfect world, where there no such horrors as the ones she's faced and your's. If you're worried she'll forget about us, that's really unlikely. The dead never forget their loved ones. So, Michelle will never stop loving you, just like you'll never stop loving her."

"You're right. I'll never stop loving her. I'm a little happy for her because I know she's in good hands with God."

Claire nodded. "That's really the only thing you've got to know, honey. Is that Michelle's happy. What else did she tell you?"

"Well, she told me that she loved me and that she was at peace. Then she asked me..." I gulped, sighing.

"What?" Claire questioned.

"She wants me to bury her next to Pam."

Claire looked at me thoughtfully. "Well, honey. I think you should take her request. If Michelle were at her deathbed and asked for the same request, would you do it?"

"Of course," I replied. "In a heartbeat."

"Well, Michelle didn't die a natural death, so she wasn't thinking of her last wishes. I feel the dream you had was a out-of-body experience. What she was telling you was real, so I think you should follow her request."

I nodded. "I will. What else did you guys decide?" I asked, trying to change the subject a little.

Claire glanced at Becky's notebook. "We decided to bury Michelle in a white casket with gold trim around it. Jesse, D.J., Joey and Steve are going to pick it up in two days. Becky, Stephanie, Gia and I are going to the dress shop and the florist. We need to pick up Michelle's white dress and some white roses."

I smiled faintly. "Wow. She's going to look like an angel," I replied.

Claire gave me a faint smile back. "That's the whole purpose, honey," she said softly. "Because she is one."