A/N: It only took a month this time! That's like some sort of record for this fic lmao (still forever but it's getting better right?) lol Thanks again to the awesome Fallanydeeper for betaing! See you Tuesday! :p lol So yeah, here is my update, hope you like it!

Smeyer owns Twilight (this may also be the first time I've remembered to say this for this story... oops)

BPOV

"So how do you think we can tell if she's a girl or not?" I asked Edward while holding the little fur ball in my hands looking to see if some sort of features sprang out at me. Okay maybe wrong choice of words there.

"No idea. Are you sure there's no mini peen or anything?"

"I can't see one, but maybe it's hidden or something, Crookshanks is tiny after all."

"Well google it then." Ahh logic, why hadn't I used that?

"Good idea," I said getting up to get online before I realised I didn't have a clue where a computer was, I hadn't seen a desktop anywhere. Edward must have noticed my hesitation because he reached below the couch and pulled out a laptop. "Thanks." I smiled before turning it on. Then I realised I didn't know his password.

"Oh just give it here."

"Can't you just tell me your password?"

"No, it's private."

"But what if I want to go online?"

"Then you can't."

"But what if I want to watch porn?"

"More gay porn?"

"Perhaps..."

"Well tough, why don't you just grab your own laptop tomorrow?"

"I kind of gave it a virus."

"By downloading porn?" I shot him a glare because he was right. "Yeah you're definitely not having my password now."

"But I want to watch pooooorn!" I whined.

"If you go into my bedroom and look at the dvd shelf at the back of my wardrobe you'll find a shit ton of dvds."

"Oooo," I replied before dashing off to see his stash. I was already resigned to the fact there wouldn't be any magnificent dvds full of buttsecks and sword fights, but porn is porn I guess and when you're desperate, you're desperate.

Edward had some amazing titles including; but not limited to: When Harry Ate Sally, Star Whores, In Diana Jones and the Temple of Poon, Pulp Friction, Breast Side Story and Dyke Hard. They looked pretty fun.

"You sure there's no guy love in here? Because you know I'd love you forever if there was," I called through to the living room. Edward walked in a few seconds later looking a little sheepish. Hmmm this could get very interesting.

"Okay I'm going to show you something that must never leave this room." He looked at me sternly.

"Scouts honor," I replied.

"I was never a scout so you can't do that with my body. Every times someone lies about being a scout a kitten dies."

"You take that back right now! No kittens will die!" I yanked Crookshanks from his arms in disgust.

"It's okay baby, I won't let the evil kitten killer near you again." I said sweetly while rubbing my nose against her teeny little one, she looked back with a confused expression before deciding my nose wasn't clean enough for her liking and she began to lick it.

"I don't mean literally," he sighed in exasperation. He stepped past me and leant into the wardrobe, leaning right down to a shoe box that was sat at the bottom of the dvd shelf. "I was given these as joke presents, well most of them. No one knows I've kept them though," he whispered before opening the box. It was like a mini treasure chest! There were about 6 dvds in there, all about the man love. Oh this was going to be fun.

"Why did you keep them?" I asked, the curiosity burning away at me.

"Well I sort of watched one by accident once, an old roommate from college was into it and it had gotten mixed in with my own stuff and well, I couldn't turn it off. I've never found myself attracted to a man or anything, but something about that video was hot, I've never understood it really. But I kept it, and then when I've had them as prank gifts from people like Emmett in the past they've just gone in here, only to resurface when I was feeling adventurous." I just stared at him with my mouth open.

"Did you jerk off to them?" His face turned red.

"Only like once or twice."

"That's so fucking hot."

"Yeah well, keep that between you and I okay."

"Why? You ashamed or something?"

"No I just don't want to have to put up with any questions, I know I'm straight. The thought of a guy touching me completely turns me off, it's just those dvds," he tried to explain, to be honest I still didn't get it but whatever, each to their own.

"So Emmett gave you the gay porn?"

"Yeah."

"You sure he's not even a little bit?"

"No he's definitely not,"

"And you know for sure because…" Oh my god, he'd gone red again.

"What aren't you telling me?"

"Okay there was one night when we were drunk and we tried kissing, it was gross and didn't work and that's how we both know we don't like men," he blurted out very fast.

"Nice, is it wrong to picture a foursome with me, you Em and Rose?" I asked. If it's wrong though I sure as hell don't want to be right!

"Yeah well enough about porn, you've got enough to keep you entertained I think. Shouldn't we be dealing with the little one now?"

"I guess it'll do, now I've got some awesome imagery to add to it as well, good thing you have strong arms, I should be able to go for ages." I grinned.

"Don't forget dudes have a longer recovery time than girls."

"Spoil sport."

EPOV

I finally managed to drag Bella away from my porn stash so we could find out the gender of little Crookshanks. That little thing was adorable. I'd never let Bella know but I was totally head over heels for it. While she'd been rooting in my room it'd curled up on my lap and head butted my hand looking for attention, it was just so darn cute! You'd need to have a heart of stone not to love it.

"Okay so apparently to tell you have to look at how far away these two holes on its butt are."

"Okay what?"

"Yeah, if it's a girl the vaginal opening is closer to the anus than the little hole where the pee pee lives on a boy."

"But we have nothing to compare it to." We were both sort of just gazing at Crookshank's ass at this point trying to analyse the distance between the two holes. "Is that far apart or not?"

"I don't know. Erm, if it's a girl the lower hole is more slit like. Does that look like a slit to you?"

"Kind of?"

"Oh wait, here are some pictures." We found ourselves staring at yet another cat's ass.

"Shank's looks closer together than that one does. Is that a boy?" Bella asked.

"Apparently, so does that make her a girl? And Shanks? I thought it was Crookshanks."

"Yeah but that's long so I've given her a nickname, a pretty bad ass one at that."

"So it looks like you're a girl then aren't you? Aren't you little Shanky?" Yes, I was speaking in baby talk and no, I didn't give a fuck. Bella made a move to take her away from me so I just held her closer to my chest. "It's my turn at the moment, some bonding time with my little girl."

"She's my little girl! I'm the one that crawled into a dumpster to get her!"

"Yeah but she loves me more!" I held Shanky up to my nose and gave her an Eskimo kiss. "Isn't that right baby?" She placed her little paw on my nose and pushed my head back. Bella just laughed at me. "Fine! Here, have your turn, but be warned, I will be the favourite parent, you mark my words." I informed her as I handed the fur baby back to its mommy.

Bella was wearing a smug smile until she suddenly got showered. Yeah we probably needed to house train the kitten. I burst out laughing and Bella shot me the glare to end all glares. "Maybe I already am the favourite." I gloated. Bella suddenly looked eerily calm. She placed Shanky on the coffee table then looked back at me. A slow evil smile crept across her face, I'd never realised how scary my face looked until this moment. It actually looked capable of murder. I made a mental note never to pull a face like that when I got it back. Suddenly Bella launched herself at me and flattened me against the couch. It wasn't even like I could put up a fight, she overpowered me easily. That would be all those hours I put in at the gym, and by gym I meant bed of course. She just lay on top of my like a wet cloth, it was when I actually started to feel wet that I realised why. She was covering me in cat piss. I tried to push her off but Bella's body was clearly a bit weedy.

"Get off! That's so gross!" I yelled still trying, and failing, to lift her off me.

"You shouldn't have laughed at me then!" she yelled back.

"Oh my god! Why is your body so weak?"

"Fuck you, I'm not weak!"

"You seriously are, I can't even lift you!"

"Maybe you're just fat!" she replied. She so did not just go there. Oh it's on, it's on like donkey kong. I knew her weaknesses, the parts that were ticklish and where hurt. I went for the kill, first I tickled her sides, followed by a nipple cripple then I went right in for the crotch grab. She stopped fighting then. She looked at me dead in the eye.

"You wouldn't." I tightened my grip a little.

"Oh I would," I warned. However the tightening of my hand had the opposite effect I was going for, I felt her get hard in my hand and I jerked my hand away. She actually had the audacity to blush.

"Was that really necessary?" I asked.

"It wasn't my fault, blame your body, apparently it likes my hands touching it."

"Well it's not happening again, now shut up, I'm going to go take this pissy shirt off now."

"Yeah I should do the same." she ended up following me into my room and I started to sort out some clothes for us to sleep in.

"You're on the couch by the way," I informed her.

"Sure what ever," she replied as she started taking her clothes off. I wish I could say it was fun to watch, but it really wasn't. Why did we have to be stuck in each other's bodies? "Can I have some blankets?" she asked.

"Here, and try not to leave any stains on it, I may not of known you long, but I'm pretty sure I know you well by now."

"Wow, has it really been one day?"

"Shit, it's so weird right? I feel like I've known you for ages."

"Tell me about it. Okay well I'm going to make myself comfy on your couch, night sugar tits." I threw a pillow at her as she left laughing. "Wait you got any tissues?"

"There's a box on the table next to the couch!"

"Thanks!" I tried hard not to think what she wanted them for. But the more I thought the more I thought about other stuff, like what it would feel like to get off as a chick, I mean the bitches are blessed with the whole multiple orgasm thing. It didn't take long to decide my next course of action as I began to run my hands towards my new boobies.

A/N: and there you go :) So Breaking Dawn friday... you excited, dreading it? Any other brits going to be at the prem Wednesday? Going to camp out again... can't wait! But i doubt we'd get anything like they're getting in tent city *grumbles* yeah kind of bitter about that, i won't lie... something for the none American fans would be nice Twilight! Any way i'll shut up now lol.

Love ya!

Doc

xx