Ugh, I feel like such a ghost, popping in and out like this... but I've gotten my muse back! I know where we're going again. Stay tuned folks!

Chapter 6 :Escape:

The smell wouldn't fade from my skin, not from my clothes, nor from my hair.

Bella's blood, tears, and fear. The scent was sickeningly thick, halting my breath in my throat. I longed to take a shower, maybe wash it away from me, but Bella was my priority now. I knew now what happened when I left her even for just a few hours.

I held her as I had not held her for two years. She was curled up in my lap, her arms draped limply around my neck. She stared blankly into my shirt, hardly ever blinking and her chest disconcertingly still. Her lips were inches from my neck, and yet I could barely feel her breath ghosting over my skin there. I rubbed her back lightly, dipped my head to kiss her forehead or her temple every once and a while, praying silently that she remained whole. She was completely unresponsive, wouldn't make eye contact, though I wonder whether she even could. Jasper said that she was in shock, numb, but apparently only for the moment. That was the reason she sat with me still, other than the fact that she came to life only when I tried to set her down, clawing me closer and whimpering. I was afraid that she would break once I left her alone.

At least I had cleaned her some, washed away the thickest of Renee and Phil's blood and held her with eyes closed as Alice dressed her in clean clothes, my old shirt and a pair of Esme's soft sweatpants. It was a desperate ploy to keep her calm, using our scents this way. I hugged her closer, tucking her head under my chin. Of course, she complied mindlessly.

"How long will this take? I want her to have a proper shower," I asked, my voice low and quick enough that Bella would not hear me. Rosalie shot a surprisingly tender look at Bella and nodded.

"You're right. I can still smell the blood. I'm sure she can too."

"She should eat. Will she eat?" Esme questioned. Both of their tones matched mine flawlessly. I shook my head.

"She won't even look at me. I haven't bothered with food yet, but she wouldn't drink any water." Alice's barrage of self-loathing thoughts battered my mind again. I winced. "Stop that, Alice, please. I can't take it. Jasper will be worried if he comes home and finds you like this." Jasper, Emmett, and Carlisle were still dealing with the wolves and the… scene, combing it for evidence that would implicate anything supernatural. They had called the police ten minutes before. Alice had already seen that they would call to ask Bella to come and identify the bodies.

"I can't stop. I should have seen," Alice whispered. She moved slowly until she stood before me and then dropped her hand to Bella's hair. Bella shied away, her first voluntary movement in almost an hour. I stared down at her and Alice looked pained. "I promised you I would take care of her while you were away and look at her now." She met my eyes reluctantly. "I'm so sorry, Edward."

"You aren't responsible for his mate, Alice," Rosalie said, a shot at me. I bared my teeth at her. Bella twitched. Alice shook her head.

"No, but I'm responsible for my sister," she answered somberly. Bella twitched again and hugged herself closer to me. Her fingers were just starting to tremble. Apparently, she was awakening from her bout of shock. I kissed the crown of her head again.

"Just a bit longer, Bella. I need to speak with Carlisle," I murmured to her. Esme's eyebrows drew together in concern.

"What will you speak with him about?"

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "We can't stay here anymore, Esme. Surely you can feel it too. There is too much animosity between us and the pack. We'll need to move on soon. We've been in Forks for too long as it is, you know." Suddenly, Bella moved, her hands fisting in my shirt. She stared up at me with wide, panicked eyes. My heart wrenched.

"You can't leave," she told me, pleaded with me. Her voice was no more than a whisper. "Please. You promised— you…" Her face suddenly went blank, and then hard. I couldn't take any more. I cradled her face in my hands, so that she could see my eyes.

"I won't leave you. I will never leave you, ever again. Please, Bella, don't be afraid," I said, kissing her forehead. She stared at me as if I had not said anything for a long moment, and then shook her head slightly. She looked sad and… resigned? She closed her eyes and pulled away from me, untangling herself from my grip. I let her go reluctantly, confused. I wanted to ask her… what? What she was thinking? My eyes darkened. She needed more than that from me, more than questions. I needed to do better.

"I want— I need to wash the blood off of me," she whispered and fled from the room. Esme moved as if to follow her, but the door opened at that moment and Carlisle walked in followed closely by Jasper and then Emmett. All couples paired up, checking one another for injuries in their own ways. Jasper probed Alice's emotions while she decided to check places and found them unscathed in her visions. Emmett held Rosalie tightly, running his hands over any flesh he could reach, both of them unashamed. Carlisle and Esme were the perfect middle ground between Emmett and Rosalie's passionate touch and Jasper and Alice's loving non-contact. Esme cradled Carlisle's face, both of them whispering words of concern.

Upstairs, the shower kicked to life.

Jasper's eyes widened and he cast a fleeting glance at the ceiling. His expression darkened as he turned his gaze back to me. 'I see she is no longer in shock,' he thought grimly. I kneaded my forehead.

"How bad?"

'She is in despair, but somehow, for some reason, she is holding it at bay. It's almost as if she's sectioned off the pain, refused to feel it.'

I groaned and shook my head. "I've known she was strong… at least she's coping somehow. Carlisle, you know what needs to be done. We can't stay here much longer. There are too many memories for her and too many werewolves for us to deal with." Carlisle nodded and sank wearily onto the couch. He was worrying about Bella, about his family, though to him, the two were one and the same. So much was at stake, especially with the pack prowling the borders.

"I do. It has become unsafe for us here. The pack apparently blamed us for Bella's… condition when we left. They are protective of her. And yet, something about this confrontation has left them divided, I believe. Some still want to protect her from us, some think she is not their burden anymore. It is clear that a very few of them seek to cause Bella harm in order to protect Jacob Black's new mate, his imprint."

I bit back the instinctive snarl, though Emmett voiced it for me. Esme moved to place her hand on my shoulder. "What would make them believe that Bella posed a threat to this woman?" she asked Carlisle quietly. I snorted.

"Jacob Black. He had some note, some ridiculous note, that he thinks is from Bella. Forget the fact that Bella has been—" I stopped short, just registering the thoughts Jasper and Emmett were directing at me. "Excuse me?" Emmett nodded stiffly. Rosalie huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

"What is it?" she asked crossly. Emmett smoothed his hand over her arm.

"The human that took Bella, we got his scent off of her when she was in the hospital. The note was covered in it. He wrote it." Rosalie went stiff, a growl bubbling up in her throat.

"What does that mean?"

"It means we were tricked," Alice answered darkly. Her expression went blank as began to search blindly into the future for any danger. The images she saw were shadowy at best. There were too many variables, too much indecision. Slowly, her focus came back to the present. "Victoria is still hunting and she knew enough to draw Bella out and keep me from seeing, maybe even to keep me from seeing now. Who knows how close she got to Bella today—"

"No. Her scent was no where near Bella's house," Jasper said. He stroked Alice's hair and kissed her forehead, worrying that the strain was too much for her. "There was a vampire there, though. His scent was on the bodies. He must have killed them and tied them up that way. If anything, we know that Victoria's working with a new friend, an immortal friend. Edward's right. Forks has become too dangerous. It's time to move on."

"Where will we go?"

Carlisle stood and moved to the window. His thoughts were tired and still worried. The thing that I always admire about Carlisle's mind, though, was that he never questioned or complained about his role as the one who would come up with the answers. "Back to Alaska," he said, confidently. "At least in the beginning." Esme nodded, wondering if the house would be suitable for Bella. She had designed it for us, a group of vampires. She was wondering about the heating system.

"When will we leave?" she asked. Carlisle sighed.

"As soon as we can. Alice?"

Alice grew still and thawed out quickly, though she was disturbed over how fuzzy the future had become. "The police will call in about ten minutes. They'll want Bella to come identify the bodies. If we leave before that, they'll think we kidnapped her. She has to go—"

A rush of anger shot through me and I glared at her. Was she crazy? Did she actually think that I would let Bella back into the presence of her dead mother and stepfather? "Absolutely not." Alice shook her head and skipped forward in time. She showed me a shadowy image of Bella, a determined grimace on her face.

"You see it just as well as I do, Edward. She'll be okay."

Irrelevant. I had done the wrong thing too many times before. I could not afford to make another mistake. "I said no. Find another solution. Personally, I don't care if they think we kidnapped her. None of us will be back in any of their lifetimes. They won't find us." Rosalie hissed from her spot on the other side of the room, ignoring Emmett's cautioning hand on her arm.

"Bella is not more important than the well being of this entire family!" she snapped. "We don't leave stories behind. Ever."

Rosalie was starting to get on my nerves. Her love of confrontation was starting to get in my way. "Find. Another. Solution," I ground out. "I won't put her through that."

"Put me through what?"

Bella stepped carefully down the stairs, eyes on her feet as she went. Hair was still damp, leaving a wet patch on the familiar old sweatshirt she had pulled on. Only once she reached the couch and sat down next to me did she look up at our faces. She sat an arms length away, too far for me to touch her. I did not close the distance. It was still important for me to be careful with her.

"Put me through what?" she said again, once she had determined that no one was going to say anything. All of their eyes were on me, waiting for me to answer the question, whether those eyes be grudging or understanding. Everything about Bella was my choice and always would be. I shot Alice a nasty look. This was all her fault. It hardly mattered, though.

"Sweetheart, it doesn't matter. I'll take care of it."

Abruptly, something changed in Bella's expression. I couldn't quite place it, her face remained just as smooth as before. Jasper sensed it and looked up sharply at her, surprised.

"Don't," she said and then stopped. Whatever changed on her face disappeared or changed back. Jasper sat up straighter and Bella's gaze flickered toward him automatically. Her tone softened. "Don't speak to me like a child, please. I don't want you to take care of it. I want you to tell me what it is." For a second, I almost wanted to laugh. It seemed that she was back in full force, stubbornness and all. Alice smiled, her thoughts running along the same lines.

"The police will call in approximately two minutes, wanting you to come and identify the bodies. Edward doesn't want you to go," she told her. Bella blinked slowly and then said the one thing I never would have expected to come out of her mouth.

"I want to go."

Maybe Alice wasn't crazy. Bella was crazy.

"No," I snapped, a knee-jerk reaction. Bella drew a sharp breath and that change came back to her. Both Jasper and I identified it simultaneously. Anger. But again, she seemed to have repressed it just as soon as she felt it.

"It isn't your choice, Edward. It's mine." She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment and began fiddling with the sleeves of her sweatshirt. It was both endearing and heartbreaking. I had missed her so much, but I wasn't allowed to touch her, to comfort her the way I wanted to. "Look, I know I was kind of… checked out for a while there, and I'm so sorry for making you worry about me, but I'm okay now," she said, mostly looking at me. She glanced down again. "I guess you could say Jacob snapped me out of it," she mumbled. I growled almost inaudibly. Almost. Before she could protest, I reached out, tilting her face up so that I could see into her eyes.

"What did he say to you?" Her face paled and she spoke to a spot somewhere above my forehead. I leaned closer and she leaned away.

"A few things that I needed to hear. Don't ask me any more about it, please." Look at me, I wanted to beg. I wanted her to be my Bella again. I wanted her to let me touch her and comfort her and for her to ask me to do those things, not hide the pain. She was acting as if… as if…

As if she were afraid of me.

"I won't. Just… just think about this before you agree to do it, sweetheart. " Again, the anger flared up and died behind her eyes. I backtracked quickly while Jasper leaned forward, intrigued and disturbed all in one.

'Edward, can I talk to you?' he thought pointedly. I glanced at him fleetingly and gave a short nod, otherwise ignoring him.

"Please," I added hastily. "Please think about it." I let her pull away and let my hand drop limply back to my lap, determined not to push her too far.

"I've already decided," she told me firmly. This time, it was Carlisle who moved forward. As always, his word would be the final judgment. I hoped for some kind of refusal from him, but that was not Carlisle's way. He nodded instead.

"You're sure? If you do this, you are doing something great for our family, but we don't want you to put yourself in pain this way."

Bella stared determinedly into Carlisle's eyes. Of course she remembered how things in the Cullen family worked. All she'd have to do was convince Carlisle and she would have her way. "I need to go. I need to be able to say goodbye to them. I didn't get that chance with Charlie." Her voice sounded strained, as if she were struggling for her composure. Across the room, Jasper inhaled sharply.

The phone was too noisy as it rang in Carlisle's pocket. He nodded toward Bella and then turned back to the window to speak to the police, so set up the appointment for Bella. It seemed that the police wanted to question Bella after she identified them. I growled sharply and Carlisle waved a hand at me without turning around. He was a little bit insulted that I would think that he would agree to something like that, or so he thought at me. Through all of this, Bella took an absurd amount of interest in tucking her legs under her and folding her arms around herself, staring fixedly at her lap and the couch as she did this.

Across the room, Jasper pressed a kiss to Alice's ear and whispered, "Watch over Bella for a moment. I need to talk to Edward." Alice smiled and gave him a peck on the lips before she stood and danced her way over to the couch. Jasper stood too and tilted his head toward the upstairs. 'It's urgent and about Bella,' he thought as he passed, fully expecting me to follow him. I shook my head, but I did so, trailing my fingers over Bella's shoulder as I passed. To my surprise, she leaned into my touch, something she used to do before and I couldn't help but to smile. It was like a sign, one I had been praying for for so long. She was going to be okay.

She had to be.

"What is it, Jasper?" I asked as we reached the second landing. Jasper just shook his head and nodded toward his and Alice's room. I shrugged and followed him in. He did not want our family to overhear him, he thought that what he had to say would upset them. Only once the door had slid closed behind us did he allow himself to think of why he needed to speak with me. I let him speak it aloud.

"There is something wrong with Bella," he told me in a low voice

I arched an eyebrow at him. "You're putting it a bit harshly, don't you think? Of course, she may be a bit… off after all she's been through—"

Jasper cut me off, eyes careful. "That's not what I'm talking about. I mean that there's something wrong with her. Something about the way she is acting— is feeling rather— isn't adding up."

"What are you talking about?"

"You saw it too. You were surprised by it. But you couldn't have sensed it the way that I did. Something about… about the way you spoke to her, whatever you said to her made her angry. Edward, it made her furious. And then, whatever she was feeling, she just made it stop just like that. She felt worried for just a second and then nothing, she was numb again. I think she may be trying to hide something from us."

I laughed dryly. Hiding? With Jasper monitoring her emotions, Alice watching her every step in the future, and the rest of us watching and listening to every move she makes in the present, Bella couldn't hide anything. None of us could. It was a part of being a Cullen. "I think you may be misinterpreting the signs," I told him. Jasper pursed his lips and shook his head. He thought that I was being naïve, that I was too blinded by my relief to have her safely back with me. I rolled my eyes. "So what if I am glad to have her safe?" I snapped. A wave of calm drowned my ire as quickly as it rose.

'Because you now are blind to the danger she's in now.' As usual with Jasper, I knew that I should be angry with him for the comment, and I wanted to be, but his will kept me at a cool observance. Jasper shook his head. "All I can be sure of is that something is not right. Tread carefully, Edward. She is easily broken at this point. That much I can still sense."

"She isn't weak. She's doing better," I retorted stubbornly. Jasper snorted.

"Don't be stupid, Edward. For some reason, she wants you to think she's doing better. And knowing Bella, whatever she's hiding is not likely to be in her best interest. Being weak and being vulnerable are two different things. I'm just telling you to be mindful."

Just then, the light, fluttering sound of Alice's footsteps began up the stairs. Within seconds, there was a muted knock at the door and Jasper went to hold it open for her. I knew why she was there when she looked into my eyes and my jaw clenched at the very idea. But I would do this her way if it was really what she wanted. Alice opened her mouth to speak, but I held up a hand to stop her.

"I know, I hear, it's fine. Tell her it's fine, that she can go alone," I told her, aware of how clipped and angry my tone was. Alice raised an eyebrow at me skeptically.

"That's what you want me to tell her, but…"

I sighed and rubbed a hand over my face. "I've been doing things my way for a long time. If she needs this, then she can have it…" I sighed again, suddenly feeling a strange, mental fatigue that our kind experienced very rarely. "Maybe she just needs some space. You and Emmett shadow her and tell him to be discreet," I murmured and left the room. I didn't want to hear the thoughts. I didn't want to hear their pity. "I'll be out, hunting. I won't go far. Call if anything happens."

I didn't want to hear how wrong I was.

-!-

The sun was just starting to sink below the horizon when I got the call.

Pzzzt. Pzzzt

I only glanced at the caller ID before answering it. "Bel—?"

"I've made a decision."

It was Bella's voice and so much of her tone.

"Alice probably only knows about it right now. I just decided just now."

I could hear the sound of waves in the background. She was upset, but wasn't letting me hear. She didn't know I always knew. She wouldn't let me help. "Okay…" I murmured, calm now that I was sure she was safe. "What is it?"

"I was going to come back and say it in person, but I decided I'm too much of a coward." She breathed a little chuckle of laughter. "I held on for a while, stubborn, you know. I just wanted to believe… but I'm done now. It's just like Jacob said. Can you imagine? I think Jacob Black actually knew me better than you did."

She laughed again. My phone beeped, there was another incoming call. Alice.

"If you switch lines, you'll never see me again. If it sounds like you're running, you'll never see me again. Is that Alice calling?"

No.

"Where are you?"

"I'm in La Push. At the top of a cliff. Did you know, I jumped off of this cliff just a few months after you left? I was trying to hear your voice… I almost died, but Jacob was there. He pulled me out. That was the first time he kissed me. Is that a little bit perverted? Jacob and I first kissed, all because I was hanging on so desperately to a hallucination of your voice!" Again that laugh. I was frozen in place, terrified that she would hear the slightest breeze through the trees and be lost. She could follow the treaty line for miles, stick close to one of the dogs, disappear. I could lose her. I could lose her again.

"Bella… sweetheart. Let me come get you. Just… just cross the line and let's talk, for just a moment."

"We're talking now."

"You aren't thinking clearly, love. You're still in shock. Just let one of us come get you."

"Come and get me? For what? I've played your game for long enough. I'm done now. I'm tired. So I'm ending this on my terms. I won't sit locked in your room, waiting for you to leave me. You'll find another plaything soon enough. And you'll forget all about little human Isabella Marie Swan."

Since when could Bella sound so cold? Where had she learned to clip the end of her words in such a way? Where did she get so much anger? But I understood.

"Listen to me. I am never going to leave you. Just come back over the border and we can talk about this. I love you, Bella, you know I do. I could never forget you, I'd rather die!"

"I'm leaving, and you can't stop me. I do not belong to you."

I grimaced. "What about Victoria? She won't stop hunting, Bella. And she will not kill you quickly. You need protection. Please, come back. We'll… work something out. We'll set you up in an apartment or a house, you won't see us unless you call. Bella—"

"No. I don't need you."

A cold flare of anger bubbled upward inside of me. I snarled and struck outward with my fist. The nearest tree gave a startling crack. "You aren't invincible, Bella, I think you've proved that. I will not let you put yourself in danger again. You can't leave."

"You sound like me."

"I'll follow you. Alice will help me, between the two of us—

"I'm going to a place where none of you can follow me. And I'm leaving really soon. Alice probably already knows, she'll try to stop me. It all depends on how long she'll waste trying to contact you. Not very long, I'm pretty sure."

I grit my teeth. "And how will you get there? Do you still have Jasper's car?" I asked. Bella laughed, suddenly mirthful again.

"I'm going to jump."

No.

"I took Carlisle's pills a while ago… but I don't want any of the kids around here to find me tomorrow."

No.

"Goodbye, Edward."

"No!" Stall, stall, I had to stall. "No! Please, just… just wait. Just… just tell me you love me. Say you love me one more time, Bella." I just had to stall until Alice got there. The border be damned, she would break the treaty for Bella, just as I would, just as my entire family would. But I couldn't call her. I had to keep Bella talking. "Please, Bella."

For a terrible moment there was no response. And then, my Bella's voice came, softly. "After you promised me forever, after you abandoned me alone in the woods, after loving Jacob, after all of the guilt, after he left me, after Victoria, after the rape, after the pain, after my father, my mother, and Phil all of them dead… after all of that… I still love you, Edward Cullen. I love you with all of the little bit of heart I have left between you and Jacob. But not you. You. Don't. Want. Me. And I still love you. And I hate you for it."

There was a crack. She'd dropped the phone. Faintly, I could hear someone screaming Bella's name in Alice's sweet soprano. The cry sounded capable of renting the world in two. I couldn't move, it was all collapsing in around me. Of all the horrors I had imagined for my Bella, all of the fears I'd had for her, I'd never imagined her suicide.

And I'd driven her to it.