A/N: Heyy. Twi-Twi-Twi-Twilight Parody Time.

I have now got a liking for Lily Allen now, so a few songs of hers shall appear in this chapter, and the chapters after that :P


Location: Ballet Studio

Bella: It's quiet... too quiet... hmm...

Renee on the tape: Bella? Where the FUCK are you? Call yourself a daughter?

Bella: Mommy? (Runs and opens closet and finds NOTHING!) Oops.

James: Ha! You fell for it, you air-head!

Bella: Me? An air-head?

James: Duh!

Bella: I, um... Pepper Spray, I choose YOU! (Runs away)

James: Silly, silly girl. (Runs and throws Bella to the ground)

Bella: OW! MY FRICKIN' HEAD!

James: I'm going to be pervy and film this (Breaks Bella's leg) Tell Edward to avenge you!

Bella: No!

James: I'll cry.

Edward: (Dives on James)

James: Ahh!

Edward: I'll kill you, bitch!

James: You think? (Strangles Edward)

Edward: Yeah, I can kill you! (Throws James)

James: Haha! (Bites Bella)

Bella: OH DEAR GOD, THAT HURTS!

Other Cullens: (Jump off the balcony)

Carlisle: Edward, Bella's freaking me out, please go suck out the venom.

Edward: Okay. (Sucks Bella's venom out)

Bella: NO! PLEASE DON'T, I WANT TO BE A VAMPIRE!

AC: You're already a Mary-Sue.

Bella: PLEASE!

AC: Wait three more books, you get a kid for free, you know.

Edward: (Stops) A-- a what?

AC: A kid.

Edward: Nooooo!

----

Location: Hospital

Renee: Bella. Bella... BELLA!

Bella: (Bolts awake) I'm up, I'm up, I've... broken my leg. Shit.

Renee: You fell down some stairs, and then fell out of a freakin' window! Only you could manage that, you clumsy bitch.

Bella: Get Dad, I can't stand your face anymore.

Renee: Okay. (Goes away)

Bella: Where's James?

Edward: He is... BEHIND YOU!

Bella: (Terrified face) Oh my God, please do--

Edward: (Laughing) Sorry! It had to be done... Haha!

Bella: ( A '-.-' kind of face)

Edward: James is dead-ish.

Bella: What do you mean, ish?

Edward: Alice took him shopping before she killed him, apparently she didn't want to kill him with a dirty jacket worn by a unimportant person. And it turns out James killed himself instead because he couldn't handle another second of Alice's torture.

Bella: How do you know that?

Edward: Alice said he screamed out 'I can't handle another second of your torture!' And jumped into a bonfire.

Bella: Bonfire?

Edward: Don't ask.

----

Location: Prom, (Well actually, Edward's car to be exact.)

Bella: (Muttering) Stupid cast, stupid dress, stupid hair, stupid mother fu--

Edward: Bella, you can get out.

Bella: They'll laugh!

AC: (Appears in back seat) Yup, they will.

Bella: (Gets out of the car)

AC: Hey everyone, laugh at Bella.

People: (Laughs)

Bella: Stop that!

AC: No.

Bella: #Fuck you, fuck you...#

AC: #... Fuck you very, very mu-u-u-u-uch!# (Winks and disappears)

Jacob: Hey Bella, nice dress.

Bella: ... #Fuck you!#

Jacob: ?


Before you ask, "F*** You" is a Lily Allen song.

REVIEW, MAYBE?

xxxxxx