A/N: Heyy. Twi-Twi-Twi-Twilight Parody Time.
I have now got a liking for Lily Allen now, so a few songs of hers shall appear in this chapter, and the chapters after that :P
Location: Ballet Studio
Bella: It's quiet... too quiet... hmm...
Renee on the tape: Bella? Where the FUCK are you? Call yourself a daughter?
Bella: Mommy? (Runs and opens closet and finds NOTHING!) Oops.
James: Ha! You fell for it, you air-head!
Bella: Me? An air-head?
James: Duh!
Bella: I, um... Pepper Spray, I choose YOU! (Runs away)
James: Silly, silly girl. (Runs and throws Bella to the ground)
Bella: OW! MY FRICKIN' HEAD!
James: I'm going to be pervy and film this (Breaks Bella's leg) Tell Edward to avenge you!
Bella: No!
James: I'll cry.
Edward: (Dives on James)
James: Ahh!
Edward: I'll kill you, bitch!
James: You think? (Strangles Edward)
Edward: Yeah, I can kill you! (Throws James)
James: Haha! (Bites Bella)
Bella: OH DEAR GOD, THAT HURTS!
Other Cullens: (Jump off the balcony)
Carlisle: Edward, Bella's freaking me out, please go suck out the venom.
Edward: Okay. (Sucks Bella's venom out)
Bella: NO! PLEASE DON'T, I WANT TO BE A VAMPIRE!
AC: You're already a Mary-Sue.
Bella: PLEASE!
AC: Wait three more books, you get a kid for free, you know.
Edward: (Stops) A-- a what?
AC: A kid.
Edward: Nooooo!
----
Location: Hospital
Renee: Bella. Bella... BELLA!
Bella: (Bolts awake) I'm up, I'm up, I've... broken my leg. Shit.
Renee: You fell down some stairs, and then fell out of a freakin' window! Only you could manage that, you clumsy bitch.
Bella: Get Dad, I can't stand your face anymore.
Renee: Okay. (Goes away)
Bella: Where's James?
Edward: He is... BEHIND YOU!
Bella: (Terrified face) Oh my God, please do--
Edward: (Laughing) Sorry! It had to be done... Haha!
Bella: ( A '-.-' kind of face)
Edward: James is dead-ish.
Bella: What do you mean, ish?
Edward: Alice took him shopping before she killed him, apparently she didn't want to kill him with a dirty jacket worn by a unimportant person. And it turns out James killed himself instead because he couldn't handle another second of Alice's torture.
Bella: How do you know that?
Edward: Alice said he screamed out 'I can't handle another second of your torture!' And jumped into a bonfire.
Bella: Bonfire?
Edward: Don't ask.
----
Location: Prom, (Well actually, Edward's car to be exact.)
Bella: (Muttering) Stupid cast, stupid dress, stupid hair, stupid mother fu--
Edward: Bella, you can get out.
Bella: They'll laugh!
AC: (Appears in back seat) Yup, they will.
Bella: (Gets out of the car)
AC: Hey everyone, laugh at Bella.
People: (Laughs)
Bella: Stop that!
AC: No.
Bella: #Fuck you, fuck you...#
AC: #... Fuck you very, very mu-u-u-u-uch!# (Winks and disappears)
Jacob: Hey Bella, nice dress.
Bella: ... #Fuck you!#
Jacob: ?
Before you ask, "F*** You" is a Lily Allen song.
REVIEW, MAYBE?
xxxxxx
