Hi guys, sorry for the huge wait as usual, but A-levels are a bitch to say the least. I pre warn you this a huge chapter and not much happening, but I'm setting the scene for future events I swear, well at least that's the idea! I'm hoping that I'll be able to do a chapter a month from now on, but pretty much all my exams in in may/june so maybe only one in those two months? Though I've never exactly been consistent with my writing- sorry! Anyway I hope you like this chapter, it's kinda angst I guess. Please review if you did enjoy, any feedback is good even if it's critical. Anyone who follows or favs this story, you're wonderful but you already know that! And another call for minor character names PLEASE my brain can't cope with it and I find my self always using the same names. Anyway see you soon!

Part seven: sharing, sex and comradeship

The now lanky boy stretched silently and leant against his four poster bed, contemplating if he should really tell someone or not. Was it that important after all? After a moment he moved – clearly he had decided it was – a dark figure against the already black night. He lent over another bed and shook the occupant quietly but firmly, trying to rouse him.
"Remus, Remus wake up, please it's important. Lupin." He whined the last name, and was eventually rewarded with a half hearted, weak wristed slap.
"Go away Sirius, no one-" he yawned and opened and closed his mouth noisily, smacking his tongue and rolled over in ignorance.
"Remus!" Sirius practically jumped on top of him.
"I told you to fuck off Black; no one cares about your latest girl hunt. Go!" but the raven haired boy sat stubbornly on his bed. Remus realised that his friend wasn't being his usual playful, lovable, irritating self. Well he was still irritating but he was in one if those rare mind sets where he was being genuinely sober about something.
"Welcome to the real world." Remus muttered under his breath.

The boy tried to hoist himself up into a sitting position, but after mustering the mental capability he found he could not physically – his friend had pinned his legs down upon jumping on the bed and it didn't look like he would move anytime soon. With a sigh the tawny head propped himself up on his elbows.
"Whatever it is Black it better be good, you know very well that I need my sleep, even more than most teenage boys. And trust me, at this point if I could transform at will, I would rip your head off to get some shut-eye. So spill and hurry up about it."
The beds visitor nodded earnestly and looked about himself shiftily, leaning over to draw the drapes and muttered a muffiliato.

Remus managed to pull himself from under Sirius's considerable weight; sat ramrod straight and cross-legged. All traces of sleep were gone, well all except for the perpetual haggard fatigued look that he always carried due to his monthly transformations.
"Sirius what's wrong? You're being genuine aren't you?"
The other boy nodded slowly then sat lips parted for some time before answering.
"I don't know what to do. I've been so stupid and I just need a friend – a wise friend. You won't judge me like James and you know so much. I really need to see Madam Pomfrey tomorrow, and I want someone with me. Will you come? Why was I so stupid Remus?" he faltered out and started sobbing silently. Remus overcome with a deep paternal instinct wanted nothing more than to envelope his friend in his long arms. So he did.

...

Eventually Sirius woke up. It was dingy behind Remus's curtains but he knew that didn't mean it was early. It was a Saturday so no school and his body only woke up when he was ready at weekends. He fought the urge to stretch languidly like a cat; he had been cramped up in a tiny space all night and was painfully stiff this morning. Lupin had fallen asleep not long after consoling his friend, arms still around him as he was too tired to move. Sirius had pushed him off gently and curled up at the foot of the bed, his own arms replacing his friends. He had told himself that he would leave in a minute; he just hadn't wanted to be alone, but eventually sleep claimed him too and here he was – squashed and cramped against the footboard of a werewolf's bed!

He daren't move or shift in case he roused Remus. The moment was too calm and peaceful to be broken and while it was quiet he could pretend that everything was okay. So seldom was life quiet, he was either being cocky and mischievous with James or playful and flirty with the girls and it was them that had gotten him into this trouble. Even when he was alone his thoughts were loud and chaotic, full of the loathing that his mother felt for him, the strenuous relationship he had with his father. His venomous cousin. And his brother who deep down he loved dearly, but he was worried how easily Regulus accepted the Black's family values and the two boys could hardly even acknowledge each other at school or home. Yet even in all this was Andromeda, she had left last year, working hard so that she finished her educating in her sixth year and taking her N.E. a year early. She was now engaged to Ted Tonks a Hufflepuff muggleborn, the family were delighted! Since her departure and disownment from the family Sirius's relationship with the rest of his relatives had deteriorated and he wouldn't have been too surprised if he followed suit with Andromeda soon. The two of them still stayed in contact though and sent owls to each other two or three times a week.

Now though was complete tranquillity. Maybe it was the fact that everyone else had left for breakfast or quidditch or what have you and that the only other occupant was still asleep: he was truly alone. Yet maybe it was the prone figure himself. Remus and Sirius had become friends quickly, partially due to James and partially due to the fact that they were both outcast of a sort, and although they weren't as close as James and Sirius they definitely had a bond. Remus was more tolerant than most and had taken time to get to know the vulnerable side of Sirius that was hidden so well. Sirius could be, well, serious when he was with Remus. And the werewolf acted like a parent to all of them. He chided them for being foolish children, helped them with their work and even sometimes offered worldly advice, guidance and encouragement. This was especially important to Sirius who had never received this from his family whereas James and Peter had parents who were not only understanding but doting. In a sense Remus had been his role model in the way that his father should have been: helping to enhance the Gryffindor qualities that Sirius already possessed and shaping him into a decent human, so unlike a typical Black. "Merlin only knows how screwed up I'd have been without Remus." He thought.

And Sirius was now convinced that the calm and nirvana he had found was due to Remus. His incredible friend, who every single day had to overcome battles that lesser wizards wouldn't be able to handle in a life time, but he never batted an eyelid, he just accepted it all as if it was his burden to undertake alone. And never did he complain (except for when he was sleep deprived and fatigued). Remus. And he always had a wise word, a cautionary warning, a kind gesture. He didn't judge a book by its cover, he always had time for anyone and everyone and seldom said a harsh word, and even then it was to such a lesser degree than his comrades. And he took nothing for granted, he saw his acceptance and friendship with the other three marauders and Lily as a blessing he had been gifted, and he cherished it. Cherished all of them. Whilst doing all this he managed to maintain brilliant grades, score house points and remain overall the cleverest wizard in their year. He never questioned why him, not once, well not verbally and apart from his constant tiredness and self inflicted injuries- which he passed off as clumsiness- he was a facade of perfection. Perfect yes that was the right word. This filled Sirius with so much hope. If his friend could cope with all that then he could deal with much less, especially with the help of that perfect person. Sirius was convinced that it would all turn out okay in the end and no doubt he'd learn a great deal from his friend in the process.

Sirius was overcome with complete comradeship for the boy that lay before him sleeping soundly. In slumber gone were the slight frown marks that Sirius only now noticed because of their absence. But sleep, no matter how much, never seemed to erase the dark smudges under his eyes. Sirius studied his friends face. The tawny blonde hair, the pale honey skin, straight eyebrows, thick blonde eyelashes, long nose, thin lips and pointed chin. Realisation hit Sirius that Remus was actually quite attractive, and topped with his academic prowess and kind heart he was a keeper. So why had he never had a girlfriend? But what amazed Sirius most was that regardless of how often Remus marred himself in his transformations he had never diminished his face. Apart from the signs of lack of sleep the skin on his face was flawless and Sirius found he was thankful for this.

Sirius did not know how long he lay like that; uncomfortable and cramped, staring at his friends face, but at some point the features changed and from behind the tick lashes appeared a pair of caramel brown eyes. Eyes whose brightness was rarely doused by the life they had to bear witness to, but full of wisdom and courage beyond their fourteen years. Being turned into a werewolf had forced him to mature quickly to protect himself from others and the world that they lived in.

They lay for a while, two friends staring into each other's eyes, both unwilling to move so they didn't have to acknowledge how awkward the situation was. But Sirius's skin began to crawl horridly like goose bumps, raised hair and charged air. It was too intense. Too weird.

Unable to stand it anymore Sirius stretched uncomfortably, his legs and shoulders dangling off the bed.
"'bout bloody time Moony, I didn't want to wake you in case you bit my head off from lack of beauty sleep, but I wasn't half dying of cramp you know." Remus arched an eyebrow.
"Well it was your own fault as usual. This is a bit odd." He commented, changing topic. "I didn't think the first time I woke up in bed with someone it would be another guy."
His friend chuckled then paused. "Wait, you've never been in bed with anyone? Not once? Really?" He got a bemused head shake in return. "Why not? I mean I know you've never had a girlfriend, but you've never even gotten off with a girl? Not even a kiss? What's wrong with you?" The shape shifter sighed.
"We're not like you, none of us. James has had a crush on Lily since first year, Peter's drooling over some Hufflepuff and me, well I would only do something with someone if I had an emotional connection with them. Plus the only girl I'm friends with is Lily, I would never, could never, do that to James and she's more like a sister to me anyway. But I want it all one day: to fall blissfully in love, get married, have children- tons of children, a huge family..." he trailed off, his face falling and the grin dropping like a landslide from his face. "But who could ever love a monster." It was said so quietly, a caress of winter wind, and Sirius knew he wasn't meant to have heard it, so he pretended he hadn't, after all, ignorance was bliss.

"That's the difference between us and you. Your rockeresque attitude to girls means that you can separate the emotional from the physical. I know it sounds queer, but I'd want more than that. I'd want a relationship."
The pureblood nodded sombrely. "Right. But you're still going to come to the hospital wing with me aren't you?"
"Yes. Yes I said I would didn't I? Though I'm still miffed you won't tell me what's wrong. Hurry up then, the sooner you get off my bed the sooner I can get dressed and we can leave. Black! Go!"

...

After his usual morning shower- which he refused to forgo on the grounds that it was the only thing that made him awake enough to face the day- Remus was ready to escort his friend to the hospital wing instead of going for his own reason for once.
"Seeing as you're being all secretive and not telling me what it's about, I guess you don't want other people to know, so I can take you a back way where we'll be less likely to be seen."
Sirius followed without a word as the werewolf led him down a warren of corridors, over false steps, through tapestries and eventually from behind a suit of armour further up the corridor from the lair of Madam Pomfrey. Sirius was glad that Remus hadn't used the words 'short cut' as that would have been entirely false of the convoluted route they had taken to reach their destination. But it had served its purpose; they had encountered no one, not even Peeves or Mrs. Norris.
"How do you even know all those passageways and things?" Sirius asked slightly out of breath, proving that he was both more unfit than his companion and more so then he would like to admit.
"Oh I don't know," Remus drawled "maybe it has something to do with the fact that once a month I traverse from Gryffindor tower to here and that once a month I skulk back- maybe." Sirius gave him a playful withering look but it slid off his face like butter from a warm plate when he saw the doors of the infirmary.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong before we go in?" Remus asked gently. Sirius shook his head slightly in response and received a comforting squeeze on the shoulder and the promise that it would be alright.

Madam Pomfrey did not approach them as soon as they entered the ward, instead finishing off what she was doing, her six sense telling her that immediate assistance wasn't required. When she finally left her small office her face lit up.
"Oh Mr. Lupin how are you? Are you here to have that check up on your leg? You did yourself a nasty mischief last time!" she talked at nineteen to the dozen; Sirius had never seen her like this before, she was often clinical, impatient and aloof, shooing off patients as soon as they passed her satisfaction. Remus however was used to seeing the nurse like this; one may almost have gone as far as to say they were friends.

Madam Pomfrey was in her early thirties and had been working at Hogwarts for twelve years, and would probably continue to do so well in to her hundreds. As it was, she was nothing like the persona he had adopted to cope with patients: but having a friendly relationship with her wards soon became impossible for the young attractive nurse. Being at a school full of adolescent males she often received both abuse and other friendlier attention, and unlike most witches she welcomed age to make her ugly and gain her respect. Though in those twelve years she had found her own and established herself as a competent healer, muchly reducing the problem of improper advances from students. Remus, however, was an exception. She allowed herself to have a friendship with him as he was the ideal patient: polite, interested, fascinating, uncomplaining and wise beyond his years. The only problem that he posed was his tendency to down play his injuries and he had to practically be forced to have checkups on his ailments.

"Hey Poppy." He glanced at Sirius realising he had just called the nurse by her maiden name but neither of them seemed too fazed so he continued. "I'm actually here with a friend, for moral support I think. About his – well I don't know what it's about actually." He stated staring at Sirius expectantly but it was Madam Pomfrey who spoke next.
"Ah Sirius Black, you still haven't managed to make it onto the Gryffindor quidditch team yet, so it can't be an injury from that, and anyway Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff are playing today, being such it's a good thing you saw me now before the match starts or I may not have been able to move from melodramatic sport players.
"What?" Sirius shouted in protest, "There's a quidditch match now? Why didn't you say?" he shot at Moony accusingly.
"Well I assumed you knew, anyway you've been far too hysterical for a proper conversation and I still don't know what about. Plus no one's going to miss you. I've only ever been to the Gryffindor matched and a few Ravenclaw ones and you've never noticed me not being there have you?" The werewolf replied.
"I've never missed a quidditch match." The pureblood said simply but his face was full of melancholy as if he had let himself down. Remus was about to try and say something consoling when Madam Pomfrey butted in.
"As touching as this is and as much as I'm sure you grieve for your loss, would it please be possible to cut to the chase. I do have other things to do except council hypochondriac children." She punctuated her rant with a sickeningly sweet smile which made Remus grin; he knew she would have been the perfect example of decorum had he not been present. "Well then?"

Sirius found the edge of a bed and sat down, staring at his feet. He took a large gulp and began to mumble incoherently.
"I'm afraid you'll have to speak up Mr. Black, I cannot hear you. Now we haven't got all day." Another mumble, but then he cleared his throat and started for a third time; he was still mumbling, speaking as quietly as a spring drizzle, but if one strain his ears you could just about hear him.
"I'm in some really bad trouble. I didn't mean to. I mean how do you stop it? And now she might be pregnant, and my parents already hate me and what if she does have a baby?"
"Wait what?!" Remus said, a lot louder than he had intended, it was clear his friend was highly distressed, but he didn't seem to care or have any brain to mouth filter. "Pregnant? Baby? You mean you've had sex? You're not a virgin? For God's sake what were you thinking! The odd fondle, ok, but sex! You're bloody thirteen. Thirteen!"
"Ok Mr Lupin." Intersected the nurse, now 100% business-like, not caring about the friendship she had with Remus but about her patient. "That's quite enough and I really don't think you're helping. Mr Black is clearly feeling bad enough as it is without you adding your own input.
"Now Mr Black I can understand how this must be distressing, but please, it is important you tell me who the young lady was."
"Fourteen. I'm fourteen," he croaked "not thirteen." At this, Remus who had been glaring daggers, gave an exasperated "Urgh" and stormed from the ward. Madame Pomfrey rolled her eyes and looked at Sirius pointedly, but not unkindly.
"Louise Sniper." He stated blandly.
"Well Mr Black, fortunately for you Miss Sniper came and saw me this morning and had a check up and I believe you'll be relieved to know that she is, in fact, not pregnant."
Sirius wanted to relax but he couldn't; he was too tense and instead sat there shaking, trying not to start crying hysterically, though he knew no valid reason for why he wanted to.
"Now Mr Black, if it's ok with you I'd like to quickly examine you, to make sure you haven't caught anything from unprotected sex as Miss Sniper has had sex previously. Then I will teach you an appropriate protection charm so that in the future you are prepared. It is not really expected for you to have sexual relations so early, in fact I believe the muggle age for consent is sixteen, but obviously that's not always the case. Don't worry, I'm not angry and I shan't tell anyone. I think it's important to prepares young people for the eventualities of life, as you can't prevent them from doing what they want. Ok?"
Sirius let her words wash over him in a clinical flood and simply nodded numbly when appropriate, not paying much attention.

After a rather awkward 'check up', which involved far less spells and far more removal of clothing than Sirius had expected, Madame Pomfrey finally taught him the charm. She made him practise it several times until she was satisfied with the pronunciation. His trip was made slightly less painful due to her warm yet business-like approach and she lacked the disapproval he had been expecting. After she had assured Sirius several times that she would tell no one he managed to find the strength to get off the bed but found his legs shaky and tears still threatened his eyes. He wasn't looking forwards to the forwards to the lonely commute back to the Gryffindor tower and as if in answer Remus was loitering outside.
"Come on. If we hurry we'll catch the end of lunch; if not I'm going down to the kitchen- I'm starving."
Sirius's jaw hung open slightly. Not only was he astounded that Remus was even there after his previous outburst, but he was acting as if it had never taken place. Sirius found he was grateful of Remus's pretend ignorance.

Entering the great hall they saw that the late lunch for the quidditch players and spectators had already been set out. Remus slipped onto the end bench and took a bagel, looking at Sirius pointedly as he didn't follow straight away. They ate in silence which oddly put Sirius at ease. Eventually the quidditch fans began to trickle in, breaking the soothing silence. The boys were soon joined by the rest of their quartet.
"How did you get back before us?" James asked Sirius but continued without waiting for a response. "170, 50 to Hufflepuff. I really didn't think they'd be much of a fight but I think we might be up for a fair battle! But considering today was only a friendly it was savage. Arnold's dive nearly knocked Ian's block off!" The pureblood continued to ramble on oblivious to the fact that the other boys had no idea what he was on about as they hadn't attended the match. Peter was slightly less absorbed than James and shot a questioning look at Sirius but dropped it when Remus shook his head slightly.

After the boys had finished lunch they started ambling back to the common room together in contented silence. As they were just about to walk up to the third floor Remus spoke up, "Oh I just remembered I left some papers in the library that I need to get. Probably some books too."
James grinned. "Poor old Moony," he said trying out the new nickname, he found it fell nicely off his tongue, "always working so hard for the benefit of others. Such a martyr!" He goaded cheekily.
"Less of the stick Potter or I won't help you with your charms essay and then we'll see if Professor Flitwick really does love you as much as you claim." Tossing a smile over his shoulder he wandered off to his sanctuary.

He arrived at the library and headed straight for what was considered his room. The library was made up of many floors; several galleries peered over at the main room where the general books, Madame Prince's desk and most work tables were situated. To the west side of the room the gallery sides were substantially deeper, but got progressively smaller as the levels increased due to the slope that Hogwarts had been built on. This created antechambers. Seldom did students venture from the main scholarly room- often only using it to borrow and return books. But Remus spent many an hour in the library and thus needed to find the perfect work environment. One of these antechambers on the first floor was such a place. His sanctum. As the library formed a small corridor a short flight of stairs appeared at the end. At the top the corridor turned to the left. Continuing down another walkway of the gallery you entered Remus's room. They weren't corridors or rooms per say, but the divided structure created by the vast bookcases that segmented the large antechamber in to passageways and Remus's room.

Two of the walls were actual external walls of the building with a high ceiling above. The windows were large but started a fair way up the walls: allowing light in but not allowing the occupant to daydream or be distracted by the outside world. The other two walls were made of tall towering bookcases which were double sided, they were so tall that only a foot remained between them and the ceiling. Behind one of the bookcases continued the walkway and the railing of the gallery. Behind the other rows and rows of bookcases stood perpendicular to the one creating the wall. Within the room files of desks and chairs outlined the stone walls and in the middle sat a vast oak desk with green leather inlay on its top. It was in fact so large that even Remus, the gangly youth with arms too long for his body, had to stand on tiptoe and lean right over to reach something on the other side. It was roughly 6ft wide and 12ft long with a suitably large chair to match, with a green velvet seat and back and wide carving arms. Perfect for working; yet not too comfy for a Sunday afternoon read whilst it was raining.

It was an unspoken rule within the marauders (the self titled name the boys had given themselves) that this was Remus's own private area. Within reason they could wreck as much havoc and create as much noise as they wanted in the common room and dorm as long as Remus had his own quiet space which was undisturbed. All three boys respected this and appreciated that he was entitled to it for putting up with them and all their gimmicks. In fact the boys seldom ventured here and when they did never all at once; announcing their presence before entering the room so that the werewolf had time to protest.

Remus now stood over his gigantic desk, staring at it and waiting for Sirius who he knew had followed him: he had heard the pureblood make some excuse about seeing McGonagall about essay feedback, that to Remus had sounded pretty feeble, as he knew Sirius was the kind of boy who wasted his natural talent and had never asked for essay feedback in his life. He would've been outstanding if he pushed himself. If.
"Hey." Sirius said at the end of the corridor before coming into the room. As he entered he looked around. "Oh you've changed it in here." And Remus had. He had cleaned the upper most windows to let more light in, but left the lower ones so that setting sun wouldn't glare in the winter. On the corner of the desk an arrangement of books and textbooks were propped up by two ends of a marble centaur bookstands. An astronomy globe stood on the other end under a tall enamel desk lamp. A tin box stood in front of the globe, containing spare quills and several bottled of ink, whilst a large bottle containing black stood beside it. Papers and scrolls littered the main body of the table, but despite their messiness they seemed to be in some order. And elsewhere around the room were other signs of Remus's occupation. He had produced a large plump armchair from somewhere that although threadbare looked comfortable. This was accompanied by a footstall and knee high coffee table - a book open spine up on its surface. The chair itself had a lumpy woollen blanket thrown over the back and a thin fleece one draped over the arm. The surrounding shelves held spare rolls of parchment, a teapot and caddie, postcards from his parents, a mini grammar phone, novels and an array of other bric-a-brac.

Sirius couldn't help but smile slightly, causing Remus to ask, "What?" defensively.
"Nothing, it's just this room is so you and I can see you being happy here. Shutting yourself off for hours and forgetting that the rest of the world exists."
This caused Remus to smile slightly too, knowing that his friend understood him so well.

Knowing that Sirius would want to talk Remus motioned to the armchair which the raven haired boy took. He then levitated the footstool further away from the lounger so that he wasn't sitting right under his friends face. There he sat opposite the pureblood, not wanting to be the first to speak and eventually Sirius broke the silence.
"Thank you for coming with me. And for not telling James and Peter. I mean I know we're all friends and we don't really have any secrets but I'm not ready for people to know. Not yet. I'll probably tell them eventually. In a few years time I'm sure we'll be able to look back and laugh about this. I hope so anyway. But until then..." he rambled off, looking at Remus for confirmation that he understood.
"They're not people." Remus replied. "They're your friends, and if they don't judge me and what I am then they won't think twice about you." He saw the worried look on his friends face and continued hastily. "But I'm also your friend and I'm not going to do anything that you're not ready for and that'll make you uncomfortable. I do worry about the reasons for your actions- and it's not just because you're a teenage boy so don't try that one- but I know you'll talk to me when you need. James is clueless, so he won't hassle you as long as you're your usual cheeky, cocky, boisterous self around him," a theatrical wounded look from Sirius. "Peter however, bless him, actually takes note of his friends and can already tell that something's up. It's fine though we can spout some waffle about me being tetchy 'cos it's almost full moon or something."
"Or something." His friend agreed thankfully. It was clear from then on that the matter would be dropped directly. Remus would not push any more, as Sirius clearly wasn't ready to converse.

The werewolf stood, placed a record on the grammar phone and riffled through some tat on the surrounding bookcases, eventually producing half a bar of Honeydukes Extra Smooth Chocolate with an extravagant flourish. Sirius chuckled, "I knew you'd have stash of the good stuff somewhere!"

The boys spent the rest of the afternoon in Remus's room, listening to music and chatting about everyday things. They even did some work.