Tom me long enough I know. Just read it and see what yo think. I won't dare beg for a review, i feel shame, so much SHAME!
I own nothing
Chapter 7
The plane touched down and those butterflies Brooke had been trying to ignore hadn't gone away. Hell they may have doubled in size by now. Brooke had an image of giant mutant butterflies destroying everything. Funny how they all looked like Dan. In her head she knew this was what she needed to do but it still didn't stop her from not wanting to get off the plan. May look a little weird if she stayed and rode to the next stop. She felt Lucy stir and her eyes dropped to the beautiful girl that had been her reason for living. She was doing this for her…and if she was honest she was doing it for Lucas too. He needed to be able to make peace with what happened as much as she did but she knew he was going to need someone. They both were.
Walking through the terminal was odd to her. The last time she had seen this place she was three months along and boarding a plan to California and never had any intention of returning.
"Come on Pretty Girl" Lucas said reaching to grab her hand and for a moment he managed to make all the nerves disappear. But only for a moment. When she saw Karen standing by the welcome gate they all came flooding back. One memory in particular came to mind. It was the last conversation she had with Karen before she left Tree Hill.
Flashback
A young brunette sat on the bed of the love of her life trying her best to not break down. Down the hall she heard the sobs of an older brunette morning a much greater loss than even she. Grief wasn't a contest in that house. Karen Roe had lost the man she loved dearly but also a son she loved more than anything. She was alone now. Brooke wanted to console her and tell her things would be okay but she didn't know that. She couldn't lie.
It had been a week since everything and the school had yet to reopen. Brooke had debated about tell everyone about the baby, Karen mostly, but thought it particularly cruel to do so since she had already planned to leave this place behind and never come back. Still in the bedroom of Lucas Scott, Brooke Davis took inventory.
The pictures of them on his mirror from when they were kids, progressing on through the years. One picture of them in particular caught her eye. It was of her in Lucas' arms, Peyton hugging them and Keith hugging them all. Everyone had a smile as bright as the sun. That had been taken on the past fourth of july. That day had been incredibly hot and muggy and therefore grilling weather. Brooke forced her eyes away from that happy moment captured forever knowing that the other three faces in that picture were never going to be like that again.
She remembers feeling like she was going to pass out when she had to go identify Peyton's body. Karen wasn't at the hospital, Peyton's dad Larry hadn't been told yet so he wasn't back in Tree Hill yet and it seemed the duty fell on Brooke. She shook her head free of that memory as well and laid down in the bed wanting to engrave this room, this moment, this day in her head.
His bed still smelled like him, of which she was sure her bed smelled the same. She fought to keep the tears at bay but the battle was lost when a multitude of sobs escaped her shaking body. She gripped his pillow and buried her face in it hoping to block out everything long enough to not hurt so bad. She felt a soft hand rub her back soothingly but it did little but make her hurt even more. The woman who had just lost everything was consoling her. God she felt selfish.
"K-Ka-Karen" she finally got out but the older woman just gathered her into her arms and held her. Brooke held on to her for dear life because in that moment she had no idea what she was going to do.
"The funerals are tomorrow."
Brooke stiffened at her words and tried to hide it but Karen knew her too well.
"I wanted to ask if you would sit in the front row with me."
Brooke sniffled and backed away slightly look the woman in the eyes.
"But that row is for family."
"You are family Brooke. You were Keith's family. He would want you there."
Karen had done her best to keep silent about her son still being alive but at that very second she wanted so badly to tell this girl the truth.
"I don't think I can do it."
"Yes you can. Brooke you may not be out flesh and blood but we have watched you grow up to be this beautiful, strong and intelligent young woman. I'd like to think Keith and I had a hand in that. With that being said it's only right you be there."
Brooke nodded in agreement after a moment and went back to holding onto Karen. Her mind went to her baby. She was feeling overwhelmed and knew she needed to stay as calm as possible for her baby's sake. She was going to make sure she held on to the last piece of Lucas Scott as if her life depended on it.
"My son loves you more than I've ever dreamed possible." Karen said trying to soothe the girl who had again begun to cry. She kicked herself each time she referred to her son in the present tense but was just happy no one ever caught on. In the past week she had slipped up so many times she lost count. However this time she was hoping the young girl would catch on and ask. She didn't though. Brooke just thought that it was Karen's way of holding on to her son.
"I loved him too" Brooke whispered back as her tears subsided. Her eyes drifted back to the picture of happy faces and she zoned out, hoping to make this horrible nightmare go away.
End flashback
When they reached the house Lucas noticed Brooke had been way too quiet, as did Karen. Lucy on the other had was her usual ball of energy talking a mile a minute to Karen and asking a whole lot of questions and telling her pretty much everything she could think of about herself. Lucas laughed seeing the warm smile on his mother's face and meeting her granddaughter for the first time, she just didn't know it was her granddaughter yet.
"I wike pink. Do you?" Lucy asked a smiling Karen.
"I do. My little girl loves pink too."
"Really!"
"Oh yes. She's four, probably around your age."
"I'm fours too! Mommy say I a big girl."
"I see that" Karen laughed all the while still not catching on.
Brooke's eyes snapped to the front of the car hearing about Karen having a baby girl too."
"Karen you had a baby?"
"Shocking I know. I found out I was pregnant with Lily a few weeks after…well the funeral. Best gift Keith ever gave me."
Brooke noted the distant but happy smile on the older woman's face and then her eyes drifted to the blonde in the passenger seat. Knowing exactly how she felt.
"I'm gonna have a baby broder or sistur."
Karen's shot up , much like Brooke's had done. When Karen heard Lucas head pretty much run from the town to chase down Brooke she had hoped the girl hadn't moved on. Wanting her son and the girl she considered to be one of her daughters to be happy together. After seeing Lucy she had to silence a slight pang in her chest as she had watched them all move towards her wishing the little family was her son's. However hearing about a new baby meant there was probably another man involved.
"Brooke you're-"
"Oh god no. Lucy here just wants one really bad since her Aunt Rachel brought it up. Lucy we talked about this."
But the little girl wasn't having that. Now she had two parents she could wear down.
"Daddy make mommy stop being mean" the little girl pouted.
Karen had only been partially listening after hearing there was no baby but when she heard her son answer the little girl she unintentionally slammed on the breaks.
She looked over at her son who was looking at her quizzically.
"Mom what the-"
"Is that little girl back there yours?"
"Mom…yeah. Lucy is mine."
"Why didn't you tell me" Karen asked hurt.
"I didn't know till I went to California. We were going to tell you but just wanted to wait till we at least got to the house."
"But I…Brooke you were pregnant when you left?" Karen asked almost hurt that Brooke hadn't come to her. Her eyes moved to the little girl in the car seat next to
Brooke and she looked her over, now allowing herself to see her son in the little girl. Brooke didn't answer though. She didn't want to start an argument in front of her child. As far as she concerned they were even seeing as how she neglected to tell her about Lucas still being alive.
"Why don't we just get back to the house." Lucas suggested feeling the tense atmosphere.
"Why do everybody look sad daddy?"
"No one is sad baby" Brooke said looking at the little girl. "We're happy see" Brooke said smiling for her daughters sake. She wasn't going to let her hurt and anger over being kept in the dark overshadow this for Lucy.
When the car pulled up everyone had still remained silent except for Lucy the whole ride. Karen got out first and rounded the car as Lucas got out to help Lucy out of her car seat.
"Daddy is this your house?" the girl asked with her voice full of wonderment.
"Yes this is daddy's house."
And probably where you were conceived, Brooke thought internally as she looked at the house that had once been like a home to her. She sat motionless for what seemed like forever looking up at that house till Lucas came into view. Karen had guided the little one inside/
"You gonna stay in here the whole time?"
"I was thinking about it."
"Come on Brooke if you keep acting like this Lucy is going to know something is up."
"And how exactly am I acting Lucas" she said only gearing up with anger. She didn't want to come in the first place and now she was supposed to put on a happy face. She would do it but she wasn't going to be happy about it.
"Like you hate this place."
"That's because I do Lucas. I hate this place. I hate this town and I hate all the shitty stuff that happened to make me hate this place so much."
"But I'm here, " he said kneeling by her door and reaching to take her hand. She looked away because she knew if she took one look at him he'd make her not hate this place so much. She needed to hate it though. She needed it to make her keep her sane. "Pretty girl I know this is hard coming back. I know it because I feel it too but…I want Lucy to love this place, this town and all the great things that happened here." He rose up and walked around to the other side of the car and got in the back with her. When he shut the door she looked at him finally and he could see the sadness weighing her down. He smiled and pointed to the red door he had painted just for her when they were fourteen and her parents were moving to California and Karen agreed to keep Brooke till the end of the school year. " You see that door?" Brooke looked over and for the first time she smiled being back in Tree Hill. She remembered that door. Keith had helped him paint it. "That door is one of the things I want Lucy to love because it's proof, a lot like she is, that a boy loved a girl with everything he had even at fourteen years old."
"Lucas-" she tried to cut in but he continued.
"You see that swing over there? That was where we had our first kiss."
"Lucas our first kiss was at the river court" she said correcting him but he shook his head no.
"Nope. Over there on that swing when we were thirteen you begged me to kiss you because you wanted to know what it felt like to be kissed. So I did. I think that was the first time I realized I had more than just friendly feelings towards you."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Most of all I want Lucy to be happy. I've already missed so much and I want to make sure she has the happiest childhood possible." Lucas looked down and wasn't sure if he wanted to share the next part but figured he might as well. "I uh…when you told me Lucy was mine…I hated myself for a moment."
"Why?"
"Because whether I wanted to be or not I turned out to be like Dan. I abandoned my kid and lived my life. I get it now though. I may not have had an option to leave you but…I just wish things had been different. I want them to be different so bad."
"Lucas" she said quietly and running her hand through his hair, "I'm sorry for pushing you away I really am but…it's just it's been me and Lucy and Chase for so long that…I'm afraid to let that go and let you in. I was in so much pain when I lost you that I pretty much had to kill everything I loved about you in my head to survive. I had a baby to think about and now that you're here…" he turned his head to look at her and saw the warm smile he had seen the morning he woke up with her in his arms, "…and you're alive and Lucy gets to have her dad but-"
"No, no buts, Lucy has me as her dad and you can have me too Brooke. You haveme."
He said it meaning every word. He wanted her to know that no matter what, he was going to be there to love them both. Forever.
"Lucas we can't just jump back into things."
"Hate to break it to you but we kind of already have."
"And that was my mistake."
"No. No mistake. You listened to your heart then and all I'm asking is that you do the same now." He turned to face her and cupped her face in his palms, loving that the warmth from her spread through his whole body. He looked into her eyes and spoke the truest words he'd ever spoken to her.
"I know this is going to be hard and you have every right to question this at every step but what I want-no needis for you to take the first step to even question."
"Kind of already did that didn't we" she shot back his sarcasm and he couldn't help but laugh. They were going in the right direction.
"Pretty girl what we did back in Cali was two teenagers letting hormones get the best of them. That's not what we are anymore. We are Lucy's parents and we owe it to her to be the best parents we can and I think our best is together."
"Lucas…I want to. I really do but, in my heart…it's still very much there that you left us. You left me."
"I know, and you have every right to doubt me, doubt what this is but baby I love you. I never stopped. I am willing to do whatever you need me to do. I'll wait for you even if it takes forever. I am not going anywhere.
Brooke's eyes bounced back and forth between his soulful blue eyes wanting to find the slightest hint that this wouldn't work out but found nothing. She was looking into the eyes of the boy she had loved since puberty as Haley put it and she knew she'd regret it if she didn't at least try.
"I think…I think we should try." A smile spread across his face realizing he was getting the love of his life back. "But it's not going to be easy. We do this slow. No more sex."
"No more sex." He agreed quickly but then backpedaled slightly, " Are you sure?"
"Yes I am sure. We need to keep things as simple as possible and sex only complicates things, trust me I know."
"I agree but-"
"Then it's settled, until we are dating exclusively…no sex."
Lucas whimpered knowing that the next few weeks would be torture. He had a small taste of her again and now he was going to have to be the perfect gentleman. He'd do it without hesitation though. Anything for his Pretty Girl.
Brooke and Lucas finally joined the others in the house and Brooke almost felt like she was knocked over when a strawberry blonde she hadn't seen in at least three years ran and hugged her.
"OH MY GOD BROOKE!" Haley yelled as she hugged her tightly.
"Eardrums Haley, eardrums." Brooke mumbled out feeling the oxygen get a little sparse.
"You came back" Haley said pulling away to get a good look at her once best friend."
"I came for a visit" she corrected quickly and saw Haley's face twist into dislike.
"We saw Lucy" Brooke heard from behind them now seeing Nathan Scott; brother to Lucas, father to her god son and husband to her best friend. Brooke broke away from Haley and did something akin to the run, jump and hug Haley had done to her only Nathan was ready for it. They had gotten pretty close since everything happened. She pretty much talked to him as much as she talked to Haley.
Haley made her way over to her blonde friend who was taking in the moment. She knew this was his doing.
"Thanks for bringing her home" Haley said bumping his hip and smiling at the little girl who was talking Lily and Jamie's ear off already.
"This wasn't me. This was all Lucy."
"I should've known, that girl could pout with the best of them when we last saw her."
"She told me you knew."
Haley sensed he may be a little upset but she knew it wasn't directed towards her.
"I did."
"And Skills and Rachel knew."
"They did."
"But my Mom didn't know and I didn't know"
"You're not angry with her are you?"
"If I'm honest maybe a little. I mean my mom didn't have a choice but to not tell. Brooke, you and half of Tree Hill did."
"It wasn't our information to share. Besides Brooke did the best she could with the hand she was dealt."
"I just feel like shit that my mom not only lost Keith, lost me for a while but then lost out on watching a granddaughter grow up."
"She didn't miss out Luke. Lucy is four. Hardly a teenager yet."
"But-"
"I'm going to tell you the same thing I plan on telling Tigger over there when she gets done with my husband. The two of you are going to have to let go of the past
and live in the here and now."
"I liked the past."
"I did too but…" Haley looked over at her son, her goddaughter Lucy and the other blonde baby and knew this next part to be true, "we got older…we grew up…and I wouldn't change a thing."
"I'd have stop her from going to school that day."
"Luke-"
"No. I would change things, a hell of a lot of things so Brooke didn't have to raise our daughter alone, I didn't have to miss out on a life that should have been mine and…" he stopped suddenly focusing on his sister and mother, "…and Keith wouldn't have had to have missed his."
Haley tried to soothe his anger by rubbing his arm but she knew as well as he did, Keith didn't deserve to die. He deserved to see Lily, marry Karen and grow old and be happy.
Some time passed after all the kids went to sleep after tiring themselves out and the boys went to the river court to play a game of one on one for old times sake. That left Brooke with the chip on her shoulder, Karen with all her questions and Haley in the middle of it all. The women had been silent washing dishes when Haley decided to break the quietness.
"Dinner was great Karen."
"Thank you Haley. You know I love it when we have a full house. Now we have some extra ones to be thankful for."
Brooke could tell Karen was staring holes into the back of her head. She also knew that Karen wouldn't let this time go by without talking about things. She was just surprised it took her this long to say something.
"Brooke honey how are you liking it home so far?"
"It's Tree Hill."
"Care to elaborate sweetheart" Karen asked sweetly.
"This isn't my home anymore. My home is in California…has been for years."
"I mean to ask you about that."
"Don't dance around the question Karen we both know exactly what it is you want to know." Brooke snapped, not meaning to but knew she was going to be on the defense.
"Okay. Why didn't you come to me about the baby?"
"It wasn't something I wanted to share with this place. I wanted a clean slate for my baby."
"Away from her family?"
"In a way yes. Karen you were a mess, I was a wreck, Lucas was gone, Keith was gone and I just…" Brooke began to tear up not really wanting to talk about it.
Losing Keith had hit her hard but she never really let it out. She buried all her grief for the sake of her baby.
"Tigger it's okay."
"But it's not!" she yelled getting a little louder than she had intended. " I step one foot on that tarmac and I feel like it's all coming back. I haven't even been here a day and I already feel like I'm suffocating. I want to take my child, hop on a plane and run from this place as fast as possible."
"We don't want you to feel like you're trapped here-"
"But I am Karen. I am. That seventeen year old girl is trapped here, still feeling helpless but now she's added betrayed to the list."
"Betrayed by what Tigger?"
"The fact that Karen is wanting to know why I didn't tell her about the baby kind of makes us even with how she didn't tell me about Lucas being alive and well."
"Brooke the agents told us we couldn't tell anyone."
"I WASN'T ANYONE!"
The room grew silent. Haley walked to Brooke to try and console her but Brooke batted her away and walked out saying she needed air. Once alone Karen directed her attention to Haley.
"Did you know about the baby?"
"I did. She didn't want to tell anyone after we thought Luke died. She just wanted to get away." The two women sat at the kitchen table quiet for a moment till Haley continued. "I always thought I could convince her to come home. That's why I let her leave. I just wanted her to do whatever made it easy for her to deal-I mean she was like a zombie. She barely cried, she didn't want anyone to hold her or anything. I just thought she'd leave and get better and come back."
"But she didn't."
"No. She didn't and I'm not too sure she will now. Yes Lucas is alive but she hates this place."
"She's just going to have to make peace with her demons Haley. She will and when she does she'll find herself right back where she belongs. Whether that's back in California or staying here she'll find that out."
Walking in the middle of the night in Tree Hill was the complete opposite of being in Cali. She found herself kind of missing the sound of the waves. All she heard here was silence. She kicked herself for missing this place too but she knew she had to come back. Her feet carried her to the one place she had neglected to go visit since the day she left. She remembers it vividly. She remembers kneeling at Peyton Elizabeth Sawyers grave and crying. She cried because one of her best friends was going to miss out on everything. Miss prom, miss graduation, miss college, getting married and having a family. Brooke vowed to live enough for the both of them.
Once she reached the iron gates of the cemetery she thought about turning and going home but something pulled her in. She walked down the stone path and through the rows to find another person she hadn't had the heart to say goodbye to. She knew where his grave was but was too angry or too chicken to go. She neared the spot and heard a voice. It was Lucas.
"…I just wish sometimes that you would've talked to me. I mean I had no idea you had those feelings for Brooke and had I known maybe I would've done something so you would understand that…I've been in love with her since the moment I saw her. I know you knew her longer Jimmy but I couldn't help but love her…and when she told me she loved me back it was one of the happiest things to ever happen to me." She heard him pause and she walked closer making sure to not make any noise as she watched him pour his heart out. "I wish things could've been different man. I missed so much. I missed seeing my daughter born, oh yeah, Brooke was pregnant and I didn't even know it. I know I shouldn't be mad she kept it from me and my mom but I know she didn't do it to hurt us. I just wish I could've been there or had her there with me. "Brooke neared them and stopped short of the mausoleum that was close by. "I was going to ask her to marry me after graduation." Lucas said chucking at his own ridiculous romantic gesture. He knew they were young but they loved each other he figured she'd probably have said yes. "We would have been married and having a baby and been one happy family. Me, Brooke and Lucy/ Oh I forgot to tell you that is my baby's name. Lucy Abigail Scott" he said with such pride. "I love that little girl more than anything already." Lucas rose up from the ground and dusted his shorts off and placed his hand on the stone. "I didn't come here to rub anything in your face man I just wanted you to know that I don't hate you anymore. It took me a while to do it but I managed to let all that go and I think finding out about Lucy made that possible. I love you man and…and I miss you." Lucas backed away from the headstone and turned to see Brooke standing there with her arms folded. She was sporting a warm smile again.
"So it looks like we had the same idea." Brooke said stepping closer to him.
"Great minds think alike " he closed the distance when he saw the expression on her face. He could tell she needed someone to hold her, so that's exactly what he did. He opened his arms and she stepped into him and wrapped her arms around his back while he propped his chin on her head and held on tight.
"I wanted to come here and…and well do exactly what you just did. I wanted to tell Jimmy I forgive him for what he did."
"For the longest I hated him. I hated that he gave Dan an in to destroy all of our lives."
"Dan would've found a different way to hurt Keith. That I believe with my whole heart but Peyton…Peyton wasn't supposed to go…neither was Jimmy."
"I know and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I know how much Peyton meant to you."
"It was hard but I managed to get through those days. I took one step in front of the other till I couldn't see Tree Hill on the horizon anymore. I realize now I didn't just leave this place, I left the people that were left behind too. I can't really be that mad at you anymore for not being there because like you said you didn't have a choice."
"Yeah I did. I could've told my Mom to tell you. I could've done so many things different but I didn't and now here we are."
"Yeah here we are."
Lucas tightened his grip on her wanting to take solace in her warmth before he asked his next question.
"Would you…would you come with me to visit Keith?"
Brooke pulled back and saw how hurt he was. He had never had the chance to really say goodbye like she had. She nodded and leaned up to place a soft kiss to his lips to reassure him she was there.
They walked the few minutes to get to the spot and when they did they saw candles lit along with a fresh bouquet of flowers. White roses.
"Someone must've been here not too long ago. It's beautiful" Brooke said releasing Lucas' hand as he continued to walk to the grave. He kneeled in the dirt looking at the headstone and traced his hand over the words. Brooke watched as he did this and soon she saw his shoulders start to shake. She knew then he was crying. She rushed to his side and kneeled down next to him and almost fell over when he turned to hug her and bury his face in her chest. She circled her arms around him and held him tight. He let it all go and soon she was doing the same thing. In their grief they found something that was long overdue.
Closure.
Okay so there is seven. I know it took waaaaayyyyyy too long but I got writers block and I just wanted to rewrtie this but then nothing came and so then I just gave up and posted it. So hope it didn't suck. Simon says review.
