/: It's currently two a'clock in the morning so if there are any mistakes, please let me know, thank you! I don't know what to say about this one, but I hope you'll like it!

VII. Shitstorm

As Christmas grew closer, I could hear carols all over the campus, even Naruto had sang some of the most famous in the shower but as much as I wanted to complain, I couldn't, his voice really wasn't that bad at all. So I went with it. On those days, I went pretty much with everything, my mood had risen up a little due to the upcoming season and even though I had never quite celebrated Christmas, the joy Naruto had shown blew me away and there wasn't much I could do about it. I just went with it, trying to give up on every little grumpy feeling I had felt. Not for my sake though, I wanted Naruto to be happier, to burn even brighter, to show him he was not alone in this world. I thought I'd done pretty well until his nightmares returned once again and he woke me up in the middle of the night, screaming viciously like if he was a witness of a murder. There was this particular night, when I saw utter terror in his face that resembled a distress of chimneys crackling in the wind. The sun was missing behind his blue eyes, on the contrary a dark shade of pain had taken its place in his ocean depths and swirled around with derisive smirk. I had missed his bright and loving look but it seemed to be hidden pretty well and there was nothing I could do about it. Fuck. I spent the last two weeks in his bed, involuntarily and absolutely innocently, because with the approaching holidays it was happening almost every fucking night. On some mornings, he even couldn't remember he had had a nightmare, inasmuch as he fell asleep almost instantly again. I tried to find a reason why he kept on having those bad dreams but I never found anything and he kept himself quiet about it as well. It was weird, he acted pretty casual most of the days but at night, everything changed.

"What are you going to do during Christmas break?" I asked one morning with a black coffee in my hands, I slept poorly last night, because Naruto had his nightmare again and he seemed to know about this one, as much as I could tell, he looked very tired. Rubbing his forehead he yawned and glanced at me with a small smile forming his lips.

"I don't know yet." He replied with a shrug and took a bite of his sandwich I made him that morning.

"You can stay with me. I'm going to pay my brother a visit, he invited me, you can come too." I suggested without revealing any sort of emotion, I just blankly stared at him, waiting for his response.

"Sorry but I don't want to be a burden to you, guys. A friend of mine said I could spend some time at his house so I think I have a place to stay during Christmas, but thanks anyway." He smiled and patted me on top of my head, the way he did it irritated me, so in exchange for the pat I glared at him and turned away so I was no longer facing him. So much for being the no-grumpy-Gaara.

"It's the same friend as before, isn't it?" It wasn't a question and he knew that, it was a statement. His smile grew a little wider as he leaned closer to me and whispered, I could feel his breath brushing against my skin and it made me hot. I hated that guy.

"Yeah, it's that friend from earlier. Or maybe you want me to come with you?" That stupid mischievous grin was present as he examined my face as if trying to see these invisible emotions I had felt. But I revealed nothing, staying completely unreadable I glared at him and rolled my eyes.

"No. I don't need you there, have a nice trip or whatever with your friend." Lie be told, he smiled at me, stood up and went to wash the dishes, never bringing that subject again. Maybe he didn't want to stay with me at last. Not that it surprised me, I was a dickhead and my whole existence was a total shitstorm.

Four days later Naruto was ready to leave for his Christmas trip, he packed just a few of his clothes, mainly jeans and long sleeved shirts, I secretly imagined him in these clothes and thought he would look amazing in it. His eyes were full of happiness and I was happy for him too, he told me it's his first time celebrating Christmas and I instantly felt stupid because of my jealousy of him not being with me during holidays. Shitpot Gaara, that was my new name. When he left, I called my brother to tell him I would probably arrive late and he sounded suspiciously happy, so I asked him what was wrong and he only laughed and hang the phone. Bastard.

I started to feel uneasy as if something happened or was about to happen, so two days later I packed my shit early and left to catch a plane. Weather was pretty hot in Suna and I silently cursed it because I didn't bring anything that would ease me from this summer breeze. I rented a car at the airport and headed for the adventures of countryside where my brother lived. I left so many farms and barns behind my back and just when the last one came to view, I pulled my car off the road. Slowly, I drove between white fences, careful not to hit anything. Stopping the car maybe a little too far from the house made me walk a little longer, but I didn't care. I still loved this countryside, where horses wildly ran past me, not bothering to slow down, where time was just a number and where I could rest a little. Putting a key to a keyhole was the last thing I had done before freezing completely. I heard the key in stupid keyhole, and to my surprise, it was my fucking brother who didn't bother to mute the volume. Loud panting soon merged with high pitch yells that I had to ignore if I wanted my sanity to be intact. Oh and I wanted that. Fucking someone just when I had arrived was rude and it worsen my mood so I turned and opened the door, but before walking out to the sunshine I had heard Kankuro scream a name.

"Naruto, your mouth, I'm…!" He came.

And the whole world fell completely black.

/

A soft whisper of the wind caressed his cheeks as it escaped through the open front door. He slowly made his way out, something strange in his heart pushed him towards Kankuro's old barn which was no longer in use. The silent clatter of the horse's hooves was borne through the surrounding landscape and, like a melody, merged by the sounds of strings pulled from the wood of an old guitar that someone had skillfully crafted with their fingers. Dusk slowly won against the sunny day and shone over the tall and sandy grass that danced in the wind with the beautiful melody. Naruto couldn't resist, he wanted to know who was behind it but as soon as he got closer, he heard a familiar voice sing. By the time he finally got in the barn, he was already well aware of who it was there but it left him speechless nevertheless.

"Don't close your eyes, let it be me, don't pretend it's him, in some fantasy. Darling just once, let yesterday go, and you'll find more love than you'll ever know. Just hold me tight, when you love me tonight and don't close your eyes." A husky voice added this overwhelming feeling of pain to the country song and Naruto stood there, completely caught off guard. My husky voice. I was just practicing some old songs from teenage years, remembering there was no Naruto back then, just endless nothingness that held my shit together. I had the feeling I might cry and just when my voice started to crumble, a light one came from behind my back and joined me in singing.

"Maybe I've, been a fool, holding on all this time, lying here in your arms, knowing he's in your mind but I keep hoping someday, that you'll see the light. Let it be tonight and don't close your eyes." For a brief moment, we combined into one voice but it was all gone as soon as I had started, because I stopped and looked at him over my shoulder to greet him with nothing but dead glare.

"What are you doing here, Gaara?" He asked finally after a little while, sounding concerned, his eyes were locked on me. I snorted and stood up, leaving my old guitar in the dust.

"Oh please, Kankuro is my fucking brother." I suddenly barked out, unable to control myself for once, I could feel my hands sweating and shaking like crazy, I could hear a soft hum in my ears that hurt but even though I had showed up so much of my emotions, I had never showed him any pain that I felt at that time.

"What? Oh. Yeah, of course of course. That's so great! We can spend more time together!" I could tell he didn't know how to react to it, however he tried to find something positive in it, but met a dead end that was me. I knew he didn't know about it until I told him and I knew it wasn't really his fault, but seeing him react with such uncertainty in his face made me sick.

"Fuck no. Go fuck my fucking brother, that's what I've overheard you're good at. And leave me alone." I said hatefully, not that I hated him but I felt so vulnerable and so hurt that I couldn't tell what was right or wrong anymore. I, once again, thought pushing him away would make me feel better, but it didn't. I felt just as miserable as before. And before he could say anything, I rushed out of the barn to escape from him. From everything.

/

Kankuro greeted me with smile, clearly happy to see me, I stayed unreadable as always and he didn't seem to notice that me and Naruto already knew each other. That was fine with me, I acted as if I saw him for the first time in my life and to my surprise, Naruto went with it, but I could tell his smile wasn't sincere when he introduced himself to me.

It was one of those times in which I met Naruto again.

My brother didn't know a shit and while I was looking at him as he tried to teach Naruto how to ride a fucking horse, I felt horribly lonely. They laughed their fucking asses off, because Naruto fell more than just once from that hell of a horse. Kankuro wasn't good of a teacher, as far as I knew, he distracted Naruto with filthy touches and it didn't help him to concentrate at all. Fucking idiot. I went straight to my room to forget those images I got to see the whole afternoon, my chest still ached and I wasn't ready to accept the fact that they were dating. Or if I could call it like that, Naruto had his own room and Kankuro stayed in his bedroom.

It didn't took long for Naruto to start having nightmares again and when it happened, Kankuro rushed to my room with terrified look on his face, telling me he didn't know what to do about it.

"Why should I care? It's your boyfriend." I said bluntly and turn my lights off, he turned them on and slammed my door closed behind him.

"Why are you so mean to him? He is a good guy and he doesn't deserve this. I can't believe you are such a heartless prick, Gaara. I need your help, I don't know what to do, you had gone through this before." He said and sighed with disbelief.

"Yeah, that's right. Because there wasn't anyone to help me back then when our mother had these, was there? You all just ran away like cowards and left me, the kid, deal with it. Right, Kankuro." I spat back at him with disgust, clenching my teeth and trying so hard not to punch him in the face.

"It was not like that and you know it. We were dealing with other shit, Temari tried to find herself a job and I-"

"You had been busy with drug dealing, Kankuro. And those stupid addicts of yours found me some time ago and beat the shit out of me. How so? Because I was involved with you! If it wasn't for him, I would've been put in fucking hospital and who knows what else could've happened." After I said that, Kankuro was out of words so I stood up and headed to the door, burying my nails into the flesh of my palms. It hurt, but not as much as I wanted to.

"Who helped you?" He asked just before I could left him in my room, I stopped for a moment.

"It's none of your business, dear brother. But let me tell you one thing. You have fucked up so much in your life and I dare you to fuck him up. You don't want to be dealing with me then, you fucker."

I left him and as I approached Naruto's bedroom, I could swear I had heard my name escaping from his swollen lips. His screams were more like broken guitar strings that couldn't play the melody right anymore. Closing the gap between us I sat on the edge of his bed and wrapped my arms around him in a firm hug, he was trembling and soon after I touched him with my caress, he relaxed and brought me even closer, silently whispering my name right into my ear. He looked like he was still asleep but the endless journey of his terror had ended in my arms. I couldn't gave up on him after all.

When I woke up in the morning, his face was so close to mine that I could count his eyelashes, I leaned back and brushed his golden strands of hair away from his forehead. Maybe he needed some care to make these bad dreams go away, I thought. My fingers slightly touched his cheek as I ran down to his chin and down to his neck where I stopped. He was so handsome, how could I ever resist him anyway? My mind was a fucking shitstorm.

"Why do you keep having these bad dreams, Naruto?" Only a whisper escaped my lips and vanished in the silence of the room, I didn't expect him to answer me, but then he opened his eyes and I got lost in them. He seemed to strike through my veins like a painful poison, though strangely pleasant. I couldn't get enough of it. Maybe I was madly addicted, drawn like a moth to a lamp, like a ship to a lighthouse, like a planet to its sun. He was my sun.

"It's a long story." He mumbled sleepily and patted me on my head, normally that would get me irritated but I was more concerned about his issues than about a stupid pat on a stupid head of mine.

"It's not like I have better things to do right now, you can tell me."

"I'll try." He said softly and stole my hand, giving it a small kiss. Maybe I was madly addicted, and just maybe… I was madly in love with him.

"Naruto, are you alright?" I had heard Kankuro behind the door, knocking and slowly entering the bedroom. My departure from Naruto was as quick as a squirrel on caffeine, I didn't want to see this so I jumped out of the window to hide.

My ass, Kankuro had to ruin everything.