Chapter Seven

Upon returning to Hogwarts after the Christmas holiday, second term went faster than ever for Remus. He'd never felt so happy in all his life, even if at the back of his mind he knew it wouldn't last. More and more people were talking of war breaking out between the Ministry and a dark wizard who called himself Lord Voldemort and had been gaining a significant following. This, along with his own sense of anxiety over Kendall's ignorance that he was a werewolf, caused Remus to feel as though a dark cloud was over his head, following him wherever he went.

One Sunday afternoon at the beginning of June, Remus was down by the Black Lake. His eyes were fixed on the shining blue water, not noticing that the sun's reflection off it hurt his eyes.

"There you are."

Remus turned his head to see Kendall coming toward him. He blinked quickly in an attempt to make the sunspots go away.

"I've been looking all over for you," she said, leaning over to kiss his cheek.

"Sorry, I was taking a break from studying," Remus said, pointing to his bag on the ground beside him.

"Me too," she said, smiling at him before turning her head toward the water. "Did you see the headline of The Daily Prophet this morning? It's just too horrible."

Remus kissed the side of her head, remember the words he'd seen on the newspaper at breakfast: MINISTRY OFFICIAL MISSING FROM HOME—PRESUMED DEAD.

"Are your parents worried?" Remus asked cautiously.

"Well, she worked in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, so I suppose that's a more dangerous job than Dad's is," she sighed, laying her head on his shoulder. "I'm worried, even if they aren't. An article I read on the second page said werewolf attacks having been getting worse in the south and around London. Do you think You-Know-Who's behind it?"

Remus tried not to laugh—he thought it was ridiculous people had started calling this Voldemort fellow You-Know-Who. Even if he was terrifying, Remus didn't see any reason not to say his name. But the situation wasn't at all funny.

"I don't know," he said, his mind remembering the words of the article. "Maybe."

"That Greyback fellow just seems too awful though," Kendall murmured, her face against Remus' chest now. "Apparently he's attacking people even when it's not the full moon."

Remus had read that too. Without realizing it, his hands had turned into fists as he thought about Fenrir Greyback—the werewolf who had made Remus into a monster. He found himself filling with rage at the thought of Greyback. Remus had no idea what he looked like—he'd only been a small boy when he was bitten. But he could vividly remember that night.

It had happened when he was out in the garden. His mom had called for him to come inside, but Remus had ignored her. There was a small colony of gnomes he'd been investigating and was having too much fun chasing them, tossing the ones he caught over the fence.

"Remus John Lupin, if you don't come inside this instant, I'm going to feed your pet toad to Mrs. Lockley's cat!" his mother shouted out the kitchen window at him.

Remus rolled his eyes, laughing at one of the gnomes that had just tripped over its feet. And then he felt as though he were being watched by something close by. He looked around, feeling a strange tingly sensation on the back of his neck. Behind him, a twig snapped. Remus turned to see where the noise had come from, his eyes meeting a pair of large yellow ones. He remembered screaming before the animal's teeth gnashed through the leg of his trousers and he blacked out—but not before he heard his mother call his name again, this time with fear in her voice.

"Remus?" Kendall's voice pulled him back to the present. "Are you alright?"

He felt very sweaty and knew he probably looked pale.

"I, uh—" he stammered, wiping at his forehead. He met Kendall's concerned eyes, feeling incredibly ashamed of himself.

"You're not, are you?" she asked, touching his cheek. "What is it? Did you know the ministry official who disappeared?"

Remus shook his head, looking down. "No, it's—it's not that," he said, loosening the collar of his shirt.

"Tell me what's wrong," Kendall implored after a few moments of silence. He looked at her kind eyes, fear making his heart beat wildly.

"I c-cant," he said looking away again.

"Remus Lupin," Kendall said, her voice firm but kind. "I love you. You can tell me anything."

Remus swallowed and Kendall leaned over and kissed him, as though hoping this would entice him to tell her what was wrong. She pulled back slightly, but Remus placed his hand on the back of her neck, refusing to let her go. He was afraid it would be the last time he would ever kiss her.

He pressed his lips frantically against hers, his heart rate increasing as Kendall's hands rested against his chest, lightly tugging on the front of his shirt. She pulled her lips away from his, kissing his neck instead.

Coming to his senses, Remus pushed her away. She smiled for a moment before her face fell.

"What's wrong?" she asked, remembering her earlier question before they'd gotten carried away. She brushed her fingers through his hair.

Remus looked at her, searching her eyes. She smiled encouragingly at him. He sighed, taking her hand in his, reveling for a moment in the strange electricity that seemed to flow between them.

"You have to promise not to tell anyone," he said finally, brushing his fingers against hers.

"Of course I won't," Kendall said instantly.

"I have your word you'll never tell a soul what I'm about to say?" he asked. Kendall's face fell again as she noticed the serious look in his eyes.

"I promise," she said, her voice shaking. "Remus, what is it? You're scaring me."

He laughed bitterly, his fingers still moving over Kendall's. His hands were shaking and his heart felt as though it would burst from his chest and fall on the grass right then and there.

"I'm…I'm a werewolf," he said, his voice quiet, his eyes on Kendall's face.

Her face turned incredibly pale, her mouth opening and closing as though she hadn't any idea what to say.

"I was bitten when I was very young," he continued unsteadily. "By a—a werewolf named Fenrir Greyback."

Still, Kendall said nothing. Remus thought her eyes looked rather expressionless considering what he'd just told her.

"Please don't make fun of me, Remus," Kendall said suddenly. "You know I'm terrified of werewolves."

Remus swallowed. She thinks it's a joke?

"I'm not making fun of you," he said, struggling to keep his voice even. "It's true."

"Professor Dumbledore would never let a werewolf come to Hogwarts," she said immediately. "They're dangerous. If parents thought their children were in danger—"

Remus looked away, his eyes stinging with tears. "You think I'm dangerous?" he asked, pulling his hands away.

"You're not a werewolf," she said, as though saying it aloud would make it true.

"Yes," Remus said, meeting her eyes. "I am."

Kendall stared at him, her eyes full of fear. "Bu-but y-you can't be. W-we…" her voice trailed off.

Remus' heart fell. Not only was there fear in her eyes, but there was something more. It looked like disgust.

"Kendall, I love you," he said, trying to blink his tears away.

Suddenly, she got to her feet as though horrified he would attack her there in broad daylight by the Black Lake.

"No, no, no," she repeated as Remus got to his feet. She backed away from him, holding her hands out. Remus stayed where he was, feeling as though someone had filled his insides with lead.

"Please don't be afraid," he said, attempting to keep his voice even. "I'm not—"

"Not what?" she asked, her eyes filling with tears. "Not dangerous?"

He looked down. He knew he couldn't deny it.

"You-you lied to me," Kendall said, covering her mouth as though shocked.

"No, I didn't," he said, feeling indignant.

"You didn't tell me the truth," she said, her hands shaking.

"Kendall, please, you know that's not me. I'd never hurt anyone," Remus told her. Foolishly, he took a step toward her.

"Don't!" she said suddenly, backing away. "I can't be with a—"

"A what?" he asked, truly angry now. "A monster?"

Kendall's eyes were wide with terror. Remus looked away again.

"Fine," he said. "I know what I am. I just thought you were different."

Without responding, Kendall hurried away, her sobs echoing down the lawn as she ran up to the castle. Remus turned to face the Black Lake, his eyes not seeing what was in front of him. The tears were falling too fast.