A/N:
So, here's G..chapter...7?! I think, anyways...enjoy!
G is for god
"Do you believe in god?" Emmett asked me one day, while we were sitting out in the sunshine, enjoying this free day to ourselves. The rest of the family had gone out individually - Alice had gone shopping, and had dragged Esme with her, and Carlisle had taken Edward and Jasper to a conference with him, at some new medical center that had just opened. Emmett and I stayed home, taking advantage of the little privacy we had been given.
So when he asked this question, seemingly out of the blue, it caught me off guard. I shrugged, contemplating, and then finally when I gave my answer, I still wasn't sure.
"I don't know," I said slowly, trying to gather my thoughts into a coherent sentence. "I thought I did, once, when I was human...I went to church, and I prayed, when I was dying..I don't know." I shook my head, confused. "Why do you ask? Do you?"
Emmett sat up a little straighter, nodding his head certainly. "Of course I do!"
"How can you be so certain?" I ask him, trying to wrap my mind around the idea of a greater being, someone being in control of everyone, in charge of life, death, and everything in between? And if god is so good, then why are there children dying all over the world, when I got a second chance? Why are there babies starving? Why are murderers getting away with their crimes, while the innocent keep on dying?
"In my childhood, I prayed every night for a better life. I prayed that I'd wake up, and that our house would be clean and new and Mom wouldn't have to work so damn hard, and I prayed that my brothers and sisters wouldn't have to teach each other because we couldn't go to school. One day, I went out hunting. And while I was there, I got mauled by a bear."
"Emmett," I interrupt, bewildered. "I know this story. Why are you telling me it again?"
"Just listen," he says easily, and I nod an okay. "While that bear was fighting me, I stopped. I was too weak, I knew that. I hadn't eaten in days and the bear was easily double the height of me. I stopped, and I prayed. I prayed for forgiveness."
"Forgiveness?"
"Yes, forgiveness. I had spent so much time asking for items that meant nothing - a comfier bed, a nicer gun, better clothes. I never prayed for my safety, and even worse, my family's safety. Now that's all I cared about. I prayed that I'd get the chance to look after them again, and then I prayed for myself. I asked god to help me, to help me live. I asked him to send an angel to rescue me from this beast, and he did."
"I'm not an angel," I smile, leaning my head against his arm.
"You're my angel." He replies instantly, and I can't help my heart swelling. I still don't believe in god, though.
"No," I say, concealing a smile. "I'm not. And I still don't believe in god."
"That's okay," he says slowly, as if thinking about what to say. He repeats it, "That's okay," he continues, "so long as you believe in me."
I smile up at him. He's such a big softie sometimes, honestly. I nod. "I do," I tell him honestly. "I believe in you because you have done more for me than god ever has. Promise that you'll always be here?"
"Babe, I'll always be here. Just remember that."
I close my eyes and let the sunlight wash over my pale face, sighing and hoping vainly that this year a miracle might happen, and my granite skin would finally tan. I feel a presence standing over me and I peek open one eye. Emmett is leaning over me, a goofy smile plastered over his face.
I raise an eyebrow. "What are you doing?"
"Just admiring my wife's beauty," he says. I sigh, and sit up, brushing the blonde strands of hair out of my eyes. I squint at him.
"What do you want?"
Feigning hurt, Emmett clutches his chest and gasps. "I'm offended! Who says I can't just watch my angel while she basks in sunlight?"
"Me," I say, pushing him down again. "It's like a solar eclipse with you leaning over me; there's no sun,"
Putting on his girliest voice, Emmett squeals. "Are you saying I'm..fat?" I don't bother opening my eyes again before replying.
"Yes," I say, stretching my neck. "And before you ask, yes, your butt does look big in those jeans." I notice that Emmett hesistates before he responds to me, and I hope that he's lying down and relaxing like me. I do love playing games with him, but sometimes Emmett needs more entertaining than Renesmee.
"...There's a bug in your hair."
I jump up, and scream. There's. A. BUG. In. My. HAIR.
"Get it out! Emmett! Get it out, get it out, get it out!" I shake my head and run my fingers through the hair quickly, messing it up, but hopefully getting the insect out. Emmett sits on the floor, howling with laughter. I glare at him, and blow the hair out of my face, where it's landed messily. "There was no bug, was there?" I ask.
Emmett struggles to contain his laughter long enough to answer, and shakes his head. "No,"
I smack him with the back of my hand before lying down again, resting my head on his leg. "One more dirty trick and I'll show you what pain really is." I mutter, tracing patterns in his hand.
"Does this count?" Emmett asks. I flutter my eyes open to the sight of his face inches away from mine. He presses his forehead to mine and our lips touch for the briefest time. I look down and let a faint smile wash over my features.
"Yes," I say, kissing him back.
"It was worth it," he says, laughing.
And when I heard that laugh I knew that even if I never believed in god, I would always believe in Emmett, and that was really all I needed.
