Ikkaku rose gracefully with the sun, rolling out of bed and onto the floor with a loud clunk as the limbs he had slept on top of flopped uselessly.
Check that. Yumichika was one to rise gracefully. Ikkaku just rose.
Well, sometimes.
He tried to right himself, but he only succeeded in knocking things about as blood returned to his deadened arms, leaving him unsteady and clumsy.
Damnit, he couldn't even rise period.
"Yumi... Close the curtains, will ya?" It was too bright in here, why did Yumichika always have to leave the window open at night?
He sat up sharply, gasping loudly. Three silent seconds passed, and Ikkaku blinked owlishly. Then his shoulders slumped in despair, and he flopped backwards, shiny head clunking against the floorboards as he went back down too fast.
He gave a low pitiful moan. "Yumiiii..." He gave another moan even though he knew that he was alone in their quarters.
Finally he rolled onto his stomach, still banging his now tingling arms against the ground. He took a look up at Yumichika's calligraphy, hung above their beds.
The symbols of power, the sun, and the dragon, were above Ikkaku's bed, with the symbols of rain and, of course, beauty, above Yumichika's. Beautiful, thick, black kanji, written with Yumichika's smooth, warm hand.
A crumpled hand, cold and pale like a corpse's.
Ikkaku startled violently, hands flying upwards to clumsily cover his eyes. "No, no, no."
Guilt and remorse and despair flooded over him in thick heavy waves. Never had he felt so bad about something that had happened to Yumichika. Never had he felt so accountable, or responsible for his friend's pain. Never had he more wanted to devote all his time to fixing him.
But he had no idea what to do. Never had he felt so helpless. What, Oh what could he do?
He lay there feeling miserable for a while, trying to convince himself that if he was positive, maybe it would help Yumichika. Bad energy wasn't good for the poor thing.
After he finally rose, he scarfed down a quick breakfast of tamago-yaki and a bit of salmon that Yumichika had cooked days ago. He put some of the egg and some rice into a box with the fish, before realizing the Yumichika wouldn't be able to eat it quite yet. He gave up quickly and focused on getting out of their rooms and rushing to see Yumichika.
In his hurry to leave to go visit his friend, he attempted to throw on his dirty clothes from the day before, but that proved impossible as they were nothing more than tatters.
Ten minutes later he was bursting into the clinic. Two minutes after that he was fumbling over a weak, incoherent Yumichika.
"Madarame Ikkaku. Juu-ichi-ban tai sanban-seki, please listen... Bring... Bring him to me... Please."
Ikkaku frowned in distress as Yumichika still was unable to see him, those glistening violet eyes filmed over. He gently lifted a hand to close the lids over those orbs, warning Yumichika of the contact by first touching his hair and sliding his hand over his forehead and down over his eyes.
"It's me, Yumichika, I'm here, It's Ikkaku."
"Ikkaku,"
"Yes, I'm here, it's me," Ikkaku said, wincing at his panicked-sounding voice.
"... Good," Yumichika said, sighing, unseeing eyes drifting open before closing once again. "I thought you weren't going to come..."
And his friend looked so small and helpless in his hospital bed, his voice desolate and void of hope. "I thought you had forgotten about... about me. I thought you weren't... going to come.."
Ikkaku's heart broke a little in his chest, his eyebrows clenching together in anguish,"Of course I came ta' see ya'. Had ta' make sure ya' were doin' alright.."
"You worried about me..." Yumichika's mouth twitched into a wretched attempt at a smile, and Ikkaku couldn't tell if that had been a question or a tentative statement.
"Of course I did, I care about'cha."
Yumichika's eyes blinked stickily, and after a second, he said in a rather delusional, almost comatose state, "I was sure that you weren't coming... I hoped for so long... I was sure that you weren't coming," he repeated, speaking very very slowly and monotonously. "I called, but you didn't come."
Ikkaku frowned, suddenly feeling eager to make it up to Yumichika for some odd reason, even though the long waiting period that Yumichika had experienced had been a delusion. Ikkaku had been there just a few hours ago, last night in fact.
"Yumichika, I was here yesterday." Yumichika didn't seem to hear him.
"At first I thought that you would... but you didn't... I hoped for so long," he repeated again, eyes drifting to the area where Ikkaku's voice had emanated from.
"Yumi, I'm here now."
"Yes... Yes, that's right. You came to get me." His voice flickered, and his eyes cleared a bit, one of them leaking a bit of teary mucus onto his cheek.
"Yeah, I got ya', you idiot." Ikkaku laughed nervously in relief, wiping him with a tissue.
"Good," Yumichika sighed contentedly, eyes fluttering shut once again, and his whole body seemed more limp than before, sinking into the bed.
Ikkaku cupped Yumichika's hand with his two larger ones, curling his friend's fingers into a loose fist. He warmed and stroked his knuckles and palm with his calloused hands, watching the small movement of Yumichika's stomach, rising and sinking with his breath.
After about ten minutes, Ikkaku was sure that Yumichika was asleep, and eased out of his chair to go find Unohana-Taichou. Yumichika jolted in his bed, whimpering and scrambling around with his hands.
He gasped continually, struggling to sit up in his bed, yanking his arms against the tubes and needles and tape all over him. When he still didn't feel Ikkaku's presence anywhere near, unable to see that he was still right there, he panicked further.
"I- Ii- Ikka-" he began hyperventilating, breaths coming short and forced, chest convulsing from effort. Ikkaku's heart jerked and began pumping rapidly as Yumichika's breaths cut off. A gurgling noise came from Yumichika's mouth as he tried to draw breathe, sucking down his closed throat, but receiving no air.
Yumichika was panicking.
This had happened in the past in moments of high stress, but never as bad as this where he had become so stressed that his muscles locked, and he was unable to breathe. Ikkaku was stricken.
Yumichika's head fell back, body stiffening up, muscles straining as he retched for air.
"Yumi, Yumi, stop," Ikkaku began patting Yumichika on the chest and the side of the face, "Yumi, what's wrong!?"
Yumichika was convulsing in his panic, body jerking, eyes rolling back as though he were seizing. His lips were beginning to turn blue.
"No, no, Yumichika, breathe, breathe love, Come on-" Ikkaku's voice rose hysterically, not knowing what to do, "Just breathe, what's the matter?! Calm down, I'm right here, I won't let anything happen to you!"
Yumichika began gasping, drenched in sweat, gripping Ikkaku's wrists like a vise.
Ikkaku dropped his forehead down onto Yumichika's chest in considerable relief, and the smaller man relaxed further at the closer contact trying to pin his head there with his weak arms. He rubbed Yumichika's stomach in soothing circles, attempting to relax his diaphragm.
"Wha' was that abou', ya' idiot, yer' scarin' me ta' death," Ikkaku growled, not unkindly, reverting back to his old childhood pattern of speech. "Wha's the matter wit' ya'?"
Yumichika continued to gasp, breaths sounding similar to weeping, shuddery and thin, but without the sorrow or the tears.
Ikkaku's heart eventually slowed as he felt soft but clumsy hands stroking his head. More gently he inquired, "Yumi? Are you okay? What's wrong?"
Yumichika's breathing slowed down a little bit, but his gasping continued, "Not safe... 'M not safe... Y-" He began to panic again, "Don't leave me here... I'm- 'm Not safe here!" His voice cracked and rasped, and his fingers dug into the fabric of Ikkaku's clothing, "I need y- I need you to-" He gasped out, struggling to breathe once again, beginning to blubber and shake, "You have to stay, or he'll get me,"
His whole body shuddered, breathing hard, before his back arched off the bed horribly. Ikkaku knew what was going to happen a moment before it did, grabbing a near container. He slid an arm behind Yumichika's back and supported him as he violently expelled the liquid nutrients that the IV's had been filling him with.
Ikkaku stroked his hair as he retched, and held his face to his chest after his convulsing had ceased.
Frankly, he was scared out of his mind that Yumichika hadn't made a comment about being too hideous to be seen, or being embarrassed about vomiting basically next to Ikkaku. He hadn't said a word about vanity or anything of the sort, and this was so uncharacteristic of him that Ikkaku was very worried as to Yumichika's current state of mind.
Especially since he seemed to think that someone was after him and that he was in danger. And on top of that, the fear was distressing him to the point of spasms.
Continuing to stroke Yumichika's face and hold him against his body, he moved the soiled bowl to a nearby table, deciding not to buzz for the healers just yet.
"No one's gonna' get ya', I'm right here. I won't let anything happen," he held Yumichika's head to his warm chest, stroking his sweaty forehead and hair.
Yumichika's trembling slowly ceased, and again, Ikkaku was sure that he had fallen to sleep. He was startled when Yumichika spoke.
"No one... can protect me from fear," He said in a way that sent chills down Ikkaku's spine. A terrible feeling of foreboding and apprehension took over Ikkaku, and he felt a doomed sense of dread settle on his shoulders. "But if you stay, maybe he will leave me alone."
"What are you talking about, sweetheart," he said hurriedly and nervously, pet name slipping out.
"You can't leave me... alone... I'm not safe, Ikkaku. He's gonna' get me."
"He's dead, Yumichika... You're safe, no one's coming for you, You're safe," Ikkaku rubbed his head absently, stroking his cheek more than his hair.
"No," Yumichika said in a ghastly and haunted manner, and his blind eyes looked directly at Ikkaku, scaring him half to death, "No... You're wrong. Fear is always with us. You can't leave me alone... You have to... keep me safe. Please, I never ask anything of you, but please protect me, please," he whispered, sounding choked up.
He truly began to drift into sleep now, "Ikkaku... Ikkaku... hh-"
"Of course I will. Won't let anyone touch ya'." Ikkaku turned the drugs down - they were messing with Yumichika's head.
Although he felt bad about breaking his word to Yumichika, even if he'd fallen asleep before hearing his promise, he wormed his way out from Yumichika's grip and sought out Unohana.
"That dope is makin' him paranoid, he's not thinking straight. An' why can't e' see still?" he asked bluntly. Unohana did not smile.
"Side effects, Madarame-san. If we were to take him off it to allow him his sight, he would be in a considerable more amount of pain and mental distress."
"He's in both now, anyways.."
"He sustained massive injuries, reportedly from a doppelgänger of yourself," Unohana replied sweetly to his disrespectfulness. "Isn't that convenient that only your captain can vouch for you, and that the criminal looks exactly like you?"
Ikkaku turned away sharply, eyes wide, heart clenching. "That's not- I'd never... It wasn't me."
A shrill scream was heard from down the hall, and everything around him... began to crumble...
