Disclaimer: I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean, or any other movie/tv/book franchise I may happen to spoof here. Evidently I don't even own any more amusing disclaimers.

Thank you all so much for all the wonderful reviews!

General Address: Someone graciously tried to include a link to the DMC script in their review. Sadly, I believe has some kind of blocker to filter out links in reviews, because the link isn't there. Thanks for trying! Someone else graciously volunteered to send me the link. Thank you! I'll look for it next time I check my email (which I don't often get to do, due to reasons that are too mundane to include in this General Address). And I do happen to know who Jacoby is. Look for him in future chapters. ;)

On to Chapter the 7th, loyal readers!


Will: We're going to steal that ship?

Jack: First of all, I don't like to call it stealing. Second of all, yes.

Will: What do you like to call it?

Jack: Commandeering.

Will: OK, then. We're going to commandeer that ship?

Jack: We're going to commandeer that ship. One question, boy. How far are you willing to go to save this girl?

Will: I'd die for her.

Jack: Oh, good. No worries, then.

Jack and Will sneak under a small fishing boat and carry it into the water. They drag the upside-down boat underwater, trapping a pocket of air beneath it, allowing themselves to breathe.

Will: You know, in real life this would never work. The buoyancy of this air pocket would far outweigh the force we are exerting in pulling it down, and said boat would simply drag us back to the surface.

Jack: Do you want to save Elizabeth or not?

Will: Yes.

Jack: Then just keep walking.

They board the Dauntless.

Jack: Everyone stay calm! We are taking over the ship!

Will: Aye! Avast!

Jack: Avast?

Will: Isn't that what pirates say?

Jack: In another dimension, maybe.

Gillette: This ship cannot be crewed by two men. You'd never make it out of the bay. Also, I am a snotty snob.

Jack threatens Gillette with his pistol.

Jack: Son. . .I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. Savvy?

Audience: Woot!

Gillette and his men disembark into a small boat. If commandeering a ship is that easy. . .

Gillette alerts Norrington to the crisis. Norrington makes chase, onboard the appropriately-named Interceptor. They catch up and board the Dauntless, whilst Jack and Will board the Interceptor. Norrington notices the trick. His men. . .well. . .one of his men tries to reboard the Interceptor, but his aim is way off. Poor guy.

Jack: Thank you, Commodore, for getting us ready to make way! We'd have a hard time of it by ourselves!

Norrington (to his men): Get them in range of the guns with a funny name.

Groves: We open fire on our own ship, sir?

Norrington: I'd rather see her at the bottom of the ocean than in the hands of a pirate.

Does that go for Elizabeth, too, Norrington?

Sailor: Commodore, he's disabled the rudder chain, sir!

Groves: That's got to be the best pirate I've ever seen.

Norrington: So it would seem. It would also seem that my hair has been mussed again by all this running about. Fetch me a comb!

Meanwhile, onboard the Interceptor. . .

Will "Not a Simpleton" Turner: You knew my father.

Jack: I knew 'im. Probably one of the few who knew him as William Turner. Everyone else just called him Bootstrap or Bootstrap Bill.

Will: Bootstrap?

Jack: Do I stutter? He was a good man. Good pirate. I swear you look just like him.

People in the audience who have seen Dead Man's Chest: No, he doesn't!

Will whines about how his father wasn't a pirate. Jack reiterates that he was. Will draws his sword on Jack, because winning a swordfight makes you right. Jack swings a sail around so the yard catches Will, and swings him out over the ocean. Jack lectures him on philosophy.

Jack: . . .But pirate is in your blood, boy, so you'll have to square with that someday.

Foreshadowing, Foreshadowing, Foreshadowing.

Jack swings the sail back. Will drops back onboard.

Jack: Can you sail under the command of a pirate, or can you not?

He offers him his sword. Will takes it.

Will: Turtle?

Jack: What?

Will: Well, Tortuga means turtle in Spanish.

Jack: Yes, but Tortuga is the proper name.

Will: Fine. Tortuga?

Jack: Tortuga.


I hope you liked it!

Note: I don't really think of Will as whiny, but it sure is fun to parody him as whiny. :)

More to come!