Disclaimer: I don't own Dark Angel, Supernatural or Dr. Who nor do I make any money from this. It's all for fun!
Take Me Down With You
Chapter 7 – Psy-Ops Training May Come in Handy
'We need more. More of us.' The Angels demanded. As much as Alec was now their leader, he was also their slave. He walked, almost without any decision of his own, to another statue in the cemetery. He slid his palm along the sharp edge of the scythe and laid his bloody hand on the statue. After a few moments, a new voice joined the chorus in his head and it moved slowly as it was woken from its catatonic state.
"NOOOO!" a high shrill scream resonated in his head. It wasn't an Angel, it wasn't a Demon. It wasn't even Logan, who he heard the occasional echo of, or Max, who sounded even fainter in his head.
'She is here, but she no longer controls us. You set us free,' the chorus responded.
In his mind, Alec saw a dim vision of a red-headed woman he didn't recognize. Her voice was hard to distinguish but he heard through the din. 'You don't know what you've done!'
'It's getting crowded in here,' Alec thought as he settled behind a broken wall in his own mind, hiding from the chorus of voices. He was exhausted. The sudden surge of power that had burst through him had made him feel invincible at first, but also made him exhausted. It was a feeling he wasn't used to. He looked out through a crack in the broken wall and could see the Angels that had been awoken standing frozen, exactly like those in the cemetery. Their petrified faces locked in expressions of horror – long sharp teeth protruding like some granite Nosferatu seeking their next victim. The thought reminded him of the old man in the cemetery he'd just killed; his blood still wet on the scythe Alec's physical body held. How could he have done that?
Logan and Max would never forgive him. He didn't think he could forgive himself. He'd been trained as an assassin, but this was different. He hadn't been in control. It hadn't been his choice and the man had harmed no one. And there was one other undeniable truth…the rush he felt as the man's life was absorbed by the scythe and through Alec out to the Angels was heady. He'd never felt anything like it before. He wanted to feel it again...but he didn't think he could face the cost.
He looked back to the Angels to avoid further thought on the subject.
The Angels in his mind had moved; some were closer, some were farther away as if in search of him. He could hear them calling. After eons of being alone, the Angels had found a way to communicate and be together. They couldn't look at each other, but they could hear each other and all because Alec had joined them and they wanted to be with him. A part of him felt that urge to continue merging with them. He'd never be alone again. He would have somewhere he belonged. Another part of him wanted to run and hide and wait for Logan and Max to find him, because he knew no matter what, they would look for him. They would never leave him in trouble.
He remembered the small bit he'd heard the Doctor say. "They only move when you don't look." Was that true in his mind as well? What would happen if they reached him? Either physically or mentally? He knew the power of the mind. He still had nightmares from his Psy-Ops ordeals and couldn't tell if they were only dreams or memories of things that had actually happened.
He jumped when a dark voice whispered in his ear, 'So this is where you are hiding, little Alec. So like Dean. I wonder if you'll like torturing others as much as he did.'
TWDWYTMDWYTMDWY
TWDWYTMDWYTMDWY
"What's a T.A.R.D.I.S.?" Joshua asked, standing in the doorway with a tray of food. Crowley and the Doctor turned and looked at him.
"What the hell is that?" Crowley asked, staring at the large creature with doglike facial features.
Joshua looked confused at Crowley. "It is mac and cheese," he answered. "You need to eat. Logan is feeling better?" he asked Logan as he sat the tray down. He looked at Logan closely as if to reassure himself that Logan really was okay.
"Can't say that I am, Joshua," Logan replied wearily, "but thanks."
Max got up and patted Joshua on the back. "Thanks, Big Fella."
"Is Medium Fella in trouble?" Joshua asked.
The Doctor and Crowley looked at him.
"He means Alec," Logan explained, waving Max away from the tray. "I can feed myself, Max."
"I'm sorry. I just…I don't know what to do." Max sounded uncharacteristically confused.
"Hey, you bring any for us?" Crowley asked. "I actually think I'm hungry. What a completely annoying feeling."
"No, only Logan. He is hurt. Mac and cheese always make Joshua feel better." Joshua answered. "Is Alec also hurt?"
"That's a good question," Max said, sadly. "I don't really know."
"He is," the Doctor finally chimed in. "He is…for lack of a better word…infected. Only Max and Logan can save him, I think."
"Why us?" Logan asked, attempting to take a bite. He really wasn't hungry, but he didn't want to hurt Joshua's feelings.
"He loves you," Joshua answered. He looked at the Doctor. "You said love would fix Alec? Then Little Fella and Logan can cure him fast."
TWDWYTMDWYTMDWY
TWDWYTMDWYTMDWY
'Alec – what are you doing hiding back here?' the voice that sounded like Crowley asked. 'You have all these…beings just waiting to do your bidding. You have me at your side. We could do great things.'
Alec looked up, but only saw a dark shadow, vaguely human-shaped. It glided slowly through the air, undulating around him. The rest of the landscape was vaguely like Manticore after the walls were blown up. Alec was hiding, crouched behind the remnant of a cement wall. He knew this wasn't the real world. He'd been in enough Psy-Ops sessions to recognize his own head. This is where he hid his memories. He'd hidden Rachel well enough, even if Manticore had managed to batter through most of his defenses.
This creature had just slid through it. It was incorporeal. It oozed around him sensuously. Alec tried to wipe it off and it just slithered and wrapped around him in another place.
'So what is it that you really want?' it asked.
Alec tried very hard not to think of anything. It was as useless as trying not thinking of the Sta-Puff Marshmallow Man. And that thought led him right back to the memories he was trying not to think of. It was of the three of them watching "Ghostbusters." It had been one of the first nights Alec realized how much he wanted them. The movie itself was funny and enjoyable but afterwards Logan had thanked him for finding it. He had regaled Max and Alec with his memories of watching movies with his mother while he was still young. It had been one of his mother's "guilty pleasures" and they had watched it together many times.
Alec had never heard Logan discuss fond memories of his family. Just listening made Alec want to know what that had felt like – having a family. The way Logan's face had lit up with that gorgeous smile he so rarely bestowed on anyone, but had graced Alec with, had made Alec want to pull Logan into his arms and kiss him thoroughly. Seeing Max with the same joy as she watched Logan's happiness had made him want to wrap her into his arms as well. She really seemed to be genuinely happy that Logan was happy and she didn't seem to care that she hadn't been the one to put that smile on his face. He had never how wonderful it felt just making someone that happy could be until that moment. He felt a relaxation he'd never experienced before and he never wanted it to end.
The black entity found the thread of memory and followed it down. Alec could almost feel it slithering deeper and he tried to blank his mind like he'd learned in Psy-Ops.
Damn…
This thing was already inside him, it could probably easily find Alec's greatest fears and his greatest desires and Alec would do anything to protect…
Suddenly a rush of images flashed by his mind, as if Crowley were flipping through an old photo album: Logan and Max making love as Alec watched them from the roof – alone and abandoned; Max refusing to mate with him the first time in Manticore even though she was made for him; how he almost killed Logan and then how he watched them suffer with their inability to touch and trying uselessly not to feel guilty; how he watched Asha long for Logan and finally began to wonder why both Max and Asha seemed so taken with the Ordinary until he finally began watching Logan himself.
He didn't know when he'd begun seeing Logan less as an adversary for Max and more of someone he wanted for himself. He watched them almost relentlessly, wanting what they had. He became so attuned to them he could pick their scent out from several rooms away in a crowded bar. He wanted the same passion they shared with each other and it infuriated him when they didn't respond. There were nights he would stand by Logan's bed, jerking off while the man slept, imagining taking him right there. And he could have. Logan could never have defended himself against Alec. He'd never come as hard as when he imagined Logan waking up as Alec stood over him, pinning his hands to the bed. Logan would at first fight him off, but then eventually surrender so sweetly to Alec as Max encouraged Alec to fuck Logan harder from the corner of the darkened room. He stood there imagining that more nights than he could remember and Logan would sleep right through it. He always felt guilty afterwards, knowing something wasn't quite right with what he was doing, but he couldn't fully understand what was wrong with it. He wanted Logan, but at least he hadn't acted on his fantasies.
He could have never have done that with Max due to her enhanced senses, but he imagined it all the same. And he hadn't been able to do anything much lately since Max had all but moved in with Logan. Alec had felt lost. He'd never known family, never had friends, but once he and Joshua had become friendly and Logan had started acting like he cared – even if it was only for Max's sake, Alec didn't know what to do with it. He found himself pretending they loved him like they loved each other and before he knew it, he wanted them for himself. He wanted them by his side forever. That's what love was, right? He wasn't sure. His only experience had been Rachel and that hadn't last long and certainly hadn't turned out well. All he knew was he wanted to be with them and he wanted them with him. As far as he knew, that was love.
'Really…them? That's all you want? So predictable, you humans. You think so small. They are easily gotten,' Crowley promised. 'I can't wait to see how you use them and in return for their…lives…you will become a god for us. But first we have to get rid of this pesky infection you have. That's not love, Alec. They don't love you. They leave you wanting. They taunt you. They tease you and they leave you unsatisfied. They probably laugh about it behind your back, about how you can only come when thinking about them.'
'Crowley' sounded so sure, but Alec thought he knew what love was. And Max and Logan – they'd never intentionally do that, would they? He felt unsure.
'Max knows,' Crowley continued, 'Just as you can smell her interest in Logan, can you not imagine she smells your interest in her – or for that matter her mate? She knows what desire smells like. She has to know what she's doing to you.'
Alec thought about that and realized Crowley was right. Max had to know Alec wanted her; wanted them. And what did she do? Left him behind without so much as an "I'm sorry."
And Logan? What did he know? Alec thought back about how Logan's desire had intensified when Max mentioned Alec's name. Had he been thinking about how he was sticking it to Alec by winning Max out from under him? The dark essence sunk further within him, embedding itself deeper inside of him.
A jealous fury rose within Alec as he thought back. Logan was smart. He was 'Eyes Only'. There was no way he couldn't see what was in front of him. How Alec had almost pathetically thrown himself at the couple and they pretended like they didn't notice it.
'That's only desire. That's lust and power. I saw them in you as soon as I was inside. Felt your reaction when you smelled their sex as you were dragged into the bedroom, recognized your desire, so I forced you to touch Logan. You want what you cannot have – but you can have it. Let's see if we can't dig a little deeper and find what's really buried in there.'
Alec felt those dark wisps of cloying darkness spread throughout him and in a dizzying rush he remembered all the times he'd felt abandoned, lost, angry, hurt, magnified ten times – and almost all those emotions caused by Logan and Max. It was overwhelming.
Like any fire given enough fuel, the rage coursed inside him, consuming him. He was ready to burn. He'd never felt so singularly focused.
'Crowley' almost purred in his ear. 'That's it. I'm done driving for now. Let's see what you can do with this. You can have anything you want. What are you going to get?'
'I want Logan and Max – I want them beneath me. I want them begging for my forgiveness.'
'And you can have that. The Angels have fed enough for now so it's time for us to play. So…how can we find your little toys?'
'Simple, I know where their friends hang out,' Alec said to the entity. He felt himself regain control of his body and he had a purpose. "Follow," he ordered the Angels. When he turned his back on them, they did, hiding in the shadows along the alleyways until they came to the garishly lit bar called Crash.
6
