Naruto

If it weren't for the soft warmth in my hand, the changing pressure and the slight movement which indicated fingers, I would think the man holding my hand was either a figment of my imagination or a dream. My eyes were closed, but I knew who was there. Gaara. My husband. It still seemed so weird, surreal. Wrong, in a way considering the fact only a couple months ago I was a man, a husband with a wife of my own. Me, a wife. So fucking weird. I nearly laughed at the thought. Me, the number one hyperactive ninja, now the first lady of Suna. I did snicker at this.

"Naruto?" His voice was soft, for him. There was a light shiver his voice sent down my spine, the deep gravelly sound was increasingly unnerving to me.

I kept my eyes closed for a moment, letting myself daydream. Pretending I wasn't sick, pretending nothing was wrong. I didn't want to see his worry, or his overly black face. The blank look he gave was just as revealing to me, I knew he was hiding it, his worry. I wanted to reassure him, but I knew I couldn't. I wasn't ready to face him, not with this. Not the possibility of him being a widower, being a single father. I couldn't think about the possibility of losing her. Not my precious baby girl, I couldn't...

I opened my eyes and smiled at him. Damn, he was beautiful though. Even with that damned blank expression, his skin was like porcelain, pure, pale. His bright hazel, pupil-less eyes made brighter by the rings around them. I studied this face, this beautiful face. Even if it were for a short time, this face belonged to the one person I wanted to spend my days with. All of them, no matter how many more there were left for me. My heart clenched, and I heard the change in the monitor. I sighed, annoyed by the machine, the way I couldn't hide my own damn heart rate. "Hey." For once I didn't know what to say. I licked my lips as I continued to stare at him.

He remained silent, his gaze unchanging, blank. Porcelain. Perfect. Why did he have to be so damned perfect? After a long silence, he broke our gaze and his eyes moved down my body and settled on... The baby? Maybe? I wasn't sure, but I swear I caught him feeling for her a few days ago. If he had, he hadn't made another attempt since. Since our initial talk, with him letting me know he knew about my wish and him learning I knew we were married he had barely said a word. It wasn't needed, and I'm sure he was at just as much a loss as I was.

Wife. Like I really knew anything about being a damn wife. Hell, I was never even a descent husband, but Hinata always freaked me out a little. I never had a close example of how to be. What was I supposed to do? Hinata was quiet, attentive and left me alone while she took care of our children. Caring, perfect, allowed me my absence without question.

I was terrible to her in return.

I wanted to be better for him, and I doubted I could be as great a wife as Hinata had been. I wasn't sure I could leave him be, let him stay away, let him... Wallow I guess.

Then I might not even have much longer to be clingy. Why did I feel so clingy? Would the desire last?

Would I freak out again once I had the baby and had him to myself? Would I...

"Naruto." He spoke my name again.

I smiled again and hummed at him, hoping my worry wasn't apparent.

"We need to name you."

Huh? "What do you mean?" I had a name, why would he want to do that?

His hand slipped out of mine and he frowned. "I cannot present you to the people of Suna as Naruto, they would easily figure out who you are, even without the Uzumaki attached."

My eyes widened. I hadn't thought of that. I... I wasn't an Uzumaki anymore. Naruto Uzumaki. Me. My name. Now, not only did I have to drop the Uzumaki, I would have to drop my first name as well? Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. That gods be damned heart monitor decided to betray me again.

"You didn't think of this." His voice was low, too low.

Damn it. "No." It was pointless to lie to him. Not with this stupid lie detector connected to me.

He looked away from me. "Here, with me, you shall always be Naruto." He paused. "You can pick it, your name, if you want."

Pick my own name? Simple, Naruto. It's my name, will always be my name. I sighed. I wanted to argue. It probably didn't even matter. I might be his wife, but would the people of Suna ever even see me? Would I be anything more than 'the dead wife and mother of the Kazekage's daughter'? I felt sick. I couldn't stop thinking about it, the possibility. I didn't want... I couldn't... Hell, it didn't matter. My name. What they called me, I didn't really fucking care. I felt numb. Hope. I wanted it, I did, but... This, all this was more than I had bargained for. I was worse off than I thought I would ever be. If I didn't make some miracle recovery in the next month or so then- "What is my last name now anyway?" Don't think. Don't think. Don't think.

"Last name?"

"I'm not Uzumaki, you said it yourself."

A moment of silence, a slight tilt of his head. "You are part of the Kazekage family. People here do not hold honorifics unless they have a specific professional achievement. My prowess with sand earned me the title early in life. I think I was seven when I received it." His monotonous tone made the seriousness more profound. I was... A nothing. I would have no identity here beyond 'Kazekage's wife' then?

I sighed. "I get it. No family or clan name for me then."

"I apologize for this, Naruto." He took a breath. "I think my family removed their family name when they laid claim to the title here. This was generations ago, there is no record of what the name may have been."

I stared at him a moment. There was something hidden in this statement. "You've looked?"

His shoulders barely moved in a shrug, no words in answer. His eyes moved away from me, towards the door. He was thinking about leaving again. He had been doing it more and more often. "I once wondered why we were only known as the family of the Kazekage while the rest of our ninja and people had family groups. There are some groups simply known as 'of Suna' but many have family groups, though some change it upon the entrance of status. I held tightly onto my honorific as something to set myself apart from my siblings and my father, but now I find the Kazekage title to be fitting for me."

I had nothing to say to this, his sudden confession had taken me by surprise. Kazekage. His title. He wanted to share it with me, as his wife. Wife, me. So fucking weird. If I managed to live through all this shit, I had no idea if I would ever quite get used to it. "Hey, how about you pick it. My name. Make it seem local or something." I surprised myself with the words, the casualness of it. Was I really going to give up even this aspect of control in my life?

Yes. Why not? Hadn't I taken his freedom of choice from him as well? It was the least I could freaking do. Besides, I was curious. What would he think was pretty? What would he think a worthy name would be for the wife of the Kazekage? It was perhaps this one thought which made me say it. The thought was fleeting, but prominent.

His eyes slid back towards me. "Name my own wife?" His voice lightened and his face lit, just a little. But it lightened, I seen it. A tiny, pure smile graced his pale lips. "Perhaps I shall." He looked back to the door. He still wanted to leave.

"You got something to do or something Gaara? Kinda obvious you want to leave, tsch." I narrowed my eyes at him.

His body stiffened, but he didn't look back to me. "I did not mean to be so obvious."

I frowned at him, though he couldn't see my disappointment. "Then go." I didn't mean for it to sound as harsh as it came out.

He flinched at my voice, but didn't respond to me. He simply stood and left the room. Silently. Without looking at me. The only thing left was the resounding sound of the door clicking shut. Great. Piss off the guy who only came down because my idiot clone showed up.

Speaking of idiot clones, where the hell was he anyway? If he wasn't here, and he wasn't with Gaara, where had he fucking gone? I groaned. I seriously hoped he was over whatever the hell had gotten into him in Konoha. Suna was larger, there were more people to cause complete chaos if he decided to go all out. Yet...

I think he was smart enough not to piss off Gaara. Which made me wonder what he might be up to. I sighed. Great. Not only did I have to worry about what the lech was doing, but what Gaara was running away from. Or to. What the hell. Couldn't he just tell me what was on his mind? Didn't we get past all this shit of him running away from me?

Sure Naruto, you're one to freaking talk, you hid from the guy for five months while you were freaking out about turning into a damn girl and getting pregnant with his baby. So what if he wanted to hide for a little bit? Who cared? Stop being a damn hypocrite.

Except.

I was running out of time.

Running out of time to be with him. To experience him, to have him, to- My vision blurred. "Shit." My mind was going there again.

Death. I could die. In less than two months, I could be dead and there was nothing I could do to stop it. To make it better. To prepare him. Why? Why couldn't this just be easy? Why couldn't I have this? Him, the baby, the chance at making him the family he so deserved to have?

More importantly, why couldn't he have this? Why did he always lose out, why him? Why always the fuck him? He had to know. The possibility of me dying. He had to know. I needed to have this. Moments. I wanted these moments. Not just for me, but for him. What if I died before we ever even kissed? I knew him well enough he wouldn't just go and get remarried. I was probably it for him. His one chance at experiencing something like a relationship. I wanted him to experience everything he could. Less than two months to fit in as much as my body could allow. I could fix him dinner if I could just get my body healed enough to move. I could kiss him, I could lay with him, just to hold him. Tell him I love him. Tell him-

My thoughts were taken over by a pain which ebbed up through my chest, to my throat and ended in a deep sob. Damn it. None of this was fair.

Why...

Why couldn't I...

I pulled my hands to my face and buried it, allowing the pain I felt to come in tears. He wasn't here to see it.

I wouldn't let him see it.

Not this.

Never this.

...

I felt numb. Temari came and left. Kankuro came and left. Some girl, who I assumed was my nurse considering she felt around on my stomach while she was in the room came and left. I either slept, or stared at the swirl on the ceiling. I wasn't in the mood. I didn't want to talk. Not to anyone. I couldn't get the pain to go away, I didn't know how to make it stop. It wasn't a physical pain, but one deep inside my chest. The one which was a constant reminder I was going to lose everything. That Gaara was going to lose everything.

I was going to die. I could feel it. Hopeless. Everything was pointless. I existed only to house this tiny being growing inside me. I would leave to make room for her in this world. While it scared the hell out of me, I didn't want to die, hell I really didn't want to, but she deserved it. This little thing. This little girl. Gaara's baby, his daughter, our daughter deserved life. If it meant mine had be given in order for her to live, then it must be the price I paid.

I didn't however, have to be happy about it. So I stayed there. Staring at the spiral. Listening to the soothing beeps of my heart, reminding me I was not yet dead. Sleeping when I did neither of these things. If Gaara had come in I didn't know it. I didn't feel the heat of his hand. I didn't hear his voice. He was not there. I was alone. Again, I was alone.

Numb.

Couldn't I have just a little time? A little time to pretend to be normal? Could we not lay in the same bed? Could he not hold me, could I not comfort him, could we not be excited for our daughter, could we not shop for her, to hold hands, to decorate her room, to fuss over names, to kiss... To kiss? To feel his lips on mine. His beautiful, perfect pale lips. Were they as soft as I imagined, or would they be rough like his sand? Would he be gentle, or rough? Both? I wanted him to kiss me. I deserved to be kissed by him before I die.

I was going to die. This was the form my thoughts circled. Desire, depression, hope, hopeless. How long had it been since he left me? Why had he left? I don't think it was malicious. I don't think he meant to be gone as long as he had. But, why had he left? Did he need more time to process me, the baby?

I wanted to know. I couldn't ask. I couldn't bring myself to even talk to Temari when she was in here and I had a descent relationship with her. At least, I think we have a descent relationship. I sighed. I shouldn't do what I was thinking of doing.

I really shouldn't...

But...

I sighed and brought my hand up to my chest. I was going to die anyway, so what the hell? I concentrated my chakra in my hand. Cross my fingers, just like.. and then... Pompf. My vision blurred, I barely made out the sight of myself before my vision went.

...

I woke with a gasp, a flood of memory shooting through my mind.

I stood next to my own bed and nearly fell over from the exhaustion. "Damn. Even like this I'm still so damn weak. Sure, this will be so damned easy Naruto. Let's fucking make a clone to go spy on our husband, easy. Tsch. Whatever." I groaned, took a deep breath and forced myself on my feet. Weak. Even as a clone, I was weak. Great. This was going to be so damned easy. He was going to see me from a damned mile like this. Hell with it. I already was here, might as well go for it. I pushed myself away from the bed and stumbled to the door. My legs could barely hold my own weight and the annoyance from not being able to stand without the help of a wall or door handle was starting to get to me. I took a deep breath and turned the handle I was using for balance and fell through the door the moment it opened. I landed on the ground with a light thud and groaned. Graceful.

"I do hope you realize Father is going to kill you when he sees you." A slightly dark, monotonous voice sounded from above me and I stiffened. Wrong monotonous voice. Related, however.

I looked up to the boy standing above me and gave my best smile. "Hey! How you doin' Shinki?"

He stared at me, a frown on his face. He wasn't wearing his usual face makeup and to be honest I don't think I had seen him without it since he'd been a tiny shit. "You aren't even a real person, so I refuse to answer your question."

My smile fell. Wonderful, kid was going to be a smart-ass. "Will ya help me up anyway?"

"He is just going to kill you." He folded his arms.

"At least I will know where he is when I die then. Just help me up." I raised up my arm and wiggled my fingers.

He sighed. "Whatever, I don't even care." He leaned down and I was hoisted easily to my feet.

"Woah, man you've gotten strong." I worked at balancing myself and half fell on him.

"You've gotten light." He grabbed me by the shoulders and pried me away from him. "Grab the railing. Father is downstairs, I'm not going to be part of this." He let me go, held up his hand and disappeared into his room.

Smooth, Naruto. Maybe you should think next time. This kid is Gaara's son. His son, and I'm married to Gaara, so therefore he's my son now? I sighed. Great. I looked down at my body and realized I made myself as I was now, to a degree. I was in a hospital gown, and while I didn't have my baby bump in this form, I still was pretty damn girly. I've gotten light huh? Just how much of my mass had I lost anyway? I looked over to the staircase to my left. Downstairs. I groaned. Why did Gaara have to live in a fucking tower anyway? "Thanks, kid." I said it to the air, in case he somehow heard me, and took a deep breath. Down the dang stairs then. I leaned on the railing and moved towards it. The benefit though of being in this sort of building, every hall was equipped with a full railing. Yay for me, I had something to hold onto to keep myself from killing myself before I found my prey.

Yes, this is what I was brought to be. A hunter. My husband was my prey, and I would stalk and find my prey even if it meant my sure death. I wondered how it would come, the thoughts of the many ways of sandy death etched into my mind as my legs tried to buckle beneath me with every descent of stair. Concentrate. Move. Don't fall. Keep moving. I had to know what happened to Gaara. Was he just working, or was he avoiding me again? How long had it even been? I hadn't even seen Temari in a while. What was going on? What was he up to? I just needed...

I needed him. I wanted to see him. Even if it were through me, my memory would end back up in me, and I would remember. I would know. It was worth the phantom pain of death, worth getting him angry just to know. Concentrate. Move. Don't fall. Another hallway. The next floor would be the hardest. I would have to go around the entire room in order to hold onto the counter top, or I would have to chance making a run towards the table.

Stairs. More damn stairs. Seriously, why did he have to live here? I sighed and made my way down, trying to keep my mind occupied so I could keep my concentration on my feet. It really wouldn't be all that great to fall down and pop before I reached Gaara. Step, stair, step. What would I say to him once I found him? Pretend to be an angry housewife and put my hands on my hips, scold him for being away for so long? What a sight that would be. I snickered. Just for the fun of it, I just might.

Kitchen. Damn, this thing was huge. I scanned the room, annoyed the fridge was the closest thing to the door, and noticed part of the counter was missing. Missing? What the hell happened there? I groaned. This removed the counter as being my brace. I stared at the table halfway across the room. I could do this. I could make it. I could... I lunged forwards, letting go of the railing. My legs threatened to give out, but I managed to keep them moving. How, I wasn't sure. Just a bit further... I half landed on the table. "Made it!" I half laughed at the accomplishment and realized how sad my life had become. Simply making it to a table had become a victory. Oh well, small steps I guess.

I stared at the staircase beyond the table. Halfway across the room. This one would be trickier. I could make it and not kill myself in the process, couldn't I? It was just... A few feet... I could... I took a deep breath and pushed myself forward. I half tripped on my feet, but managed to grab hold of the railing. I did it! I made it to the stairs. With a soft sigh I moved my leg to the first stair, but underestimated the amount of time I needed to rest before moving. My leg gave out from beneath me and I found myself falling. "Shit." Either I would be in for a world of pain, or would simply pop before I reached the bottom. Everything spun, pain erupted through my shoulders, my back, my legs and arms as I covered my head, hoping to make it down the stairs in one piece. Soon, there was a deep, jarring pain which shot up through my spine and I realized I had made it to the bottom. I groaned and opened my eyes. I gasped when I did. "Sensei?" No way. No freaking way. Kakashi was here? Why didn't anyone say he was here? And Gaara he-

"Clone." Gaara bit the word out and I barely had time to react as sand pierced through my chest, and everything darkened.

My back arched as a sharp pain shot from my chest then through my back, and faded as the memory of being killed ended the vision. I groaned at the residual pain from being killed and falling down the stairs. So, Kakashi was here? Why would he be here?

I didn't have time to think about it as the door slammed open and I found myself face to face with a very angry looking Gaara. Sand spun around his feet and his expression for once reflected his emotion. Shit. I pissed him off. I seriously pissed him off. "Hey, Gaara, let's talk about this." I couldn't keep the fear out of my voice. What did I think he was going to do? He wouldn't kill me, would he? I'm his wife, I'm still pregnant, he wouldn't do that, would he?

He growled at me. "A clone, Naruto? Are you trying to kill yourself?" The sand crept up his legs and flowed agitating around him.

I swallowed. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. "You were gone." Reason. I had a reason.

"A week, only a week. After the Hokage left, I would have been back." His voice began to raise, his anger flowing into his tone.

Seriously? He had been gone a freaking week? A month and a half now? Was this all I had left with him? "How was I supposed to know that?" My voice raised to meet his. "You never mentioned it, you just fucking left me!"

"I have work I need to do, I am the Kazekage, I can't just sit in here catering to you." The sand started to whip around him furiously, up to his chest now.

"You could have at least mentioned it, you fucking bastard!"

"It did not concern you."

"I am your damn wife, how does it not concern me?" I gave an exasperated groan, all my worries flooding my mind. Month and a half. Six weeks. Death. Baby. Losing time. "Why can't you at least start acting like it? We should have some time together, we should pick out names, do couple stuff, you could at least kiss me before I fucking die in a few damn weeks!" I regretted the words the moment they left my mouth. I widened my eyes, not meaning to express my thoughts on my own demise.

The sand snapped forward and there was a loud boom just behind my head as it smashed the wall behind me. Sand was everywhere and I felt my body pulled forward and I realized he was there, holding onto my hospital gown. I could see the muscle in his jaw jump, his eyes narrow. "You. Are. Not. Going. To. Die." He bit the words out, his grip tightening on me towards the end.

I whimpered and pushed against him, but before I could connect I fell back to the bed and I was thankful for all the pillows Temari had piled onto it. With a grand swirl of sand he was gone.

Well, this went well.

I groaned. "Shit."

Author's Note

I know, another breakdown of communication, but it's the one thing neither of them wanted to fully confront and Naruto forced the issue out into the open. I will try to get the next chapter out tomorrow since I have the day off (Yay, time off!) Though I work all day today, so I am going to be half dead when I get home hehe.

As always, reviews/comments always serve to inspire, I do appreciate all of you 3