At sixteen weeks pregnant, Natalie had given up on trying to hide it. "Drama Llama" had made his or her presence quite known with a telltale bump on her otherwise thin body that couldn't be anything else but a baby. Guards and inmates alike around the prison had started to whisper, but she just pretended that she didn't hear them. It was none of their fucking business.
The pregnancy had been going well, much to their relief. Joe drove her crazy every evening, forcing her to sit down on the couch after work while he cooked dinner every night. His new job with the ACLU was going well, and he seemed even happier.
Natalie, however, was starting to get annoyed by her sex and orgasm ban and was even bitchier than usual. So, she had to stop herself from slamming her office door in Linda's perky face when she dropped in unannounced.
Linda, who hadn't seen Natalie in several weeks, looked her from head to toe and did a double take. "Are you pregnant?"
"That is an illegal question." Natalie responded casually, dropping the paperwork she was holding into her outbox and not moving to help Linda enter her office.
"Are you even divorced yet?"
"Strike two. Also illegal. Wanna go for three? I might have to file a grievance with PolyCon. You could probably tell me a thing or two about how to do that, couldn't you?" Natalie's eyes flicked to the wig that Linda still had to wear as her hair still hadn't grown out completely.
"Calm down, Natalie." Linda said coolly, slipping past Natalie and settling into one of her office chairs. "I'm just making girl talk."
"This isn't a country club, and we aren't ladies who lunch." Natalie retorted. "We despise each other, and I like it that way. So, what did you need that is related to this prison?"
"Testy. You seem to forget that I am your superior."
"I offered you the chance to fire me before, and you didn't do it." Natalie shrugged. "You still aren't going to because you haven't found anyone else who is qualified to run this place."
"I was actually coming to tell you that there are some openings at corporate that you might be a good fit for, but if you don't want to be a team player…"
"As flattering as that is, I don't think I'm interested in climbing the ranks of your corporation at this time." Natalie sat back in her chair and folded her hands over her stomach. It was a subconscious gesture that did not go unnoticed by Linda. "But you know, thanks for stopping by."
"What's Joe been doing? Besides you, obviously, that is."
Natalie glared at her. "Why? Were you thinking of trying to banish him to another midwestern state?"
"Just wondering if he ever found another job." Linda said with a faux smile.
Natalie shut her eyes and inhaled sharply. "He did. Thank you for your concern."
"Well, at least he'll be able to support the baby."
"Was there anything else? I'm pretty busy working on a transfer. 'Big Boo' is coming back to Litchfield. Surely you met her during the riot." Natalie looked at her pointedly with an arched brow.
"I… Don't know who that is." Linda stammered.
"Inmates love to talk." Natalie examined her taupe polished nails and looked back at Linda nonchalantly. "It's really amazing what I learn just when I take a stroll through Max… Ms. Von Barlow. Or should I call you the Counterfeit Cunt of Connecticut? Which did you prefer?"
"Well." Linda cleared her throat. "I should let you get back to work."
"Mmhm."
Natalie smirked as Linda rushed out of her office.
"I got to spar with your little friend Linda today." Natalie announced, flopping next to Joe on the couch that evening.
"Oh God. Is she still living?"
"Barely. I outbitched her. She was in over her head."
Joe kissed her cheek. "That's my girl."
"But let's not talk about that because after work, I had an appointment." Natalie dangled an envelope in front of Joe. "And I got this."
"What is it?"
"The baby's sex. You open it. I'm too nervous."
Joe chuckled. "What's there to be nervous about? You know it's going to be one of two things. If there was some abnormal third option, they wo-"
"Just fucking open it!"
Joe tore the envelope open across the top and pulled out the slip of paper inside. He read it with a grin spreading across his face. "Ha! I was right! I knew it had to be a girl. With the drama she's caused and how bitchy you've been… I knew you must have doubled up on estrogen."
Natalie thwacked him on the arm. "Shut up. A girl. Wow."
"Aren't you happy? You can raise a little Feminazi like yourself."
"I am, I just hate the idea of my daughter going through life being ogled by idiot men." Natalie considered it for a moment. "We'll just have to make sure to let the boys know what prison is like."
"Let 'em try. I've got a gun."
"So do I. We need to get a safe for those, speaking of. We'll have to go to Lowes soon, too."
Joe looked confused. "Lowes? But we can't do the thing we were sexting about because you are on pelvic rest."
"For paint for your spare bedroom, you idiot. Or were you going to keep her in a drawer?"
"Oh shit." Joe rubbed his hand over his face. "She does need a nursery. And a whole lot of other shit, huh?"
"Good thing I'm a good shopper." Natalie smirked.
"A girl. I can't believe it." Joe had goofy grin on his face.
"Jesus. She's going to have you wrapped around her pinky in about two seconds flat."
"That's the way it's supposed to be with daddy's little girls, right?"
"Yeah." Natalie sighed sadly, remembering her own father's affection for her. "It is."
It was old fashioned with the wealth of baby name sites on the internet, but Natalie had picked up a name book on her way home from her appointment. She preferred reading on paper, anyway, and it was much more fun to flip through a book with Joe than surf the internet.
At least, it was at first.
"Amelia." Natalie suggested.
Joe shook his head and turned through the book. "Kidnapping. Harper."
"Heroin trafficking. Kayla."
"2nd degree murder. Lena."
"Racketeering. Avery."
"Breaking and entering a Wendy's. They found her with her face under the Frosty machine. She'd been drinking the whole thing. Kierstan."
"Grand theft auto of a school bus. Sophia."
"You gotta remember Burset."
Natalie took the book out of his hands and flipped through it for a few moments. "Olivia?"
"Ohh, no, she murdered like five people. What about Ciara?"
"She stabbed someone in the ass multiple times on the subway while wearing a Reagan mask and holding a baby alligator." Natalie explained.
Joe made a face. "Wait, what the fuck?"
"Strange but true. This is fucking impossible." Natalie moaned, throwing the book to the side and her reading glasses on the nightstand. "We are never going to find a female name that didn't also belong to an inmate. Do you know how many hundreds of names we must associate with them?"
"What about Hazel?" Joe asked.
"That just reminds me of The Fault in Our Stars and bums me out."
"We could do something gender neutral. What about Jo?"
Natalie snorted. "You mean like you?"
"No, it can be a girl's name. Haven't you ever read Little Women?"
"Yes, I have." Natalie laughed. "That's why I know it was short for Josephine. You're just trying to name her after yourself."
"Let's just do this." Joe closed his eyes and flipped back and forth through the book.
Natalie scoffed. "You can't pick our baby's name by…"
He stopped turning pages and landed his finger on a name. He opened his eyes. "Ella."
"Ella…" Natalie repeated. "Hm. What does it say it means?"
"Light."
"I think that's appropriate." Natalie smiled a little. "Do you know an inmate with it?"
"No. You?"
"Nope. I think we're safe. It's a really pretty name." Natalie laced her hand through his. "You always have had long, talented fingers. What about Ella Josephine Caputo?"
"You're giving me the middle name?" Joe grinned proudly.
Natalie shrugged with a small smile. "You gave me the baby. Fair's fair. You like it?"
"I think it's perfect."
