This chapter is finally done! Sorry for the lateness, I just didn't know what to write considering it's in the next three chapters that all the big stuff happens(so if this feels like a filler chapter I'm sorry). I actually got so into what I writing I accidentally wrote a makeout scene between Dean and Cas. The tension got to be too much even for me and the fanfic reader in me took over the writer part. Thankfully I had Bee who told me to "slow down Kemi you're getting ahead of yourself". Thank god for co-authors. As always, please review! Those really get Bee fired up!
Cas is a ticking time bomb. That's all he got out of his last conversation with Anna. Anna tried many methods to put the Wall in his body back up, but none worked.
"I think all these years of unused grace have made it stronger. It won't let itself be suppressed this time." Anna had said after the last failed attempt.
"What do I now?" Cas asked. He didn't really know how to feel about his Wall breaking down. He's still a little upset about being lied to about what he is, slightly excited to finally see what's been in front the whole time, and above all scared. If Anna, an angel of God can't protect him, then it's basically like he's being condemned to death.
"Well, I think you should move into the Roadhouse. You could live free of charge, with your own kind. You could even make some money as a bartender." Anna said.
But Cas didn't want to move into the Roadhouse. He had spent some time with the other Nephilim and liked them well enough, but he had friends back home that he would miss.
Speaking of friends, Cas's phone rang, shaking him back into reality. He looks at the screen and feel the edges of his mouth turn up. It's Dean.
His friendship with Dean happened unexpectedly, and he still feels surprised whenever Dean calls. He never thought someone as cool as Dean would want to hang out with someone like him. Dean literally went from being his stripper(a fact neither of them talk about)to the only person Cas trusts with his innermost feelings. He could never express how much he appreciated Dean. Without him to confide in he's sure he would've lost his mind by now from the fear and paranoia.
"Hey, Cas. Anna say anything new?" he asked.
"There's nothing she can do. No matter what she does she can't stop my Wall from breaking down. All I can do it just...wait." Cas has resigned himself with his fate. He has no idea what will happen once the barrier between his world and the supernatural world is taken down, but all he can do is wait."
"So,what, Anna is all fucking powerful angel and she can't do a damn thing to protect you? She can't use some of her angel mojo to hide you or something?" Dean's voice raises slightly on the last word.
Cas is shocked and touched by Dean's concern. "Dean, it's okay."
"No, Cas, it's not okay." Dean sighs in frustration. "So, there's really nothing Anna can do?"
"She did suggest that I-that I move to the Roadhouse."
Silence. "You mean the bar that's in the middle of fucking nowhere?"
"Yes."
There's a part of Cas that wants Dean to tell him not to go, to ask him to stay. He ignores it.
"Ezekiel and Gabriel do a good enough job watching over you. And you've-you've got me. And Sam. I don't think there's any reason to move to the Roadhouse."
Cas's heart feels light. "Yeah, I guess you're right."
There's more silence, but it feels more comfortable. "Alright, no more Wall talk. I'm not doing anything right now. Wanna come over?" Dean asks.
Cas blushes. His heart beats a little faster and for a minute he stops breathing. It's obvious Dean only meant that in a friendly, platonic way so why is he reacting like this?
Dean stutters, "T-To watch a movie or something. How about The Godfather? Everyone loves The Godfather."
"I've actually never seen that," Cas says. "Is it good?"
"Is it g-Cas, it's one of the best movies of all time. There's guns, action, the Italian Mafia and...you just have to come and watch it.
Cas smiles. "Okay, I will."
Cas locks the door and and sets off to Dean's apartment. He doesn't mind walking there, because walks help him think. And he has a lot to think about.
Cas has never been one to hide his feelings. So there's no point in pretending that what he feels for Dean is purely platonic. It's not, and the more he tries to ignore it the worse it gets. When he first met Dean he found him attractive, sure, but there was this troubled look in Dean's eyes that made Cas want to get to know him. To help him and relieve of whatever is causing him to look like that. It was a strange feeling, an urge he never felt for anyone before. He couldn't get Dean out of his head.
Then he and Dean started to become friends. They would hang out, talk, just listen to each other. There was something about Dean that made him want to confess his secrets and reveal things that he had kept locked away in his heart for years. Somehow, Dean had carved himself a place in Castiel, and now Cas doesn't know what he'd do without him. Dean has such a hold on him others have noticed.
"You know, I haven't said anything because the situation seems harmless, but I think you should watch yourself around Dean." said Gabriel one day.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"I mean, the only reason we let him near you is because Sam says he has no malicious intentions and we trust Sam. However, our trust in Sam is only to a certain extent, because he's half-demon. You should treat Dean the same."
"I don't understand what you're saying," Cas said, suddenly stiff.
"Just because Dean has a pretty face and nice lips, don't go trusting him with too much. If he betrays you later on not only is it going to hurt, it might end up getting you killed. Be wary of him. And for the love of God, don't fall in love with him.
"Dean would never betray me," Cas's voice was tight and he clenched his fists. "He could have killed me or given me up to Abaddon but he hasn't. He risked his life to save me, so I know he won't betray me."
"Funny thing about demons, Cas, they always have an agenda."
"Then it's a good thing Dean is only half-demon."
Gabriel shook his head and sighed. "All I'm saying is be careful."
Cas turned away. "You don't have to worry about me. For the record, there's nothing going on between me and Dean. We're just friends."
Gabe fixed him with a piercing gaze. "I hope you have the strength to keep it that way."
Even though Cas said that, he can't the feelings he gets from just simply being around Dean, soaking up his presence. He tries to be wary of Dean, but the only thing he can pick up from Dean is his innate desire to protect those closest to him, Cas included. He's a half-demon, and yet Cas can sense nothing bad about him. Gabriel has a point, though. If he doesn't watch himself, he'll end up falling in love with Dean. That can't happen.
Cas is a bomb. He's afraid that if he detonates Dean will get caught in the crossfire, and he'll never forgive himself. Whenever Cas tries to ask him what would happen if Abaddon found out that he let a customer survive, he either changes the subject or brushes him off. Now, he knows that Dean has a habit of deflecting painful truths. It's best for Dean if they don't get more attached. That way, when the inevitable end comes for Cas, it won't be hard to take.
He's surprised to find himself at Dean's door already. He sees the curtains flutter, and before he can knock, the door swings open.
"What took you so long? I was scared that a demon kidnapped you on the way here." Dean says this with a smile, but it doesn't reach his eyes.
"Sorry, I spaced out a little bit."
Dean steps aside to let him in. "Right now, we're going to forget about everything except the Corleone family, alright?"
Cas grins. "Of course."
Cas says he'll try to keep himself unattached, and yet he finds himself sitting on Dean's dingy couch, a little closer to him than he thought. Gabriel is right, he thinks. I am weak.
Dean has this way of making him forget about his problems, about everything, without even trying. It's hard to resist.
Around the time Michael shoots the police captain, Dean pauses the movie.
"What's wrong?" Cas asks. Dean has this serious look on his face, unlike the playful one he had when he mouthed the words, "Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes."
"Cas, I know things seem bad now-"
"I thought we weren't going to talk about it."
"I know, but I just need you understand that I'm here for you. Demon, angel, I don't care. Abaddon will have to kill me first before I let her take you."
If he thought he was weak before, it's nothing compared to the pull Dean's words have on him. He grabs Dean's wrist. "Dean, listen to me. I don't want you or anyone else getting hurt because of me. Whatever happens, I want to face the consequences alone."
"Cas, I tried that "go it alone" strategy and it never works! You need someone looking out for you, making sure you don't go off on your own and do some stupid shit. I just want you to know that I'm here for you, Cas, and I won't let any assholes take you away from me."
Dean's eyes widen when he finishes his sentence. Something in Cas snaps.
"Dean," Suddenly he and Dean are much closer than he thought. The weight of desire is more than he can resist, even if he truly wanted to.
"Cas I-" Dean starts. His eyes flick to Cas's lips, and he leans in. Cas's body moves without his permission, and he's leaning in too. I have to stop. If we kiss I'll-
A loud knock on the door rips them out of their reverie. Dean and Cas both freeze, staring at each other. The person on the other side of the door knocks again, even louder. Dean sighs in frustration and gets up.
"That's probably Sam. Dumbass must've forgot his keys," Dean says. He makes his way to the door.
Dean and I were about to kiss, Cas thinks. Dean was going to kiss me and I was going to let him. We were going to-
Cas's thoughts are interrupted by Dean's voice, which sounds irritated. He mumbles something, and Cas is surprised to hear a female voice. He walks over to the door and is surprised to see who it is.
She smirks, looking devilish. "Hello, Clarence. As I thought, you should be dead."
It was Meg, the stripper from Hell's Angels.
Dean puts an arm in front of him. "Okay, so he's alive. If you're going to report me then report me but I'm not letting you take him."
"Calm down, Lover Boy. I'm not here to take him, I'm here to warn you. Surprisingly, I'm on your side."
Dean chuckled dryly. "Right. Good, innocent, saintly Meg wants to help me protect Cas from Abaddon. Next, we'll head down to the soup kitchen to serve those in need."
"That's very funny, Righteous, but it's obvious you need me. Abaddon trusts me more than you, and I'm with whoever's trying to take Abaddon down."
"We're not trying to take down Abaddon. We're already up to our asses in angels we don't need to deal with demons too."
"You don't really have a choice. Abaddon knows."
Dean's skin turns pale. "What?" he says softly.
"What do you mean 'she knows'?" Cas asks. "Dean?" he looks at Dean questioningly. Dean's face is ashen, and his face looks panicked.
"You think your boyfriend is the first to try something stupid like this?" Meg asks Cas, "He's not, and punishment gets harsher every time someone does it." She looks at Dean. "You can't run away from this, Dean. When Abaddon finds you she won't just torture you, she'll tear you apart over and over again. She loves making examples out of people."
Now Cas understands. It makes sense, really. Abaddon can't afford to have kind, conscionable people on her staff. If one "saved" person makes it to the police, her business is ruined. So she makes the punishment so daunting, so agonizing, no one would ever attempt it. Now he understands the look on Dean's face.
Cas is surprised to hear how strong his voice sounds despite the revelation. "You're sure Abaddon knows?"
"She called me into her office and asked about you. She had files on her desk with logs of who entered and whose bodies went to the incinerator. Abaddon is, if anything, organized. I told her I didn't know anything about the client who was logged coming in, but never logged at the incinerator. I lied to Abaddon. That alone should tell you I'm on your side."
"Since when do you want to kill Abaddon so much?" Dean finally spoke up. "You've always been Team Abaddon."
"You mean I never talked conspiracy theories with those idiots at the back of the clubs?Just because I'm not vocal about my dislike for Abaddon doesn't mean I like her. I've just waited for the right moment to strike. Now seems like a good time."
"So what, we're your bodyguards? Sorry, Meg, but we're going to have to say thanks but no-"
"There's one big reason I want her dead and I know you're going to help me. I'll respect anyone who writes my checks, but I don't want Abaddon ruling the world. If someone doesn't stop her, she'll find the one soul she needs, and then the Apocalypse really will come to pass."
"The souls? What about the souls?" Cas asks.
Meg smiles long and wide, and for the first time a chord of fear strikes inside of him.
"You don't know?"
Zeke is making coffee. He and Sam just got off their shift, so he decided to make some coffee to celebrate finally getting off work. Zeke wishes that were his only motive, but it's not. He wants to get to know Sam. Looking into Sam's soul, he can see that he's a truly good person inside. He's shackled by his demonhood sure, but there's something that's making him truly unhappy. Sam has helped him and Gabriel immensely, so it's only right that he should return the favor.
For some reason, no matter how much he thought this, it felt like a lie.
Zeke heard the low murmur of Sam's voice in the back room. If he's going to make Sam happy, he's got to gather some internal information, right?
At least, that's what he tells himself to quell the guilt that stirs inside him as he uses his angelic powers to make out Sam's words.
"What? Dean, that's crazy. Who told you this?"
Ezekiel hears Dean's low murmur through Sam's phone.
"So, you're the trusting the word of a stripper? I mean, I know you're a stripper but you're not a stripper-"
Dean's voice raises slightly.
"That's not my point! My point is, I don't think we should trust her. How do you she doesn't work for your boss and is feeding you lies? Listen, we'll talk about this when I get home okay?"
Dean grumbles something.
"You don't mind if I tell Zeke about this, do you? Unlike Meg, I know we can trust him."
Dean starts to say something but Sam cuts him off.
"Angels aren't as big as douchebags as you think, Dean. Some of them...some of them are really cool."
Zeke can feel himself warming from Sam's words. Knowing that Sam trusts him and finds him more enjoyable than his brothers and sisters makes his Grace light up and he smiles. This is how Zeke knows he's been on Earth too long. He's been experience many emotions lately, and right now he feels a little embarrassed at how happy Sam's words make him.
"Zeke? Why are you smiling like a madman?" Sam says.
"Oh, it's nothing. Do you still want some coffee?" Zeke grabs two cups.
Sam sighs and walks around the counter to sink into the stools in front. "Sure, I'd love some."
Sam and Zeke silently sips their coffee for a few minutes. Then Zeke asks, "You were in the back room a while. Is everything okay?"
Sam looks off to the side. "I don't know. Something big may or may not be happening, and until I know for sure I can't tell you."
"Sam, I'm worried about you." Ezekiel says, making Sam turn his head towards him. "If you get too involved with whatever's going on in the angel or demon world, there's a chance you'll end get up getting hurt. I don't want that happen."
Sam smiles, and it makes Zeke's heart beat faster and he feels his face get warmer. What is this feeling?
"Don't worry about me, Zeke. I'll be fine." He looks down. "It's Dean and Cas I'm worried about."
