[The Present]
The pounding on the door began, and Regina stared at it.
"I'm not going to go away this time," Emma said hoarsely on the outside. "I'm not going leave you alone. Let me in! I swear if I have to break the damn door down, then I will." The pounding began again and with every hit of her fist onto the wood, the brunette shook. "Why are you doing this to me?" The blonde's voice grew hoarser. "Let me in."
To hold.
To touch.
To feel.
To love.
Her right hand, a gloved hand slowly reached out, fingers splayed and Regina's chest heaved. The energy on the other side of the door, the warming energy. A beacon of light, as had always been. Reassurance of all good things to come. And yet, she had divided them.
"Regina," her voice was trembling now. Emma leaned onto the door, the wind pushing her against it. "I need you. I can't…stop."
For some time, she stood there, tears bitter and cold, stinging emerald eyes. She didn't want to leave. Leaves chased each other across the yard and trees bent, dancing. Lightning illuminated the sky and she was soaked through. Her red shirt clung to a hunched back.
The handle turned and she was startled by the feeling, moving back a little, eyes widening.
There wasn't a face to greet her, but it was an invitation that she would never decline. So slipping inside the cabin as quickly as ever, and holding the door tightly, Emma greeted the dimly lit interior with a racing heart. Just as she turned the lock behind her, something was recollected. A memory. Coming through that same door and knowing for as long as she could remember that somehow, the cabin felt like home. In more ways than one, the warmth radiating from inside had always drawn her towards it, even through the darkened forest that contained many strange sounds. Emma never cared, but she favored her destination. And now, that same feeling was felt.
When their eyes met, emerald ones registered the brunette hugging herself just about three feet away. She took enough time to gather her composure and remained silent. The depths of the cabin hadn't changed at all. What remained only jogged her memory back to a playful childhood. They used to sit before that fire during winter and sip cups of cocoa. Her godmother. The woman standing before her, dark hair never graying but there were bags under those brown eyes. She had gotten so thin, and she looked so broken, the blonde's heart ached.
"I wish I was a kid again," she said, blinking through tears. Regina stared back. "I wish I was that kid still, the one that you loved so much and you always let in, you know? That little girl who always made your face light up when she came around. The one you'd hug. The one you loved before I gave you that card and told you exactly how I felt. How I feel. I wish I was that child before."
"Emma -"
"I know you miss...her," the blonde croaked. She swallowed hard. "I know that she used to give you hope and you looked forward to every day, just because you got a chance to see her. She was everything to you. And then I took her away from you and she...grew up. I grew up." Shrugging, Emma reached up to wipe her eyes. "I'm sorry that I'm not that little girl anymore. And I know that you had your heart broken and you thought that she couldn't comfort you. So you locked yourself away and out of her life."
"I'm sorry -"
"Stop saying you're sorry to me," Emma directed at the brunette, her chest heaving. "Stop saying that to me because you have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing at all. I'm the one who's sorry because I expected so much from you. I wanted you to be there all the time and when you were hurt, I was too young to understand what it must have felt like. So I came to your door so many times and knocked. Then when you never answered, I came and I stood out there -" she gestured behind her, their eyes on each other, "for so long, I'd just stand out there and stare, waiting on you to come get me. Because you always did. Suddenly, you stopped showing up at school to get me. Your shop closed down. And I was so confused. That the one person I cared about, the one person I cared about so much, more than the two people who adopted me, you didn't even want to see me anymore."
"It's not like that," Regina croaked, tears clouding her eyes. "Believe me, it isn't."
"Then why did you do that to me?" Emma blinked several times.
"Because I was selfish."
"How could you just shut me out like that?" emerald eyes were wet. "At first, when they told me that they weren't my real parents, I thought that you were my real mom because I always had this connection with you. I'd always want to be with you, and I never understood why the hell you made me feel like that."
"I made you feel...how?" Regina's voice was just a whisper. She stared back.
Emma sucked in air. "You know exactly how I feel. You made me feel whole." Their eyes locked and nothing else in the world mattered, not even the harshness of the weather. "I don't understand how it happened but I never forgot you. Since the last time we saw each other, I always remembered you exactly the same way."
"I can't believe you've grown up so fast," Regina tried a smile. "Your...maturity...bewitched me tonight. The way you greeted me, with such...a composed attitude. No longer are you that little girl that used to tease me. You're..." she gestured at the blonde, "...so big."
She couldn't help it. Emma smiled and it hurt to even smile. "Where were you all this time? Four years and counting? Did you ever leave this cabin? I never saw you in town, not once."
"I never went into town," Regina's voice was huskier now. A breath was taken. She still hugged herself. "I had supplies delivered to me. It was for the best."
"How was it for the best when you shut me out?"
"Because you gave me the one thing that I encouraged, and I had it snatched away from me," the brunette said. "Hope. You made me believe in myself, that everything would get better, that I'd live a happy life and nothing could go wrong. And then...she..." her voice cracked. "She..." But she couldn't continue. Brown eyes welled up with tears.
"She broke your heart."
Regina nodded, her face contorting as the struggle continued to maintain composure. "She did. She broke my heart and it…was…horrible." Fists clenched, brown eyes teared up. "I couldn't trust anyone anymore. And I am so sorry that I shut you out but it was devastating, the way she wounded my trust and destroyed me."
Emma's heart was on fire, as if someone was torching the very organ that was beating so wildly. For she couldn't understand how anyone in the entire world could hurt a woman like Regina. A woman who was an angel, someone who contained so much warmth and love, eyes that gazed back at her always with so much love. She cared. The older woman made her feel safe, always. And those past few years during their separation, the blonde felt so lost, and alone.
Without saying a word, to soothe the wounded heart, Emma felt it necessary to bypass any forms of vocally expressing herself. Knowing that the other person in the cabin was someone who felt deeply as she did.
Their eyes still locked, she moved forward and did so slowly, observing how the brunette reacted whilst the distance was closed. Of course, disbelief washed over the older woman's face, and already figuring out the anticipated move, she stood right where she was. She allowed Emma to embrace her, feeling such warmth envelope the coldness within and smothering it out. It felt so amazing to be reunited again, to feel the surge of love between them and allow the moment to sink in. Knowing that both of them had desired each other's company so much over the past years and now they were so close again.
They hugged for such a stretch of time, neither wanted to let go.
Emma buried her face into dark hair and kissed the smell of apples, and vanilla. Remembering that particular scent that made her heart sigh, and toes curl. She squeezed the brunette so tightly and felt warm gloved hands caress her back.
"So tell me about this young man," Regina's husky voice made the blonde's heart quiver as they pulled apart. "The one who danced with you. Do you fancy him?"
Emma blinked. For just some time that had passed, any thought of the party had slipped away, and nothing else mattered. Really and truly, she was swimming in that moment and so captivated in brown eyes that were still wet. It was unbelievable, how someone could make her feel so mushy inside, and so different. Regina meant so much to her.
"August."
"Yes." The brunette nodded. Face serious, she maintained her hold on the younger woman's shoulders. "August. Is he your…"
Emerald eyes grew wide. "Hell no," her head was shaken immediately. "No way. Come on. You know me more than anyone else. I would never…" date a guy or love anyone as much as I love you.
"You would never what? Have a man court you?" Regina actually chuckled within her throat from that recollection of a particular conversation in her store. "Emma, you are quite a piece of work. No wonder your mother told me that I rubbed off on you."
"She's not my real mother." Emma swallowed hard.
"True. But she's as good as. She has always tended to you as such and you'll do well to remember that."
"She forbid me from coming here two years ago," the blonde stated, feeling her chest ache. "She made me stop coming. She told me that if I came here to see you, that I'd be grounded and stuff."
"Maybe it was for the best," Regina said softly, lowering her head.
"For the best?" Emma stared back. "Are you serious?"
"We're here now, aren't we? Does it matter?" Their eyes met again.
"It matters to me!" the younger woman was furious and couldn't understand how the brunette wasn't affected. "So much time that has passed and I missed you so much. I missed you every single day. And you're going to tell me that it didn't matter? Did you even miss me?"
"Of course I did," Regina's voice was strained. "But Emma, since you were just a child, you taught me two things. One of which was the cause of the intensity of my heartbreak because I had hope. The second, and the one I have been dwelling on is living in the moment as in now. This moment." When she reached out and took a hold of the blonde's hands, of course a sense of nervousness washed over the younger woman. "And since you're here now and I'm here right now, isn't that all that matters?"
"But four years of you locking yourself way –"
"Time that passed that gave me time to think," Regina's tone was so soft, and she appeared very calm. "Thinking about my life and what matters most. What I want. I spent that time reflecting on what I feel and what I desire."
"And what do you want?" Emma held her breath, feeling how her fingers were squeezed affectionately. "Do you know what you want now?"
"Yes." Regina nodded and moved in dangerously. But although their eyes remained locked, and the inches were eaten up, she unearthed a look inside emerald eyes that possibly gave away every single thing that was felt.
Lips parted, Emma's chest heaved as the brunette came in and rested their cheeks together, their fingers entwining tighter. A time to lose her breath, becoming so dizzy and anxious, expecting the unexpected. She trembled and by reflex, those parted lips pressed a kiss onto a honey colored cheek, savoring the softness and how sweet the older woman smelled.
"I know what I want," the blonde said hoarsely. "I still want what I wanted that Valentine's Day, a couple of years ago. I want the same damn thing, Regina."
The wind howled around the cabin. "Good," Regina whispered into the younger woman's right ear, eyes fluttering close. "I'm glad that you do. And do you know what I want?"
She couldn't breathe, their eyes never meeting but they were so close, faces pressed together and fingers entwined. Emma was definitely weak in the knees.
"I hope it's what I'm thinking it is." Her voice trembled.
Regina lifted her right hand and ran gloved fingers through blonde hair, pressing Emma into her more than ever. "I made a promise to your mother, that I'd take care of you for an eternity, for as long as it takes and that's exactly what I intend to do."
"For as long as it takes," Emma repeated, as she always did, from a young age, every time the brunette said something, part of the sentence would be repeated.
It was nothing like she expected. Really and truly. The truth that was unearthed suddenly and the origins from old fairytales: Emma was quite confused and fascinated at the same time. To know that she had been dwelling in a town packed with characters from books. People that skipped across the pages of her imagination were always just around the corner. And so that when Regina finally decided to explain everything to her, it was quite a magical yet bewildering experience.
"So mom is seriously Red Riding Hood?" Emma stared, wide eyed at the brunette who carefully fixed red candles around a polished oak table. "And my real mom…"
"That's Snow White. Your father is Prince Charming." Regina straightened her back and sighed. "Whale…is Doctor Frankenstein."
"That's so cool," the blonde sat up and eagerly considered the apple of her emerald eyes. "So tell me about the curse again."
Brown eyes turned upon her and a deep kind of scrutiny was conducted. "Forgive my directness but you seem to really comfortable with the thought of being trapped in a town of fairy tale characters. More than I expected. I was expecting…" Regina inclined her head. "I don't know…doubts and a sense of being rebellious on the matter."
"Why." Emma hugged her knees, and blonde hair tumbled onto her shoulders. "I like fairy tales."
The older woman sent the younger one a vacant stare. "Believe me. I am quite aware of that. But…we're truly from these fairy tales, dear."
"I heard you the first time." Smiling widely, she bit her pink lips and appeared so childlike, the brunette stared for a few seconds. "Why are you doing that?"
"Why am I doing…what?" Regina placed the yellow candle upon the table carefully.
"Looking at me like that. Like you always used to look at me. Only thing that's different is that you're looking a little too long."
The statement was rather bold but quite funny enough to deserve a smile. The brunette's chest heaved as she deposited another candle upon the table and shrugged.
"Maybe it is because I have fallen in love with you."
"Yeah, it's that." The blonde tilted her head and reached for slim fingers that were curling upon the brunette's lap as she lowered herself onto the chair. "You're falling in love with me."
"I most definitely am. The more I gaze into your emerald eyes, the more definite I am. Surely certain of the way you fascinated me from since you were a child. Those kind and eager eyes and your little tales about animals. How you spoke to them and they spoke back to you."
Emma lowered her head, cheeks growing pink for she didn't quite admire that bit of her childhood. Speaking to the little rabbits and cats that crossed her path and practically owning her very own shelter in Ruby's backyard. Collecting all of those little kittens and begging Whale to buy her a pony. Those days were golden but as she grew up into a fine young woman, the blonde wished for such immaturity to be brushed under the mat, in a manner of speaking. She wished to appear somewhat composed and refined.
"So who's granny then?" folding her feet under her, she appeared like the little carefree child Regina had doted upon.
"Granny is...granny," the brunette said and chuckled. "She's your mother...Ruby's grandmother."
"I wish that I knew my real parents," Emma lowered her gaze to the chair, shoulders hunched. "What were they like? I mean, based on the book, they hated you, right?"
"But we grew to respect each other," Regina noted, her husky voice driving the blonde into raptures. "The wars were called off. We came to a truce and somehow your birth brought our kingdoms closer together. Because after all, there was a baby involved. No one wants to harm a child."
"Especially when that child is your future girlfriend, huh?"
The way Regina's cheeks suddenly flushed, it made Emma smile from ear to ear. "Am I...your...girlfriend?" Tasting the word once more in her mouth was something a bit painful but all too delightful as the seconds ticked by. "Is that what I am now? Moving from Wegina to auntie Wegina to Regina to..."
"To bae. My babe. My sweetheart. Or if you would prefer...my lover." The wicked glint in Emma's eyes managed to tickle Regina's heart.
"Look at you, speaking about lovers and such when we have never even shared a kiss thus far."
"That's because you want to play hard to get," the blonde pointed out, jumping up from the chair and taking long strides to the fireplace. There she splayed out her fingers, trying to ease the coldness settling on her skin. "Do you want to kiss me now?"
"The element of surprise is somewhat exciting." Regina reached for a chocolate chip cookie on a ceramic plate and those brown eyes fluttered to admire the woman standing by the hearth. "I for one would love you to kiss me but the time will present itself."
"How about now?"
"Emma, you never cease to amaze me." The older woman smirked.
"How about..." the blonde turned around and planted her hands on slight hips, appearing to be seductively luring in the other woman, "...how about now?"
"Hardly the time, I fear." Chewing on her cookie, Regina sighed. "Tell me, must I be jealous of this...August person? The young man who struts around in black leather jackets and rides a motorcycle?"
"Oh him? He's a cheese ball." She scrubbed her numb cheeks with warmer fingers and sniffed.
"And by cheese ball you mean?" These odd terms developed by the youngsters were quite confusing, attaching double meanings to everything.
"Goofball. A stud. Like he's..." Emma shrugged, hugging herself in that darn red leather jacket, "...he's alright but he's not that alright to be more than friends. We hang out and stuff but he's best suited with Lily. I mean, she likes him a lot. She's liked him for years now."
"But he likes you," Regina pointed out. Sucking the chocolate from her thumb, she still feared that jealousy might be an issue.
"But I love someone else, don't I?" Their eyes met and the intensity of those words was more than enough to keep that gaze for a lengthy period.
xx
