Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Suggested Listening: "Cruel" by Tori Amos, "Letters From The Sky" by Civil Twilight, "Smother" by Daughter
The air caught in her throat, the absence of it screaming in her chest when she felt cool, painted steel pressed against her back.
Leah's eyes flew open, the icy surface soaking through her thin tank top. Looking up, her lungs burned, fighting to recover from the shock to her already frenetic senses. To draw breath between parted lips.
He never gave her a chance.
A knowing, ardent smile spread slowly across her lips, eyes fluttering closed.
He wouldn't let her breathe.
And she fucking loved it.
It was everything she wanted. His hands were everywhere.
Embry was everywhere.
Claiming her body – drawing the life from it – when his thick fingers dug needfully into her waist, pulling back for a single moment. Long enough to push her against the door again, roughly grinding his body against hers. A soft moan escaped her lips, one knee slipping between parted thighs as her palms curled agonizingly slow around his shoulders.
Leaning his forehead against hers, he fought for his own breath. What was left of it plumed across her flushed cheeks, fanning an excruciating fire inside her.
Black, want-filled eyes holding her hostage, silently telling her that he'd waited for this. That he'd wanted this for longer than even he understood.
That he wanted her.
Leah closed her eyes. She closed her eyes on it all, digging her fingers harder into the thin fabric covering the skin just below his neck.
Holding on for dear life, just before the fire of his mouth hungrily sought out hers. Without restraint. Without second thought.
The entire way back to her apartment, neither of them spoke. She walked first, keeping her eyes ahead. Her fingers curled tightly around Embry's, leading him. Refusing to look back – to remember who it was behind her.
He let her. He followed.
Like an animal being led to slaughter...
Leah shuddered, but it wasn't because of him. It wasn't how his tongue parted her lips, sweeping eagerly against hers – in the way she could feel the proof of what she was doing to him pressed prominently against her thigh. It wasn't in the way his fingers wound through her hair, tugging, almost like he was trying to hurt her even though she knew he never would.
As he encouraged something in her. As he tried to draw out something he thought she was holding back.
As he tried to bring the fire in her to the surface.
It wasn't because of that.
It was the sweetness of his lips. That fucking too familiar scent. The warmth of his presence – a kind she wasn't used to – that despite everything crawled on every inch of her skin, unforgivingly infiltrating her senses.
Reminding her he wasn't one of them...
But she wouldn't fight with herself. Not then. Not in that moment. Not even when his mouth, his hands, his hard body pressed against hers, tried to sweep away every guard she had in place.
She felt her fingers move. Falling.
Curling around his arms, Leah pushed back.
Regaining control.
One arm kept her against him when she found herself facing the other direction. When she felt one large hand clasp the back of her head. She held onto him as he pulled her under yet again, his lips abandoning hers as they traced a heated trail up the length of her jaw. Dragging his teeth against her earlobe, her own mouth opened, finally able to draw in a breath.
She wrapped her arms tighter around his neck.
Pine and sea burned her nostrils.
Ensnaring her pounding heart.
She pushed again. Turning her face, she recaptured his mouth with hers, taking his bottom lip between her teeth. Tasting his breath as it intertwined with hers. As her feet moved beneath her, leading him toward the kitchen, her fingernails dug into his neck, marking his flesh with crescent moons. She could feel his hands press heatedly against her back, moving lower until both palms traveled roughly under fabric, inexplicably searing against her skin.
"Where do you wanna go?"
Blinking, she had to take a moment. To realize he had spoken. To hear what he said. To register how breathless his words were, sending a subtle shiver through her veins as he whispered them into her hair.
The question already had an answer...
Rarely did she ever bring them home. The only time she did was when there was no other option. When she was short on time and patience and ready to pull apart at the seams.
And when she did, she never let them in her bed.
Still, Leah couldn't ignore a part of her buried deep. One trying desperately to claw its way to surface, begging her to drag this out. To savor it while she had the chance. To let him worship every inch of her.
Because by tomorrow, he'd know what she was doing. Why she'd done it.
And the chance would be gone...
No...
She closed her eyes again, pushing it away. Remembering her own rules when she pressed a hard, open-mouthed kiss to the place where his shoulder met his neck. Biting down as her fingers curled around his biceps.
The bed was a place for relationships, for an intimacy she didn't want.
This was no exception...
She had to take hold of his hands before she could push herself away. She had to make him let go as he finally allowed each one to fall to his sides. Lips parting slightly, she took a step back, blinking in disbelief when she was finally able to see the dazed expression on Embry's soft face. Noticing how his chest heaved, trying to catch his breath. How his eyes watched her, taking in every movement, every curve, every inch of her body beckoning to him.
Noticing how she already missed the absence of heat against her.
His heat...
Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, she let her mouth curl into a tempting smile. Her fingers grasped the hem of her tank top as she took another step back, clasping the fabric tighter.
Embry disappeared for a split second as she moved, pulling the piece of clothing over her head.
Her own breath caught when she finally saw him again. When she watched him take an uncontrolled step toward her.
Heart pounding against her ribs, it pushed the blood through her body, awakening her instincts. Giving her back some semblance of control now that there was distance between them. Still, she never let go of his gaze. She never lost sight of the fire in those eyes as they tracked her movements, cataloging them. Taking each one in as her hands moved, fingers slipping around the button of her shorts. Lowering once it was undone, a zipper following soon after.
Once she felt the cool air on her skin, she straightened, swallowing thickly but never losing the smile still resting on her lips. Ignoring how the way he watched her made her tremble just slightly. How being on display for him felt new. Foreign.
How it made her nervous...
Her back hit the kitchen island, but she never faltered. Instead she focused on the man in front of her. How he was shaking too, his jaw tight. Those eyes on fire, his fingers curling into fists at his sides. Restricting hands that wanted to touch – that wanted to explore while his body held them back, waiting for permission.
Reaching behind her, Leah let one hand curl around the thick, wooden surface of the island.
She held her breath as she brought the other hand up, using a single finger to beckon him. To give him what he wanted.
To take what she wanted...
He closed the distance between them faster than Leah could see, stealing her breath when his mouth covered hers once again. His hands were back, running along the smooth planes of her stomach, memorizing every contour of copper flesh as he reached around her, traveling lower.
Leah barely had a chance to savor the heat on the back of her thighs before her feet left the ground. Before she found herself placed on the kitchen island, Embry's body nestled between her legs, his lips never leaving hers as his hands curled possessively around her shoulders.
She reached up, weaving her fingers roughly through his hair. Raking her fingernails across his scalp, she couldn't help but smile against his mouth.
Silently wondering how it had all worked out.
How she could feel herself still trembling beneath his hands.
How it could be so much like the others, yet feel so different.
How she felt safe. Warm.
Needful.
His hands were on her hips, digging into her flesh as they pulled her closer to the edge of the island. She heard the growl again, buried deep inside his chest, stealing her breath when he drug his teeth across her bottom lip.
Claiming her mouth again, he pushed the warmth through her veins. Encouraging it in the best possible way.
Causing it to explode in a haze of red when she felt his hand between her thighs, pushing aside her panties.
Leah gasped breathlessly into his mouth when he ran his fingers through the slick heat gathering there, her body immediately arching toward him. Wanting more.
She pulled back, letting her lips brush against his cheek, his fingers teasing mercilessly. Closing her eyes as his panting breaths echoed in her ear, pushing through her hair.
Curling her arms around him tighter than she should have, fingernails dug viscerally into copper flesh, trying to pull him closer.
She was losing herself completely. Drowning in an unrecognizable sea of red. One that, in a single instant, was entirely too much and not enough.
She needed more. Of his hands. Of his mouth. Of the burning inside her.
Of the person she clung to...
All of it.
All of him.
But he ruined it...
He ruined it the moment he pulled back. The moment she felt both hands on her thighs and the subtle, slow movement of a name whispered in her ear.
Reminding her it wasn't going the way she had planned...
Because his voice was too sincere – too soft – as his words worked their way inside her.
"I've missed you..."
Leah's stomach wrenched violently, pushing forward a crippling realization, mixing dangerously with the heat consuming her.
She was screwing it up...
Closing her eyes, she tried to pull herself together. To bring herself back to Earth. To ignore how she was still wrapped around him and how he didn't wait for her response, his blazing mouth finding purchase on the flushed skin of her neck.
He tasted her. His movements intense. Slow. Purposeful.
Not like the others...
Hands pressed through the thin cotton of his shirt, pushing against the straining muscles in his back. No doubt leaving streaks of red against copper as her fingernails moved down. She took his earlobe between her teeth. Biting harder than she wanted to.
Letting herself say her own words against his flesh.
Stop talking," she whispered breathlessly into his skin. "Just fuck me..."
Careless. Distant. Rough. The words made her intentions clear. They were ones she said before...numerous times, but it didn't matter.
It didn't change how each one burned like acid on her tongue.
But she let her hands move, leaning back as her fingers raked down the planes of his chest. Taking his shirt between tight fists, she pulled him back, finding his lips again. Pressing hers roughly against them.
Ignoring how his were no longer as insistent...
She lowered her hands, fingers curling possessively around the button of his jeans.
Ignoring how his lips stilled just slightly.
Ignoring the noise he made in his throat.
How he tried to pull away...
But she couldn't ignore it because it was enough for her to notice. To overtake everything else, his hands tightening around her shoulders – not in a way she wanted. Like he was preparing to push.
Silently putting words to a hesitation rising to the surface.
He was pausing. Taking in her words. He was thinking.
For some unexplainable reason, it made her angry. Releasing a low, lustful growl, she tried to pull him back. They had come this far, and she wasn't letting go. Not until she was done. Not until he served his purpose like all the others.
Not until he helped her feel something.
Not until she finished what she started all those years ago.
Not until she ended it.
But that was the thing, her lips parting as the reality of it washed over her, mixing dangerously with roughness of his skin beneath her mouth. Amid the anger, she could feel the scratching again. That thing buried deep inside her. A cloying desperation to keep him there.
She didn't want him to stop.
But more than anything, she didn't want it to be over.
She wanted him to walk away, but she didn't want him to move.
She wanted him to stay...
For as long as he could.
And it didn't make any fucking sense.
The feeling, the moments leading up to the one she was trying to hold onto, came rushing back. The consuming heat, the misplaced sense of security, the feeling of belonging she could inexplicably make out as it wrapped its way around a heart she swore had forgotten how to beat. That had forgotten how to feel anything.
But he was there, making her feel it all.
Making her heart pound from the moment his eyes found her on the dance floor.
From the moment they found her that night in the bar.
And he was about to take it away...
He couldn't leave... Not yet.
Not until...
Not until...
She couldn't fucking think.
She wouldn't let him take it away...
"Leah..."
She could feel his fingers at the base of her neck, gentler than they were before. She could still sense the pause in his voice.
She ignored it.
Instead, she reached up, wrapping her fingers around his wrists. Pulling him back. Her thighs found his hips. Keeping him there. Breath escaping her lips in frantic gasps, she tried to kiss him again, needing the sweetness of his breath. Needing that heat back.
"Embry...please," she whispered into his mouth, her voice foreign. The words coming from someplace that wasn't her. Bleeding with a desperation she didn't understand. One she didn't want but couldn't seem to stop as it crept its way up her throat, her airway tightening as she fought to draw in another breath.
But it didn't matter.
It was too late...
"Leah...come on..." He spoke against her mouth that time, pushing the words past her insistence. She could feel his hands wrap around her shoulders, preparing to push.
"Stop..."
She dug in, her fingernails threatening to pierce his flesh if she pressed any harder.
Refusing to let go.
Again...
"Shhh." She tried to silence him, painstakingly releasing him with one hand. Keeping the other where it was, she brought one finger to his lips. Doing everything she could to avoid his eyes, already knowing what she would see in them. She pressed her fingertip against his mouth before leaning forward with a rehearsed smile – a gesture that felt stupid and trite – and capturing his bottom lip between hers.
"Leah..."
Her name was muffled against her mouth, until he pushed again.
With a defeated, frustrated cry, she finally let him.
Finally able to see those onyx eyes, wide and surprised and pleading, she knew.
It was over...
She could feel the fire rising in her gut – a different kind – bringing with it an onslaught of emotions she couldn't figure out, closing her eyes as every ounce of it pushed through her veins. As it settled in her shaking limbs, causing everything she felt before to disintegrate.
Replacing it with a searing anger. A desperate frustration she could feel multiplying the longer she stayed where she was.
But her lips parted anyway, six years of practice and instinct forcing her tongue to move. Her boiling blood – an unexplainable moisture gathering in the corner of her eyes – prompting her to speak.
To run away without lifting a single finger.
"You need to go..."
The words were pushed out from between clenched teeth, and Leah had to look away, her arms curling inexplicably across her chest. Hugging her frame tightly, she suddenly felt vulnerable and on display.
It was the same moment her hands started to shake and the blood simmered just beneath her skin. She could feel herself unraveling. She could feel the walls she'd built start to crumble, losing her hold on every guard she'd put in place. The realization of it all squeezing its way through one small chink in her armor.
One he had put there.
Without even trying, because it had been done long before.
It was too late...
She shouldn't have looked at him, but she felt compelled to. She couldn't stop it as her gaze lifted, even if she didn't have the slightest clue what it was she was looking for.
Embry's soft stare pierced straight through her. She clung tighter to her frame, trying to hold herself together.
"Leah..."
Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him lift his hand, the other curled around the island just next to her thigh. Leaning on it as his fingers reached for her.
A million different emotions flared in her gut, jaw trembling when she jerked away with a sharp hiss, tearing her eyes from his. Causing his hand to freeze.
Her eyes closed, breath rushing past dry lips as she fought to catch it.
Wanting that hand, but refusing it in the same instant.
She was fucking losing it...
She already had.
"Get out," she whispered hoarsely, focusing on anything but him. Holding onto those words like they were her last lifeline. Unsure of everything as she tried to ignore the desolate, consuming ferocity building inside her.
He touched her anyway. His fingers wrapped around her wrists, trying to get her to loosen her grip on herself.
Urging her to let go.
She held on tighter...
"Leah, look at me..."
She couldn't.
"Look at me..."
She could barely hear him. Shaking her head, she kept her eyes closed, ignoring how his hands suddenly burned her flesh. Ignoring how her legs had fallen limp at his sides. How she could still feel that unexplainable moisture on her cheeks, the heat of her skin causing it to evaporate before it ever reached its destination.
Lips parting, she forced herself to open her eyes. That time ignoring how she probably looked to him, but somehow listening.
Somehow, forcing her gaze to meet his.
The pained, desperate haze in those ebony eyes caused her throbbing heart to pound harder as he leaned in closer. As that fucking scent drifted into her nostrils, wrapping itself around the tightness in her throat.
As she found her voice, speaking before he had a chance to – a barely audible plea escaping a violently protesting body.
"Please..."
She said it again, but it wasn't her voice. It wasn't something she would say, but she couldn't help it as it tumbled from her lips. She wanted to grab the word and stuff it back in her throat but she couldn't. Instead, she swallowed, tearing her gaze away from his when she realized it didn't matter anyway.
How it did little to banish the hurricane of emotion resting dangerously at the back of her throat. Every ounce of it wanting out.
His hand reached her that time, closing the distance as she felt its heat on her cheek. Brushing away the leftover wetness as a shudder ripped up her spine and a tightness threatened to close her airway completely.
She still couldn't breathe...
"Not like this..."
The pressure was spreading, crawling through her muscles, body tensing as she struggled to suck in deep breaths. Silently repeating his words, she tried to keep a hold on her fragile control. His palm seared her flesh, and she could feel the frustration spreading, boiling inside her body. Threatening to overtake everything the same moment she could feel the loose threads threatening to fray completely.
As she started to come undone.
As she finally realized what was happening...
He was walking away.
"What do you want, Leah?"
His voice was low – unsettled – but she barely heard it. The ironic truth to the words she was putting together inside her head spreading bitterly through her veins, the air escaping her lungs in a hoarse gasp.
Knowing it was happening again.
Even though it was what she wanted all along.
Knowing it was still her fault...
And it didn't matter because she fucking hated him for it. For making her feel that way. For making her feel all of it. For treating her the same way he always did. For using those eyes to see right through her without even realizing it. For caring too much to go through with it.
She hated him...
For wanting her.
But more than anything, she hated herself.
She hated herself for letting it get to that point. For not noticing all those years ago. For encouraging it. For not doing something about it sooner. For letting him get under her skin.
For letting herself remember what it felt like to be wanted by someone.
For wanting him to stay. To never stop looking at her like that.
For wanting him...
To kiss her again. To soothe the anger...the aged resentment...away with his lips and give her that warmth back. To hold her.
To need her...
The same way she needed him, more in that moment than she ever needed anything else.
In a way that scared the shit out of her.
It still didn't matter...
Her mouth was dry as she swept her tongue along the back of her lips, voice cracking as she finally allowed herself to answer his question.
"I want you to leave."
She could feel his other hand on her cheek.
"Leah..."
It was the last fucking time. It was all it took for the red inside her to explode, her muscles screaming. Everything coming to a head as it left her trembling frame in an anguished cry.
"Get the fuck out!"
Hands planted firmly on his chest, she pushed him away with all the strength she could muster. A frustrated growl masking a buried sob as both ripped unforgivingly from her chest.
Embry stumbled back but caught himself quickly, his eyes never leaving hers. His jaw tightened as he took a deep breath. As he stood his ground, wild, feral eyes bearing down on him from mere feet away. As her bones and skin shuddered and burned and ached, her own frenzied determination denying every instinct her body carried.
Refusing her any solace as she silently let herself fall apart from the inside out.
Instead, she clawed at her trembling skin, sliding from the island. Landing on unsteady feet, she wished wildly for the numbness that normally came after.
It never did.
Tearing her eyes from Embry, she could still feel everything.
But most of all, how the moment she pushed him away she wanted nothing more than to pull him back.
Fuck, she couldn't do this...
She was so sick. So tired...of it all.
She held her breath as she bent to the floor, grasping her shirt between quavering fingers. Slipping it over her frame as she took a step back, collapsing against the island. Her insides still screaming, but every part of her exhausted.
Every part of her tired of fighting a past she could never seem to outrun.
Maybe if she just stopped...
Maybe if she just stopped running...
She could, but it wouldn't matter because there was nothing to stop for when everyone who mattered – everyone who cared – had already ran from her.
And it was her own fault. For running away first. For pushing away the only people who still cared.
It wouldn't matter. Not anymore.
"Get out," she repeated, the words barely audible above the pounding in her ears. Her hands still shook as she brought both to her forehead, refusing to look at Embry. Refusing to see what this was doing to him, because it didn't matter.
"Please."
After her final word died in the space between them, she heard him take a step back.
Listening to her...
Which meant regardless of how she had done it, it was still done. It was over. He had seen it – just how broken she was. How bad it could have been had he tried to stick around. Had he tried to save her.
Because he had finally seen just how fucked up she was.
And she hated herself even more...
For destroying what little faith he had left in her.
Which made her unprepared for what he would say. Unprepared for his words or what they would do once they crossed the air separating them, almost like he had pulled them directly from her mottled brain.
Words that almost made her unravel completely.
"You can't keep doing this, Leah," he said, and she could feel his presence lingering at the corner of the entryway. "Open your eyes... You can't keep running from everything you left behind...look what it's doing to you."
Even as she turned her head, her face crumpling as she let a silent cry escape her lips, she didn't open her eyes. She didn't look.
He left anyway.
Leah could still hear his footsteps long after they disappeared. Long after the door closed behind him. Long after she heard the elevator come and go.
And she could still hear his words as everything inside her...everything she had spent six years running from...pulled her down. Bringing her to her knees in her silent, empty kitchen, her hands still clinging to the surface of the island as her legs pressed roughly against the cold, hardwood floor.
Her head lowered and she tried to breathe, mouth open, struggling to find whatever air it could.
Reminding herself over and over that it was done.
Embry was gone.
It was done.
He deserved better.
Better than her.
And after everything she had done, she didn't deserve him.
Even though in that moment, as she closed her eyes, there was nothing else inside her. Nothing but a single thought.
That no matter what she told herself – even though it was too late – the only thing she wanted was for him to walk back through that door.
AN: Dizzy yet? If so, that's good...cuz that was totally what I was going for. ;)
Huge shoutout to all who left notes on the last chapter! Again, I suck...but I read them all and just wanted to say thank you!
Anyway, thoughts on this chapter?
