Hey guys! I'm finally back with an update. I'm so sorry that you've had to wait so long for the update but in between studying for my exams in May, looking after my baby brother, seeing family and whatever, I've been writing all the next chapters to my fanfiction stories so I could post them altogether. Thanks for reading! I promise to try and update more.
The following morning I woke to an empty bed, the memory of me and Stefan saying goodnight to each other and going to our separates bed almost felt like a curse. He had only spent one night with me and here I was pining for him already. Somehow in my sleep last night I had managed to stay on the one side of the bed as if he was sleeping next to me but he was in the room next door sleeping and pining over Elena, not caring that I was led in here missing him more than anything. He didn't want to care about me but he did. I had to believe that otherwise everything in this life seemed pointless. If he didn't love me I should just leave Mystic Falls forever because nothing else matters other than him. Stefan Salvatore was the only reason that I had come back to Mystic Falls where the love of my life had been destroyed because I faked my own death for my self-preservation.
I could hear the faint sounds of footsteps downstairs in the kitchen and the smell of coffee and pancakes drifting up the stairs and through the cracks into my room. I could hear his faint humming from under his breath and I just knew he was dancing to himself whilst cooking breakfast. My hand went over my mouth and I couldn't help but laugh, he was so adorable and so goofy, he was just Stefan. The humming grew louder and I wondered if he could hear me laughing but when he turned on the radio at full volume I knew he knew I was awake. Still laughing, I rushed downstairs wearing shorts and a top, I grabbed the nearest jacket I could find on the banister and shrugged it on. I skidded into the kitchen to see Stefan dancing whilst flipping the pancakes.
"How often do I have to tell you? You should stop singing." I laughed. "Why are you like this? You don't usually like to embarrass yourself like this?"
Stefan turned around to face me and handed me a cup of coffee and a plate of strawberries to go along with my pancakes when they were cooked. He smiled at me and his eyes swept over my body like he was inspecting every inch of me. Under his stare my eyes dropped to the coffee in my cup and my curls fell from my shoulders to the front of my face blocking me from his intense gaze.
"Because it makes you laugh which makes me laugh. You haven't laughed like this since 1864...and that's my jacket you're wearing." He said before going back to attending the pancakes.
"Oh, I thought it was… " I shrugged taking my arm out of the jacket, my heart hammering in my chest so loud that I knew Stefan would be able to hear. I didn't want to give him any more power over me and here I was blushing like a pathetic human school girl who had a crush on her teacher. My head was screaming at me telling me to get away from the man who would only end up hurting me again whilst my heart screamed 'take a chance' and once again, I sided with my heart rather than my head.
Stefan flipped the pancakes onto the plates and carried them over to the table with a smile on his face. For the second time he rose from the table and went back to the counter coming back with another plate of strawberries and a bottle of whipped cream. Stefan rested them in the center of the table as he finally seated and took a sip of his orange juice, his eyes never leaving mine.
"The jacket actually suits you." He whispered. "It looks good on you."
His eyes drifted back down to the plate almost in embarrassed by his words but the words made everything inside me stop. It was like everything else was only moving in slow motion and all that mattered was the words that left his mouth. The only thing that mattered was that one special moment of him giving me nothing other than a simple compliment but it was something that I will hold on to forever. I smiled softly and breathed in the scent of the jacket as I put it back on before eating my breakfast.
It was early afternoon and Stefan had gone out hunting in the woods once again as he constantly refused to drink from the blood supply I had back at the house. Within five minutes of Stefan's departure I found myself driving to the Salvatore Boarding House seeking advice and encouragement from Elena, the last person I would never have asked anything but somehow she was the only person who actually saw something between me and Stefan. Elena was the only person other than Stefan I could talk to because Damon would only tease me and never give me the advice I needed. He still hated me for breaking his heart and lying to him for so long but I had done it to protect myself, Klaus couldn't know I was alive.
I opened the door without knocking listening to the house and all I could hear was the steady beating of a human heart coming from upstairs among the fumbling of draws and opening of wardrobes. Elena was muttering something under her breath continuously as she continued to rummage around from what I could tell was Damon's bedroom. I wondered if he would care that his precious Elena was snooping through his draws but the evasion of privacy wouldn't bother Damon purely because it was innocent Elena. If it had been me snooping around his room there I would probably have the entire Golden Team on my case and wondering what my ulterior motive was. Of course sweet Elena would be given the benefit of the doubt.
I flashed upstairs just wanting to get the conversation over and done with. I couldn't believe that I wanted to have this conversation with Elena Gilbert. Within a few seconds I was stood outside Damon's bedroom door, I peered through the gap as nerves tingled throughout my body. If I did this it would be so human of me, only petty humans sought advice on how to go about their feelings. This wasn't me but if I didn't do it I knew that I would end up running from Stefan and I just couldn't bring myself to that. I couldn't lose him not now that I could finally have the chance to be with him.
"Elena?" I asked opening through the door and stepping into the room.
Elena jumped up from one of the drawers and almost banged her head on an open drawer. She turned around with almost embarrassed smile on her face. Her hair was tied up and she was wearing shorts, a shirt with a grey jacket. Elena tucked the lose strands of her hair behind her ears nervously as she cheeks turned pink. Her smile widened as she gestured with her hand for me to come in.
"Katherine? Hi." She looked utterly bewildered by arrival and something inside me told me that this was a bad idea.
"What are you doing?" I asked her hoping it would give me some time to make up an excuse to why I had come here.
"Damon has this present for me and I'm trying to find it so I can get him something that fits equally. Of course Caroline thinks I should buy some naughty underwear and just seduce him whilst Bonnie thinks I should plan some romantic dinner but I have no idea what the present is and I don't want to go overboard and end up pushing him away you know?" Elena continued to ramble about her perfect love life and it seemed like a knife to my heart that she had this with the man she loved and I didn't.
"Elena, you're rambling." I nodded to her hoping she would be quiet but I didn't smile.
"I know." She gazed at the floor smiling foolishly before her eyes returned to me. "Why are you here? I'm guessing it is Stefan related?"
I nodded briefly.
"Let's go get some coffee and you can tell me about it." She smiled and encouraged me to come downstairs.
Elena practically bounced down all of the stairs, her hand gliding down the banister with perfect grace. Once she reached the bottom she gazed back at me making sure I was following before doing a little twirl and making her way into the kitchen. I followed her trying to put my mind at ease as to what I was about to say because saying you loved someone out loud to the one person who had once had the love of the person you had always been in love with was twisted and just messed up all on its own. But saying you loved someone even though people probably had clues that you did when you had tried to shut off the humanity for so long was something that was terrifying. How could I say to the girl that would probably want me dead, that I needed her help with Stefan and show her my weakness just so she could use it against me? On the other hand I had no one left to trust. I had no one other than Stefan.
Elena had her back to me and was pouring two cups of coffee into two black cups and if it had been just a few weeks ago I would have used this opportunity to snap her neck. I would have killed her without thinking twice about but now that I was looking at her I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Something inside my body just told me that killing Elena was something that not only I would regret but also on some weird level that I would miss her. How did that happen? My humanity was coming back much more forcefully than I ever could have imagined.
My eyes never strayed from the doppelganger in front of me as she placed the two black coffee mugs on the wooden table that smelt of fresh cleaning products. Her hands curled around the cups, gripping them tightly as though her life depended on it and her hands shaking ever so slightly. What was wrong with her? Why was she snooping around Damon's room? Had she been lying to me? Why did I even care?
"Uh…Are you okay?" I asked unable to stop myself from uttering the word. "Why are you shaking?" I asked again taking a step towards before I stopped dead in my tracks surprised how worried I sounded about her well- being.
Elena raised her eyebrows and sat on the around the kitchen table, her leg casually folding over the other. Her finger that resembled my own traced the edge of her cup and her shoulders shrugged like nothing mattered. Her finger that resembled my own traced the edge of her cup and her shoulders dropped down as her eyes continued to stare into the cup. Elena slowly raised her eyes and chewed the inside of her lips before lifting up her cup and taking the sip of coffee with perfect grace and ease of young woman not a teenage girl that had suffered so much.
"I'm fine. I'm just nervous about what Damon's got for me because I have something that I want to share with him too." Annoyingly she shrugged again but I pulled up a chair and pushed my coffee towards me, curious about her relationship with Damon that was obviously about to come to a life changing event.
"What is it?"
"I don't want to talk about it, Katherine. I'm not ready to discuss it openly yet. I want Damon's opinion and then I will call you, okay?" She whispered softly. "I'll call you."
The old me would have forced the question out of her by either torturing her and make her feel excruciating pain just so I could have the knowledge that would eventually be used against her so I could play her and the rest of the people she cared about like they were pawns in my own enjoyable game but the me who was sat there in front of Elena wanted to know so she could help, so she could stop shaking and just breathe for a little while because Elena was my family. She was my family, the last of the Petrova line and for the first time ever it actually meant something to me.
"Why did you come here?" She asked taking another sip of coffee, a small smile on her lips as her confidence seemed to come back inside her.
"I need help with Stefan. The last few days we've been getting closer and closer like nothing ever happened in 1864…like nothing bad happened. He's been laughing with me, dancing with me and cooking me breakfast. I've been so close to telling him that I still love him and that I've changed for him, Elena. I've changed for him! I turned on my humanity and I fought it every second of every damn day and now that I switched it back on I can't go back. I'm the human girl that died the day her parents took her baby girl away before I even had a chance to hold her. I love him but I'm scared that if I tell him he won't say it back and I can't hurt anymore. I can't switch it off."
Elena looked completely and utterly bewildered at my speech and immediately I regretted what I had just said. Would she use it against me? Was all this a plan to finally kill me? Was all of it a big plan to kill me? What if it was all just a ploy? There had always been a nagging voice inside that Stefan had trusted me too easily but I had been too wrapped up in my humanity to care. What if all had of it had been a lie? I could feel my heart plummeting in my chest and breaking with every second as I thought of the time me and Stefan had shared together recently.
"Katherine? Are you okay?" Elena asked leaning over the table to take her hand in mine comfortingly.
"Are you going to kill me?" It was supposed to be a threat and a statement but instead it sounded like a pitiful question and sounded more like a whimper.
"What? No." Elena shook her head. "I'm not trying to kill you." She spoke each word slowly and repeated the sentence a few times until my body had restored to normality and I was no longer a pitiful mess.
"I can't bear the thought of Stefan and I being a lie but I'm scared. Ever since I turned on my humanity I'm so scared of it being a lie. I'm paranoid all the time." My eyes looked past Elena and I wasn't entirely sure whether I was talking to her or just talking to nothing in particular.
"You let back your humanity for the first time in centuries. I would be surprised if you didn't feel scared about Stefan loving you back and that you were completely comfortable with yourself. You've hidden from your emotions for so long, Katherine it's no surprise they are coming back so raw and fresh that its even more powerful than an average vampire would feel. The only way for all that to stop is to tell Stefan what you just told me. Tell him that you love him and that you're willing to try. Just tell him, Katherine."
Elena looked at me with pleading brown doe eyes that were the exact same as my own and patted my hand encouragingly from across the table. She rose from the table just as I heard the front door slam followed my shrieking voices that sounded like Caroline and Bonnie. Elena grabbed the two cups of coffee and put them in the sink muttering about washing them later. I stood up from the table as Caroline and Bonnie entered the kitchen both of their smiles disappearing when they saw me. Bonnie stared mouth open wide and gave a judgmental look to Elena whilst Caroline folded her arms and swayed her hips to the one side.
"Seriously Elena?" Caroline shouted. "Why is she here?"
"She came to talk." Elena said looking at her friends as though talking to me was no big deal at all.
"She what?" Bonnie shrieked.
"I should be leaving. Thank you, Elena." I nodded towards her slowly before handing her my cup of coffee. She took the cup in her hands and muttered 'I'm sorry' before dropping the cup into the soapy waters of the kitchen sink.
Caroline and Bonnie stepped out of my way as I walked past them with my head held high, the usual sway in my hips as usual. As I walked closer towards the door I could hear Caroline shriek 'seriously' at Elena before going into a lecture on why she shouldn't be alone with me. I could not be trusted because of my lack of humanity but I was different now. Just being in the company of Stefan made me willing to fight for him and turn the switch back on to my humanity. He made me feel again, he made me the Katerina Petrova that I had once been and now it was time to tell him how much I loved him.
It was time to finally tell him.
So next chapter is a big moment for Steferine. Katherine's ready to confess her feelings but is Stefan ready to hear it? Does he even feel the same? I shall leave you with that, haha. I hope you enjoyed the chapter even though it was quite short. It would have been too long if I had added her talk with Stefan in as well. Thank you so much for reading! Please review and thank you!
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