A/N: and here comes the fore last chapter of the fiction and it could happen that after this I will also do the last chapter…
VII. Sasori
I'm sitting now here by the window of my room and look outside at my partner while he is creating some of his clay birds and shows them his children. The twins find it really amusing, suddenly both stop giggling and look silently at the figure nearing them, Deidara also turns to see the person the twins noticed. My hand clinches in to a fist while I watch Itachi wrap his arms around Deidara and kiss him on the check. The twins are giggling again happily.
I'm not jealous, but I don't think that Itachi could make Deidara happy, but he seems so. I'm only worried for Deidara's happiness, the blond can be sometimes such a baka and yet, he is happy.
I'm still mad at Itachi, but I can't be mad at Deidara or…Riako. When I think of her I feel guilty and angry at myself for how I threatened her yesterday. I got mad at her again when I heard Itachi thanking her for using her jutsu. She was a bit confused, but accepted the rear thanks of the Uchiha. Then she walked in to the kitchen and then we got in a fight again. I think I lost my control back then, then I showed her roughly against the wall and pressed by body against hers while pinning her arms to the wall.
I expected her to fight back like every other would do, but then I felt her body shake in fear and I noticed a tear sliding down her face. I pulled away a bit and tried to whip it away, but she slapped my hand away and screamed that I should not touch her and with that she run out of the kitchen. Her acting confused me back then, but now, that I know what was done to her…
I feel totally disgusted myself for forcing her to remember a scene which probably happened rather often on that night before her clan was executed. I want to apologize to her, but she went away with Konan and Orochimaru's old student Anko. Kisame meanwhile is furious and is working out plans how to torture the people of they old village.
Everyone is bussy now, only I'm the one sitting here alone in my room and think. I'm such an complete idiot.
I know that it was Riako's jutsu which got Deidara pregnant, but they fought with each other right after she was attacked by those tracker nins as we later found out. Maybe I was only because of the fact furious that I was so used to Deidara running every time around me and only being near me, but because of the pregnancy he was les and les near me and I think I missed him on my side and the knowledge that the child under Deidara's heart would belong to Itachi made my blood boil.
Itachi and me are in a way quiet similar. We both are cold and don't often show emotions to the world around us and I think I feared that not that I'm losing Deidara, but also that Itachi would break his soul in to thousand shards. I was so angry, but if I think about it in the silence which is surrounding me like a soft and calming veil I think my anger wasn't even back then against the Uchiha for taking away my Dei, but at myself for not appreciating him more and so losing him.
I let out a deep sight.
Why are human emotions only so confusing to understand, but I have made my deception. When Riako returns with Konan I will wait till she is alone and then I will go and apologize to her. I know that it is not my stile, but every time I remember her tears I feel a strange pan fog pain in my chest.
I can't describe it, but I know that it is there and will not ease. Now I really wish that Chiyo-baachan would be still here, so that I could ask her about what it could be that I feel, but she is dead and I can't bring her back…
Slowly I turn my gaze back to the window and look down at my partner and his happy little family and I can't help it to feel happy for them and envy them at the same time.
I can only hope that the twins will never need to suffer the same pain I went through in my childhood and that Riako will forgive me, I can't see her seeding her tears then it breaks my soul in thousand peaces…
Owari
A/N: ok I know that this is not long, but as said everyone is expressing here they feelings and this is by everyone different. So the next chapter will be the final one…
