CHAPTER 6:

HORCRUX HORROR SHOW

A few days later

Of the situations for Harry to end up in, being stripped to his underwear and in the middle of a ritual circle while his cousin, currently taking the form of a disturbingly buxom girl in a magical girl outfit, worked on said circle was one of the weirdest and disturbing he'd been in. Then again, the last few days had been full of that. Besides learning that he was a Devil and Hermione was a Nephilim, he had had to save Luna's life by turning her into a Devil herself. She was disturbingly chipper about that, as she found being a Devil to be an interesting experience. Then again, this was Luna Lovegood, a girl for whom normality simply didn't apply.

Then, he had met Rias' parents. After a long talk, Lord Gremory decided that, in lieu of Rias wedding Riser, she would marry Harry. However, the marriage itself would not happen for some years yet, and for that, the two teenaged Devils were grateful. It meant that they could get to know each other. Already, they were on quite good terms.

And then, Harry met Rias' brother, Sirzechs Lucifer, and his wife, Grayfia Lucifuge. Harry was surprised at how casual the ruler of the Underworld was. Then again, when you have enough power to stay at the top of the pile, so to speak, you can afford to be casual, Harry supposed. He was also quite nice to them all, though he did give Harry the 'if you ever hurt my sister' spiel. Sirzechs was also accepting of Hermione and her parents, as long as they didn't cause trouble. If anything, he got along swimmingly with Sirius.

Sona, meanwhile, began to teach Harry how to use the family magic, which was generally water-based. Serafall was also able to use ice-based magic. Harry did have a firm basis in magic anyway: in fact, his magical power was enough to make him, in Sirzech's words, an honorary Gremory, and he could learn the basics of the Power of Destruction. But funnily enough, he had an unusual twist to his innate water-based magic. Serafall, in a childish fit of nomenclature, called it 'Steam Power', though that was a rather gross oversimplification.

In many ways, it was the opposite to Serafall's ice-based magic. Harry could raise the temperature of any aquatic solution. In fact, he could make a cup of tea rise to a perfect temperature within an instant…or make it explode in a scalding hot geyser. Sona, ever the analytical type, theorised that if Harry wanted to, he could boil the water content of a person's body, turning it to steam in an instant, with gruesome results(1). In addition, he could actually manipulate water vapour to create a cloud of steam, which could certainly block the eyesight of opponents (and, as Serafall facetiously pointed out, could create an instant sauna to relax in), or even create a damaging steam jet that could cut through flesh and metal like a hot knife through butter.

During that session with his cousins, Harry also learned about the Horcrux bound to him. A Horcrux was a kind of phylactery, a fragment of soul torn from the main soul using a ritual coupled with a murder, and bound to a container. Somehow, Harry had ended up with a Horcrux of Voldemort embedded in his scar. Serafall theorised that this was due to Voldemort having already created a lot of them: apparently he had made a number of deals with Devils to gain some of his powers, and he wanted to renege on the deals by remaining immortal. His remaining soul, thus, was fragile, and he had probably intended to create a Horcrux anyway. But with Harry's demise, rather than using Harry as one.

All of which led to this moment. Because the Horcruxes acted as an anchor on the main soul of Voldemort, the one in Harry could be used to, effectively, drag Voldemort and his other Horcruxes into the Underworld. Thus solving one problem for Harry, and for Magical Britain into the bargain. What's more, they could do a tricky bit of feedback through the Dark Mark. The upshot was that it would kill any marked Death Eater. Serafall said it was going to be all Raiders of the Lost Ark when it happened, with melting faces and exploding and imploding heads.

As Serafall finished the circle, she said, "Now, I'm not gonna lie, this is going to hurt, Harry-chan. A lot. The Horcrux is basically latched onto you like a tick, and it has been consuming some of your magic and life-force. Of course, if you think this is going to hurt, imagine what it's going to do to Voldemort."

"I'm trying not to."

"Aww, don't be like that, Harry-chan."

"No, it's not because I want to be merciful or anything. It's because I'm not sure I want to imagine the pain."

"…Fair enough, though Akeno-chan might disagree. Once Voldemort and his hilarious Horcruxes are in the Underworld, I'm gonna send his ophidian ass to Ajuka Beelzebub. With any luck, he can make Voldemort into something fun. I'm thinking a Basilisk plushy. Ooh! Or a Prinny! I've always wanted a Prinny!"

"…A what?"

"Human soul reincarnated as a penguin slash shock-sensitive explosive," Serafall explained. "There's this brilliant game that they released in Japan last year with Prinnies called Disgaea. Hmm, maybe I should try cosplaying as Etna…" For a moment, she was distracted, before she said, "Well, that's for another time. Now, brace yourself, Harry-chan, 'cos this is gonna sting!"

Shortly after azure light flared up, and Harry's world was consumed by pain, Harry's last sane thought for a few minutes was that it was more than 'stinging'…


Severus Snape was having a fairly good day, plotting his revenge against Harry Potter. He was almost finished triple-checking the ritual he and Dumbledore was going to use, he had taken 30 points from Gryffindor over Ron Weasley breathing too loudly, and he had made Hagrid cry (the oaf believed he had a chance with Madame Maxime, and Snape let him down in the exact opposite of gently). God may not be in his Heaven, but all was right, or soon to be right, with Severus Snape's petty little world.

So he was understandably annoyed when his face started melting, though not as much as he was in pain.

He had happened to be walking down the corridor, trying to avoid the eye (the crazy magical one, naturally) of Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody, former Auror, current crazy paranoiac (though then again, paranoia is when they aren't out to get you), and destroyer of developing ears through bellows of "CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" at decibel levels Brian Blessed(2) would be proud of. Moody, oddly enough, suddenly clutched his arm in pain at the same time as Snape did. This confused Snape for all of 1.21 seconds, until he realised that either Mad-Eye had been secretly a Death Eater, or, more likely, a Death Eater had been secretly Mad-Eye. Certainly, a couple of ingredients had gone missing from his private stocks lately, ingredients that could have gone into Polyjuice Potion.

Snape's eyes met those of 'Mad-Eye', and they shared a look, that of men who know that, somehow, they are completely and utterly fucked. Then, Mad-Eye began vomiting up what looked like semi-digested Polyjuice Potion, with his features changing until they became those of Barty Crouch Junior.

Snape wanted to say something along the lines of 'Rumours of your death have been grossly exaggerated', but sadly, he could feel something wet running down his face that was not sweat, accompanied by a burning sensation that spread from his Dark Mark, and into his body. He did get to see, with some pleasure, Barty Crouch Junior's head spasming and twisting around like out of some demented Muggle horror film, only to explode in meaty chunks, like a demented Muggle horror film.

Unfortunately, many of life's pleasures are transient, and Snape's pleasure at Barty Crouch Junior's demise was particularly brief, as he was now enjoying the dubious pleasure of having one's face melt.

And he knew who was responsible. In a roundabout way, he was right. While it was Serafall Leviathan actually causing his demise, it was through Harry Potter, and through Voldemort, that her ritual was having an effect. But he merely thought of Harry, and with his last thoughts, cursed his name, as well as that of his parents.

A few students had witnessed the demise of both teachers, including Ron Weasley. After losing his breakfast, he focused not on the fact that Severus Snape had died horribly, but that Snape was dead. He was thus more than happy to follow the lead of a Muggleborn who started an impromptu performance of Ding, Dong, the Witch is Dead, despite the fact that Snape was a wizard.


Igor Karkaroff, while trying to try and admonish Viktor Krum to do better in the next Task of the Tri-Wizard Tournament, began screaming, before his head imploded, shrinking in on itself like it had instantly desiccated. Krum was horrified at the spectacle, but once Karkaroff toppled over, dead, he found himself not bothered. The man was vicious and spineless, and Krum didn't like the way Karkaroff seemed to latch onto his fame.

Krum was just somewhat disappointed that Hermione had disappeared a few days ago. Maybe the French champion, Delacour, might be open to a dance at the Yule Ball…


As Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge stared at the half-molten remains of Lucius Malfoy in his office, he found himself fearing a number of things. He feared what accusations would be levelled at him at killing Lucius Malfoy when the man's face suddenly melted off. He feared that without Malfoy's donations, he wouldn't be able to keep up the lifestyle a Minister must show. And he feared what that Merlin-awful mess that was once Lucius Malfoy's head was doing to his very expensive carpet. It was going to take a LOT more than a Scourgify to get that out…


In an abandoned house at Little Hangleton, once the site of the Riddle family, the three occupants were in varying states of distress, pain, and dying. Peter Pettigrew, known for twelve years as Scabbers the Useless Fat Rat, had just exploded his head all over his lord and master's infantile homunculus body.

Said master, Lord Voldemort, once known as Tom Marvolo Riddle, was in a world of pain as he felt something PULL on his last fraction of soul. So too was his faithful familiar, Nagini, who was thrashing around like a cut snake, only she was not cut. With a pop! not unlike the sound Pettigrew's head made, Voldemort and Nagini vanished in a strobe of azure light. Four objects around Magical Britain followed suit…


Afterwards, Harry's eyes fluttered open with a groan escaping his lips. He felt like 10 kilos of shit in a 5 kilo bag. Then, his world exploded into pain again when Serafall cheered "SUCCESS, HARRY-CHAN!"

"Quiet, please, Serafall," Harry muttered. He rubbed his head. He wondered if this was what having a hangover was like. He decided that, if at all possible, he would like to avoid getting badly drunk, if only to avoid anything remotely like this.

"But Harry-chan, we did it! We removed the Horcrux from you, the others from the world, and now…" Serafall held up a strange, penguin-like creature, like a living stuffed doll with wide eyes, pitch-black pupils on white sclera, which was wriggling and trying to get out of her grip. "I have my Prinny! Harry, meet Bitch, the Prinny Formerly Known as Voldemort!"

"Let me go, dood! I am Lord Voldemort, dood!" the penguin creature snapped as he futilely flapped his wings. Voldemort had a high voice, but this voice was comical. "I will not be treated like this, dood!"

"I've always wanted to do this," Serafall said in a stage whisper to Harry, before she yelled, "PRINNY PUNT!" With that, she drop-kicked the Prinny Formerly Known as Voldemort across the room.

Harry just stared as Voldemort bounced off the walls like a soccer ball, screaming all the while. He then bounced to a halt right next to Harry, and, with a concussed look to his doll-like eyes, slurred, "Did anyone get the number of that truck?" He then, in accordance with the laws of comedy, collapsed.

"Hmm. I hope he's a bit more resilient in future," Serafall said with a pout, before walking over to a table with a number of items. There was a very annoyed snake, a large cup or goblet (though not the Goblet of Fire), a ring, a locket, and a tiara or diadem. "Wow! Jackpot! I think these items will be great compensation to those Devils Voldemort shafted."

"Why?" Harry asked, getting shakily to his feet.

"Oh, well, there's three of the Founder's Relics of Hogwarts, save for Gryffindor's Sword, plus what looks like one of the Deathly Hallows…and I think there's pretty good eating on the snake."

The snake looked startled, and then began shaking its head vehemently. Harry heard it hiss, "No, we…we taste really bad! Eat the penguin! Eat the penguin!"

Harry was never so glad as to know Parseltongue at that moment, even if it didn't go away with the Horcrux. He began laughing his head off. Quite frankly, he needed it. He hadn't had much to laugh about for a while…

CHAPTER 6 ANNOTATIONS:

Hope you enjoyed this chapter, despite the dark humour. Anyway, despite the ludicrous number of chapters you guys have gotten so far, this'll be the last one for a while. I don't know what to do with the story, at least until we get to the events of Highschool DxD proper. If we're lucky, we might be able to do the timeskip between this chapter and the next one…

1. I'm thinking somewhere of a messier version of Isaac McDougal's powers from the first episode of Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood. I'm thinking his steam powers here.

2. Brian Blessed, as many of you may know (but I'm putting this out there in case you don't) is an actor infamous for being loud and hammy. His performances, ranging from Prince Vultan from Flash Gordon, to King Yrcanos in Doctor Who: The Trial of a Timelord: Mindwarp, to King Richard IV in The Black Adder, can frequently be summed up in two words: loud and hammy.