Days without Kotoko 120
"I can't believe that tomorrow we are going to see Kotoko!" My mother squeals with joy while setting the table for dinner.
"Are you still on that stupid kick ?" I ask for the hundredth time this last month
The truth is I can't believe it ether . Ever since that horrible, horrible,night,my mind is in turmoil. I'm leaving a nightmare. Every single freaking night,I go to sleep with those photos in my mind. Every time I close my ayes, I'm picturing them together,in that tiny apartment,alone. Taking dinner together,laughing together and my mind goes on and on and I see him stretch a hand to tuck a lose strand of hair behind her ear…..I see him leaning closer to..to..
I touch my pocket where I know for sure I have Kotoko's letter. That letter had been my salvation these months . Every time I feel like I'm losing my mind I touch it to remember Kotoko's love for me. It's the anchor to my sanity.
"Stop it already ! What is the problem anyway? Our Oizumi princess is coming with us,isn't she?"
Yes she is coming too. My mother invited her. My future wife is coming with me on a trip to see the girl I was really in love with and which by the way is leaving for three months now in a house with a guy,only the two of them…again I touch the letter. Yes mother no problem at all.
What is she up to anyway?
" I know you are on to something. What is it? Why are you so nice to Sahoko all of the sudden?"
"Well,it's like you said, she is gonna be family soon so why not. Any way I do want to check up on Kotoko and I know her father does too. I want to meet that Jason guy and see and what are his intentions. She it's just too trusting, I worry about her."
Well she is making a good point. I bet he is awful,leaving his things around , listening to loud music all night,not washing the dishes after he eats,maybe she got sick of him,maybe we should go there and help her kick his ass out of the house.
I finish up my dinner in silence. Thinking of so many reasons Kotoko must be hating that guy. This is much better than before. My mood improving a tiny bit and now I realize we are alone at the table. I must have been worse than I thought.
"Where is everybody ? " I ask mom
"Dad went to bed early,we have a long journey tomorrow and Yuuki, I think he is wrapping his gift he got to Kotoko for Christmas."
"He did what?" I feel my jaw dropping
"Isn't he a sweetheart?"
"I guess."I imagine Kokoto's expression while receiving a present from Yuuki ,that would be a sight worth seeing.
"Well,thank you for the meal,I'll go to sleep now too"
"Good night honey."
But instead of going to my bedroom I go straight to Yuuki's. I don't go in,I watch him try to wrap a book, Phillip Chesterfield. Really? I knock on to the already open door to make my presence heard. He stops,looks at me and continue what he is doing which by the looks of it not a really good job. He tears another paper gift. I go in and sit beside him on the floor taking the book out of his hands.
"Hmmm, is this for Kotoko? " I ask him pondering the book in my hands. I knew every word written in it.
"For how stupid she is, she will need more than one."
I slowly start wrap it myself.
"I see…. So you thought you should help her!" He never looks at me.
I finish wrapping it and give it back to him. I get up to go to my room and when I am almost through the door I hear him say
"I miss her too."
I continue on my way,I don't want to face his admission. I can't handle his feelings when I'm struggling with my own.
I sit on my bed with Kotoko's letter in my hands. A lot of time had passed since she gave it to paper is so fragile between my fingers, for the numerous times I opened and closed it. It's wearing down. Soon it will tear apart . I never considered that it can break. I should be more careful the next time I open it. Yes I will be more careful. I learn from my mistakes.
Next day I wake up too early. This is the day I see Kotoko again. My skin is tingling with anticipation. I am wide awake the minute I open my ayes,and it seems I'm not the only one. Outside my bedroom there's a storm going on. I hear footsteps up and down the stairs,my mother shouting at Yuuki . Doors closing and opening. I hear dad's laughter, and Yuuki arguing. Just what is going on? I open the door and come face to face with my mother.
"Just what do you think you're doing?"she asks me
"What?"
"Why aren't you dressed yet?"
"Are you kidding me? "
And just like that she turns around to yell some more to Yuuki.
This is going to be a long day.
We are finally out of the door and into the car,we are to meet the rest at the airport. I can see clearly that mom is on edge for some reason. There is something I'm missing but I just can't put my finger on it.
At the airport we find Shigeki and Sahoko together talking,about some new recipe I presume. Today she is wearing a dress, color peach,knee length. The way she dresses reminds me of my office. I know it's mean but I can't help it. So clean cut,everything at the right place,the right color,the right style. I've never seen a hair out of it's place.
"Good morning!"
"Good morning! " Kotoko's father greets me,but before Sahoko could say anything my mother rushes to her
"Ohhhh honey you look beautifuuuul today!"
"Thank you." She answers a bit embarrassed
"Come,come,we are running late."she takes Sahoko by the arm,turning her around,leaving me behind. I look at the watch on my wrist,my brows knitting together,we still have plenty of time left.
In the airplane I take the seat closer to the window. Sahoko was right behind me but some how my mom ends up siting in the middle,between us. I don't mind. Actually I am grateful,for what ever she thinks she is doing. I close my eyes,pretending to be sleeping.
"Tell mi Sahoko, what is your favourite color? I hear my mother asking.
"I don't have one but I think I prefer light brown. Why do you ask?"
"Nothing I just want to get to know you better. What do you like to do the most?"
"Well, I like to paint. Every day I reserve a few hours from my time so I can paint."
"Really? So you like sitting still for hours in a row and paint?"
"You see I.."
"What do you do for fun?"
"I like to read and.."
"You like to read for fun?What do you read?"
"Mostly poetry….
I mentally roll my ayes. Now I get it.
I prey for sleep to come, but with every hour the clock turns my heart starts doing little happy dances in my chest. I try to put some reason into it,I'm telling myself that this trip doesn't change anything,I have Sahoko for a reminder,I tell myself that I don't know what I may find,maybe that Jason guy is more than a roommate,maybe she already moved on,I'm telling myself that there is a chance that she doesn't love me anymore,but it just won't listen. I am the happiest I have been for months.
Finally the captain announces our arrival. We land. I try my best not to smile this time.
With every step I take,my heart starts beating faster and faster. I search the crowd but with her being so small there are little chances to see her from this distance.
I walk faster.
I can see her. I see her jumping up and down flipping her arms around,yelling something,but I can't hear yet what she's saying.
Please,let it be my name,I walk faster.
She is finally out of the crowd coming my way,no,she is running my way, just a few more steps…
I'm standing in the bright light again,I feel a little dizzy,my steps falter coming to a complete stop. She's standing right in front of me. Her cheeks are red,her hair is almost out of the ponytail,she is radiating pure energy,she is beautiful. I take her in,I breathe her,I feel alive.
I want her to look at me. I want to see the confirmation I am craving for but I never get the chance before mom jumps at her. They are both hugging each other,crying and laughing at the same time then her father cuts in,more tears,then my father and again my mother. I peer around her,nothing,she is alone,I sigh,good!
Finally,mom gets over herself and let go of Kotoko. She turns to Yuuki.
"Ohhh Yuuki you have grown up soooo much,you're almost as tall as me."she pats him on the head."I missed you so much!" She pulls him into a hug
"Ughhh,idiot! Let go of me. "
Finally,it's my turn.
"Sahoko-San!"
Errr what? Aaaaa,I forgot. I step aside to let Sahoko come forward.
"Sahoko-San , Irie-kun" just a glance in my direction "so nice having you here!"she gives us a bland smile.
Please look at me. But she does not
